gypsy_nicky Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Been seeing this girl for about a few months and I found out today that she's seeing other people too (dating around). She never told me directly-found out from a common friend of hers who works in the same company as me. I think its fair (etiquette) that, on her part, she should have let me known she was seeing other people. I don't really mind, just wanna be let in on the loop that she's not seeing anyone exclusive and for the fact that if she doesn't choose me, she would suddenly vanish into thin air. And I'd be left wondering.... Thoughts?
OnlyJake Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I don't see how she owes you anything, to be honest. I do think it's odd that you've been dating for "a few months" and this issue hasn't been brought up. I think that asking her upfront if she's seeing other people, and then gauging her answer (is she honest) will reveal more about her character.
stillafool Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Did the two of you discuss where your relationship is going in the time you've dated? If not, she may think you are also dating other people. Until you make your wants known she may think you are thinking your relationship is a "casual" one.
Art_Critic Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 IMO.. If you are having sex then you certainly are correct in the way your are feeling about her telling you.. but... if you are not sexually active then it really is a moot point as you are not exclusive yet.. By the way.. Have you told her that you are only dating her and won't be seeing anyone else ? I have always felt that unless we have sex or have the exclusive talk then all is fair in dating and it isn't my business who they are dating.. but once we have sex or have the talk then it would be a deal breaker if she continued to date someone.. Who wants to have sex with someone who could have been with another guy last night.. yuck....
Author gypsy_nicky Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 (edited) I mentioned to her before that I was only seeing her. I cant remember if I got an answer but I think she implied she was only seeing me (so I assumed all is well). Guess she wasn't. as for being sexual, no, not full blown intercourse. What I can predict is I don't think she will be upfront with me. Her friend mentioned it to me but was quite hesitant to tell me she was dating around more of telling me she was seeing others. Edited February 7, 2010 by gypsy_nicky
OnlyJake Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I mentioned to her before that I was only seeing her. I cant remember if I got an answer but I think she implied she was only seeing me (so I assumed all is well). Guess she wasn't. as for being sexual, no, not full blown intercourse. What I can predict is I don't think she will be upfront with me. Her friend mentioned it to me but was quite hesitant to tell me she was dating around more of telling me she was seeing others. Yuck. At least you weren't having sex with her.
Ariadne Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Her friend mentioned it to me but was quite hesitant to tell me she was... That is just some gossip. You need to talk to her, not make a decision over something someone told you.
calizaggy Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 You can usually tell if a woman is dating others by how she responds to you.. If she is absent quite often, or quiet about what she does certain nights you can bet she is seeing others. When women are seeing one man and intersted, they usually tell you more details than you care to listen to. In her mind she might justify what she is doing as "not cheating" as you haven't had full blown intercourse. Just ask her, but I wouldn't plan on getting a straight answer..
BobSacamento Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Do you think if you tell her you are only seeing her that automatically forces her to only see you exclusively? Dumping her because she was dating other guys is totally weak. You should be dating other women, not penalizing her because you've got no game. And it sounds like from your conversation you were not clear and she was not clear. Don't go by what you thought was implied. My suggestion to you is to not cut it off but date other women. Or if you truly want an exclusive relationship with this woman, ask her if she wants the same.
stillafool Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Her friend mentioned it to me but was quite hesitant to tell me she was dating around more of telling me she was seeing others. What kind of friend is she???? Are you sure the friend is telling the truth? Maybe she wants you or she is jealous of this girl. I am always leary of people who volunteer that kind of info and then call themselves friends.
Art_Critic Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 My suggestion to you is to not cut it off but date other women. Or if you truly want an exclusive relationship with this woman, ask her if she wants the same. I so agree...
Lakeside_runner Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 C'mon... you're basing something on a rumor. I'm not sure but if you've been dating this girl for several months by now you should know what you want from this relationship. So maybe it's time to decide if you want to dump her because you're not ready to commit to her (i.e. don't want to commit) or maybe it's time to talk to her about where this relationship is going and how you feel about her?
paleblue Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 it is only fair that she tell you whats up. i.e., keeping options open or not. i would be leary if she is multi dating and not telling you. how can you trust that.
Lakeside_runner Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 it is only fair that she tell you whats up. i.e., keeping options open or not. i would be leary if she is multi dating and not telling you. how can you trust that. They have been dating for several months by now! I would be sooo disappointed (assuming things go well) if after say date 8 I'd find out that the other party is still keeping their options open...
calizaggy Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 If she was into you the exclusive talk most likely would have been originated by her.
Zeegagge Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 You're definitely at a point where you need to figure out where this is going. Have a talk with her and express how you feel.
paleblue Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 i would just ask her - are we keeping our options open or not? if you get a wishy washy answer, than tell her that - i think thats a wishy washy answer. wishy washy answers almost always mean what your gut is already telling you.... and if thats whatyou get than no big deal! just start dating others yourself also.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 I don't really feel like having a talk with her as I have mentioned before I told her I am seeing her and only her. I think its obvious. Why would I need to bring it up again. If its going to go on like this, her not being upfront and honest with me (its been several months), screw this I'm ditching her. I'll most prolly wait for her to bring up a talk on exclusivity. If it doesn't happen within a couple of weeks, sayonara woman....
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