We're back together...

[michelle2010]

OK, kids, so it finally happened. Some of you may remember my story, I was an unapologetic OW and got endlessly bashed for wanting to continue my affair... It's been 9 weeks since I went NC with him. I stayed strong. As some of you may remember, my plan was to see him at a friend's birthday party at work and break NC...

 

So here's how it happened. He knew I would be there because they sent out an email mentioning that I'd be the one baking the cake, so that was good. But when I got to the office, he wasn't there... We had the cake in the conference room, which is right next door to his office. Then, a few minutes after we started, he walked by, looked inside the room, and stared straight at me. He didn't come in.

 

Once we were done, he walked into the room. I didn't look at him and he was talking to someone else. He went back into his office, had someone in there, and I hung around a little bit. Then I walked past his office and saw that he was on the phone. I stopped to say goodbye to a friend and walked towards the door to leave (which is right in front of his office).

 

Then I heard his voice calling out my name... : ) I don't think I've ever walked so fast in my life. All the women stared as he asked me a silly question, and as soon as I answered, he invited me to take a seat. I did. It was SO good to see him again. After some small talk, I asked how everything else was, and he made a face and said "I'm dying for some fun..." I just laughed and he asked me to close the door. I did, but let him know that we wouldn't be doing anything, he asked why and I said it was because we hadn't seen each other in two months! Then he went on to explain that after my last note, when I asked him not to contact me again, he decided to wait until we could talk in person. Then he apologized for building up my expectations as to what he would be able to do, going into a whole explanation about how demanding his job is and how, if he could, he would see me twice a day...

 

Ordinarily, I wouldn't believe his busy story, but one week earlier I'd been out with a friend from the same office and heard that his boss was being very strict about when people got there, left or how long they stayed out during lunch. He told me that he hadn't left the office for lunch in weeks, he's just too busy. I know that part of the story is true.

 

Then he got up, made his way around the desk... and kissed me. He had never kissed me before. We had sex once, but there was no kissing involved! I remember how much it bothered me... And he was REALLY into it, too. It's hard to explain, but this time around there was something about his demeanor, his actions, even his voice, that was a lot more affectionate than ever before, in 1.5 years. After that, I won't go into details, but we had sex...

 

He started telling me how excited he was when he saw that I'd be coming over, how he had been rushing people out of his office all day to make sure we could talk... Then he said "I just hung up on my wife" (That's who he was on the phone with when I was about to leave). He didn't have to tell me that. He obviously thought I would be flattered! Then we spent almost an hour talking, he asked me about my son, I showed him a picture and he said "I see a lot of you in him, he's adorable" and went on to explain why... We discussed our parenting views, with me saying that my son isn't allowed to watch TV (it seems like that's all his kids do), so I play with him all the time, play dress-up, buy costumes, do crafts, etc. He said "Aren't you glad you're not working?" and I, of course, agreed. He had mentioned before that he wished his wife didn't work (she owns her own business and works part-time), it seems to be a sore subject. I did my best to show him how fulfilled I am to be a mom and he was very impressed...

 

Then we started talking about how weird I felt after the last time, because we finally had sex. My new plan is to stress to him that I'm very conflicted about this because, after all, I am trustworthy and just happened to get caught up in how irresistible HE is. So I said "How can I explain this... When I married my husband, I was a virgin. And I haven't been with anyone else... So this isn't easy for me." You should have seen the look on his face! He didn't comment on it, but went on to explain that he too, feels guilty and "Even topnight, when I think about this, my conscience will be killing me...".

 

One more thing happened while we talked about the kids. He was talking about his oldest, who seems to be his favorite (he's 3) and looks JUST like him. He said "If he were here right now, at first he'd be a little shy and hide behind my legs, but then he'd be all over you, calling you auntie, he would come over and give you a hug..." He was basically imagining and telling me how much his son would like me... That was a REALLY good thought.

 

One telling thing, about how things ended last time, was that he blamed himself - not me. He could very well have been upset that I was making demands on his time, but he decided that it was HIS fault. He said "It took us 1.5 years to get together, I don't know what I thought would change, that suddenly I'd be able to see you whenever I wanted to". I caught his drift and sounded VERY understanding. I said " I don't want to put any more expectations on you... I know you have a lot of them already. A job, kids, a mortgage... It's a lot. I understand." Another good line. He also kissed me goodbye, which hadn't happened before either. I was beside myself with happiness...

 

He's out of town this week with his family and we're supposed to get together next week. I don't know if it will happen, but I have decided top change my strategy. No more demands. Whenever it happens, it happens. And I will use each and every moment, each and every word, to get closer to my goal...

 

We're back on track. : )

Edited July 12, 2010 by michelle2010

[BB07]

It sounds like you are back on track to pretending to yourself again that you don't want more and that you are OK with the way things are, taking his crumbs that he throws at you and fooling yourself into believing that it's enough and you can handle it. You might be able to fool yourself for a while.......but it won't last long. If you can't admit the truth to yourself, who can you admit it to?

[michelle2010]

Of course I want more. And I will get it. But, unlike most people, I am VERY patient. I work at a goal little by little... until I get what I want.

[Jilly Bean]

We're back on track. : )

 

Um, curious. Back on track for what?

[bentnotbroken]

Of course I want more. And I will get it. But, unlike most people, I am VERY patient. I work at a goal little by little... until I get what I want.

 

 

What is it that you want? He is disgusting for even discussing his child (his wife's child) and whether or not he would like you. :sick:It is not a good thought...stop that fantasy.

[Silly_Girl]

Of course I want more. And I will get it. But, unlike most people, I am VERY patient. I work at a goal little by little... until I get what I want.

 

I admire women who know what they want in life, and have a bit of direction. Is this a 20, 30, or 40 year plan?

 

 

I think you are being utterly negligent to yourself by acting this way and either lots of people will get hurt or just you. Very sad.

[Fallen Angel]

After some small talk, I asked how everything else was, and he made a face and said "I'm dying for some fun..." I just laughed and he asked me to close the door. I did, but let him know that we wouldn't be doing anything, he asked why and I said it was because we hadn't seen each other in two months!

 

Then he got up, made his way around the desk... and kissed me. He had never kissed me before. We had sex once, but there was no kissing involved! I remember how much it bothered me... And he was REALLY into it, too. It's hard to explain, but this time around there was something about his demeanor, his actions, even his voice, that was a lot more affectionate than ever before, in 1.5 years. After that, I won't go into details, but we had sex...

He's out of town this week with his family and we're supposed to get together next week. I don't know if it will happen, but I have decided top change my strategy. No more demands. Whenever it happens, it happens.

 

After a year and a half and having already had sex, him kissing you in order to get back in your pants is convincing you that you have a future?

 

Sorry, I just don't see it.

 

Don't you think you are worth more than being bent over the desk in his office?

 

Perhaps I need to go read your previous posts, because all I see here is you being his little "bit of fun" in his office.

 

You say you are prepared to make no demands. You set a boundary (no sex), which he immediately ignored, and set out to break (by offering you a simple kiss, he was able to convince you to have sex.) And now he is gone on vacation with his family (which includes his wife, one would assume.) Just exactly what in this story do you see as promising?? :confused:

[jj33]

Youre joking right?

 

You "plan" to break NC by waiting to see him and then when you do he says hes up for a bit of fun (right there and then).

 

And that is a good sign to you? Its great if you are unapologetic and are OK with an affair but at the same time you are glowing because he talked to you about whether his children will like you.

 

And at the risk of being mean...

 

He never kissed you before? Have you seen Pretty Woman? the fact that he kissed you now is not progress per se unless you really want to stretch things to believe what you want to believe.

 

And then he said if he could he would see you 2x per day - great that hes got a high sex drive if you are happy having a FWB but if you want more, Im afraid that doesnt bode well.

 

If you are going to be an unapologetic other woman, just make sure you are really happy with that role.

 

From the things you have written you are not. You are fooling yourself, but not the rest of us.

 

I hope this doesnt end badly for you because its ashame to see anyone hurt themselves, but as Silly Girl said so well you are being negligent with yourself.

 

Tho I must say, this is really disturbing:

 

"Then we started talking about how weird I felt after the last time, because we finally had sex. My new plan is to stress to him that I'm very conflicted about this because, after all, I am trustworthy and just happened to get caught up in how irresistible HE is. So I said "How can I explain this... When I married my husband, I was a virgin. And I haven't been with anyone else... So this isn't easy for me." You should have seen the look on his face! He didn't comment on it, but went on to explain that he too, feels guilty and "Even topnight, when I think about this, my conscience will be killing me..."."

 

This sounds more like a calculated plan than the truth. You may not have alot of sexual experience but you sure are calculating in how you are going after this guy. But hes clearly a player and you are going to be outplayed. {edited to add this is probably a good thing as its never nice to go after someones H with a vengeance like you are. IMHO, that is NOT what being an unapologetic OW means. This is calculated man stealing or a stab at it.

 

 

SNAP OUT OF IT before you get really hurt and you hurt others in the process

 

and finally - do you care about your job AT ALL? think about it...

Edited July 12, 2010 by jj33

[Fallen Angel]

This sounds more like a calculated plan than the truth. You may not have alot of sexual experience but you sure are calculating in how you are going after this guy. But hes clearly a player and you are going to be outplayed. {edited to add this is probably a good thing as its never nice to go after someones H with a vengeance like you are. IMHO, that is NOT what being an unapologetic OW means. This is calculated man stealing or a stab at it.

 

Thank You for this. I consider myself an unapologetic OW, but find that being cast into the same "category" as this OP leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

 

I am unapologetic because I am in love with someone who loves me and feel I have nothing to apologize for. He persued me with a vengence, not the other way round. Being unapologetic for accepting the love of a man which is freely offered, and being in hot persuit of being a side piece to a MM are two very different things, IMO.

[jj33]

I too considered myself to be an unapologetic OW and it was a very different kettle of fish. At some point or another many unapologetic OWs hope and wish things were different but this is a whole different league. And its sad because OP you are being played by a player.

 

If the game suits you for now, enjoy but its guaranteed to mess you up afterwards. This guy is very very clearly not in it for love. Hes saying whatever is going to get you into the sack (or over the desk as the case may be).

[Jilly Bean]

being a side piece to a MM are two very different things

 

I don't think she even rates enough in his life to be considered a "side piece".

 

He doesn't need to put in a shred of effort, and she will still show up, months down the road, and let him bend her over his desk at work.

 

Sounds more like being a prostitute, really.

[BB07]

I don't think she even rates enough in his life to be considered a "side piece".

 

He doesn't need to put in a shred of effort, and she will still show up, months down the road, and let him bend her over his desk at work.

 

Sounds more like being a prostitute, really.

 

Harsh but true........men don't kiss prostitutes so they say. Notice how much weight the OP put into the fact that he finally kissed her as if it's such a big deal.

 

OP...........you have your head so far up your own ass about you being OK with how he is treating you and how he is going to treat you that it would take a bulldozer to pull it out.

 

Wake up.......be truthful to yourself at least.

[White Dove]

Exactly, back on track for what? Being his second best?

[Secure]

He reeled you back. Too bad you did not continue with NC. I really sense an enormous amount of pain coming your way.

[ladydesigner]

I agree with every poster above. You can still initiate NC again. It's never too late to get your life back on track. I do not see this situation ending well though.

[stillafool]

 

Once we were done, he walked into the room. I didn't look at him and he was talking to someone else. He went back into his office, had someone in there, and I hung around a little bit. Then I walked past his office and saw that he was on the phone. I stopped to say goodbye to a friend and walked towards the door to leave (which is right in front of his office).

This is funny that you weren't looking at him yet you knew he was talking to someone else. It's also hilarious that you just happened to stop in front of his office to talk to someone, yeah right, you were dying for him to call you in his office.

 

Then I heard his voice calling out my name... : ) I don't think I've ever walked so fast in my life. All the women stared as he asked me a silly question, and as soon as I answered, he invited me to take a seat. I did. It was SO good to see him again. After some small talk, I asked how everything else was, and he made a face and said "I'm dying for some fun..." I just laughed and he asked me to close the door. I did, but let him know that we wouldn't be doing anything, he asked why and I said it was because we hadn't seen each other in two months!

This is all this guy wants from you. You should have stayed NC. Don't act desperate.

[jj33]

Im having a twinge of guilt that I may have been less compassionate than I would like to think I am in general.

 

If you really mean what you said in your post. I feel for you deeply. Because you have a thing for this man and your affections are not returned.

 

In that case, you really need to step back and deal with the reality. Its not what you want it to be and it never will be.

 

That is never easy to hear and not easy to accept.

 

Take good care

[Fieldsofgold]

So you were actually "screwed without being kissed?" and I always thought that was just a tasteless joke!

 

Boy, you have 000 self-respect.

 

I know it is really something, when everyone on the board actually agrees - we all agree what an unapologetic OW is --- and we all agree that you ain't it!

 

I also really liked what Silly Girl said.

 

I assume you like being a SAHM. And it sounds like you are pretty good at it, too. That's really a shame. Because when your husband find out what kind of skank he's married to, your @$$ will be out the door, and most

likely you won't have the luxury of being at home all day with your child.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Fieldsofgold

[bittersweet memories]

eww..sounds like he's just a dog in heat. Good luck with that.

[jthorne]

Ya'all should probably read her back posts before bothering... this is the "independently wealthy" brat who received a business from her parents... this chick that has nothing better to do than be a homewrecker. I suspected she was a troll, but seems like she's back for more. I have no idea why she bothers to post here, when she knows there are very few who agree with what she's doing. She doesn't seem to be looking for any kind of support. Or if she is, I'd really like to know what kind of support she is seeking.

 

I think I'll pull up my chair, get some popcorn, and get ready for the fallout. My mom and I just picked some really beautiful peaches. Maybe I'll mix up a batch of fresh peach margaritas later...

[Fallen Angel]

Ya'all should probably read her back posts before bothering... this is the "independently wealthy" brat who received a business from her parents... this chick that has nothing better to do than be a homewrecker. I suspected she was a troll, but seems like she's back for more. I have no idea why she bothers to post here, when she knows there are very few who agree with what she's doing. She doesn't seem to be looking for any kind of support. Or if she is, I'd really like to know what kind of support she is seeking.

 

I think I'll pull up my chair, get some popcorn, and get ready for the fallout. My mom and I just picked some really beautiful peaches. Maybe I'll mix up a batch of fresh peach margaritas later...

 

UMMMM, can I come hang out at your house tonight?? YUM!

 

I too do not see what support she is seeking, sounds more like bragging, though there appear to be no details included that warrant bragging about.

[jthorne]

UMMMM, can I come hang out at your house tonight?? YUM!

 

I too do not see what support she is seeking, sounds more like bragging, though there appear to be no details included that warrant bragging about.

Sure, we picked 4 bushels, so there's plenty for everybody.

 

I imagine my post will get me an infraction, so I will reiterate the point of my post:

 

OP: What support are you seeking?

[califnan]

I miss Edith

[JustJoe]

OP, No offense, but you simply don't have a clue , do you?

[jthorne]

I miss Edith

Yeah, me too. She was a BS posting on Infidelity... her story and michelle's were eerily similar. I guess it was a total coincidence that edith and michelle showed up and disappeared at the same time.

 

Wouldn't it be ironic if edith shows up, posting that her WS is emailing his OW again?