OhGeesh Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Why does this have to always be so difficult? As I proceed to write a short book about my life and seek some advice I just wish there was a pill I could take......isn't that the American way nowadays? When I was 15 I met a girl who I adored after 1 kiss she moved away the following week and I moved on like all teenagers do. For the next 2.5 years I was with 1 girl and we had a child out of wedlock still in highschool, I know I know, but our parents were mildly supportive at the time, so all was well. Life took a twist when the girl who smitten me at 15 returned when I was 18 more unique, eccentric, and appealing then ever. I was immediately hooked as if she never left. My tongue left hanging on the floor even though many friends didn't see what I saw in her... my stomach...butterflies..heart..palpitating said there was something there maybe only I could see it? Now for the bad!! I quickly dropped my life like a jerk and was seeing this girl on the side and after getting caught by my girlfriend of 2.5+ years we officially broke up and the old/new girl and I were together. Our relationship was ridiculously passionate, heated, loud, and all was well for awhile. I felt immense guilt being a part time dad and my heart strings were always pulled by my daugther. After 15 months and now almost 20yrs old I broke it off and said I had to try to be the father my daughter deserved it was hard to do, but I felt the right thing to do. I did love her mother I was snared between two woman it seemed!! Let it be known not a week goes by that I haven't thought about her in some sort of fashion. Not in a stalker wierdo way, but in a "What is she doing", "Ha, I remember that time", " Wow, this or that". So, I guess what I want to say is I've loved twice in my life!! Now for the good news let's fast forward. I married the mother of my first daughter and had 2 more children and we have been married ever since 10 years! Life is great $$$$ is good, physical relationship good, no infidility even though typing this feels like it, life is pretty awesome. More bad......social networking enter Facebook, Myspace, Twitter!! A friend sent me a link and said isn't this so and so? Sure enough it was and when I say immediately those palpitations, butterflies, nervousness, came back so fast it was like a lightning bolt. I always hesitating looking for her because it just felt wrong. I knew she got married through grapevine, but figured that is as far as it needed to go. She looks exactly the same very similar, judging by her pics the same excitable, vibrant, outgoing, attitude that she has always had. Why does this suck so much!! Why can you be married be happy yet just like that think constantly about what might have been and I know it's just that "might have". The draw is just undeniable on my end it's ridiculous!! She is married very happily I might add.........I don't even know what to say besides have a great 2010 and kids look great? Anyone else ever go through this? Any easy remedy? It's been 10+ years I didn't think I would feel like a 15 year old again. Thanks for any advice. Very wierd.....I find myself wishing I could live life twice........and I'm not enjoying that not to mention how disrespectful that thought is to my wife and kids. thx.
hopeful1980 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Live with it. You chose your life, now be happy with it. It's so funny your story sounds almost exactly like my husband and my story, except I was the old/new girl and he picked me instead of the mother of his son. We've been married 5 years and all is well. We've got two kids of our own now. I don't know if he ever looks back and wonders what his life would have been had he married his son's mother, but I know it would have been far less complicated.
Author OhGeesh Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 You are probably 100% right!! I'm not going to jeopardize my great life now for something stupid I'm just amazed how strong the emotions are after so long. There is nothing from my past that can evoke that much emotion as she does in my current life. There has to be a reason psychologically.......I'm going to go research that.
JaneInVegas Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 You missed the boat on your first love a loooong time ago. Not just once, but twice it didn't work out for your happily ever after. My boyfriend was recently in a similar situation right now, and it totally made chaos in a family in Colorado. It's not worth it, and it's unfair to everyone involved. Delete your Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace accounts. The web is a dangerous place for those who are tempted. Think before you act ... do you really want to hurt your family so deeply?
giotto Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I think you need to grow up and stop all this nonsense...
quankanne Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 yet another thing shaded by perspective. what you feel about this "first love" is only as important as you make it. If you choose to believe that you've got unique, special feelings for this girl, then yeah, the rest of your life is gonna be sucky in comparison because you've got it in your head that nothing can ever top those feelings you've got for her. but, if you put things into perspective, and realize that while she might have played a special role in your teen years, the reality is that you've both chosen different paths that, while not what you originally had hoped for, are pretty satisfying and that have brought you happiness if you allow yourself to see it as such. every one of us is guilty of canonizing the "one that got away," but I've found that the memory of those people are much better than the reality of them. God puts you where you are meant to be in your life, and that's not always necessarily where YOU think you're supposed to be
AmIParanoid Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 LOL, fantasies are good to pass the time...as long as you're at it, why not fantasize about Beyonce? She's very hot, and I hear she's rich too...
babycakes2 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I could have written your post. I can tell you it doesn't end well. My HS sweetheart and I dated all thru HS. For many reasons we broke up. We tried again and it just didn't work 20 years goes by we find each other. We are both married to other people. We had a 3 month affair and now we are back to square one and not speaking to each other. I miss him every. single. day.
Author OhGeesh Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 (edited) Like I said before we said "Hi" "It's been so long" "Wow, look at the kids" "You too Awesome" and that's it. I don't understand how all these affairs happen unless someone is looking for it in the first place. Think of all of the checks and balances that have to be skipped to go that far. I have so much to lose!! Why would I go after her WHEN SHE IS MARRIED AND LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE!! If I wanted sex or wanted to cheat wouldn't there be other ways much more innocuous? Back to the caring I do care for her and always will. I'll always want to know how she is doing, how are the kids, what that man is up to, etc but I'm not going to leave my great life, $$$$$, kids, family, not to mention screw up her marriage for something that happened years ago. I do believe I'll always love her you can't make that go away. I'm content with the occassional update and would never drive/fly to go see her. If things change I'll become the poster boy for Facebook is the DEVIL.COM!! My previous quoted poem sums it up best, IMO, no cheating will happen here!! Edited January 10, 2010 by OhGeesh
Author OhGeesh Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Just thought I would give a update for all of the Facebook haters and "You will cheat just watch!" it's been 4 months now and nothing:) Not a "I so miss you right now" "How would you feel if I came to ##### and visited?" We still joke here and there, comment on our families picks, and that's it!! It is great to be communicating and the wife and I are still doing great, but I am starting another post to seek some advice. I'm sure I know the answer, but we'll see what the "all you'll do is cheat" forum will say!!
S Chris Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Eh, it's easy to assume a person would cheat in that situation. I wouldn't blame people for thinking that. The "grass is always greener in the neighbor's lawn" thing applies big time here. A person is happy where they are, but the prospect of something different is always exciting and alluring. Even moreso if the smallest iota of boredom drifts into your current everyday life. It's a very very hard urge to resist in that case. That world is new, that world isn't predictable, that world offers nothing but different experiences. But it's very groovy that you've not fallen victim to that urge and managed to keep things friendly. It's a rare scenario but it does happen. Just remember, if you ever feel like you are slipping, what you would be doing to your family. What you would be doing to your daughter. I'm sure you haven't ignored that fact, of course.
Author OhGeesh Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 Your right!! Your going to hate me for saying this, but really if your going to cheat why would you waste the time "starting a relationship" I would just hit Vegas and get a high priced HO!! That's just me!! I've never been to Vegas though!!
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