Lishy Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Ok so I need some advice, or maybe I just want to talk! I cant talk to my friends about this as they will keep asking about it Ok so I met this guy on Saturday, he was drop dead hot and as soon as we saw each other the sparks were there. We ended the night kissing for ages and he took my number and said he would like to see me again. So he texts me on Monday night asking how I am and we had some texts back and forth and he ended up saying we must meet up soon and he asked if it would be ok if he called me in the week and I said of course it was. Now I am obsessing like nobody's business that I wont hear from him again! I have had that happen before and feel its gonna happen again and I dont know how to drop these feelings. I keep telling myself that it does not matter if he calls or not as he is not important at this moment in time. How do I stop this????? He probably wont call and my life will go on so what is the big deal? Why do I always do this to myself??????
Serenitynow Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Because you dont know how to value what you have instead of obsessing over what you want.
2sunny Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 be patient. if he doesn't ask you out by tomorrow night for the weekend - something is "off." he may have a girlfriend or be married if he doesn't make the effort to be available to you.
Author Lishy Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 be patient. if he doesn't ask you out by tomorrow night for the weekend - something is "off." he may have a girlfriend or be married if he doesn't make the effort to be available to you. I was thinking that too Sunny, if he does not call by tomorrow night then I will forget it. I just have to have the real interest or I lose interest. Its a shame as I was veeeeery interested in this one! In my eyes he should have called tonight
2sunny Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I was thinking that too Sunny, if he does not call by tomorrow night then I will forget it. I just have to have the real interest or I lose interest. Its a shame as I was veeeeery interested in this one! In my eyes he should have called tonight it's only Wed afternoon here - what day are you on right now?
Serenitynow Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 You also were making out with him within how many hours of meeting him ? He probably knows he has you around his finger, and is turning the tables on you with the chasing game. And you are obviously falling for it. Do you always make out with guys you just met ? Think of how he may view the situation.
sagetalk Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I was thinking that too Sunny, if he does not call by tomorrow night then I will forget it. I just have to have the real interest or I lose interest. Its a shame as I was veeeeery interested in this one! In my eyes he should have called tonight Why burn the relationship out so fast? When you buy a box of cookies do you eat all of them at once? I hope not. Relax, good grief!
WintersNightTraveler Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Wow, this guy doesn't contact for two or three days and so he probably has a girlfriend? I agree if he doesn't contact at all by thursday he's probably not all that into it or playing games, but thinking he's cheating on someone is the most likely explanation is an unhealthy way of looking at it. Because if it's wrong then you are totally ignoring what the actual problems might be. He might just not have felt as strongly as you do. He might have bad taste in women. He might sense you are playing the whole who calls/texts first game and this turns him off (happens more often than you might think). He might already have something scheduled he is not willing to break (bad sign since it shows less enthusiasm but is a far cry from being a cheater). I also think people are blowing the first date makeout thing out of proportion. Some guys actually like to think they have some kind of really strong connection with women they take seriously, and the whole notion that two people had such a strong connection that they couldn't resist making out can reinforce that. Sure sometime people interpret these things as sluttiness and cheating and all the pessimistic things that have been mentioned - and sometimes these are true - but really, how constructive is that?
Author Lishy Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Haha Yeah I do make out with a guy I have a connection with and I see nothing wrong with it as it rarely happens. I dont often meet a guy I like enough to kiss and give my number to It is Thursday morning here now so lets see what happens later. I am not playing any game by the way I am just saying ....
Billzebub Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Mama said, "You can't hurry love; no you'll just have to wait..."
cdubs32 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Ok so I need some advice, or maybe I just want to talk! I cant talk to my friends about this as they will keep asking about it Ok so I met this guy on Saturday, he was drop dead hot and as soon as we saw each other the sparks were there. We ended the night kissing for ages and he took my number and said he would like to see me again. So he texts me on Monday night asking how I am and we had some texts back and forth and he ended up saying we must meet up soon and he asked if it would be ok if he called me in the week and I said of course it was. Now I am obsessing like nobody's business that I wont hear from him again! I have had that happen before and feel its gonna happen again and I dont know how to drop these feelings. I keep telling myself that it does not matter if he calls or not as he is not important at this moment in time. How do I stop this????? He probably wont call and my life will go on so what is the big deal? Why do I always do this to myself?????? I have this very same problem. In your head you know it's no big deal and that if he doesn't call and isn't interested then you wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't interested anyway. It also speaks to him as a guy that could "fake" interest and make out with you and ask to see you again and then either change his mind (flaky) or never had intentions of calling you again anyway (coward). It's an emotional rollercoaster that I have a very hard time with and I don't know how to get over it except that time is the only thing and you have to try and keep yourself as busy as possible so that you spend less time sitting by yourself, looking at your phone, wondering why he hasn't contacted you. My recent situation was a girl I went on 3 dates with, made out quite a bit after the first two, she introduced me to her friends, and she even agreed to let me take her out on another date. It's now been two weeks and she hasn't returned my call or texts. I'm over it now, but it was tough to handle for about a week. People suck, and it's a struggle, but if not for the struggle we won't appreciate it as much when we do find the right person.
Author Lishy Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 he was drop dead hot and as soon as we saw each other the sparks were there. So dude is super hot with plenty of option and women after him no doughty and you wonder why he is not at your feet? You not as drop dead hot as you think you are. I bet "sparks" were on your side only. He had a taste and thought, well it was just OK, nothing special, I can have her when ever I feel like, why rush it, but then, hmm, I don't really feel like it. Your point is?
bac Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 IMO he would call you because you did not have sex with him yet, unless he is attached/married with kids or something similar. He (as anyone else) might drop you after he had sex with you, especially if after sex he thought he was great at sex. But, it might happen not because of you, there would be other his personal reasons.
txsilkysmoothe Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 So dude is super hot with plenty of option and women after him no doughty and you wonder why he is not at your feet? You not as drop dead hot as you think you are. I bet "sparks" were on your side only. He had a taste and thought, well it was just OK, nothing special, I can have her when ever I feel like, why rush it, but then, hmm, I don't really feel like it. WRONG! Lishy IS Drop Dead Hot!
Author Lishy Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 WRONG! Lishy IS Drop Dead Hot! That really make me smile TX, thanks hon you made my day lol x Well I still have not heard from him so I need to just forget it now, if he calls he does and if not then HIS LOSS!! Men just hurt me anyway so what is the point! He is probably saving me hurt in the future
Author Lishy Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Men just hurt me anyway You sound to jaded for a normal guy, but just right for a player who can work this angle of vulnerability. I would know.... Ahh thanks that has made me feel heaps better!
sagetalk Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Ahh thanks that has made me feel heaps better! He's 100% right though. The "guys always hurt me" definitely sounds like player fodder talk to me. Men may hurt you, but there are ways to avoid hurt by not chasing after guys who use bells and whistles to get your attention. Instead of looking for guys who light your pants on fire, or who makes you feel giddy with their skills/"dating ability". Why not find guys who are honorable, trustworthy, loyal, reliable, and faithful? Your opinion of men will change drastically if you give guys like that enough time to make a move. Emotions in a relationship are great and wonderful, but you can't expect a decent guy to just blow you away right from the beginning. That's what players do, not most long term relationship guys. LTR guys are investing way more into you than a stupid player who just wants the popularity that comes from having a hot girl and sex.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I like how the shy-ish guys are trying to convince the girl to give them a chance. LOL This is shy guy's strategy, isn't it? I think it's been used on me. Emotions in a relationship are great and wonderful, but you can't expect a decent guy to just blow you away right from the beginning. That's what players do, not most long term relationship guys. I've had nothing but relationship-minded guys (save maybe one, who may have been a wool in sheep's clothing), and they all completely blew me away from the start. I believe that if a man is really into a woman, he won't be able to hold himself back from blowing her away. It's what a man was made to do. Ignore all these jaded men, Lishy, and listen to me: forget him! Lots of guys wouldn't wash their lips for a week if they just got to make out with you once. Don't worry about the spoiled hottie who doesn't appreciate a hottie like you when he finds one.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I notice everyone's being flakey. It doesn't matter where you meet them and it certainly never matters if they had your number or not. I would say that about a good percentages of both men and women are just too lazy to pick up their phone.
Ihavenoidea Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 hmm, just doesnt sound interested to me, he probably just has options. Maybe waiting on another girl he likes more. It doesnt matter how HOT you are, this is relative. He is probably working other women or he thought you were easy idk. All i know is I wouldnt worry about him and find another, if you are as hot as what some other people say then you shouldnt have a problem.
sagetalk Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 1. I've had nothing but relationship-minded guys (save maybe one, who may have been a wool in sheep's clothing), and they all completely blew me away from the start. I believe that if a man is really into a woman, he won't be able to hold himself back from blowing her away. It's what a man was made to do. 2. Ignore all these jaded men, Lishy, and listen to me: forget him! Lots of guys wouldn't wash their lips for a week if they just got to make out with you once. Don't worry about the spoiled hottie who doesn't appreciate a hottie like you when he finds one. 1. Maybe, maybe not, do you know characteristics a guy has that shows he is relationship minded? Here's a hint, blowing you away on the first date is not even close to one of them. That is the #1 sign of a player/"guy after sex". 2. I'm jaded am I? I believe there is a failure to understand the very basics of men and women here. A woman will hug someone that just shot themselves in the foot on purpose and say, "It's not your fault, I hope you feel better". I man will say, "Stop pointing a gun at yourself and pulling the trigger". Her attitude screams of a player magnet, and if she's attractive than she's an automatic target. I'm just trying to show her why she thinks men are awful. It's because she's opening herself up to awful men. If she changes her behavior, her opinion of men will be healthy rather than misguided. You are doing what is natural to you, and I am doing what is natural to me. Women are natural comforters and men are natural problem solvers. To call me jaded by trying to help her is just an ignorant statement towards men. If I meant evil towards her, I'd just laugh when I read her post and think to myself, "Who cares, just another girl that loves players".
cdubs32 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 He's 100% right though. The "guys always hurt me" definitely sounds like player fodder talk to me. Men may hurt you, but there are ways to avoid hurt by not chasing after guys who use bells and whistles to get your attention. Instead of looking for guys who light your pants on fire, or who makes you feel giddy with their skills/"dating ability". Why not find guys who are honorable, trustworthy, loyal, reliable, and faithful? Your opinion of men will change drastically if you give guys like that enough time to make a move. Emotions in a relationship are great and wonderful, but you can't expect a decent guy to just blow you away right from the beginning. That's what players do, not most long term relationship guys. LTR guys are investing way more into you than a stupid player who just wants the popularity that comes from having a hot girl and sex. ^^^This is as good of advice you will EVER find, Lishy
Author Lishy Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Hmmmmmm there are some big misconceptions of me flying around here, me no likey! Ok so I may be a player magnet without knowing but let me tell you that I THINK I can spot a player a mile off and I avoid them at all costs. I truly only want to meet a nice honourable guy who is normal and not a game player. I dont like bad boys and this guy did not seem like a bad boy. I am totally confused because he basically text me on Monday asking for permission to call me in the week to which I replied yes thats great speak soon. Then nothing! I am jaded and scared of getting hurt I admit that freely but I am not a girl who thinks she is super hot and all that I am just a normal woman who is a mum and works and provides for herself and her son I dont really even want a boyfriend desperately, I was quite thrown with my attraction to this guy and he was very respectful and sweet to be honest. And of course he was as hot as hell!! All I really want to do is work out why he has not called!!!
cdubs32 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Hmmmmmm there are some big misconceptions of me flying around here, me no likey! Ok so I may be a player magnet without knowing but let me tell you that I THINK I can spot a player a mile off and I avoid them at all costs. I truly only want to meet a nice honourable guy who is normal and not a game player. I dont like bad boys and this guy did not seem like a bad boy. I am totally confused because he basically text me on Monday asking for permission to call me in the week to which I replied yes thats great speak soon. Then nothing! I am jaded and scared of getting hurt I admit that freely but I am not a girl who thinks she is super hot and all that I am just a normal woman who is a mum and works and provides for herself and her son I dont really even want a boyfriend desperately, I was quite thrown with my attraction to this guy and he was very respectful and sweet to be honest. And of course he was as hot as hell!! All I really want to do is work out why he has not called!!! God I wish I knew the answer to all the reasons why girls won't answer my call or return it. You will probably NEVER know the answer to this. Good luck.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 1. Maybe, maybe not, do you know characteristics a guy has that shows he is relationship minded? Well, all of these men kept asking for more dates, took me on vacations, looked out for me through thick and thin, asked me to be their girlfriend within 2-3 months and proudly introduced me as such, asked me to move in together, wrote me songs, treated me like a queen, and brought up the idea of marriage and kids. They sound relationship-minded to me. Here's a hint, blowing you away on the first date is not even close to one of them. That is the #1 sign of a player/"guy after sex". Actually, only one of these guys went for sex fast (the wool in sheep's clothing). The others took their time getting to know me, and by the time we had sex, we had already developed significant feelings. A woman will hug someone that just shot themselves in the foot on purpose and say, "It's not your fault, I hope you feel better". I man will say, "Stop pointing a gun at yourself and pulling the trigger". Actually, women have used your argument many times, with poor results. The argument is "stop chasing hot bitches and give the nicer, more stable girls (like me) a shot". Do you think a man who chases hot bitches is at all interested in shifting his focus to "nice" girls? When he decides he wants to settle down, sure -- just like the woman who's drawn to hot azzholes, and turns her focus to stable, nice guys when she wants to shack up and make babies. I'm just trying to show her why she thinks men are awful. It's because she's opening herself up to awful men. If she changes her behavior, her opinion of men will be healthy rather than misguided. I know dozens of men who only pursue the "hottest" women, and then wonder why women are such bitches. Those women are bitches because they can be. Men will put up with just about anything from them. Hot men have the same attitude -- because they can get away with murder and most women will allow it. Women are natural comforters and men are natural problem solvers. Another tired generalization. When a guy complains about all the bitches he's dealing with and how much he's been screwed over, I don't pat him on the shoulder and say "poor baby". I suggest a solution to the problem: stop chasing hot bitches who view most men as disposable meal tickets, and turn your attention to more stable women with stronger principles -- you know, good girls. Like me. This advice has never worked and it never will.
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