undisclosed Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Hi, I've posted my story about my break up and the contact I had had with my ex since. I need to let all of this out, so here I am again. I really hope to get some insights from other people. This is from another one of my posts, but here's a little background. After I had 1 ignored one call and two texts, He called me again & we had a pleasant short conversation. He said his reason for calling was to apologize for not calling on my birthday (It was a personal issue and very legitimate). I ended the conversation pretty quickly, but he added that he still had some of my stuff and to call him for it. I told him to just give me a call, as in to set up a date that's good for him. To be honest I didn't even care about that stuff, but I still love him and wanted to see him. So, he called me two days later at night to ask if I was home to drop off my stuff. He seemed very eager to meet that night. So, I ended up conceding to this meeting. We ended up catching up and talking for a long time. Toward the end he ended up saying that basically its been horrible for him, He thinks about me alot, dials my number & hangs up quickly, misses all these things that were us, he was complimentary, said that it would upset him if I went to this one movie with someone else, he even said that he still loves me and that its been really hard to live with his decision and that he has second guessed it, but now that he sees me he said I seemed okay. I was hesitant to pour my heart out exactly like he did, but I did basically say the same stuff back and did tell him that it was too hard to be friends and it wasn't fair to me. I told him I had no choice but to move on and that only he could change the situation. I ended up asking him what he wanted, but said he did not know. So now what? What in the world was the point of telling me he wanted to see me in person and tell me that he second guessed his decision, it was too hard not to talk, and OH yea, he told me to listen to a song that basically said its not easy, he's sorry, and that he needs me. I didn't cry or put myself out there as much, but I feel like with what I said it was everything short of lets try it again. Please tell me what you guys make of all of this. I understand he may be confused about what he wants for the future and now he seems to think I'm great without him or something, but I do want to try again. Should I talk to him one last time so as to not live with regrets or should I just wait for him. Why would he say that stuff??? I don't want to get my hopes up and I am trying to remain realistic about it, but should I go for it and talk or let him reap the consequences of his decision??? Sorry, hope all this makes sense!
Author undisclosed Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 I'm here again. fighting the urges to contact him and profess my undying love! Will someone read this and please respond. I really need it right now and don't want to drive my actual friends away! I still love him too =(
missfrenchie Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Hi Undisclosed… That’s a tough one, and clearly not an easy situation to be in. I may not be the best person to dish out advice. But I do understand how you are feeling. I’m going through a situation where my boyfriend has suggested we take some time apart to make both of us realise what we have and see if he misses me… A cop out? Maybe. However, he is acting completely normal. I’m anxious, beyond sad and feel like I’m completely disrespecting myself for ‘letting’ him treat me this way… In my personal opinion, if he is telling you he needs you and misses you – then how can he NOT know what he wants?? You did well by not mirroring his behaviour, I would have let the tears just stream out and became a blubbering mess!! Have you thought about just backing away again and seeing where that gets you??
lullaby Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 All I can tell you from my experience is that if he really loves you, he won't disappear. Of course, it'll take time. Remember how you felt when you broke up. Probably, the first thought that came to your mind was "but I really love you". Well, he may be feeling this for sure, for the way he acted, but be cautious. It will never be later. I would wait a few days, perhaps call him next week and ask him to have a cup of coffee but don't bring up the relationship issues because they won't be solved in a day or two. He may know he loves you but doesn't know what to do because he may be afraid to ruin it all over again you know. Sometimes love is not enough. So just take this time to think and see what are the things that you can do once you talk to him again or see him. I don't know, that's my opinion. Wish you the best!!!
Ilovecake Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Every person is different so I'm just speaking from my experience. My ex did the same thing in the beginning. He called, he cried, he said almost all the stuff I wanted to hear except for saying that he's sorry and wants to try again. That was the most confusing and hardest part of the breakup. I was a good girl and never contacted him; he always made the first contact and always set up us seeing each other. I always asked him why he was doing that if he was not willing to be in a relationship with me and he never had an answer for me. He was full of compliments and hugs and tears yet come to find out he was pursuing someone else the whole time. He is now marrying this girl. After spending some time on this site I noticed that a lot of dumpers do this. Nobody knows why except that it somehow strokes their ego to see us in pain over them. They need that reassurance that even though they don't love us they still have control over our feelings towards them. It's all a game until they actually prove that they want to get back together. I would say unless he comes out and says he wants you back and gives you a concrete plan as to how he's going to win you back I would completely ignore his emotional breadcrumbs. He is not doing you a favor by stinging you along like that.
Recommended Posts