Jump to content

f/u on 1st date - online match


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

Well I went on a date last night with this second one... Off the bat I knew it wasn't going to go further than one date... something like women when they see a guy and know if they want to sleep with him or not..

 

Anyway, we met at a local Chili's (kinda like a bar/restaurant)...

Convo? We did talk for the few hours we were there, but it got to the point quickly that I didn't like the flow of the convo... not much in common; ie she was talking about the sports on tv and I hate sports lol; Physically overall she was very pretty and had a hot body except d tits; breast? definitely somewhere between a and b... teeth, something was funny with a couple bottome teeth but I couldn't notice...and voice? Hmm, it was kinda coarse, not bad at all, but I did ask if she smoked b4,..

 

Then we hit a local wine bard, had another great time... and yes guys, we did kiss through the night.. once you can tell she's interested just do it, don't wait until the end of the night...

 

 

Wine bar was great, they had a guy singing romantic music, blah, blah, blah...

 

Said our good nights, talked about this and that... ended great... I still knew I was going to launch her and not go out with her again...

 

So this am I get a text from her : "what happened last night I didn't even get a text to see if I made it home ok....what did I do that you didn't like? Cause unless I'M loosing it I thought we had a great time u did 2"...

 

SO WHY IN THE WORLD would a chic text me that in the morning ?

 

I'm going to text her back in a bit "I don't think we're a good match, good luck on your search"...

 

What do you think?

Posted

Maybe the date was a good time for her and it wasn't a launch for her. Different perceptions. She wanted validation of that.

 

Maybe she's a psycho.

 

Maybe that's her way of flirting. :D

 

Regardless, if the dynamic was such that if you never saw her again it would matter not, convey that via your communication method of choice.

Posted

since she is already complaining that you aren't living up to her expectations, I would just politely ditch this one.

Posted

the word desperate springs to mind.

Id text back,

 

i took it casual, but I didnt think we clicked, thanx for a good evening, but im still dating, have a great life.

Posted

Why would she text you that? Really? OK, let's look at your part in this situation. If you knew you were going to launch her, why on earth would you have led her on by kissing her? Her text was her following up based on the (now faux) connection you seemed to have put on. I don't see how you could possibly call her crazy- based on this. Let's be realistic. You basically led her on...

 

Exit gracefully by saying something like- Had a nice time last night. Not sure we're such a good match... and leave it at that. If she pushes the message and asks why, then tell her. But chances are she'll be mad/pissed/sad/couldn't care enough & stop there.

Posted

In some cultures, snogging the face of a girl all evening, when you are on a date with her, is a sign of interest. :D I guess endless hours of kissing, dancing and drinking with you, on a date, somehow gave her the impression you liked her. Crazy girl, hey ;)

Posted
Why would she text you that? Really? OK, let's look at your part in this situation. If you knew you were going to launch her, why on earth would you have led her on by kissing her? Her text was her following up based on the (now faux) connection you seemed to have put on. I don't see how you could possibly call her crazy- based on this. Let's be realistic. You basically led her on...

 

Exit gracefully by saying something like- Had a nice time last night. Not sure we're such a good match... and leave it at that. If she pushes the message and asks why, then tell her. But chances are she'll be mad/pissed/sad/couldn't care enough & stop there.

 

This...

 

Gallaxia's whole post is right on.. including on how to end it..

Posted

I find that no stranger than many of the things you've said in this post. Why go around kissing and dating gals you don't even like?

Posted

I've asked myself the same question regarding women, both married and single. Why do you proactively kiss and grope a man you're not interested in and then treat him like shyte the next day/week/whatever? Answer: Because you can. Welcome to equal opportunity.

 

They were on a date and drinking; perhaps both were a little horny and the alcohol loosened things up. Some people call that beer goggles. It didn't work out, as things often happen in the world. Both are fully formed adults. Rejection is a part of life, even after being kissed, even after being f*cked. Do it and move on.

  • Author
Posted

I did it for the same purpose women do it.. except women get a free ride on it, since the guys always pay, lol... I had NO intention of trying to sleep with her, if it happened it happened... but I certainly KNEW it was not going anywhere but that is NOT going to stop me from having a good time and making sure my date has a good time...

 

Why kiss her? Hell, I love making out, lol... it was the right place I took her, romantic a live singer, singing your requests... I asked him to sing to her "lady in red"...

 

Was it a great date? Of course it was, I know it was... I follow a simliar routine on all my first dates , it's like a dog and pony show.. at the end of the night, you go home, life goes on..The only thing in the past I don't text them back , I just let them assume it was a one night thing .. I don't do it to get laid.. I already have 1-2 fwb that are std safe.. All I am doing is looking for that candidate for a POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIP...

 

Oh, and when we were at the sports bar, she's like, crap I gave up a date with another guy for Saturday and we were going to the baseball game (all in good humor and laughing), but she's got her alternatives as well, she's hot looking, so I am sure no problem getting over it...

 

WOMEN do it ALL the time... :laugh:

Posted
I did it for the same purpose women do it..

 

WOMEN do it ALL the time... :laugh:

 

But don't you complain when women do it ?

 

I don't think you did anything horribly wrong by leading her on..

Like you said.. you didn't do it to get laid.. and this was only a date...

but you still did it and it wasn't exactly a cool thing to do.

 

Time to set it straight and tell her things aren't going to go any further.

Posted

Am I the only one who thinks getting a text message like that from a girl the next morning after a first date SCREAMS of insecurity?

 

Even if the OP had intended to see her beyond the first date, he sure as hell won't anymore after getting a text like that. She's already dictating to him how she feels she deserves to be treated, and is doing it in a very snobby, needy way.

 

And even if he had texted or called her that night to see if she was ok, like she asked, we would be telling the OP that he shouldn't have been too forward and he likely scared her off.

Posted

In a way, yes. OP's date could have wondered that on her own. She could have read his actions herself and not needed to text OP about it- being a "+ or -" to her checklist or whatever she uses to decide someone cool to be with and go from there. But that's neither here nor there since we're talking with Alex, not her.

  • Author
Posted
In a way, yes. OP's date could have wondered that on her own. She could have read his actions herself and not needed to text OP about it- being a "+ or -" to her checklist or whatever she uses to decide someone cool to be with and go from there. But that's neither here nor there since we're talking with Alex, not her.

 

There was NOTHING she could've read negative or that I didn't like her, the date went without a hitch... there was no dissapointment to be read in my face....

 

I just texted my generic text "I had a great time as well, but I don't think we're a good match. Good luck on your search"...

 

I got a call 1 minute later but let it go to voice mail and just got two texts from her... I am not going to read nor hear the VM now... That's what I hate every time I dump someone, it's unexpected and they get hurt :( .. but such is life, women do it more than us men.. I rather be the dumper than the dumpee.lol..

 

I also agree what some said about her text, a little too direct ... asking me why I didn't text her, Fk her! I was sleeping, lol...and not my gf...

Posted

You don't owe anyone anything merely because you made out with them on a date. It's something you both did and enjoyed, not some "special present" that she "gave" to you or that you "took" from her. That's not "leading them on" nor a reason for her to start insta texting right after a date.

 

The "where is my get home safe text?" text is a red flag, agree with your instincts to pass this one by and would do the same in your shoes.

Posted
Am I the only one who thinks getting a text message like that from a girl the next morning after a first date SCREAMS of insecurity?

 

No, you're not. I'd think that text was annoying even if I was interested in someone (but then I loathe texting).

 

But claiming "women do it all the time" or "women get a free ride on it" to explain deliberately giving someone mixed signals is silly and disingenuous. Most people are going to assume kissing equals some interest --- if you already know it's not going anywhere, why behave in ways that suggests otherwise, then complain when someone can't read your mind?

 

Anyway, he contacted her and owes her nothing else, so it's a moot point.

  • Author
Posted

Who ever owns this forum, needs to update to 2010,... I tried to edit my last response and it didn't let me, you can't add pics... lol... feels like the 80;s, lol

 

Anyway, I was going to say...

 

I have 3-5 pending repsonses from Match.. so hopefully I get a response or two for next

 

I read her text... "ok thanks, you're probably right.. but can you tell me why...and why can't we just be freinds"....

Posted

See that's why I said

 

She could have read his actions herself and not needed to text OP about it- being a "+ or -" to her checklist or whatever she uses to decide someone cool to be with and go from there.

 

At this point, does she really need to know "why"? She doesn't need YOU to justify the reasons. I mean, c'mon, you've already told her "No Thanks". Move on! In my book that's more than enough reason. If you respond to the "why" texts, she'll keep trying to convince you why you should give her another chance. And if you don't want to, leave the texts/VMs be.

Posted
Am I the only one who thinks getting a text message like that from a girl the next morning after a first date SCREAMS of insecurity?

 

Even if the OP had intended to see her beyond the first date, he sure as hell won't anymore after getting a text like that. She's already dictating to him how she feels she deserves to be treated, and is doing it in a very snobby, needy way.

 

And even if he had texted or called her that night to see if she was ok, like she asked, we would be telling the OP that he shouldn't have been too forward and he likely scared her off.

 

No. But am I the only one who thinks fellows who behave like this and says many of the things Alex says are going to attract the crazies?

Posted

Going out on a limb here....Could it be that when a date ends its a gents politeness that determines things moving forward, and that includes making sure the date made it safely to their home. Its called manners. Something that is lacking in the younger dating world. There is NOTHING wrong with questioning the intentions (or in this case) the lack of attention to good ole manners . I do not subscribe to either gender *using* the other. Clearly there was a difference in how the date played out.

 

To the poster- you did right to end things in a semi decent way...Run for the hills anytime a girl ask why...its a ref flag...because in reality she already knows.....

Posted
Am I the only one who thinks getting a text message like that from a girl the next morning after a first date SCREAMS of insecurity?

 

 

No, I agree. I'd never, ever send such a crazy text.

 

Even if I enjoyed the date and thought we had a connection, I'd wait to hear from him. If I didnt' hear anything- I'd move on.

Posted
Who ever owns this forum, needs to update to 2010,... I tried to edit my last response and it didn't let me, you can't add pics... lol... feels like the 80;s, lol

 

Anyway, I was going to say...

 

I have 3-5 pending repsonses from Match.. so hopefully I get a response or two for next

 

I read her text... "ok thanks, you're probably right.. but can you tell me why...and why can't we just be freinds"....

 

IMO she was surprised by your mixed messages because most of men would not pay so much money for fun with a woman who they do not like.

IMO 80% of mature online men do the coffee shop date as the first date.

IMO 95% of mature online males would expect serious benefits after investing so much money and time as you did.

As for kissing on the first date, it is a sign for a woman that you are really into her. Why would you give her the sign if you did not like her? So, I guess, she was surprised by your mixed messages which created a big picture that you were totally smitten by her.

Posted (edited)

Ahh this is right up my alley! Maybe someone can enlighten me on this post, why a guy would spend 15 hours talking to me on the phone prior to the date, then spend 7 hours at dinner/drinks/mall/his house watching tv, initiating several kisses in the car, at least an hour of making out on the couch, kissing my forehead, rubbing my back, holding my hand, looking at me with that look of interest, only to text me the next day and say "didn't feel the chemistry I expected/wanted." WTF?! Talk about mixed signals! While I've accepted that this guy just wasn't feeling it, why do men do all these things if they aren't interested, and then us women get called the crazy ones?! It doesn't add up!

Edited by kristinpea1979
  • Author
Posted
IMO she was surprised by your mixed messages because most of men would not pay so much money for fun with a woman who they do not like.

IMO 80% of mature online men do the coffee shop date as the first date.

IMO 95% of mature online males would expect serious benefits after investing so much money and time as you did.

As for kissing on the first date, it is a sign for a woman that you are really into her. Why would you give her the sign if you did not like her? So, I guess, she was surprised by your mixed messages which created a big picture that you were totally smitten by her.

 

 

1. I don't do "coffee shop" dates, not my thing... if I am going to go out I am going to enjoy myself as well...

2. Sincerely it wasn't all that money... I specifically went to Chili's b/c happy hour was 2 for 1, so I spent about $30 there... At the wine bar I spent about $40...for a great evening, about 6-7 hours... that is a good rate of return... I figure SHE cost me 1/2, since I also drank, so she cost me $35 for a great evening and some great making out...

3. Mixed signals? No, my signals were very clear, I was into her the whole night...the novelty went away at the end of the night, and I texted in the am the "no chemistry" text...

 

Rememeber.... "women do it alllllllllllllllll the time".

  • Author
Posted
Ahh this is right up my alley! Maybe someone can enlighten me on this post, why a guy would spend 15 hours talking to me on the phone prior to the date, then spend 7 hours at dinner/drinks/mall/his house watching tv, initiating several kisses in the car, at least an hour of making out on the couch, kissing my forehead, rubbing my back, holding my hand, looking at me with that look of interest, only to text me the next day and say "didn't feel the chemistry I expected/wanted." WTF?! Talk about mixed signals! While I've accepted that this guy just wasn't feeling it, why do men do all these things if they aren't interested, and then us women get called the crazy ones?! It doesn't add up!

 

I explained this in my first post here or on my other thread; cliff's notes? The woman was pretty, nice body, I had no other date lined up for that day, so figured what the heck let's try it out and see what happens... I'm stilll going TO HAVE A GOOD TIME....and in turn the woman will too, even though 20 minutes into our date I KNEW for SURE it would not go through to a second date...

×
×
  • Create New...