Chibaby Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Has this ever worked for anyone? I am a 29 year old woman, and I'm really into this older 42 year old man that I work with. I find myself thinking of him in 100 different ways, but the problem is I'm married - no kids FYI. My husband is out of town for the next 2-3 weeks, and then we are moving out of state. I just want to sleep with my coworker a few times, and then hightail it out of town. Has anyone ever gotten down and dirty and then just been able to put it behind you without anyone finding out? I know the smart thing to do would be to ignore it, but I don't want to, so please no scolding me or telling me I'm awful and to forget it. I know this is terrible, crazy, whatever...I am an awful person, and there is no way to justify my feeling. I am being selfish and stupid, I know, but this is my choice and I will be the one to take responsibility and deal with any consequences. I don't know much about my coworker, I don't think he is married, but I don't care either way. I just want to sleep with him so badly. I don't need a relationship with him, I just want to get it on. Not sure if the feeling is mutual, but I want to find out. I only have 5 days left in the office with him, and I only see him in passing. How can I get his attention? I have to have him. How do I do it? I'm an attractive, exotic, woman, but not a cookie cutter blonde type that a lot of texas men like. Yes, he's a texan. I don't know if he finds me attractive. How do I know what he's thinking, and how can I get him alone? Would an older man find sleeping with a younger married woman horrifying or appealing? Is a 13 year age gap crazy? How do I seduce this man in 5 days? The long glances and smiles aren't doing the trick...he knows I'm married and that I'm leaving town, but he isn't one for small talk really so flirting is hard. Please give me advice on how to seduce him, I want him so bad!
norajane Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Based on your past threads, your marriage is in trouble. A quickie affair isn't going to solve that, and it's not going to make you feel better. It will just make it all worse, one way or another, and will probably make you feel bad about yourself and that much worse about your marriage. Deal with you marriage problems. Don't drag other people into them and make everything worse.
Author Chibaby Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 If you wanna do this guy, ring him up and tell him you're getting a lovely room at a nice hotel and ask him if he'd like to join you. Oh yeah....I REALLY want to do this guy. I would really love to call him up and do that, but I'm too shy. I'm not used to being the one to pursue the man, I'm used to being chased. I'm not that aggressive or direct, just not my style. Plus my husband would probably wonder why I spent the night in a hotel when he pulls up our bank statement.
bittersweet memories Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Oh yeah....I REALLY want to do this guy. I would really love to call him up and do that, but I'm too shy. I'm not used to being the one to pursue the man, I'm used to being chased. I'm not that aggressive or direct, just not my style. Plus my husband would probably wonder why I spent the night in a hotel when he pulls up our bank statement. Shy???
SouthernSunshine Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Ask him what he's doing for lunch or after work.
Author Chibaby Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 Shy??? A girl can want to have sex with a guy but still be shy!
lolapalooza Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Lemme get this straight- you want to have sex with a total stranger, but you want the stranger to seduce you? When he doesn't even know you're interested? But he DOES know you're married. What if he's married too? What if he's a decent guy that would never cheat on his SO? What if he has a STD? What if he's a psychokiller? Even though you're leaving, isn't there a chance you could run into him again someday if you work for the same company? This seems like a nice fantasy with no reality.
Ella whispers Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Sometimes the fantasy doesn't match up to what is there. If you really feel that you need to, just take off your clothes and do it. If you have to think on being shy, don't even think about it anymore. Keep the fantasy alive.
Hazyhead Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I think you have bigger issues to address. A couple of weeks 'NSA' sex with a random guy is not going to improve things; it'll just add to your problems. You are married. Just because you have no kids does not mean you don't have responsibilities towards another person. I'm sorry, I haven't read your past threads but I honestly think that there is no marital situation that would benefit from this.
jthorne Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 What would you do if your husband DID find out? He'd be devestated. Is it worth the risk for a roll in the hay?
Fallen Angel Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 The OP has already stated that attempts to dissuade her are futile, but she is too shy to follow through, so she will spend the next few days pining for this guy and will move away having done nothing.. the whole thread is futile. I have not bothered to go back and read her past posts, but obviously there are maritial issues. Perhaps her hope is that she will at least attempt the affair, get caught and her marriage will end without her having to actually end it? Or perhaps she is just voicing a fantasy that she has no real intention to carry out. Either way the point is moot, and will most likely come to nothing.
scatterd Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I agree with FA 5 days is not long but its a fast way to get out of yor marriage.
Author Chibaby Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 My marriage has had it's share of bumps in the road, but it's actually pretty good now, and I know I should know better than to F it up. I honestly don't have any desire to end my marriage, I just want to have my cake and eat it too. However, I guess Fallen Angel is right. Unless he somehow gets the idea into his head and is the one to approach me, this is going nowhere -which may be a good thing. I just wish there was someway to plant that seed, I want him so bad.
Stung Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Wow. I DO remember OP's previous posts, as I had a whole 'conversation' with you, OP, about your jealousy over your husband's facebooking, where YOU painted HIM as untrustworthy. Chibaby, your marriage might be limping along fine right now without any blowups but it is not healthy. Don't you want to even try to fix your marriage?
MizzBlue72 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Don't do it. PLEASE don't do it!! I started having my A thinking I could do the NSA type. It doesn't work. It didn't work for me, or for him. We both fell. And it complicates everything.
Author Chibaby Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 Yes, I have had many issues trusting my husband. Serious issues, like him spending the night at another woman's house while we were engaged, because he was "too drunk" to drive home, flirtations texting...etc. He has lied about spending time with other women before, and done things that I've been extremely uncomfortable with throughout our relationship. He says nothing has ever happened as far as cheating goes, and I believe him (call me stupid). Yes, I'm still uncomfortable with our past issues and how he handles his relationships with women, but I've been able to slowly come to terms with the past, and look to the futre. Overall he is a good guy, but I feel like he acts like a high school kid sometimes, not knowing when he's crossing the line. When you're younger, a lot of things fly as far as female friendships go, but once you mature, I don't feel like it's OK for a married man to act the way he has. He thinks as long as he doesn't touch another woman, he can have these close, flirtatious, friendships. I'm fine with him having female friends, but there are boundries. Now, I'm not saying that one good turn deserves another, but up until this point I have not done anything for my to question my faithfulness. I don't flirt with other men, or hang out with them one one one. Not that I'm perfect, I obviously have my issues. I guess I am kind of at an impasse here. I have these thoughts, but I have done nothing to act on them....yet. My husband and I are in a good place now, aside from my feelings for my coworker (yes obviously not OK). Over the past year, my husband has matured incredibly, and we have ironed out our issues, there are still occasional fights and slip ups, but far less then ever before. I don't like drama, but I can't help the way I feel. I know if I had sex with this other guy it would just bring more drama to my world. I think part of me being attracted to this other man does have to do with the trust issues we've had in the past. This other man is far older, and more mature, maybe that's why I want him. I can't say why I am so attracted to him that I'd be willing to risk my marriage just to sleep with him. I know I can't justify it, I know it's stupid, especially since my husband and I have come so far, but I just want to have this guy for at least one night. I can't help myself.
norajane Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I think part of me being attracted to this other man does have to do with the trust issues we've had in the past. How is your sex life with your husband? If you are fantasizing about sex with another man, it could be driven by bed sex at home. Is that something you and your husband can work on?
Author Chibaby Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 How is your sex life with your husband? If you are fantasizing about sex with another man, it could be driven by bed sex at home. Is that something you and your husband can work on? Sex is fine, I'm always satisfied if thats what you mean. I just don't WANT my husband like I want this guy. Sex is always fun, my husband is handsome, and I like having sex with him, but everytime I even look at this other man my body responds, my heart beats faster, I feel this magnetic attraction that I can't fight, I can' t resist him. I just have this incredible urge to sleep with him. That doesn't happen with my husband. I lust after this guy, and I want to have sex with him, and I think about it every moment of the day...I can't keep my mind off of him, I want him so bad!
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Overall he is a good guy, but I feel like he acts like a high school kid sometimes, not knowing when he's crossing the line. When you're younger, a lot of things fly as far as female friendships go, but once you mature, I don't feel like it's OK for a married man to act the way he has. He thinks as long as he doesn't touch another woman, he can have these close, flirtatious, friendships. I'm fine with him having female friends, but there are boundries. And when are YOU crossing the line? Why is it OK you YOU to plan to f*ck someone that's not your husband? Where are YOUR boundaries? Do two wrongs make a right? Sure, it's ok to find someone else attractive, but actually wanting to engineer a ONS with them is something else. You're also assuming the other guy will want to, and that's a BIG assumption.
bentnotbroken Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Some people shouldn't be allowed to say the word marriage much less be married. The maturity level that it takes for a successful healthy marriage, most of us can't wrap our minds around because we are too busy giving into whims.
Author Chibaby Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 Well, I didn' t come here to be judged. I never implied it was OK for me to do anything, or that it was justified in some way. I haven't done anything yet. I am just expressing the way I feel. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there has had an experience similar to this one....and how they dealt with it.
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 You're not asking how most people dealt with it, You're asking how to get a man who's not your husband to have sex with you, and how to get away with it. How do most people deal with it? Most people deal with it by having some self control. Judging you and saying you should not do something are two different things.
bittersweet memories Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 A girl can want to have sex with a guy but still be shy! There is no way you are shy,,just by the way you come across here..
Trimmer Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 A girl can want to have sex with a guy but still be shy! Sure, she can want to, but if she can't take any action, then it's going to stay a want. Essentially you're saying "I can't do anything, what should I do?" Yes, I'm still uncomfortable with our past issues and how he handles his relationships with women, but I've been able to slowly come to terms with the past, and look to the futre. I think you've been slowly pushing it aside, and not dealing with it, hoping it would go away eventually. And now your dissatisfaction (even though you claim otherwise) is coming out in your own behavior. Overall he is a good guy, but I feel like he acts like a high school kid sometimes, not knowing when he's crossing the line. When you're younger, a lot of things fly as far as female friendships go, but once you mature, I don't feel like it's OK for a married man to act the way he has. Wouldn't you say this pretty much describes you right now as well? I'm fine with him having female friends, but there are boundries. And what boundaries do you think he would be "fine with" for you? Now, I'm not saying that one good turn deserves another, but up until this point I have not done anything for my to question my faithfulness. I don't flirt with other men, or hang out with them one one one. Not that I'm perfect, I obviously have my issues. I guess I am kind of at an impasse here. I have these thoughts, but I have done nothing to act on them....yet. I think this is - whether you admit it or not - a tit-for-tat kind of thing. The tension has been building in you for so long now that something is going to happen - you're going to act out somehow. I don't think you can separate this from your marital issues; I think this is intimately tied to them. I can't say why I am so attracted to him that I'd be willing to risk my marriage just to sleep with him. I know I can't justify it, I know it's stupid, especially since my husband and I have come so far, but I just want to have this guy for at least one night. I can't help myself. The question is, do you even want to try (to help yourself?) At least you know you are risking your marriage. I believe, with the built-up tension that you have, that your marriage is at risk, whether you act on this fantasy or not. It's just that pursuing this fantasy will have the likely effect of actively pushing it over the edge.
GG2W Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I am a male dancer and get hit on by MW nightly. Reading between the lines, she plays the part of the good girl with her H, and probably will never let her H see the bad girl part of her. What she is wanting from the OM is to let out the bad girl part of her.
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