Phantom9309 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Alright, I know this is long but I thought maybe I should write as much as I could since this is a fairly new relationship. Please ask questions if I left out a detail. I also numbered my paragraphs, so if you feel like skimming that is fine but I'd start reading at about #4. So I met this girl on match.com at the beginning of this month. I got her number pretty quick and we hit it off on the phone. Had a little timing issue and didn't have our first date till a week after our first initial phone call. She is about to turn 25 and I'm 27. She's also about to graduate from Grad school and is currently working part time for some fellowship program. I'm actually graduating with my undergrad degree but I did land a job before graduation. Anyways, read on and I'll have more info at the end and my questions. 1. I'm not very huge on emailing back and forth so I usually try to get a phone number pretty quick. Anyways, she replied to my first email with a little about her self and a dating question like where would you fly to if there were no consequences. Also I usually say something about getting coffee in my first emails, and in her reply she said coffee sounds great. My reply email had a few quick thoughts on what she told me about herself and an answer to her traveling question. I then told her that the beginning of my week was kind of crazy because of school work but coffee later that week would work, and told her if she wasn't afraid to text/chat over the phone, otherwise emailing we could figure something out via email and gave her my number. 2. She texts me the next day asking if I wanted to chat over the phone later that day but I was swamped with HW and told her that it might have to wait till tomorrow after my last class of the day. Well, the next day during my second to last class, I was bored as hell and day dreaming/running tangents in my head. I ended up texting people on my phone some pretty random things and I decided to tell her that my professor would make class a lot more fun if he would bring penguins into class. She replied and we got into a back and forth on this cutesy plan to kidnap penguins. Anyways, after that class was over, I thanked her for making econ less boring but it was time to have a quick cram session for my midterm and that I would call her in about an hour and a half. I pretty much hit it off over the phone and I spoke to her for the entire bus ride home and a little over an hour after I got home. So probably between 1 1/2 to 2 hours of talk time. 3. Before ending this call, I tried to set up coffee for later that week but she was actually hoping on a plane to DC with her mom until the weekend was over. She did however tell me that I should call her while she was visiting DC, but I told her I'd keep them to short texts because when I go on vacations, I try to live in the moment and not use my phone as much as possible. Anyways, we did text each other on and off over the weekend when she had the chance. Also when she got back on Monday, she texted me during his evening class disappointed that her professor didn't get the memo about bringing in penguins that evening. We did a little back and forth but not too much. 4. The next day, I called her during the day between classes but didn't leave a message. She later texted me, letting me know that she was sorry she had missed my call. I told her that was cool and I'd call her later. She then told me that she was helping her sister but would answer if she could. Called and got no answer and decided not to leave a message. She texted me later that night letting me know that she had to play sister therapist for her sis and was wondering if it was too late to call. I told her that it was ok but I was heading to bed soon. We talked a little and I asked her out for friday, however she already had plans with one of her friends for a fashion show which was going on downtown. So I asked about Saturday after I got off work but had plans again. So I was like maybe I'll have to think of another day to ask but she was a little insistent on what day I was thinking about. Then I asked if Sunday worked and that was a yes. 5. I told her that I'd call tomorrow because I wasn't sure where I wanted to take her to yet. I called and asked if there were any food allergies that I should know or any foods she hated. Anyways, when it was said and done, I had about four different fun date ideas that I really wanted to do with this girl and so I told her that we were going to just draw from a hat of ideas and go from there. This was something I've never done with any girl and thought it would cute and fun. The hard part was trying to figure out where we would meet and I suggested either picking her up, or maybe getting coffee first. She told me that she actually lived 20 mins out of the cities, so I reluctantly suggested meeting at my place which she agreed to. 6. The days leading up to the date, we had a few texts here and there but nothing too lengthy. Sunday, I gave her a confirmation text about the date and she came over later that day. My place isn't the most luxurious but it's definitely no college dorm either. My roommate and I have pretty good style and it's got a good Male Martha Stewart vibe to it. Anyways, she came in for a moment while I grabbed a few things, drew our fate and went off on our date. We went to the sculpture garden with a little walk in the park, then thai food. I thought we had good conversation and no awkward moments. Took her back after about 2 1/2 hours and got a hug at the end of the date. I was looking for a kiss but she initiated the hug and didn't really give me a good go ahead for a kiss. I was a little surprised by that because I'm usually able to get a kiss on a first date, so I came out and said can I call you tomorrow? She said yes and we said our good byes. 7. I called later the next day and left a short message. She called later and we made small talk and I told her that I wanted to see her again this week. But I knew that her week was shaping up to be a crazy one. She'll be graduating from grad school in a few weeks and is currently writing her thesis for it. I'm also graduating in a few weeks with a few projects before it's all over. Anyways, we made tentative plans for Saturday but didn't confirm till Friday morning. Ended up going to dinner and a play at a really nice theater. I didn't want to add too much pressure with an expensive date, so we went to a play that our University was having there and our tickets were really cheap. Dinner and the play ended up being like 50ish bucks all together. I also called an audible and got her flowers (tulips) because she made time from working on her thesis to see me. Ya, I know that this might have been a dumb idea but I did tell her why I got her the flowers so hopefully that mitigated any adverse thoughts. 8. Again, conversation was good. This time the conversation was a little more intimate and the show was actually very good and made us both laugh. After the show I told her that I wanted to walk around the theater because it was pretty new and that the architecture is really neat. There's this "endless bridge" part to it where the theater extends out towards the river and has an outside area with a great view. I had planned on going for the kiss there but when we got there, there was a couple making out which we interrupted and ruined the moment for us and them. So kind of ended the date there. Took her back to her car and again, I got the quick hug no kiss. Also, I couldn't find a time to hold her hand during or after the show. During the show, we had brought in coffee with us so she was holding that the entire time. Afterwards, she had her coat on and one hand in her pocket while the other held her small purse. She has mentioned a couple of times over the phone that she gets cold easily. This was last night and I texted her this morning around ten we did a few texts back and forth till noon. So, I'm probably just reading into things more than I should but I can't help it right now. It really has been awhile since I've met someone that has made me feel like this. I've had plenty of small relationships since moving to this state but nothing has come close to what I'm looking for. Now, I think this girl has potential to give me what I'm looking for. I'm also starting to get the feeling that she is the type to take things slow. Either that or she just isn't into me that much. I don't really mind waiting a little bit because I genuinely like her and hope things work out for the long run. Since we're both at extremely busy and exciting times in our lives, I really don't want to push and try to capitalize her time because I know that would be a bad idea. However, I am planning on asking her out again this week but probably for a quick lunch this Saturday because I just had my last day of work at my current job today. And from now till I start my career, I have weekends to myself. Now, We've got just about three weeks before I graduate and go on vacation for two and half weeks in Vietnam. I'm a little worried that she'll fall for another guy during my vacation. So, should I ask her to define some things and maybe ask for something more exclusive? When do you think a good time for this would be?
EricaH329 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Wow, that was kind of long But I read all of it. As far as waiting for her goes, I believe that if you truly want to see where things go with her... you'll wait however long it takes. On the other hand, you want to know that it will end up going somewhere, instead of waiting all that time and nothing come of it. But... that's the joy of dating. You never really know what's going to happen. If I remember correctly, you've only gone out on 2 dates. I think it might be a little too early to talk to her about commitment, however I do think that you can ask her how she feels about you. If she likes you, if you are her type, etc. To get a feel of whether or not it's something she could possibly end up considering for a long term relationship. As far as you leaving on vacation goes... there's no possible way for anyone to be able to tell whether she will fall for another guy or not. That could happen with anyone, regardless of their relationship status. It'll be a good indicator, though, of how serious she takes your relationship with her if she doesn't fall for another guy. I hope i've answered your questions.
Author Phantom9309 Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Thanks for reading it. I don't even know if all of it read well. You've pretty much confirmed the thoughts that have been going through my head already. Do you think if I start asking her about how she feels about me, it might cause pressure and have her back off a bit? So far, my plan is going to be act normal and do what I've been doing and ask her out to lunch. I'm going to man up and go for the kiss here though. I'm not a fan of all this over thinking
EricaH329 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Thanks for reading it. I don't even know if all of it read well. You've pretty much confirmed the thoughts that have been going through my head already. Do you think if I start asking her about how she feels about me, it might cause pressure and have her back off a bit? So far, my plan is going to be act normal and do what I've been doing and ask her out to lunch. I'm going to man up and go for the kiss here though. I'm not a fan of all this over thinking I don't think anyone enjoys over thinking, but I believe it happens to everyone at some point during dating someone. It's a good thing that she is still going out on these dates with you. That means she obviously has some sort of interest in you. Try going in for the kiss the next date you go on, only if it's appropriate though. Although, from what I can tell so far, you are very good at figuring that out. Don't ask her yet how she feels about you, i'd give it a couple more dates.
Author Phantom9309 Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 So Monday, we had a few texts earlier in the day. I texted later that night while she was in class asking when would be a good time to call. She called a couple of hours later after class and we spoke. I asked if she could go to lunch this weekend but told me no due to the papers she has to write. However, she did thank me for thinking about a spot closer to her neck of the woods. She lives about 25mins away from me. Today, I sent her two texts that went unanswered. I was kind of hoping for something for the last text where I informed her that I rocked my calc II exam in half of an hour's time. Anyways, I know she needs space right now and I'm positive that she'll need it next week since it's the end of the semester. Also I think her graduation ceremony is next week. So, I was thinking that I'd call her Sunday and say something like, "Hey! I know we haven't talked in a little while but I knew you needed some time to finish your school work. Hope everything is going well." What do you think? Did I completely screw up or is there hope?
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