I'm 20, I have cerebral palsy, and my girlfriend dumped me.

[TachyonGeist]

Hello forum, I am new here, and this is my first post. First off let me start by giving you the basics.

 

Im, 20 and have Cerebral Palsy

My gf was 17 (yes, age of consent)

We were together for only 3 months

 

Now, I understand that three months isn't a long time but you must understand being in a wheelchair makes it pretty darn difficult to find a woman who will see past it, so I get very attached very quickly.

 

Now, our relationship started out fine, she decided she liked me, and pursued me. I played hard to get between her and another girl for a short time just to see how bad she really wanted me. She stuck with me so I knew she was serious, what I didn't let her know is that I liked her too. So eventually, when all was said and done, I made her mine. Everything started out great, we had fun, had tickle fights, and then she took my virginity. She even helped me around the house, like, getting on shoes/clothes, helping me get downstairs, making sure I ate, giving me massages so I could move better, she even helped me brush and floss my teeth, she genuinely cared for me. So, everything was just superb, but then she met my "best friend" Justin, who had just recently moved in with us. Now, mind you, my girlfriend is the type of woman that speaks her mind no matter what anybody else thinks, a quality which I admire and respect. Anyway, they got into an argument about Justin and his relationship with my girlfriends best friend. So right then and there is when the dislike started. Unfortunately, Justin likes to hold grudges against people, in this case, at the end of the argument she called him a "dick" and he took it personally. So from then on, every time she'd come visit me at my house, he'd be rude, or make snide comments, or do things just to piss her off. She held her tongue because she felt like she had to, because my parents view Justin as their surrogate son, and she did not want trouble with them. I promptly spoke to Justin and asked him to please stop, and he let up...for a bit.

 

When the verbal abuse continued she brought it up to my parents finally who simply said "just ignore him, he'll stop." She did exactly that, and did it stop? Absolutely not. So, again, I asked Justin, "Dude, please stop, you're hurting my relationship." and it would subside for a few days. What was happening behind the scenes was my girlfriend was talking to her best friend about Justin's flaws which then she would would tell him and he would get mad. It was a viscous cycle.

 

So for a while, all the drama settled, but then my girlfriend was becoming bored because we were routinely doing the same thing. So she asked "Baby, I know you have your condition, but can you please attempt to do more, like get outside and stuff?" and I promised her I would. Unfortunately...I promised the same thing three times and never followed through. So she said we needed to take a break, but presented me with this ultimatum..."If you can show me that you change, and make an effort, I'll take you back" so I did, I began lifting weights and going outside and getting a tan, and just all around feeling better about myself. So she was certain she was going to take me back with my new found attitude. Then Justin came along and started his crap again, so much so that it clouded her vision of exactly how much I had changed. So she called me up and said "Devin, listen, I love you and care about you...but I can't keep putting up with all this drama, it'd be different if Justin wasn't there, but he always is...so I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore."

 

That was the most devastating news I had ever received. She still wants to be friends but tells me "I don't wanna be in a relationship with anyone right now. I don't know what I want yet."

 

This is very painful and being friends with her doesn't bother me that much, but I don't know if I should continue the friendship, because, we did after end on good terms. Or if I should just move on and cut contact. I know it was neither of our faults and I don't blame myself for what happened. I did nothing wrong in the end. I still love her dearly, any advice you could provide would be greatly appreciated.

[CarrieT]

The fact that you have cerebral palsy is beside the point; you need to go 100% No Contact with her to get over her.

 

What she did sounds like what most 17-year old girls do and go (as do many 17-year old guys). It is part of growing up.

 

I am sorry you are hurting and I know it will be easy to blame your physical problems, but I doubt they are even a small percentage of her just being immature and unthinking.

[CaliGuy]

There are a few threads in my signature. I suggest you read them to have solid information for yourself to draw on when deciding what you need to do....

[Agent Thomas]

Am I the only one who thinks you should throw your friend out and get back with the girl? What friend does this to their friends relationship

[SaintDragon]

Am I the only one who thinks you should throw your friend out and get back with the girl? What friend does this to their friends relationship

 

 

My EXACT thoughts.

 

Justin has to go and he should of gone a long while ago.

 

I also think Justin should get some help with his own issues

 

Hang in there, bud....stick around LS for a while.... good people in here.

[TachyonGeist]

Well, the only problem now is, I don't think she's ready to be committed. This was a text from a while back that just dawned on me (forgot about it due to the emotional stress)

 

"I just keep thinking and the more I think the more I realize different things. Like When I did my research on Yale, I realized I really do wanna go to Yale and eventually I wanna travel the world and I wanna party during college. And that makes me realize I'm not ready to settle down. I'm only 17."

 

This was a very ironic thing because the first two months of our relationship she was convinced she was ready and I was the one. She even tried to convince to to give her a baby! Typical fickle 17 year old girl. Maybe she just doesn't realize how good she had it. She may never realize. Now keep in mind we held it together for about a week after this, because that's when all drama flared up again. I told her "Honey, you're just a junior is high school, we got time" and that convinced her, but she did offer this argument.

 

"I just don't wanna end up trying, and then find out that through trying and by basically making it a chore I lose the feelings I do have for you and just end up staying with you because I don't wanna hurt you. I don't want that. But I love you and I want to see you happy."

 

My parents and friends keep telling me "she didn't really love you." but I refuse to believe that because of the way she helped me and the effort she put in to being with me. Being with someone disabled is no easy task I'm sure lol. I'm taking her to prom tonight as she already got me approved by the school and bought my ticket. She says she actually wants to go with me but I don't know, because when we broke up I made the mistake of doing the begging and pleading thing =/. Which I'm sure is any normal guys reaction at first, cause, lets face it, unless they did something really bad like cheating, no one wants to be heartbroken. I hope we have a good time at prom though, who knows? It may be what we need. If tonight goes exceptionally well, I will leave contact open. If it just goes "meh" I'm starting NC tomorrow, and if that's the case it will be an uphill battle from here guys. Wish me luck!

 

And thanks for all the support