Thierro Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 (edited) So let me get this straight.. Self-love is the ONLY keyword to a possible successful and happy life. And in this matter, it is also the key to a good healthy relationship. (This needs to be both sided) Right? Our relationship stranded because we (or him/her) did not honor the above statement. We failed the meaning of it. If we would have obeyed to this rule, our relationship would have been more fertile, happy and not have ended in so much grieve. What is self-love? Few examples: -It is fully and unconditionally accepting and LOVING who you are -You respect yourself -Honesty -Not need for validation -Respecting other peoples perspective on things -No regrets, not being sorry for the actions you have taken in life -Self-confidence -You don’t let anyone or anything define you -Letting other people live their life -You don’t condemn others -Good communication -Self-worth comes with self-love -Accept life and anticipate on it -Learn and grow from experience in a positive way -You don't lose, you learn. -You are what you want to be -Being freed of anger -Carefree -The past is the past I could go on and on and on…. Add yours if you like. Every point is intertwined. It affects every other aspect when one point isn’t in balance with the rest. Why are we hurting right now? It’s because we don’t love ourselves enough. If we truly obeyed the self-love rule, we wouldn’t hurt so much. Because we would accept ourselves, we would respect ourselves for the honesty, the good communication and the self-confidence we offered. We would believe in our good nature and accept our mistakes and learn from them. We wouldn’t hurt so much if we believed in who we are and what we stand for. We did good, because we did our best. This automatically tells us that it wasn’t our fault that the break-up occurred (when we truly love ourselves the right way). THEY didn’t understand what was needed. (apart from the feelings that fade for the partner in time) Honesty, strong communication and true self-love (+ sexual tension and attraction) are the ingredients to a healthy relationship. If a relationship end, why bother? It's their los, not yours? You don't need them when they don't want to be with you. They just don't understand. It's actually really easy? .. We deserve to feel this way, because we are being stupid for not loving ourselves. The pain tells us who we are and what needs to be changed; us. How? Just do it, there is no other way around. Knowing is not enough, we must apply, willing is not enough, we must do.. We are putting time in changing the past. You are throwing away precious time. You want to change things because you feel weak and need validation from others to feel strong again. Edited August 15, 2010 by Thierro
mickleb Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 I think most of this is on the money. I disagree with the odd bit or two. E.g., I think a relationship bewtween two people with a fair deal of self-esteem can fail, and still be painful. In fact, a relationship could fail because of that reason, almost: that both people just can't compromise on what is important to them, as individuals. They can accept that they might not be 'right enough' for each other. Those in possession of self-esteem are allowed to grieve the loss of someone from their lives, for a time. They need time to readjust. I also find the phrase 'free from anger' a bit misleading. Feeling and accepting the feelings of anger can be a very healthy response. A good deal of people with low self-esteem find it almost impossible to get angry. We all need to, at times. It's important to learn how to communicate those feelings, though. All of us are in possession of some ego and all have some self-esteem. (Very different beast, these, though.) I do agree that those who have more of the latter will heal more quickly from a break-up, as self-esteem, essentially, is contentment and confidence with who you are, as an individual. There is always some learning and improving to do in life. Every, single day - and especially after a break-up - but those who have more self-belief will dust themselves down more quickly. They have every reason to. And, yes, most of the pain is from having a bruised ego. B+ x
Author Thierro Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Agreed. But the bit about anger. Maybe I am getting a bit stuck here. Anger= weakness. It tells you that you are not in control over something. It tells you you can’t accept things that are. People say that fighting in a relationship is a good thing. You relieve stress. I don’t agree with this statement at all. If my ex would raise her voice, I would make clear to her that I don’t accept such behavior and that she needs to tone it down. I accept normal conversation between two adults. You talk about it like any other conversation. People say that I become cold as stone. They are right. I analyze every negative feeling I have. Every negative feeling is a feeling that needs to be dealt with. But analyzing it logically makes me one cold human being without any empathy. What am I doing wrong here? I try to accept everything that is and I try to not let it define my state of being, but I am less enjoyable as a human being because of it. Maybe I am channeling everything the wrong way, who knows.
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