befreckled Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 We were introduced by a mutual friend and got along fairly well. A week later, my friend sensed that I thought he was cute so she texted my number over to him and within the day, I get a text inviting me for a trip. A group of us had spoken about going somewhere over an upcoming public holiday. I didn't know that she had given him my number so I asked him who he was and found out then that it was him. On that Friday, I went for after work drinks with the mutual friend who introduced us, and this guy was at the same watering hole. From the second I arrived, he hung out with me. We just talked and eventually we made it to another club where we partied more. We danced but not with each other..not that sorta of club. When I wanted to leave, he asked me to stay for awhile..so I did and when I decided to leave the second time, he left his friends to share a cab back with me. I didn't ask him to, I said I was leaving and he said, okay lets go. That Saturday night, he asked me out for a movie. I agreed. One movie lead to another movie and we ended up watching 6 movies in less than 2 weeks. In between, we have had a couple dinners and a couple drinks. He constantly sends me text msgs with references to our conversation when we are in person..so, if we watched some movie and there's a line that we both liked, he would just randomly text me that line. He has always asked me out. He has never made a move on me. We started sitting pretty far from each other, now we sit and our shoulders touch. Hahaha. That's about all the action there is. I can't decide if he likes me and is just shy because, why so many movies, why dinners, why drinks...with just me. Or if I'm just that great of a hang out buddy. I understand that platonic friendship is possible but, wouldn't other people be involved in our movie watching, dinner, drinks? I am clueless. Really.
ADF Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 It sounds to me like shyness. Or, more precisely, that he is being overly cautious. Men sometimes are. We have to be. If a man tries to get physical with a woman, he needs to be pretty sure that is what she wants. If not, his actions can seem threatening. I would encourage him by taking his hand or something. That small gesture signals that it is okay to touch you.
Leia Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 He could be shy and maybe ethnicity/race can be one of the reasons too.
Author befreckled Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 fouts: ignoring the time that he has been on the trip, we have gone out almost every week for the last 4-5 weeks. how long do you think it'd take before something happens? ADF: the second time we met, i was telling him a couple words i knew in his language and i was abit tipsy and thought he said i was pretty. i asked him, did you just say that i was pretty...and he was like yeah. but, i'm not sure if that was a language issue. I didn't think much of it at that time. later on, he never really made any move or hint..basically he doesn't have a puppy dog i'm totally into you look..he is quite aloof and he reveals alittle at a time. i don't think i have the guts to just hold the guy's hand..anything else i can do?
Author befreckled Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 leia: what do you mean by race/ethnicity? he is italian (completely different from the stereotype) and i'm asian/european mix
Fouts Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 fouts: ignoring the time that he has been on the trip, we have gone out almost every week for the last 4-5 weeks. how long do you think it'd take before something happens? Well, he's abnormally shy Still, us guys don't hang around with girls we're not interested in [unless you have a friend we want]. If you're tired of waiting, really like him and don't think he's emotionally retarded by now, offer him a very non-friendly kiss. I'm pretty sure he'll respond favorably and you two can get over this hump.
Leia Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 leia: what do you mean by race/ethnicity? he is italian (completely different from the stereotype) and i'm asian/european mix Oh ok. I thought he's Middle Eastern.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 leia: what do you mean by race/ethnicity? he is italian (completely different from the stereotype) and i'm asian/european mix That is a super hot mix If you like him you might as well start making moves since he seems so shy.
JohnnyBlaze Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 how long do you think it'd take before something happens? It depends. When do you plan on taking things up a notch? Like Fouts said, he's shy. Right now, he'd probably give his left leg to have the courage to make a move on you, but his shyness is winning out. So, if you want this to progress at more than a snail's pace, you're going to have to take the reins.
Author befreckled Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 fouts: isnt it!!! so aggrevating. i've never said no to him asking me out in case, it would discourage him. isn't drinking and blaming it on alcohol about the oldest game in the book...if it was you, and a girl you liked to hang out with but had no romantic inklings for did that to you and you rejected her..would you still hang out with her? touchedbyviolet: haha, thank you. i'll thank my parents. what would you suggest i could do? johnnyblaze: herein lies abit of a problem, i like hanging out with him platonically, and, really i like him..but i dont know enough about him to be head over heels..so, lets say i make some move..pash (kiss) him and, he rejects me. the middle ground is to make a kinda of move but not enough for it to be definite...i guess..but i dont know what i could/would do
ADF Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 i don't think i have the guts to just hold the guy's hand..anything else i can do? It doesn't have to be hand holding. But I think some small physical gesture, some affectionate but non-threatening touching, might loosen him up a bit. I cannot believe he would be spending so much time with you if he weren't interested.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Well there is the safe way and the wild way... if you only like him a little and want to move slow and safe. Things you can do: run your hand through is hair, hold his hand, surprise tickle him, or give him a real dirty/sexy look If you want to move fast: next time you go out just slam him against the car and make out with him. he won't know what hit him hahaha
Johnny M Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 You'd think that the answer would be pretty obvious. If he wasn't interested, why would he be spending so much time with, constantly calling you, etc? Maybe he's shy, maybe it's some sort of a foreign culture thing....what nationality is he, by the way?
Author befreckled Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Johnny M: We don't really talk when we aren't in person, when he wants to go for a movie..he usually texts me and that is the mode of the usual random messages about our conversation the night before. On occasion, it is via e-mail. He is italian. One of the factors is that, he works here..he started his job less than a year ago..so, I think it is possible that he is just better at small group outings and, I am good company because we have tons in common. Not being from here, he doesn't know many people well..though he has a number of acquaintances from the once or twice we went out to the club. touchedbyviolet: he has no hair! i have touched his head before. mmm, i need to think about this..i need an escape route if it is not mutual. ADF: I flip on this, really. there are days I'm certain he likes me..and there are days i think its just platonic. He has invited me to his apartment before which has a gorgeous view..and that's all we did. I went up, saw the apartment, showed me around the condo, and off I went. I thought if he wanted, he could have made his move then but he didn't so....
Author befreckled Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 Asian/Euro? Dude. I wish it was that easy!
Chitowngirl Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 You're going to have to watch a movie at home, get a blanket, dim the lights, get some wine..and make a move on him. I did that recently and let me tell you it felt great and empowering! But, I was pretty forward, couldn't stand it anymore, and took off my shirt..he just stared at me and then took his off..it went from 0 to 60 in 30 seconds and it was great.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 You're going to have to watch a movie at home, get a blanket, dim the lights, get some wine..and make a move on him. I did that recently and let me tell you it felt great and empowering! But, I was pretty forward, couldn't stand it anymore, and took off my shirt..he just stared at me and then took his off..it went from 0 to 60 in 30 seconds and it was great. you have set a wonderful precedent befreckled take control of the situation and have fun
marsle85 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Right now you carry the mystery and power in the relationship. And while I know many will dispute this- run with it. I would continue what you're doing and rely on the default: he's the man, it's his responsibility to pursue a physical relationship if you do not. You have him in the palm of your hand, which is right where he needs to be if you want to have a relationship with him. Let him feel like he won you, in the long run- that's a much better investment. And by the way- That Saturday night, he asked me out for a movie. I agreed. One movie lead to another movie and we ended up watching 6 movies in less than 2 weeks. In between, we have had a couple dinners and a couple drinks. You're seeing him too often. This is going to fizzle if you don't take your time. He should not think he can see you any time he chooses. When he asks, deny politely and say you're busy.
Fouts Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 So what happened befreckled? Did you slip him the tongue yet?
Author befreckled Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 You're seeing him too often. This is going to fizzle if you don't take your time. He should not think he can see you any time he chooses. When he asks, deny politely and say you're busy. That's the first two weeks we met, it has tapered down to once a week and then we recently had a two week break. I agree though that it was too often. I got bored. Fouts: not yet!!! hehe. Sunday, perhaps.. We are meeting in a group setting for a party that he is organising.
Author befreckled Posted March 20, 2010 Author Posted March 20, 2010 So what happened befreckled? Did you slip him the tongue yet? So, no. I haven't slipped him tongue yet BUT, we were having lunch and having a discussion which required the use of the pepper/salt shakers to describe a particular situation and, he touched my hand. Later in the evening, he picked me up from a concert I was attending to head to another club...I put my hand in front of him...I wanted him to help me take off the paper tag around my wrist and, he put his palm at the bottom of my fingers and his other hand was around mine...o_O Hmmm. I looked at him and told him that I needed him to take off the tag, we both laughed about it and he did. I still can't tell. We hung out the other day, he had a dinner gathering at his place and he sat next to me, poured wine for me..served me food at times etc..I drank a fair bit last night and contemplated just leaning in and kissing him. But it just isn't me, I guess. Question is, do I enjoy this and just have it run its course regardless? or do something and risk losing a friendship.
sugarmomma Posted March 20, 2010 Posted March 20, 2010 Purely platonic. Sounds like he has you around to fight off the loneliness of being in a location where he doesn't know a lot of people. I would back off if I were you. You don't wnat to get your expectations up just to be let down. Sounds like he just wants a friendship from you since most guys are not that shy. Either that or he's gay.
Author befreckled Posted March 21, 2010 Author Posted March 21, 2010 Purely platonic. Sounds like he has you around to fight off the loneliness of being in a location where he doesn't know a lot of people. I would back off if I were you. You don't wnat to get your expectations up just to be let down. Sounds like he just wants a friendship from you since most guys are not that shy. Either that or he's gay. Haha. Actually, I think he is pretty comfortable being alone and there's a good chance that he has more friends than me. Most of the time when we do go out with other people, the friends are his. There is a good chance that he is a better one-on-one kinda of friend..I suppose, it's frustrating for me to have him in two categories. He is extremely shy, in a group when we even broach the topic of sex, he completely shuts down. I find it hard to believe too but it is true. I am fine with being his friend, and the reason why I don't want to risk making a move is for that. We are great friends and, its hard to find. My closest friends are males and it feels like a different chemistry so that's why I'm puzzled.
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