lucy9216 Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I met a really nice guy where I hang out at every weekend, talk to him ocassionally for the last few months and I recently found out that he was interested in me. Shortly after I found this out I was gonna be taking my 2 kids to a restuarant to see a band play there and a mutual friend told this nice guy that we were gonna be there, so he decided to come with a friend of his. He knew I had kids and I found out he was really nervous to meet them. While we were there he was being really great, I could tell it kinda scared him a little bit but he it was obvious that he was still trying cause I could tell he really liked me. This guy is also 6 years younger than me. At the end of the night got my kids in the car and he still asked me for my number and said he would like to hang out sometime maybe dinner or something I said I would like that. Well saw him almost a week later as I do every weekend and I found out that yes my kids really did scare him cause he just isn't used to it but he says that he would still like to hang out sometime. It has been a week since he asked me out and he has not called at all, we texted once over the weekend and we both flirted a little bit when i saw him over the weekend at the usual place but that's it. I really think the kids were too much for him and once he met them it really sunk in that yes I really do have 2 kids, I don't think he will ask me out now.... what do you guys think?
BackUpOrGetStung Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Just text him and get to the point. Tell him that you are wondering if he is still interested in dinner sometime, and that you get it if he's not. I don't think he'll ignore you or anything, just ask.
Author lucy9216 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 I did text him last friday, he ended up leaving early so I texted him to ask him if he was ok he said that he had some stomache cramps and he would be ok. I told him sorry you arent feeling well and hope he feels better. Without repeating every single text word for word he is the basic jist of what was said: I told him I had wanted to talk with him but I knew my kids kinda freaked him out a bit and it was okay I understand cause they are not for everyone. He said No, Im just not used to it but it's okay and we could talk more tomorrow cause I would still like to hang out sometime. I said: I know your not used to it and it was kinda a fluke you even met my kids as soon as you did so if you would like to hang out that would be great otherwise I completely understand and yes we can talk more tomorrow. Well tomorrow came and he didn't mention anything to me, we flirted a little bit throughout the night, but I also ended up drinking a bit and did not give him much of a chance to talk with me if he wanted too cause I was afraid of saying something stupid while drinking...
Author lucy9216 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Maybe this young man is not into spelunking. HUH? what is that?
melodymatters Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Well, the kids arent going anywhere, so....... If it freaks him out better to know now ! Leave it up to him from here. In RL, mention the kids offhandedly and then let the men sort themselves out. Here on LS, you will be compared to an old used mop by some of the resident mysoginists, ignore them:cool:
D-Lish Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Since the kids are part of the package, and they will always come first, I'd write this guy off immediately. You don't need to apologize to this guy for having kids, you don't need to guide him through anything, or talk him down from his fears! Look to date someone who is more mature. You shouldn't have to chase this guy down to talk about how you having kids affects how he feels about having a relationship with you.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I agree with D- Lish, you shouldn't apologize. They're your kids and you love them. If anything he should be be the apologizing for continuing to lead you on. Never apologize for your children especially if they did nothing wrong. Kids are a package, but they're adorable and they're your life. If a guy cannot accept that, then find someone who will. There are plenty of men that does not mind a single mother.
Author lucy9216 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Well, the kids arent going anywhere, so....... If it freaks him out better to know now ! Leave it up to him from here. In RL, mention the kids offhandedly and then let the men sort themselves out. Here on LS, you will be compared to an old used mop by some of the resident mysoginists, ignore them:cool: He has known about the kids for months as we have been friends and I have talked about them before, he told me that it did not bother him at all and he wanted to see me that night at the restaurant since he knew I was gonna be there, he also knew my kids were gonna be there too. He was trying to help with my kids too it was really cute, he did have one of his friends with him and what I think happened is at the end of the night his friend probably said something like this girl is 6 years older than you and she has 2 kids what are you thinking. If this is it then it's too bad that he is so easily influenced by what his friends say, especially since I do know that he has had an interest for a few months and now he doesent call after that night, it's the only thing that makes sense. And I also know very well about some of the guys on here who refer to single moms as a "used mop" it used to really bother me but not so much anymore.... I get a lot of compliments when I go out and get hit on quite a lot now and it is very flattering Thanks all, I know I don't need to make excuses for my kids or try to convince him somehow it will be okay this one just wasn't meant to be and if he decides he does want to go out he knows how to get a hold of me...
Barky Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I really think the kids were too much for him and once he met them it really sunk in that yes I really do have 2 kids, I don't think he will ask me out now.... what do you guys think? Not a chance. If he's at all attractive and normal, he'll be able to get younger women with no kids.
zicke Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Not a chance. If he's at all attractive and normal, he'll be able to get younger women with no kids. Well, aren't you all just full of sunshine and roses! Look, some people are uncomfortable around children, or don't want children, or don't want to raise someone else's kids. They may say they don't mind, and they might not. It might have been something completely unrelated to your kids that caused his distance, it could have been NOTHING YOU DID. It could be that he is emotionally unavailable, or met someone else, or decided he's gay, or hooked up with an ex, or decided to enter the priesthood. I personally don't want kids, or want to date someone with school aged children. There's nothing wrong with someone changing their mind. It happens. Don't take it personally, it just happens sometimes. That's why we all date until we decide not to anymore or meet someone with the same goals as us.
Barky Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Well, aren't you all just full of sunshine and roses! I'm here to try to get people out of their little worlds of denial. Call it "tough love." The sooner she realizes that her value on the dating market is markedly lower because of her kids, the sooner she'll be happy with the (lower quality) dudes who do eventually choose her.
sid3 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I agree with Barky. For a lot of single guys, kids are the biggest deal breaker. Better to find out now rather than later, say after being used until someone with no kids came around.
silverfish Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Not a chance. If he's at all attractive and normal, he'll be able to get younger women with no kids. Plenty of attractive & normal younger men like going out with women who have children already. Maybe your kids did freak him out OP but then he obviously wasn't looking for something serious so therefore, a waste of time for you sadly. Try and get out without them next time maybe though?
Author lucy9216 Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 I'm here to try to get people out of their little worlds of denial. Call it "tough love." The sooner she realizes that her value on the dating market is markedly lower because of her kids, the sooner she'll be happy with the (lower quality) dudes who do eventually choose her. HAHAHAHAHA..... You will make someone very happy one day
Barky Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Plenty of attractive & normal younger men like going out with women who have children already. Only if the woman is more attractive than he could get otherwise, or if she's easy. I've dated my share of single moms, but not seriously, and if they didn't put out on the first date I dumped 'em. Just bein' real.
silverfish Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I'm here to try to get people out of their little worlds of denial. Call it "tough love." The sooner she realizes that her value on the dating market is markedly lower because of her kids, the sooner she'll be happy with the (lower quality) dudes who do eventually choose her. The fact is that most separated women with children re-marry, unless they chose not too. Most of the time from what I can see, they don't chose 'losers' the second time round for obvious reasons.
sid3 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Plenty of attractive & normal younger men like going out with women who have children already. Maybe your kids did freak him out OP but then he obviously wasn't looking for something serious so therefore, a waste of time for you sadly. Try and get out without them next time maybe though? And don't mention you have kids for a few weeks. I think there's more men with children that would be a better match for a single mom than a young guy that has no children. being a single mom doesn't lower her dating value, it lowers her dating options.
Author lucy9216 Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Plenty of attractive & normal younger men like going out with women who have children already. Maybe your kids did freak him out OP but then he obviously wasn't looking for something serious so therefore, a waste of time for you sadly. Try and get out without them next time maybe though? I didn't mean for him to meet them it was kinda sudden, I didn't even plan on seeing him that night at all he just showed up cause he knew we were gonna be there and then of course my oldest kid who will be 10 was acting like she had just eaten an entire bad of all her halloween candy so the younger one was following her lead and they don't normally act like that. I would much rather get to know someone first before the kids are brought into the picture and if we had gotten to know each other better first without him meeting the kids so soon I think the chances on him accepting them would have been greater if we got to that point. I mean I am just dating right now, didn't say I wanted to marry him Thank you
Barky Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 The fact is that most separated women with children re-marry, unless they chose not too. Most of the time from what I can see, they don't chose 'losers' the second time round for obvious reasons. Straw man fallacy in your argument there honeybuns. I never said "losers" I said "lower quality men." The OP thought she could pull a YOUNGER man with no kids. She couldn't. She realizes that now and life moves on.
zicke Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I'm here to try to get people out of their little worlds of denial. Call it "tough love." The sooner she realizes that her value on the dating market is markedly lower because of her kids, the sooner she'll be happy with the (lower quality) dudes who do eventually choose her. I get your point and to a strong exent agree with it. A single younger man will most likely go for someone unencumbered. I did post a huge diatribe, but, you win.
Author lucy9216 Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Straw man fallacy in your argument there honeybuns. I never said "losers" I said "lower quality men." The OP thought she could pull a YOUNGER man with no kids. She couldn't. She realizes that now and life moves on. FYI: I have actually pulled a younger man with no kids before and I have been the one to break it off, I was engaged to a man with no kids at one point too. I don't think it has to with a generalization but a personal preference, not everyone thinks the way you do obviously.
silverfish Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I didn't mean for him to meet them it was kinda sudden, I didn't even plan on seeing him that night at all he just showed up cause he knew we were gonna be there and then of course my oldest kid who will be 10 was acting like she had just eaten an entire bad of all her halloween candy so the younger one was following her lead and they don't normally act like that. I would much rather get to know someone first before the kids are brought into the picture and if we had gotten to know each other better first without him meeting the kids so soon I think the chances on him accepting them would have been greater if we got to that point. I mean I am just dating right now, didn't say I wanted to marry him Thank you Reminds me of the time my ex BF met my kids for the first time. The littlest had the epi from hell in the restaurant - my stupid idea 'lets all go out for a meal and get to know eachoher', and my BF handled it so well. He took my other son to the chippy and we all ate at home instead. He was properly cool about it and I gained a lot of respect for him because of it..it sort of cut through all the b/s and made it more real. He never wanted kids before he met me and now he's changed his mind - I hope one day he'll make a great Dad
Barky Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 You mean like men who are short and/or have small penises should be doing? Like that? Or men who don't make over 150K a year, or bald men, or men who have felony convictons, or maybe like men who drive Honda's or men who have children with women and then abandon them and don't pay child support, or men who cheat or men who have creepy sexual hangups (usually bankers), or men with beer guts or tattoos, or men who think women are here only to be judged by the likes of someone like you on an internet message board. Like THOSE guys should be doing? Precisely. Plenty of decent men want what you deem garbage. Plenty of "decent men" are forced to settle for "garbage." Like the men you mention above.
silverfish Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Straw man fallacy in your argument there honeybuns. I never said "losers" I said "lower quality men." The OP thought she could pull a YOUNGER man with no kids. She couldn't. She realizes that now and life moves on. Yep pulled younger man with no kids here too. I'm not going to argue about quality here as I think thats up to women to decide really no?
Trialbyfire Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 There's no correlation between being younger and being of higher "value". That's a fallacy when generalized across every individual. lucy, I agree that if he's unprepared to date a family, he's not the man for you.
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