destructive behaviour after 14 years

[Butilovehim]

Hi All and thanks for taking the time to read my post. I’m new to this so fingers crossed I get this right. Here goes... I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 14 years, since I was 15. We have grown and matured together so much and I love him to pieces. We have a house together and love to travel. Trouble is that when we have an argument he is never and I mean never able to say sorry or empathise with my feelings. He doesn’t show he is concerned with me being upset. He becomes difficult for the sake of not agreeing with me. I help him clean his father business every weekend and am always helping his family. I clean our house, wash the clothes and cook. I actually enjoy helping and cooking and making his life easier. I like the house to be kept clean and tidy as we often have unannounced visitors. He comes home and almost every night during summer goes out to play sport. I encourage him to play and often will go and watch for hours. I feel I do allot for him and his family and that he doesn’t for me or mine. I go out with him and his friends and he refuses to socialise with mine to the point I don’t see my friends at all anymore. He would have no issues with me going without him and encourages me to see my friends but wants me to attend his friends and family get togethers with him. He is financially focused to the point that it can become frustrating at times but I love him for it. The recent argument is over the smallest issue about him doing the dinner dishes after I cook. I think that’s fair? He doesn’t and now says that he doesn’t want me to cook him dinner or do anything for him anymore because it’s too much pressure on me. I feel like his taking me for granted. I don’t think I’m a bad person or on his case, I think I’m fairly easy going. When we have a disagreement he stays out late and doesn’t come home till after I'm asleep. I know this is likely to him not wanting to argue. We don’t argue often but when we do it always happens to be almost the weekends. So now it’s Fri and he has been doing this for the last few nights and I can guarantee that he will be out all weekend and then Mon he will want to talk about it. I just wish that he would communicate normally with me. I hate that he behaves this way rather than just say I need a weekend with the boys. I hate that he doesn’t seem to care about how this makes me feel. I’m not controlling and have no problems with him hanging with his mates and playing sport. I just want our relationship to be easy but I can’t seem to get him to understand that by him being so destructive in his behaviour that he is pushing me away. I tried to explain this and his response was that "I need to do what makes me happy and that’s what he is doing" I asked if he wanted to be in a relationship with me and he says he does. I explained that this isn’t a relationship if this is how it’s going to be and he says I need to accept it because that’s how it’s going to be from now on. I love him to pieces and don’t know what to do. I have considered leaving and feel that is my only option at the moment. After 14 years his not going to change this behaviour and I don’t want to be feeling this way in another 10 years. I would love your thoughts and opinions.