Women that cant take compliments

[Serenitynow]

Over the years, I have heard this from many many women. Women Ive dated, women I work with, friends, etc.

 

They will say how they just ran to the store, and had sweats on, hair thrown up in a clip or ballcap, no makeup. And while there, they say a guy hit on them, or was checking them out.

 

So instead of feeling positive about it, she is offended, some have even been quite peeved that a guy would even look at her without being all gussied up.

 

Does this mean that those kind of women think of themselves as ugly or unattractive when they dont have their "mask" on ?

 

Please dont just post replies about how you arent like that, I want to know WHY women cant take a compliment unless they are all done up.

 

I guarantee if you are not that type of woman you know 1 or more that are.

 

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Edited June 15, 2010 by Serenitynow

[samspade]

They were hit on by the wrong guy and/or in the wrong manner.

 

Do you think if George Clooney walked up to a woman like you described and laid on the charm offensive, she'd be peeved? Think about it.

 

And regardless of whether she is attracted to him, women love to brag/complain about these episodes, because it validates their attractiveness and boosts their ego.

 

It only seems annoying to women because it happens to them far more often. If you want to know what it's like, visit a gay bar every night. You'll come home complaining about it too.

 

ss

 

PS: Asking women why they behave a certain way is a good way to get the WRONG answer.

[Confusedalways]

OH MY GOD my friend is SO so so annoying about this.

 

It's really because in my opinion she's ridiculously high maintenance. Like, even if I say casually 'oh I like that necklace.' I get the "CONFUSEDALWAYS are you KIDDING me right now? This necklace is SOOO old, I can't even believe I'm wearing it. Like, I just had no time tonight and it was the first thing around. UGH. I should have totally worn my other one but whatever."

 

In her mind I literally do not think she is capable of thinking she looks nice/good without having everything EXACTLY how she wants it. I can only picture if she ever got hit on in sweatpants-- it would probably be like the sky was falling. In my head, I picture her telling me that "the guy must have been trying to make fun of her and obviously needs a new pair of glasses if he wants anyone to take him seriously."

 

I think she actually believe that she looks like crap unless her hair, nails, makeup and wardrobe are absolutely perfect. She's a control freak and I think men hitting on her when she looks 'bad' is something like her not being able to control it or something?

[that girl]

Women do actually know when they look repulsive. I was once hit on while running into a shop while I was sick. My hair hadn't been washed, my nose was red and I had a very noticeable eye infection. Oh and I was wearing flannel pajamas and a wool coat.

 

I think it is funny I was hit on because I know I looked bad. I don't think that guy was looking at my deeper, mask free beauty. I think it is more likely he just thought I might be an easy mark.

 

Meanwhile, some women do think that they look like crap when they aren't all done up. It is a form of low self-esteem, not some kind of evil plot againist men.

[Serenitynow]

some women do think that they look like crap when they aren't all done up.

So is there anyway women will learn that they dont need all that crap to look good ?

 

And why cant they take a guys word for it, without thinking hes trying to score.

 

And why does he have to wait for her permission that its "hit on me now time" ?

 

Situations like this, are CLASSIC written in stone examples of how different men and women are, and how we perceive things differently

 

I am not judging, just pointing it out

[that girl]

So is there anyway women will learn that they dont need all that crap to look good ?

 

And why cant they take a guys word for it, without thinking hes trying to score.

 

And why does he have to wait for her permission that its "hit on me now time" ?

 

For the first one, the issue is the individual woman, not women as a group and I can't say when she will learn that.

 

For the second, generally when a man compliments a woman on her looks he is looking to score. Sure, Dad is an exception and sometimes good friends or co-workers are just being nice, but usually men compliment women because they are interested.

 

For the third, well he doesn't have to wait but why would you want to hit on someone who isn't interested in being picked up? You make it sound like some horrible thing women do to men in not constantly looking for male attention, but women have their own lives. As long as neither party is rude, I don't think there is any problem with a man showing interest in a woman and her not reciprocating.

[Serenitynow]

why would you want to hit on someone who isn't interested in being picked up?

 

See, to me that means :

 

If shes not done up, than guys should get the hint she doesnt want to be hit on.

 

How is a guy supposed to know that she isnt interested before you hit on her ?

[ADF]

I took this question to my half-sister, who happens to be drop-dead gorgeous and who has guys compliment her in public all the time. Here's what she says:

 

1) No guy gives an honest compliment to a woman he doesn't know. When men compliment women they've never met, it is always the opening line to a pick-up attempt.

 

2) When a guy you don't know suddenly compliments you, it feels like he must have been watching you for a while. That's creepy.

 

3) She just wants to be left in peace. She should be able to go to the grocery store and not be made to feel like guys are oogling her.

[Serenitynow]

When men compliment women they've never met, it is always the opening line to a pick-up attempt.

 

I'm not talking about that.

 

The women I have dealt with in these situaions had nothing wrong with the GUY, but they were insulted that he found her attractive in the state she was in.

 

I should have made that clear from the start, this is different than a women rejecting a guy because she assumes he looking to score.

 

CONFUSEDALWAYS is right on traget with what I mean

[sweetjasmine]

I took this question to my half-sister, who happens to be drop-dead gorgeous and who has guys compliment her in public all the time. Here's what she says:

 

1) No guy gives an honest compliment to a woman he doesn't know. When men compliment women they've never met, it is always the opening line to a pick-up attempt.

 

2) When a guy you don't know suddenly compliments you, it feels like he must have been watching you for a while. That's creepy.

 

3) She just wants to be left in peace. She should be able to go to the grocery store and not be made to feel like guys are oogling her.

 

I agree with 2 and especially 3. I don't like being approached when I'm out running errands or doing something. I don't go grocery shopping to socialize and be picked up. Leave me alone and let me decide on which cereal to buy in peace.

 

As for 1, it depends. If I'm walking down the street, and someone says something while passing me by, I don't view it as a pick-up attempt. It's either a genuine comment or a game.

 

Like this one time, I was walking down the street behind these two young girls, in the late afternoon/early evening, and as we passed by this bar, two men were standing in the doorway having a smoke. One of them said, "Hey, it's you! I remember you," but the girls didn't bite and kept walking, just ignoring them, so he yelled, "Come back and let me stick my finger up your a-- again," just to get a laugh out of his buddy. Har har har.

[Serenitynow]

Obviously noone but CONFUSED is going to address this topic in the manner requested.

 

As expected though, half of the reason I post these questions is to see how many women ACTUALLY respond directly to what I'm asking without beating around the bush

 

These questions get tons of views but little responses, I think they hit to close to home sometimes.

 

 

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[harmfulsweetz]

Hm... I have a tendency to think they are just joking around, they can't be being serious with me when I look like crap IME. Self-perception is an interesting thing. It's uncomfortable too. At the time when you want to be stared at the least, when you feel at your worst, you get stared at. Baffling.

[sweetjasmine]

Obviously noone but CONFUSED is going to address this topic in the manner requested.

 

As expected though, half of the reason I post these questions is to see how many women ACTUALLY respond directly to what I'm asking without beating around the bush

 

These questions get tons of views but little responses, I think they hit to close to home sometimes.

 

 

.

 

Um, hit a little close to home how?

 

You already got the answer to your question. It's a sign of low self-esteem. Some women think less of themselves if they're not all done up, and if a man pays attention to her when she's feeling 'unattractive', it's going to bother her, not make her feel good. It's like this: "He couldn't possibly have meant that. I look like a monster! He must've been trying to hit on me because he thinks I'm easy or he must have been trying to embarrass me or I don't know what! I just want to crawl into a hole!"

 

When women like that feel like they're looking unattractive, they don't want any attention. They don't want to be noticed because it'll remind them how 'unattractive' they look right then and there.

[homersheineken]

 

For the second, generally when a man compliments a woman on her looks he is looking to score. Sure, Dad is an exception and sometimes good friends or co-workers are just being nice, but usually men compliment women because they are interested.

 

So why does it matter then if she's glamored up or looking like a hobo?

 

You'd think that even when she's looking her worst, she' still hitting a man's sex appeal and that would be a compliment.

[harmfulsweetz]

Um, hit a little close to home how?

 

You already got the answer to your question. It's a sign of low self-esteem. Some women think less of themselves if they're not all done up, and if a man pays attention to her when she's feeling 'unattractive', it's going to bother her, not make her feel good. It's like this: "He couldn't possibly have meant that. I look like a monster! He must've been trying to hit on me because he thinks I'm easy or he must have been trying to embarrass me or I don't know what! I just want to crawl into a hole!"

 

When women like that feel like they're looking unattractive, they don't want any attention. They don't want to be noticed because it'll remind them how 'unattractive' they look right then and there.

 

100% agree. Plus, when you feel like you look like crap, have made no effort whatsoever, you don't want a compliment from a stranger-if you did, you'd make an effort. It's easy for a man to not understand this-because they have to do an awful lot less to 'look good' than women do. When a woman looks bad, she feels bad, I know I do, and we often just want to go about our business undisturbed. It's not a crime for a woman to not want a stranger complimenting her, it's actually sorta creepy.

[harmfulsweetz]

So why does it matter then if she's glamored up or looking like a hobo?

 

You'd think that even when she's looking her worst, she' still hitting a man's sex appeal and that would be a compliment.

 

It's not entirely inconceivable to a man that we aren't always on the lookout for compliments, is it? There are days when we are allowed to feel fat, ugly whatever, or just bleurgh, and not be noticed, commented on? A compliment from a stranger isn't really a compliment at all. Well it is, but there are just those days when we are happy to be normal, to be in the skin we've been given and have a day off on the compliments.

[sweetjasmine]

100% agree. Plus, when you feel like you look like crap, have made no effort whatsoever, you don't want a compliment from a stranger-if you did, you'd make an effort. It's easy for a man to not understand this-because they have to do an awful lot less to 'look good' than women do. When a woman looks bad, she feels bad, I know I do, and we often just want to go about our business undisturbed. It's not a crime for a woman to not want a stranger complimenting her, it's actually sorta creepy.

 

Yeah, and I'd add one more thing. Sometimes I purposely dress down in old jeans, a baggy sweatshirt, and old sneakers so that I won't attract any attention and will be left alone to go about my own business. So when someone still tries to hit on me, it can be rather irritating.

 

I think the problem is that people assume all sexual attention is always wanted, provided the one giving it is attractive. That's not how it works. Sometimes we want to be left alone, and the attention is not always positive and flattering. Some days, it might give you a little ego boost, but other days it might creep you out and make you feel like you're an object being evaluated. And then other days, it might just get on your nerves. The point is that it's not always an ego boost.

[homersheineken]

It's not entirely inconceivable to a man that we aren't always on the lookout for compliments, is it? There are days when we are allowed to feel fat, ugly whatever, or just bleurgh, and not be noticed, commented on? A compliment from a stranger isn't really a compliment at all. Well it is, but there are just those days when we are happy to be normal, to be in the skin we've been given and have a day off on the compliments.

 

It's not entirely inconceivable to a woman that men aren't always able to read a woman's mind as to when they do and do not want to be complimented?

[harmfulsweetz]

Yeah, and I'd add one more thing. Sometimes I purposely dress down in old jeans, a baggy sweatshirt, and old sneakers so that I won't attract any attention and will be left alone to go about my own business. So when someone still tries to hit on me, it can be rather irritating.

 

I think the problem is that people assume all sexual attention is always wanted, provided the one giving it is attractive. That's not how it works. Sometimes we want to be left alone, and the attention is not always positive and flattering. Some days, it might give you a little ego boost, but other days it might creep you out and make you feel like you're an object being evaluated. And then other days, it might just get on your nerves. The point is that it's not always an ego boost.

 

Exactly. I've been hit on before like this in shops and I've just been embarrassed, not flattered, happy, or anything good, it's actually sort of ruined my day because I then feel watched. There just are times when women feel uncomfortable with unwanted attention. All attention is not good attention.

[harmfulsweetz]

It's not entirely inconceivable to a woman that men aren't always able to read a woman's mind as to when they do and do not want to be complimented?

 

True. Put it this way- you're a woman, you dressed down for the day, no make up, slouchy jeans, flat shoes, hoodie or whatever, hair in a band, guy comes over and says 'you look really pretty'-you know you don't, how would you feel? And don't say you'd feel happy, it'd be an ego boost, because there are some days, when nothing anyone says will be a booster.

 

It's common sense really, stranger=strange, and throw in a couple of compliments on an off day/lazy day, =awkward, uncomfortable mess. I'm simply not comfortable with the idea of a random guy complimenting me out of nothing.

[that girl]

Obviously noone but CONFUSED is going to address this topic in the manner requested.

 

As expected though, half of the reason I post these questions is to see how many women ACTUALLY respond directly to what I'm asking without beating around the bush

 

These questions get tons of views but little responses, I think they hit to close to home sometimes.

 

 

.

 

People are answering your question, they're just not answering how you want them to.

 

It seems that you didn't post this question to decode a particular female behavior, you posted it so people would agree with you that women think they are ugly without makeup.

[homersheineken]

True. Put it this way- you're a woman, you dressed down for the day, no make up, slouchy jeans, flat shoes, hoodie or whatever, hair in a band, guy comes over and says 'you look really pretty'-you know you don't, how would you feel? And don't say you'd feel happy, it'd be an ego boost, because there are some days, when nothing anyone says will be a booster.

 

It's common sense really, stranger=strange, and throw in a couple of compliments on an off day/lazy day, =awkward, uncomfortable mess. I'm simply not comfortable with the idea of a random guy complimenting me out of nothing.

 

Put it this way- you're a man and you're attracted to a girl that you've never seen before and thus know nothing of her fashion, mannerisms, mood swings or typical hairstyles. So you make the first move and compliment her...

 

Again, how is the guy supposed to know that you're in a sheltered mood without actually talking to you?

 

Seriously, just relax, smile, accept the compliment and move on. It's not a big deal to be complimented.

 

(btw, I like the no/little makeup, whatever jeans (do guys really know designer vs slouchy), and regular hoodies and clothes - typically more than the over-glammed look).

[Jersey Shortie]

So instead of feeling positive about it, she is offended, some have even been quite peeved that a guy would even look at her without being all gussied up.

 

Does this mean that those kind of women think of themselves as ugly or unattractive when they dont have their "mask" on ?

 

Yes. I believe it does mean this. If a woman feels like she is not at her best, and a man hits on her, she will wonder what his ulterior motive is, if he just sees her as an easy target. She can not fathom that without her war paint, the guy might honestly just like what he sees. Most women know/think they look better when they got the right jeans on, the right make-up..yada yada yada.

 

Now me? I've bit hit on at my gym and there I really am at my worse because I got gym shirts on (not the cute little yoga outfits you see some women in) and am pretty sweaty. But I was flattered. And I thought, well if he likes me now wait until he sees me on a date! It's only going to get better. I really think more women should take this approach. I find in general though women have a hard time accepting compliments either out of person feelings of unworthiness of it, or not wanting to come off as arrogant.

 

As for being approached while I am doing errands, I think this is a great time for a guy to approach to be honest. It's natural. You're both looking at tomoates and he comments on the high price and you get to talking. Do I think it's creepy that he noticed me? No. It's not like he followed me there. He is a human being and he noticed me there, and took the time to make contact. Not creepy in my book. Better then online dating if you ask me. In this regard, I think women can be a little tough on the guys complaining when and where a man might hit on them. He only has one chance to do it. Why not while your physically out in the real world instead of at a bar or sitting on your computer.

[homersheineken]

I agree with most of this, except the end. What difference does it make if it's in a bar or online? You don't know where you're going to meet someone, so why add more restrictions to an already difficult task.

[Jersey Shortie]

Homershineken, nothing wrong with online dating. I have personally come to a point in my life where I would like to meet a man out and about instead of going through the process of online dating to which I feel strung out from.