marsle85 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Hey guys, Firstly, I want to thank everyone who's taking time out of their days to post something helpful. This is the deal: I met X at a bar on New Year's Eve, he asked for my number and called me three days after. Asked if I wanted to do dinner, I agreed. It's important to know that I'm 20, and he's 25. He took me out to a very nice restaurant, and when I was about to leave, he asked if I wanted to get dessert. At that point, I'd already told him "Busy etc." so I declined politely and called it a night. I called after, thanked him for the date. A week goes by, no word from him. I send him a goofy text and immediately he asks me out again. We make plans for a week later, and carry on. Our texting is sparse in between dates. Second date is even better, he takes me to another nice place, and for dessert. Easily spending a lot of money on me (which doesn't greatly matter, but implies his interest). Mid date he grabs me on the street and kisses me. I'm swept off my feet, and I was speechless. We then kiss casually for the remainder of the second date. Drives me home (I live like 30 mins away). After that date, over another week passes without talking to him! I break down and text him again, and slowly we ease into making plans again. No official plans were made but the next day we were texting and I suggested Saturday. He says he has lunch plans already but "You want to see me, so we'll figure something out". What the heck does that mean? I dismissed it and stopped texting him. Two days go by and I get a text asking if I was free Friday. I accept. Friday arrives and we get dinner (another nice place) and go to a movie. The date was REALLY good overall. We made out a little in his car, and again he drives me home. The next day he texts me implying that he wants to see me sometime this week even though his week is swamped (He's working 84hrs!) That was on Saturday. Monday I text him and we joke around about the movie, and how he had promised to cook for me. He confirms that he plans to. It's now the following Saturday and I haven't talked to him since Monday! What concerns me about this situation: -We will go over a week without talking! And when we do, it's because I texted him! He always responds, but why isn't he texting me? I feel crazy because I'm like "wow, I'm starting to like this guy" and I know I'm thinking about him all the time, clearly he's not. -Our dates are great, but is it normal to have such down time between them? 2 weeks in between dates? Really? -Does he not take me seriously because of my age? -Should I bother texting him again...and do I want to get involved in something if he's only half-invested? I'm sorry, but I strongly believe that if someone's interested, they will text or call or get in contact. And I also know that it's not entirely up to him, which is why I have been texting too. But considering the last time we talked, I initiated the conversation, I think it's time to cool it and give him time. Someone once told me that "women fall in love when they see more of a man, men fall in love when they miss a woman". Overall, I think it's better to give it time and not put pressure on. I know I sound crazy, but I do understand that me texting and trying to further our plans isn't the answer. Either he's interested or not, and time will tell. But it doesn't make it easy.
nddb Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 What comes to mind: My boy has skills. Guys--pay attention to what he does and the reaction/longing it is generating. The OP may say differently but if he had been too eager, he'd be relegated to a different category by now.
Author marsle85 Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Nddb, you've gotta give me something more than that! You're supposed to be on my side!
unstuck Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Yeah, this guy knows exactly what he's doing, and its working. Its game playing at its finest, he is creating a challenge for you. He knows how to hold your interest by keeping you off balance. But, I promise you, he is doing this very thing with other girls. And I doubt he will be relationship material.
Author marsle85 Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 You underestimate me. I love a challenge. Besides, I'm talking to other guys at this time, too. I like him though, he's attractive and intelligent and I enjoy spending time with him. So boys, how can I turn the tables? From the pros themselves...
Pink Cupcakes Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 (edited) Don't text him. Next time when and if he finally does text you, say you have plans the night he wants to get together. Let him do the majority of the calling. Let him call or text again and keep him wondering by not always accepting the date because you have plans. You are absolutely right that if he is truly interested, he will keep getting a hold of you until he gets to see you. If he isn't showing that much interest after the above by having consistent contact, and now it's been almost 2 months he has been going for a week or longer without calling...he's just not that into you. When a guy is going several days to a week or more without contact, like this guy....he isn't that crazy about you. Edited February 28, 2010 by Pink Cupcakes
Author marsle85 Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Right. He actually just texted. X: So, i'm super dissapointed... me: With? X: Myself... I'm working every night or have plans until I leave for vacation (edit: In a week)I hope you'll still want to see me after. me: Haha, no worries. I guess he belongs on the backburner, hm?
Pink Cupcakes Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 You handled that text perfectly. Don't respond. It's Saturday so don't let him think you even have time to text him back anymore tonight.
Woggle Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 What comes to mind: My boy has skills. Guys--pay attention to what he does and the reaction/longing it is generating. The OP may say differently but if he had been too eager, he'd be relegated to a different category by now. Very true. A woman should always want more with a man or else she loses attraction. A man can throw her bones every now and then but never give her what she claims to want.
lordWilhelm Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Stand your ground and let him do more of the chasing...
MrNate Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 and THIS is how the game should be played! much props to this guy. because like another poster said, if he was too eager, he would've been friend zoned a long time ago. he does what 95% of guys don't do. this is awesome. keep me updated lol
Pink Cupcakes Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 What is he getting out of it, though, if indeed he is just "playing a game?" She's only kissed him a couple of times, and he's bought her some dinners and drinks. So he has just texted her just to tell her he is busy all week then going out of town, but will she still be interested after that? To which she replied "Don't worry about it". She is seeing other guys...it's not like she's putting her life on hold waiting for this guy (who thankfully she hasn't been intimate with).
Author marsle85 Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Full text conversation: X: So, i'm super dissapointed... me: With? X: Myself... I'm working every night or have plans until I leave for vacation (edit: In a week)I hope you'll still want to see me after. me: Haha, no worries. X: Good. I was expecting you to say I'll have to make it up to you lol me: I thought that was understood, haha. X: Haha. We'll just have to see. ---- Well I'm glad you guys are getting a kick out of this haha, I'm kind of turned off. I'm a pretty self confident girl, and I'm feeling a little rejected. I don't think he's interested. As men, you applaud his game, but what is the point of a game if he's not interested?
St. Nick Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 This is how the game should be played? Are you people serious? This chode is a loser. He's spending cash on a chick he's barely gotten to second base on. He might be thinking he's the coolest guy in the world now, but in a few months he's gonna look at his bank account and say, "Jeez! Look at how much money I've been spending on a chick who is too broke to buy her own dinner and dessert, and too broke to catch a cab". Even if you've got a disposable income, it's stupid to spend money on some random chick you just met. If he breaks up with her then he's not gonna be able to get a dime of that cash back.
tkgirl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 (edited) Nddb, you've gotta give me something more than that! You're supposed to be on my side! You underestimate me. I love a challenge. Besides, I'm talking to other guys at this time, too. I like him though, he's attractive and intelligent and I enjoy spending time with him. So boys, how can I turn the tables? From the pros themselves... I see you're new here so let me give you some advice....most guys on here are not going to want to help you "turn the tables" and win the game with this guy... they are too busy taking notes on his game and hoping it will work for them! After a while you will figure out what guys you should listen to and can maybe learn something from and who to completely ignore... like this next guy... This is how the game should be played? Are you people serious? This chode is a loser. He's spending cash on a chick he's barely gotten to second base on. He might be thinking he's the coolest guy in the world now, but in a few months he's gonna look at his bank account and say, "Jeez! Look at how much money I've been spending on a chick who is too broke to buy her own dinner and dessert, and too broke to catch a cab". Even if you've got a disposable income, it's stupid to spend money on some random chick you just met. If he breaks up with her then he's not gonna be able to get a dime of that cash back. good luck... and my 2 cents? yes it IS your job to play a little hard to get! if he's not biting then it's time to move on though... Edited February 28, 2010 by tkgirl
spiderowl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I also think he's playing a game designed to get you interested and chasing him. He's probably doing this with lots of other women and enjoying their ... ahem ... interest in him, hence no drive to put pressure on any one woman. That lack of pressure means you'll find him unusual and feel more comfortable contacting him. Basically, you could follow it up if you like his body, but I would say don't expect this one to last. He sounds like an ace player. Players can afford to spend a bit of money at the beginning and to behave like gentlemen because they know this looks like serious interest, but they don't have to keep this behaviour up for ever - they'll just move on when curiosity is satisfied. It's all about conquering and trophy hunting, not even particularly sex.
sweetjasmine Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 This is how the game should be played? Are you people serious? Yeah, no kidding. I had someone pull something similar with me. Sporadic contact, followed by hardly any contact for a month, and then an out of the blue text message saying "want want want". I basically told him to f- off, but in somewhat nicer words. He straightened things out and found a sweet girl, and now I'm with someone wonderful who never played any of those ridiculous games. Happy ending all around.
MrNate Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I see you're new here so let me give you some advice....most guys on here are not going to want to help you "turn the tables" and win the game with this guy... they are too busy taking notes on his game and hoping it will work for them! After a while you will figure out what guys you should listen to and can maybe learn something from and who to completely ignore... like this next guy... no one is taking notes, really. it's just refreshing to see a story like this from time to time. Too often (much too often) we hear about guys freaking out over why they can't get such-and-such girl, and freaking out over it. Am I wrong? It's just nice to see how the game should be played; which involves a guy and girl both pushing and pulling at each other. We need more guys like that (not in the sense of being a player, but presenting a challenge). I wish all the best for the OP.
spookie Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 this guy would have lost my interest weeks ago. i like my men reliable and predictable.
sweetjasmine Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 It's just nice to see how the game should be played; which involves a guy and girl both pushing and pulling at each other. Some of us prefer it when people are straightforward.
tkgirl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 no one is taking notes, really. it's just refreshing to see a story like this from time to time. Too often (much too often) we hear about guys freaking out over why they can't get such-and-such girl, and freaking out over it. Am I wrong? It's just nice to see how the game should be played; which involves a guy and girl both pushing and pulling at each other. We need more guys like that (not in the sense of being a player, but presenting a challenge). I wish all the best for the OP. I'd say there's an equal number of posts from women frustrated with guys... wondering if the guys are not into them and are they doing too much of the chasing etc. Some of the responses the OP was getting sounded like they were practically cheering the guy on and that was not helpful to her at all.. that's not cool but whatever... I happen to hate the "game" myself.. but realize it's a part of life. To me when two people really want to together there won't be any games.... that's what I'm looking for anyways.
Sharla Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 None of the relationships I've been in, did the guy play any games. That's why they became relationships. They made their intentions very clear from the get go. Yeah, the relationships were not perfect but there was no blowing each other off, no telephone/text games. If your genuinely busy or need down time, that's one thing. You can't fault someone for that. It seems like they both put forth effort, but then he threw in a monkey wrench. The question is, why? From what the OP says, it doesn't sound like she was losing interest so I'm not sure why he had to create an unnecessary situation... Bottom line, NO ONE likes it when someone clings on to them 24-7, that goes for BOTH genders. And I agree with TK, when two people really want to together there won't be any games.
Woggle Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 None of the relationships I've been in, did the guy play any games. That's why they became relationships. . And then she got bored and fell out of love.
Sharla Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 And then she got bored and fell out of love. Oh dear. You really are that ignorant, aren't you...
Woggle Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Oh dear. You really are that ignorant, aren't you... It's the truth. Men who are sincere and upfront with women get walked all over.
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