lullaby Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 So we got in contact AGAIN. It’s a weird feeling. Maybe it all depends on the type of relationship, the personality, but what happens when being in contact with you ex feels good? But not because you want to get back, but because you’ve realized you are over it, have healed and it no longer hurts? It’s been 4 months since he broke us up. I went through the horrible process of crying, mourning, wishing for him to come back the first month, I even lost weight and got really weak. One of the hardest months in my life. Then he appeared, to see how I was doing. We remained contacted for 2 months, with calls, short meetings and even hooked up once. But I was not over him, I had not come to terms with the break up and was still full of hopes to get back. I was still really emotional and every text he sent was another reason to keep loving him, wishing, hoping, but it was all breadcrumbs. He wasn’t and still ISN’T ready to get back and I found out that neither am I!!! I went NC this last month, had tough moments but because this time I was really getting over him. Things happen for a reason. I got a new job and met someone I like and we’re flirting. Funny huh? So on Thursday I contacted my ex. My intention was just to talk, and to have a closure. I know I should have put a closure without having to contact him but I did what I felt and in my case it really helped. We talked about the break up and he responded what I wanted. He realized he had made a mistake and said he was still in love with me, that he would love us to get back some time but I told him I was not looking for reconciliation, that he had lost his chance and that I was moving on, meeting new people and he had to suck it up. I needed to let him know. We’re not friends and we’re not back together either and it’s fine. I can finally say I’m over the break up because I’m no longer eager to have him back in my life as a boyfriend right now. I will always love him, and I know he is the love of my life, well, that’s what I think now, but there’s always a reason for things to happen and maybe in my case was just to grow more, get a new job, etc. We will probably still be in touch, he’s coming to a show where I’m performing in two weeks but I don’t have my hopes high. Honestly, I don’t. I’m going to the theater with a friend tonight, I’m studying and even if I miss “him”, well, it’s not him I miss, I just need someone’s company. It’s like having an epiphany actually. I see everything clearer this time and I’m ready to start living my life without thinking if he’s coming back or not.
marigo Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Hi Lull, I see you finally contacted him for the closure you wanted and needed. I dont know why, seeing this post made me cry. I knew how much you were hurting and how much you wanted him back before, and when he finally said to you that he's still in love with you, you said you're not looking for reconciliation. I guess that made me cry for how strong you are. How hurt you were by him that it has gotten to a point where you dont exactly want him back anymore. I guess i cant help but compare it to my situation, my ex hasnt contacted me at all and there's a possibility that there's a new girl. I wanted to give us some time and space but i didnt know that during that time, he'd meet someone. Im still crushed. I see that you're happy with you're decision. At least now, he has finally given you the answer that you need. Whether or not you guys get back together, i know that in your heart, you will be okay both ways and i am very proud of you. You are finally living your life for yourself. Something i wish i can finally do.
Author lullaby Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 Hi Lull, I see you finally contacted him for the closure you wanted and needed. I dont know why, seeing this post made me cry. I knew how much you were hurting and how much you wanted him back before, and when he finally said to you that he's still in love with you, you said you're not looking for reconciliation. I guess that made me cry for how strong you are. How hurt you were by him that it has gotten to a point where you dont exactly want him back anymore. I guess i cant help but compare it to my situation, my ex hasnt contacted me at all and there's a possibility that there's a new girl. I wanted to give us some time and space but i didnt know that during that time, he'd meet someone. Im still crushed. I see that you're happy with you're decision. At least now, he has finally given you the answer that you need. Whether or not you guys get back together, i know that in your heart, you will be okay both ways and i am very proud of you. You are finally living your life for yourself. Something i wish i can finally do. Sweety! Thanks for your sweet words. Yes, I went through horrible days and trust me, you become stronger. I still can't believe I could say those words. And yes, he did say he was still in love with me, but never said a thing about getting back... At least not for now, and I won't wait. If time reunites us I can't tell right now, but at least I'm not waiting for that to happen. I know there are still some tough moments to handle but I'm getting there. And it doesn't hurt to see him texting, calling, I'm like immune after so much suffering that I know what I don't want. I'm sorry to hear that hun. I bet it hurts. Of course you never thought he would meet someone else, but remember what we said, it will help to move on. There's no specific time to heal, you just do over time and you'll get there but the process is horrible and whenever you fall remember you'll pick up yourself again and get stronger. I wish I could take your pain away. I'm here for you, ok?
marigo Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Hey Lull, Thank you for being there for me! Its great to know that I can have a friend even if i dont exactly know you. It feels good to see someone's there to listen to my never ending rants. So i promised myself that this weekend will be the last time im gonna check his stuff. I saw something yesterday again and i know him and that girl hung out on Saturday. What is up with this girl posting every single thing in her life in her status?? Ugh. Obviously, i failed again today and still checked it. However, not as crazily as i used to check it. So maybe that's a step right? Little by little each day until i finally learn to stop?? I had this feeling yesterday, its like something inside me just got so tired of everything that even the urge to check his stuff went away. I felt so angry and betrayed. I cant help but think of bad things for him and her. I keep thinking "i hope it doesnt work out" "i hope you realize how much of a better girl i am" i think im even annoyed of the fact that he went for her. hes graduating college soon or we both are. and she just graduated high school. this makes me so mad. Sorry for the vent. Im super angry right now. Anyway, how are you feeling today dear? You seriously have no idea how proud i am of you. I know youve become stronger through all this. Hearing that your ex is still in love with you wouldve put most people back to square one but you didnt let that happen. Are you happier now?
ngo_ng Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 I should read this thread again in 2 weeks. I'm moving on and I want to see how differently I will interpret this thread. It is hard to move on but I will get there and I am glad that you have.
Tayla Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 you will have the epiphany when you can sincerely ask the question: What was I Thinking!!!!! And then you smile realizing you are sooo over it. No longer the games of calling upon him/her just to see how far along you have come. Instead you just know that you dont need that anymore in your life..Then you have hit that point of moving on. Best to the folks in getting to that question and smiling afterwards...
Author lullaby Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 Hey Lull, Thank you for being there for me! Its great to know that I can have a friend even if i dont exactly know you. It feels good to see someone's there to listen to my never ending rants. So i promised myself that this weekend will be the last time im gonna check his stuff. I saw something yesterday again and i know him and that girl hung out on Saturday. What is up with this girl posting every single thing in her life in her status?? Ugh. Obviously, i failed again today and still checked it. However, not as crazily as i used to check it. So maybe that's a step right? Little by little each day until i finally learn to stop?? I had this feeling yesterday, its like something inside me just got so tired of everything that even the urge to check his stuff went away. I felt so angry and betrayed. I cant help but think of bad things for him and her. I keep thinking "i hope it doesnt work out" "i hope you realize how much of a better girl i am" i think im even annoyed of the fact that he went for her. hes graduating college soon or we both are. and she just graduated high school. this makes me so mad. Sorry for the vent. Im super angry right now. Anyway, how are you feeling today dear? You seriously have no idea how proud i am of you. I know youve become stronger through all this. Hearing that your ex is still in love with you wouldve put most people back to square one but you didnt let that happen. Are you happier now? Hi Marigo! You're welcome, sweety. We are all here for each other. You bet you can have a friend even if you don't know me. That's what happened with me and Sup (who's been away for a while! ), because the bottom line is that we've all been there, still are, but we're all struggling with our relationships. Remember: baby steps, don't force it. You'll get there and you will start to lose interest in his life and this girl. Trust me. It's normal for you to feel angry, it's one of the moods. One day you'll miss him, the other you won't even want to hear his name, but embrace it, go through it and you'll get better. Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm happier for sure, I'm not 100% perfect, there is still some work to do, but I found out that words don't cut it anymore, I need actions, so I decided to pay no attention to his words, yes, he still loves me, I know he does, I could see it in his eyes and I can read him perfectly, but did he say "I want to get back and work my a** for you"? No, he didn't, so... How are you feeling today?
Author lullaby Posted July 28, 2010 Author Posted July 28, 2010 you will have the epiphany when you can sincerely ask the question: What was I Thinking!!!!! And then you smile realizing you are sooo over it. No longer the games of calling upon him/her just to see how far along you have come. Instead you just know that you dont need that anymore in your life..Then you have hit that point of moving on. Best to the folks in getting to that question and smiling afterwards... Sure. I'm still working on it. At least I know where the path towards happiness is... that's a great first step. It was a sort of epiphany for me to realize that I could start moving on. Thanks!!
smk Posted July 28, 2010 Posted July 28, 2010 Sure. I'm still working on it. At least I know where the path towards happiness is... that's a great first step. It was a sort of epiphany for me to realize that I could start moving on. Thanks!! Good on you Lullaby, I can only imagine how great a feeling it must be, to finally take that step towards happiness... Its the posts like these that give us hope that there is happiness out there....
marigo Posted July 29, 2010 Posted July 29, 2010 Hi Marigo! You're welcome, sweety. We are all here for each other. You bet you can have a friend even if you don't know me. That's what happened with me and Sup (who's been away for a while! ), because the bottom line is that we've all been there, still are, but we're all struggling with our relationships. Remember: baby steps, don't force it. You'll get there and you will start to lose interest in his life and this girl. Trust me. It's normal for you to feel angry, it's one of the moods. One day you'll miss him, the other you won't even want to hear his name, but embrace it, go through it and you'll get better. Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm happier for sure, I'm not 100% perfect, there is still some work to do, but I found out that words don't cut it anymore, I need actions, so I decided to pay no attention to his words, yes, he still loves me, I know he does, I could see it in his eyes and I can read him perfectly, but did he say "I want to get back and work my a** for you"? No, he didn't, so... How are you feeling today? Hey Lull, Today was alright. I had two finals for school today. Regret is always in the end. Why am i wasting my time and energy thinking about him and that annoying girl instead of focusing on school. I just hope i pass. I already did bad on a quarter's worth of classes because of this break up and i hope i didnt just do it again. I couldnt focus last night, i was crying while studying. Ughh!!! And i know, what happened to Sup?? I hope he's doing well though. And yeah, its gonna take a while to be 100% completely happy. Actually it probably won't happen anytime soon. But I bet its such a liberating feeling to be in your position. And this time, the saying "action speaks louder than words" is def applicable. Would you consider you and your ex like loving the right person at the wrong time?? Ive been thinking about that lately. Just remember too dear, if you ever need help, im always here too.
Author lullaby Posted July 30, 2010 Author Posted July 30, 2010 Hey Lull, Today was alright. I had two finals for school today. Regret is always in the end. Why am i wasting my time and energy thinking about him and that annoying girl instead of focusing on school. I just hope i pass. I already did bad on a quarter's worth of classes because of this break up and i hope i didnt just do it again. I couldnt focus last night, i was crying while studying. Ughh!!! And i know, what happened to Sup?? I hope he's doing well though. And yeah, its gonna take a while to be 100% completely happy. Actually it probably won't happen anytime soon. But I bet its such a liberating feeling to be in your position. And this time, the saying "action speaks louder than words" is def applicable. Would you consider you and your ex like loving the right person at the wrong time?? Ive been thinking about that lately. Just remember too dear, if you ever need help, im always here too. Hi sweety!! How are you doing? How did you do on the tests? Did you get the results? Focus on that and don't let yourself down, OK? It will only make you feel worse. I've been there, couldn't concentrate on the uni, I didn't feel like eating, anything, and it only brought more pain. Yeah, I haven't heard from Sup in a while, we have become so close and been writing each other emails but it's been a while since I last heard of him. So weird. I guess he may be on a trip or something. Well, it is a liberating feeling indeed. At least to know what path to take and that the worst has passed already. I'm down with the flu right now and I'll probably spend the weekend at home studying so I'll have to be tough not to think silly things about my ex. Your question is 100 % true! I believe we've found the one but the timing is just not right, at least not to have a meaningful relationship. How are you coping hon? do you still check on him? Hope you're doing better
marigo Posted July 31, 2010 Posted July 31, 2010 Hey Lull!! Im doing alright. Yeah, i got the results for the tests. I got pretty descent grades although im scared about the final letter grade for one of them. It's a class im already retaking since i failed it the first time coz of this stupid break up. I really dont know what im gonna do if i fail it again. Aww, and im sorry you have a flu. Are you feeling better today? It would be probably be hard to focus on studying though. You should get plenty of rest and sleep! Hopefully, you'd feel super exhausted so you dont have to think about your ex. You know, just like you and Sup, i met a friend from another forum and we've been emailing each other everyday too. Sometimes, it's the people you don't know that seems to be there for you. Isn't it so funny to think that two people can be so happy and in love with each other yet they cant be together? Atleast for you and your ex this is the case since you both seem to be in love with each other still. I never really understood that. How two people can still be in love with each other but the timing isnt right to have a relationship. Things have been difficult again. And yes, i'm still checking on it. Like i said, not as bad as it used to be. Basically on Wednesday night, him and the girl are commenting each other like every minute on freaking facebook. I dont really get what they were talking about so I let my bro read it and he doesnt get what they were talking about either. All i know is that base on what i saw, i am almost 100% sure that something is going on between them. Either dating or together together. Also, the other day when i checked, the girl has a status saying "greatt! now i miss you" i knew she was talking about my ex so i kept checking it and my ex "liked" the post. i was soo angry and hurt. I know i did this to myself. I have no idea why. I think i want to get really angry to the point where i wont care about him at all anymore. Maybe thats why im checking. Maybe it gets to a point where im sooo hurt that i cant handle it, then i would really want to move on. I feel so heartbroken dear. I cant believe he's dating that girl. (Well, im assuming, what do you think?) I want to be happy for him but i cant. I cant help but wish that him and this girl doesnt work out and that he realizes what he lost. Not exactly to get back with me but u know that feeling that your ex can finally feel that he lost something too? Coz i dont think he even feels that he lost anything. It breaks my heart to know that he probably wouldnt contact me anymore. I wanted him to miss me but instead he found someone else. Sorry for the rant. Its been a rollercoaster ride this week, anger, depression, etc. Any new updates with you Lull???
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