Artist Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Below is the link to our story in brief or check my name and posts. We were talking rings, she was telling me she loved me all seemed great as we headed toward marriage and 4 days later she breaks up. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t214642/ Two weeks later she is in a relationship on faceboook. Yet still contacting me telling me she is crying every night and looking at our facebook page every day. She keeps contacting me and I don't contact her. Three weeks ago I got an email from her and responded by telling her to never contact me again. One of my friends calls me up 3 days ago and tells me she is engaged! Engaged 7 weeks after breaking up with me and our 10 month relationship. I was doing so well and don't know what possesed my friend to do this but I am dying now. Please give me some encouragement and tell me this is sick on her part. I have managed to not contact her. Everyone in my community tells me it is sick but I am going crazy with grief and hurt and need any encouragement you can offer.
alphamale Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Please give me some encouragement and tell me this is sick on her part. this is sick on her part
DenverBachelor Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Engaged 7 weeks after breaking up with me and our 10 month relationship. I've heard of rebounds but engaged after knowing someone for only two months? Either she was seeing him far longer during your time together or she is flat out lying to her friend to make you jealous OR she really is engaged and if she follows through and gets married shortly thereafter, then that marriage will undoubtedly go down in flames. Seven weeks? Really? That's not even a good revenge tactic if someone was stupid enough to try that -- that just screams, "I'm desperate, lonely, pitiful and my selection process is non-existent." Wow. I love being on this board because just when I think I've seen it all, someone will come in and post something like, "My girlfriend just left me for a well hung African Elephant -- Sending me pictures of her safari. Is this a good sign?"
hoping2heal Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Below is the link to our story in brief or check my name and posts. We were talking rings, she was telling me she loved me all seemed great as we headed toward marriage and 4 days later she breaks up. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t214642/ Two weeks later she is in a relationship on faceboook. Yet still contacting me telling me she is crying every night and looking at our facebook page every day. She keeps contacting me and I don't contact her. Three weeks ago I got an email from her and responded by telling her to never contact me again. One of my friends calls me up 3 days ago and tells me she is engaged! Engaged 7 weeks after breaking up with me and our 10 month relationship. I was doing so well and don't know what possesed my friend to do this but I am dying now. Please give me some encouragement and tell me this is sick on her part. I have managed to not contact her. Everyone in my community tells me it is sick but I am going crazy with grief and hurt and need any encouragement you can offer. Um, it sounds like she's on the hot mess express, to be honest. She seems to be taking the break up with you so hard that she is litterally throwing herself into self destruction mode as a way of coping. That is not your fault. It's important you understand that a person's well being and health is THEIR responsibility, and not yours. It is not uncommon to use self destructive behaviors to cope and grieve, this seems to be the case with her.
lecasanova Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 don't worry my man, it's pretty obvious the relationship wouldn't work out for her. no one gets engaged over 7 weeks unless you're suicidal or something, haha. it's really obvious it's an impulse move to try to soften the blow of the hurt of the 10 month relationship with you, just that it's through the wrong means. i'd warn her over what she's doing,as being impulsive, if you really do still care for her. but whether she's over you so fast, i definitely don't think so.
Author Artist Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 She has known this guy for a couple of years. I went back and visited their facebook pages and all that was going on between them was clearly friendship. I think she did date him before I met him but the last two months of our relationship it would have been legisticly impossible for them to get together. He lives 3 hours away and she is only free on Wed's and every other weekend when she does not have her kids. I have gone back over it all and she and I were either together every free minute she had or she was inviting me over so at least for the last two months I don't see how she could have seen him. But even if she was seeing him some while seeing me is it not still sick on her part? To be talking marriage with me a week before she breaks up and then engaged 7 weeks later is still sick right?
kittenkit Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Wow- have to agree with the other posts. It's really self-destructive to do that - no way could it possibly end well! She sounds really messed up. Quite an attention-seeking thing to do
DenverBachelor Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 She has known this guy for a couple of years. I went back and visited their facebook pages and all that was going on between them was clearly friendship. Oh, well that's a horse of a different colour. She's probably well-adjusted and that other guy was able to do in seven weeks what you couldn't do in ten months. I'm kidding. She's on a train heading for wreckedville. Just move on and find someone better than her.
Author Artist Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Do you mean she is seeking my attention or just anyones. She did not tell a friend who told me. However she knows I have access to her finacee's myspace account as last time I emailed her I told her about a photo I saw there. For the last 4 weeks I have not looked at any pages or emailed or texted. I did ask a friend to keep an eye or the finaces page so in six months after I was healed I could know what happened between them. My friend thought it would be good for me to know she was engagued. AHHHHHHHHHHH. Also above I did not meet him. I meant her.
trueblue72ny Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 ya that is pretty sick in the head. also what kind of person is he to agree to something like that? they both sound completely psycho if you ask me. maybe it is somehow filling the void. wouldnt be surprised if you told us she is insecure and co-dependent.
Space Ritual Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Artist...This sounds very familiar Stop looking at her FB page. Its tearing you apart. If she is that foolish to get engaged at such a fast clip she is sure to crash and burn, and burn hard. Do you want to be around to pick up the pieces? Hell No! You don't want to be second bananna! Delete her from your life. I know its hard but you will continue to torture yourself by even looking at FB...If I were you I'd deactivate your account for awhile. I had to do it on Myspace because my GF pulled damn near the same thing on me last year, except I had to find out 8 months after we had broken up she was married and 4 months pregnant. I finally went back but made sure I blocked her on all social sites that we inhabit. I have no concern for my ex at all anymore anbd as far as Im concerned she is dead to me.
Left in a Lurch Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 "She keeps contacting me and I don't contact her. Three weeks ago I got an email from her and responded by telling her to never contact me again." She moved on, whether it is sick or not or good or bad shouldn't be an issue. You pushed her out of your life emphatically, but part of you was hoping she would be a wreck a long time, and not be able to go on. The truth is, you pushed her out for a reason and what she does now should be of no concern because you are better off. Don't let spite for her ruin your chance of moving on and being happy. Realize you don't need her to be miserable or pining away for you for you to be happy and move on.
Ophelia Rue Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Good riddance! This girl is a freak show! Your'e going to check up on her in five years and she'll have 6 kids from 6 baby daddies living off the government. I guarantee it. Find a nice normal girl, please! WE ARE OUT THERE! I promise!
gaudi Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Check out these wise words from hoping 2heal It's important you understand that a person's well being and health is THEIR responsibility, and not yours. What's also important is what is YOUR responsibility !! And that's by ensuring your own well being and health. I suggest you do it by having a long hard think about how someone you invested so much in can now be so fickle. And start investing some of that love and energy into yourself. Feeling for you mate, because I'm having to do the same thing, ie) move on. Why bother with people like this. She is a part of your past, just as my EX is a part of mine, move on with your future, good luck mate.
Author Artist Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Here is the link to our full story. I think it explains why I had to cut her out of my life even though I am still in love with her. I still long and pine for her but am listening to my head and not my heart. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t213333/
xpaperxcutx Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 After reading your previous thread about her, I'm not surprised that she jumped into an engagement so soon. Do you not see a pattern? Your ex is dramatic and her actions are torrential. She has no awareness towards other's feelings except her own, and everything that she has done, breaking up with you time after time goes to show how selfish she is. I suggest you completely erase her from your life. She's toxic.
Zeegagge Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 You're going to come out of this waaaaay better than she does, I promise. It's laughable what this girl is doing. Hilarious. I'm laughing and one day soon you're going to laugh too.
Author Artist Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 It is good to hear your words. I guess what I need to look at in all this is why after all she has done to me why I keep trying to find a way help her or save her. A part of me wishes if she is hurting so bad she would just come and tell me rather than breaking up with me. I have not contacted her in 21 days so I guess I need to just take care of me and let her take care of her. Still it is hard to see someone you love make such seemingly bad choices.
Author Artist Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 Zee can you tell me why you find it laughable?
LovelyDaze Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Still it is hard to see someone you love make such seemingly bad choices. Like the others have said, she is a disaster and the only person that can help her IS herself. My ex is on the road in the same way. Engaged to an 18 year old(he's 30) after knowing her all of TWO WEEKS. Yet, he has been texting and calling me. He is beyond being a horrible choice for anyone in this world..so is your ex. Write all of the things she has done on paper and read it back to yourself. You will see how insane your ex is and how tight you should lock your windows and doors from this person.
blackbear_703 Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Wow...this is some pretty shocking and devastating news to take in. Like all the others have said, this whole engagement is a train wreck waiting to happen. Your ex sounds like a very unstable person and she is dragging this other guy into her emotional vortex. It'll most likely end very badly for both of them. Just be glad you're not this other guy since he's going to have some serious problems on his hands sooner rather than later. There's no way he can save her from herself. As for you, you're going to be the one who will walk away from this with your head held high and in the direction of that one special person you're meant to be with. However, it all starts by focusing on healing yourself. It's time to cut her out of your life and make a complete and total separation from whatever relationship you had with her. It's time to start completely ignoring her Facebook updates and either hide her posts or de-friend her altogether (whichever you feel is best). Tell yourself that from this point onwards whatever relationship you had with her is all in the past and you are making a new start for yourself. Before you know it, you will. I am so sorry you had to be hurt yet again by this woman. She sounds not only mentally/emotionally unstable, but sounds like someone who thinks a relationship will take care of the mess in her life. It doesn't work that way one bit. Be strong and good luck bro. We're here for you.
LovelyDaze Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Wow...this is some pretty shocking and devastating news to take in. Like all the others have said, this whole engagement is a train wreck waiting to happen. Your ex sounds like a very unstable person and she is dragging this other guy into her emotional vortex. It'll most likely end very badly for both of them. Just be glad you're not this other guy since he's going to have some serious problems on his hands sooner rather than later. There's no way he can save her from herself. As for you, you're going to be the one who will walk away from this with your head held high and in the direction of that one special person you're meant to be with. However, it all starts by focusing on healing yourself. It's time to cut her out of your life and make a complete and total separation from whatever relationship you had with her. It's time to start completely ignoring her Facebook updates and either hide her posts or de-friend her altogether (whichever you feel is best). Tell yourself that from this point onwards whatever relationship you had with her is all in the past and you are making a new start for yourself. Before you know it, you will. I am so sorry you had to be hurt yet again by this woman. She sounds not only mentally/emotionally unstable, but sounds like someone who thinks a relationship will take care of the mess in her life. It doesn't work that way one bit. Be strong and good luck bro. We're here for you. You are the one I owe my deepest gratitude and thanks on how to hide FB updates. It's making me feel TONS better everyday! I never know what he is doing and he probably assumes I can see all the crap his spreading on there. You are correct in telling the OP that NO ONE can save the ex from an emotional car wreck. Just herself. We always want to slightly martyr ourselves when we know our significant other is troubled. Thing is, that person has got to WANT to change for themselves and nobody else. That's part of the problem here. The ex is self-destructive and it's lucky that the OP has been given a chance to stay clear away from the inevitable devastating explosion.
Author Artist Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) I just spoke with my theripist. We talked about why I chose this person and got some real insight into what is going on for me. That a lot of what I am feeling as grief is really not about my ex at all. I feel like focusing on my issues here has somehow helped me see my ex clearer. She is not evil but is hardhearted, selfish, a user and never loved me and does not love her finacee. She was clearly using me otherwise how could she move on so quickly and she is clearly using him otherwise why get engagued in 7 weeks. I want to get to a place eventually where I can hope the best for her if she goes through with this marriage but right now all I want is to know this relationship will go down in flames. Hopefully before the wedding. Partially because this guy moved in on me while I was dating my ex. My theripist who met my ex in a joint session tells me she would gladly come back to me if I went after her. That it is very hard for her to resist anyone who flatters her which is why this guy was able to move in. So it was hard knowing I could likely get her back but not go after her. I just had to ask myself why would I want someone who is so fickle she will jump from me to anyone who flatters her? Edited December 31, 2009 by Artist
blackbear_703 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 You are the one I owe my deepest gratitude and thanks on how to hide FB updates. It's making me feel TONS better everyday! I never know what he is doing and he probably assumes I can see all the crap his spreading on there. You are correct in telling the OP that NO ONE can save the ex from an emotional car wreck. Just herself. We always want to slightly martyr ourselves when we know our significant other is troubled. Thing is, that person has got to WANT to change for themselves and nobody else. That's part of the problem here. The ex is self-destructive and it's lucky that the OP has been given a chance to stay clear away from the inevitable devastating explosion. I'm so glad I helped you out LovelyDaze! It's been a pleasure to help you and other folks here at this site and it makes me feel good knowing I've been able to help others however I can. That in itself helps far more than anything else in getting over a break-up. To Artist: Consider yourself lucky you are far away from her now since it seems like she is going further down the downward spiral and you don't want to be anywhere nearby when she finally hits rock bottom. And imagine if she gets worse than she already is. What if she takes a turn for the violent? You don't want to be around for that. Whatever marriage she's going to have with this guy isn't going to be one out of true love since she doesn't know what love is. She's incapable of true love. The only person she feels love for is herself and even that's not true love since she obviously doesn't love herself. Just try to stay focused on yourself, listen to the advice of all the other posters here, and by all means try to let go of whatever anger you may have toward this other guy. He is in for a whole world of hurt as it is.
Author Artist Posted January 1, 2010 Author Posted January 1, 2010 Thanks Bear. Tonight is really hard. Thinking of them together. Good words though from you. I am not really that madd at this guy because I don't really know if she invited him to do halloween or if he moved in on her but even if he did why the hell would she not just say "uh no. I am with Artist." So no matter what he did she is the one who betrayed me.
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