She's got too much baggage, I'm breaking it off (after 2 weeks of a relationship)

[bananaboat11]

Her and I talked last night. I thought it was kind of funny she didn't invite me over last night and wants to take things slow with me. I kind of feel like asking her if I'm her boyfriend or if we're still dating. The more I learn her ex is in her life, who, I feel... still likes her... pushes me away further and further.

 

I hate to be so critical, but I want something with her that's new.. invigorating... fresh... wild... sexy... but as long as there is a past lover currently in her life... I don't feel she can be in mine. It's us... us being her + me. Not her + me + him. A relationship... or dating w/ sex as she puts it... is more than just a friendship. It's a connection that develops you just cannot forget about. If she's going to actively keep that in our life... then as secure, stable, etc as I am... I can't be with her. Not even when she takes a step back and realizes what she's done, finally becomes sensitive to my needs as a boyfriend and begs for me back. I can't just de-attach myself emotionally and just be. It just isn't me. I'm a good kid... and I care. She wants to go out tonight. I plan on it. And I plan on breaking up with her at the beginning of the night...

 

the problem/question I pose is how????

 

She is storing my stuff at her place till I move into my new place on Friday. And she owes me money for a truck rental for helping her move.

 

ugh

 

why do I attract crazy girls? At least this one is smart and more cognizant of her problems... and that makes me want to support her emotionally, but not try to be her therapist.

 

I think I want to say something along the lines of, "I know I can't be your therapist and I know you're a strong individual and want to pick yourself back up. You trust your friends to do that, but you don't seem to always trust me. If I'm going to be your boyfriend, you need to. It's that risk we take to develop a relationship. Relationships are never easy... there is always work that goes into the new ones... and we're a new one. We didn't know each other over a month ago. We just met. I've had fun with you over the past couple of weeks and our many dates - and I really like and care about you, but in this moment I just can't see myself moving forward with you and I think it's best we take a break. I honestly don't feel like I'm your boyfriend, but more as if we're still dating. We rushed this when you weren't ready... and I don't know how long you'll be ready. I'm not willing to engage in something you can't support with your mind, your heart, and your body at this time. I know where my heart is pointing... what my head is saying and who my body wants to hold and touch. It's you. It's been you these past few weeks. And it will probably be you after we leave her today for a good more couple of weeks. I feel We've developed something, but something too premature to ever know what could've been. Right now, M (her ex) is still in your life... and I respect that. I value the friendship you had with him. The relationship and connection you had with him... but if you really want to start something new with me... he's too fresh from you. I saw it in his eyes the other night. I can't have him in my life right now. I want you in my life, but he's in your life... and that means he's in my life too. And I just feel uncomfortable with that. I've expressed this to you. I trust you. I trust you having many guy friends. I trust you with your ex, J, who is M's roommate, from over a year ago... but I honestly don't trust you with M because it's too recent. Relationships are much more than a friendship... and feelings... emotions... sexual encounters with these people can occlude the mind and completely blind the senses to that fine line and distinction between new and old... good and bad... and it comes with every relationship. I want to learn to love you, but I can't just do that now. I hope for the time being you'll respect my decision and hope we can be civil about my belongings you're storing for me. And possibly a friendship in the future... but now is not that time. I think we need a break. I need a break. thanks cutie"

 

 

yup... now to memorize that LOL

 

Maybe I'm immature/insecure, but I'm not willing to work past 'this'... especially after I've expressed my concern and unease about 'them'. So we shall see...

 

thanks LS.

 

back to the single life...

 

why do I attract crazy girls?

[bananaboat11]

any comments? insight? suggestions?

 

thanks...

[carhill]

why do I attract crazy girls?

 

This:

 

She is storing my stuff at her place till I move into my new place on Friday. And she owes me money for a truck rental for helping her move.

 

and this:

 

(after 2 weeks of a relationship)

 

Try a different path

[bananaboat11]

This:

 

 

 

and this:

 

 

 

Try a different path

 

 

Don't break it off yet, basically?

[Els]

Sorry, I must admit I skimmed through the last wall of text, but I'm a bit puzzled. The main reason you're breaking up with her is because HE still loves her and is too 'fresh from her', even though she's encouraging nothing more than a 'casual friends' relationship with him? No going out 1 on 1 or anything of the sort?

 

And you say SHE has baggage?!

[carhill]

Don't break it off yet, basically?

No, use a different relationship methodology and pursue a different kind of woman.

[bananaboat11]

Sorry, I must admit I skimmed through the last wall of text, but I'm a bit puzzled. The main reason you're breaking up with her is because HE still loves her and is too 'fresh from her', even though she's encouraging nothing more than a 'casual friends' relationship with him? No going out 1 on 1 or anything of the sort?

 

And you say SHE has baggage?!

 

She IS Hanging out with him more than me...1 on 1

[skydiveaddict]

She IS Hanging out with him more than me...1 on 1

 

I agree w/ you man. If she spends time w/her ex more than w/you it's time to cut bait

[Pfiend101]

Funny I was in a similar situation with a coffee girl. I got wind she was talking to her ex and asked her to stop. She ended up going back with him and I got burned after she told me she wouldnt talk to him anymore.

 

Cut her lose. Let her and him do what they are gonna do. You deserve to be more important to that.

 

I see talking with an ex as a huge red flag let alone spending time with them.

 

Unless she has a kid with him there is no reason for it.

[bananaboat11]

WEll... I finally didit and I will say It does not feel good. She seemed ok with it but she has a lot me issues and I know I'm 100% better off!!!! I still miss her slightly. I'M going to see her Friday to get my stuff.. but I don't want to. I can't do anything rash yet... and it sucks. I want to push her out so fast.. deFacebook her.... delete her number... etc... I told her I felt like we were dating and not in a relationship. she wants her ex in her life more than me... then f*ck her. Ugh

[mickleb]

You did a kind thing.

 

She just dodged a bullet.

 

[GrayClouds]

why do I attract crazy girls?

 

In chemistry it is called cohesion...

 

Crazy is calling it a relationship a after 2 weeks.

 

 

 

 

.

Edited June 8, 2010 by GrayClouds

[alphamale]

why do I attract crazy girls?

because they find you an easy target. women instinctively know which men they can take advantage of and which they can't

[DenverBachelor]

because they find you an easy target. women instinctively know which men they can take advantage of and which they can't

 

Instinct, eh? I thought they learned it from their mothers?

[alphamale]

Instinct, eh? I thought they learned it from their mothers?

no i think they're born with it

[DenverBachelor]

why do I attract crazy girls?

 

I don't know but you should start parlaying your ability to attract crazy girls into a huge FBW thing. Crazy women are usually great in bed (so long as they don't know where you live). If you tell a crazy woman where you live, that's just being really dumb.