EyeAlone Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Delurking to tell the same ol' story. Was in a 3.5 year relationship until he decided to drop the ball. Turns out that he has a wandering eye and likes a girl who has already told him that she "doesn't like him like that." Anyway, he says that he just feels indecisive and doesn't know what he wants. I, on the other hand, know what I want and I don't want to be strung along as a backup. I feel like a stupid loyal dog who has been following around someone and was too focused on the person when crossing the street, and got hit by a car. So anyway, we're breaking up. He said he wants this so he can figure out how it is to see what he's missing. HAHAHA. Good luck with that a@@hole. We lived together for 2 years but we've since been in a long distance relationship for the past 8 months. He lives almost 2000 mi away from me so we haven't been seeing each other a whole lot. I guess I won't really miss the physicalness of the relationship since that's been lacking due to the distance. However, it's the mentality that I have a boyfriend whom I can I turn to that I'm gonna miss. I'm in medical school (this is the reason as to the long distance) so I really don't have time to meet other people and spend time on myself or with friends. Kinda sucks. Almost all of my friends are also in medical school and they're also very busy, perhaps too much to give me a shoulder to cry on. I'm so angry, hurt, mad, and all other negative emotions. I feel like I wasted some prime years on this dude. Oh yeah, I'm also gonna be practicing NC. Don't worry about that. Any friendly and supportive words will be appreciated.
ADF Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 You shouldn't feel like you wasted years of your life. Every relationship you have will fail, until one finally doesn't. And that is true for all of us. You sound like a very strong person. Many people in your position would be wringing their hands, wondering how to get this loser back. You had the good sense to kick his sorry butt to the curb. Good for you.
Author EyeAlone Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 OMG I feel miserable and like I'm regretting my decision. I'm bawling at the airport. This is so embarrassing. Now I'm hoping that he regrets his decision and calls me pleading me to come back. I feel like I'm dead. I don't know how I'm gonna get through this. I experienced so much pain with my previous relationships and I really don't want to go through it again. Right before I left he asked me how I felt about all this. I just shrugged my shoulders. I asked him the same question. He said that he felt weird but he thought that this was necessary. Then he started crying. Ugh I just don't know how I should feel.
Fouts Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 You're young, getting your education, seem to have a bright future ahead of you. I know it hurts, but don't get hung up on some guy who doesn't covet you. Imagine being 35 with kids in school and a husband that decides he doesn't want it anymore and leaves you for the local barmaid. Alot of women around the world going through that right now. Now that's a reason to feel like crap, you have it made
GrayClouds Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 You did not waist your time, you have learned a great deal about yourself and what you want for the future. You have shown yourself that you care enough about yourself will not be someones back-up. You have learned better what your expectation is with a mate so you can choose someone better when you ready. Your in medical school. Focus on that, for that is focusing on you and your goals. When you feel like crying post a rant here on LS. Sorry about your loss. Good luck.
lisal0u Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I feel a bit like this at the minute too so I feel your pain! I was with my boyfriend 14 years (18 to 32) and it totally sucks. I feel like Ive wasted my whole adult life and now because Ive never been through it before and Im older its harder. Not that I can think about it right now but where do you meet people when you get to my age, what if I never do, miss my chance to have children etc :-( I know Im probably thinking these things because I feel so rubbish but I really hope I have a happy future and you too! Im sure we will, just doesnt feel like it right now x
Author EyeAlone Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 Thanks you guys, I really appreciate the support. I guess I'm just sad because, yeah I have school to keep me occupied, but school and my books and my patients don't love me back in a romantic sense. They don't wake up in the morning and say "I love you." I'm so sick of crying. I cried off and on throughout the whole airplane trip back to my home. Then when I got back and checked my email, lo and behold he sent me one. This is exactly how it started off with my last ex. Anyway this is what it said: "Don't be too sad. You're a great person. As I'm sure you know. Have a good day tomorrow." WTF. We both agreed on NC and I've only been out of his presence for 8 hours and he's already breaking it. Why the eff is he breaking it already?!
Author EyeAlone Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 Can anyone give me links to any good posts that talk about NC? I tried searching but I couldn't find what I was looking for.
Ingenue Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 You haven't wasted your life at all. You enjoyed the time you did share together. It's just now time to move on. Think of it as a stepping stone, a learning point that you can jump off from for your next relationship. I felt the same as you when my relationship with an ex of 5 years imploded. I remember sitting in the airport lounge with my laptop tearing up a bit and wondering where it all went wrong and how I was going to survive it. I felt like I had wasted my time on a man who respected me so little, he thought it fine to dump me by email. Instead, I started thinking about all the things the relationship taught me. What to look for in a man, how to value myself more, how to spot douches from a mile away, how strong you can be when you need to be. It all sounds very hokey now, but in time, you'll move on. I'm sorry you're going through this.
sigurpol Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I don't have links for that, unfortunately. I know someone on here has a few in their signature... but I forget. Guess none of that helps, really, haha. But like everyone else said, don't feel as if you wasted time. That adds more to what you don't want to be experiencing. As cliche as it sounds, look at is as.. you know better, now. And please, try not to let it affect school. I made the major mistake of putting my life on hold when something like this happened to me, and it really threw my educational plan into a spin. As to why he's breaking NC... was there a mutual agreement between the both of you to do so? Do you not want to hear from him at all? I recently went through something of the sort (not as serious as this, though.. short lived relationship), where I made it clear I was finished with her after being jerked around. Did she stop getting in contact with me? No. Messages and stupid texts sent every other day until I had to say, look.. stop talking to me. Anyway, I'm sorry this happened. It's rough, but keep going.
gtrplayer Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 don't get hung up on some guy who doesn't covet you. Wow... hang in there. You WILL be ok and things will work out for you. You have a much bigger better future ahead. Focus on YOU and do what YOU need to do to be successful. This was NOT a waste of time in any way. You learned from it and you will and are growing from it. "He" broke NC, not you... so do YOUR part and remain NC. It sounds like he is just tying to be "nice" etc... of which is fine. But remember he broke it, not you. With that said, it's vital that YOU remain NC for you and your heart. As above, he doesn't "covet" you, so it's past time to move on. Stay strong young doctor!!! There is a whole new life out there waiting for you!
gtrplayer Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Here are two GREAT links thanks to "CaliGuy" it's advice on NC and also what he terms as "Second Changes." In the begining I read these a LOT and still read them! A GREAT "No Contact" guide. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ More GREAT advice: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/
Author EyeAlone Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Here are two GREAT links thanks to "CaliGuy" it's advice on NC and also what he terms as "Second Changes." In the begining I read these a LOT and still read them! A GREAT "No Contact" guide. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ More GREAT advice: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/Thanks, those were the things that I was looking for! So I've survived a couple of days of NC so far. However, I'm so hopeful that he'll contact me. UGH. I want that out of my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whenever I notice that I have a new email, I'm always hoping that it's him begging for me to go back to him. I don't know what to do.
Author EyeAlone Posted April 8, 2010 Author Posted April 8, 2010 So I have a weed growing inside my head...and it's called HOPE. I keep trying to dig it out but then it grows right back. I hate hate hate hate this. I blame it on my past experiences and my own stupidity and weakness. I went NC with my previous ex boyfriend. Initially he would throw a line trying to see if I would bite, and I didn't. He finally got the point after a while and left me alone. But then a few months later...he begged me to take him back. He said he changed all of his problem areas, etc. But I turned him down because I was interested in someone else. More fertilizer for my Hope weed is some of my friends' experiences. I know quite a few married couples who broke up when they were dating for various reasons. But then they changed their minds, got back together, married, had kids, etc. They are doing fine now and are very happy. I guess the tiny chance of reconciliation keeps the stupid hope alive. At first I was at peace with the breakup but now I'm not......
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