Full-time miserablist? Then, choose a different career path or stop complaining. :)

[mickleb]

This is in response to another thread regarding our old friend and healer, Time: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t233181/

 

Now, I like the old fella, I do. But I believe we can make the most of the time, as it passes.

 

We ALL know about the self-improvement regime we can embark on to help get our self-esteem off the floor, right after a break-up (well, we should do anyway - if you don't you need to check out Caliguy's signature) but there is more to healing than that.

 

After a while, when our diet's shaping up along with our energy levels, our friends aren't worried about us every time we speak to them and we've started doing those things we always wanted to do but our exes were never interested in, there comes a time when we realise we could be making an even more conscious effort to stop the hurting.

 

We get bored of being in pain. We get sick of being lovesick. It is this time when we have the opportunity to flip the way we look at life (and never look back).

 

We all have the power to choose how we respond to bad feelings. We can nurture them: ask for some more sympathy/empathy/tell ourselves 'I was going to do this but I just CAN'T now..!'

 

OR

 

We can refuse to entertain them: We can tell them they're not welcome and show them the door. We can push them away. Choose to think about something that makes us feel happier. DO something that makes us feel happier. We can choose to BE happier.

 

As simple as this concept sounds, it is not easy in practise but it is fundamental to our well-being. We can and must become responsible for our own happiness (if we desire to be happy.)

 

There are many benefits of holding onto pain. They don't appear to be obvious but playing the victim can get us out of a whole load of responsibility and hard work and the attention it brings can seem like a wonderful break from our miserable lives. It is a very dangerous habit, however. And people can make it one of a lifetime. Refusing to believe they have any alternative. When we have exhausted ourselves feeling awful, the last thing we want to do is undertake even more effort to stop the ball rolling further down the hill. The idea that we gave it a little push as it began it's descent is almost reprehensible, too. But the plain truth is that we all do, from time to time.

 

We can stop it, though. Bad habits can be broken. Even those we are least conscious of. But we have to train like athletes to even begin to recognise our unhealthy patterns, sometimes.

 

There are times in our lives when we, genuinely, are 'victims' and should allow ourselves to process what we have experienced. Being ditched by someone we love is horrible. And we can't expect to just dismiss pain, from the get-go. It is also, vital that we learn how our hopes and dreams went so badly wrong. If your pain is very deep, or you have found yourself in this situation just too many times, a therapist that works for you can be money VERY well spent.

 

But therapy will get you nowhere if you do not truly desire to heal. At some point, your therapist SHOULD be helping you back onto your OWN two feet. And you acquiring this sense of self-responsibility and truly accepting it does need to happen.

 

The first step, though, is realising this.

 

For some, this concept is a 'Eureka!' moment. At the other end of the scale, it can come across like the ramblings of a narcissist. (I know! I thought it was one of the most heartless, devoid-from-reality bits of 'advice' I had ever encountered.. at first - until I started to chew it over, then decided enough was, simply, enough. More importantly, I began to ACT on that premise.) But if you're one of those who chooses to dismiss it, remember this: this 'narcissist' is happy! And controls her happiness, almost entirely. Best feeling in the world..

 

 

Take care.

 

x

Edited June 1, 2010 by mickleb
Bloody typo

[This Hurts]

You never fail to amaze me, mickleb.

 

This was truly inspirational. Thank you. I'll be reading this over in moments of weakness.

[mickleb]

If that's one for the Eureka camp, it was well worth the writing.

 

Your words are way too kind, TH (I cobbled it together from a bit of Autism training, the great words of TaraMaiden and a lovely article I read the other day) but appreciated, regardless!

 

Thank you.

 

x

[GrayClouds]

Well helloooooooo Dalai:

1. The purpose of life is happiness.

 

2. Happiness is determined more by the state of one’s mind than by one’s external conditions, circumstances, or events—at least once one’s basic survival needs are met.

 

3. Happiness can be achieved through the systematic training of our hearts and minds, through reshaping our attitudes and outlook.

 

4. The key to happiness is in our own hands.

As TaraMaiden would tell you, and mickled is suggesting; just exchange healing for happiness. It is all so simple, not easy, but simple.

 

 

 

 

.

[mickleb]

Oo - enlightenment or narcissism..

 

YOU decide!

 

 

x

[Crusoe]

Oo - enlightenment or narcissism..

 

YOU decide!

 

 

x

 

 

Suffering is a choice, choosing not to suffer certainly isn't narcissism.

[GrayClouds]

Suffering is a choice, choosing not to suffer certainly isn't narcissism.

 

I think what she saying that choosing to suffer is narcissistic by its nature, enlightenment is the understanding is when you choose not to.

[mickleb]

Not really, GC. Although that's an interesting point.

 

I was having a laugh at myself, as I know that this perspective can be considered to be cold and smug to those who feel very removed from it: those who are feeling their suffering deeply and cannot comprehend how they could choose a different state of being. When I was suffering myself, last year, I wanted to scream at people who spouted this stuff. Hence the 'ramblings of a narcissist' bit in the original post.

 

So, I get it if people are turned off by this. And it, therefore, doesn't bother me, personally, if some people think it comes from a person who has no clue about suffering or compassion. Each person who reads this can decide whether it's a wise perspective or an apathetic one. That is their choice.

 

I just know that my choice to accept it as wisdom has made me very happy.

 

(Hope that makes a bit more sense.)

 

x

Edited June 2, 2010 by mickleb