Whats the difference between "playing hard to get" vs "I'm using you for attention"

[bbasher75]

I won't bore you all with the details of my situation, but I'm in 1 of those situations right now where I'm not sure.

 

I suspect she's just an attention wh0re but just want to be sure. So what's the difference between hard to get vs attention pig? Some things to mention about the girl I'm talking about: She's somewhat shy, comes to me, then when I try to set something up, makes excuses not to. I back off, she comes running back etc. And now she's walking around town with a guy on her arm and making sure I see it.

 

Side question: What do girls get out of messing with guys like this? There are some really fat, ugly girls who would die to go out with me. But I would NEVER think "Gee let me lead this fatso on, just to make myself feel good". First, I dont get how that would give me pleasure. 2nd, I would never want to hurt someone in that way. I think women who lead men on like this for their own ego are disgusting, sadistic human beings. Do you agree?

 

Anyway, is there a way to tell the difference?

[Yukikazi]

I won't bore you all with the details of my situation, but I'm in 1 of those situations right now where I'm not sure.

 

I suspect she's just an attention wh0re but just want to be sure. So what's the difference between hard to get vs attention pig? Some things to mention about the girl I'm talking about: She's somewhat shy, comes to me, then when I try to set something up, makes excuses not to. I back off, she comes running back etc. And now she's walking around town with a guy on her arm and making sure I see it.

 

Side question: What do girls get out of messing with guys like this? There are some really fat, ugly girls who would die to go out with me. But I would NEVER think "Gee let me lead this fatso on, just to make myself feel good". First, I dont get how that would give me pleasure. 2nd, I would never want to hurt someone in that way. I think women who lead men on like this for their own ego are disgusting, sadistic human beings. Do you agree?

 

Anyway, is there a way to tell the difference?

 

Sure.. start going out with other women.. if its playing hard to get.. she will come running back. If its not.. then who cares.. let her play her games while you ignore them and her.

[Ruby Slippers]

Why waste any more time on her? Invest your energy in someone who doesn't treat you like a yo-yo.

[bbasher75]

Sure.. start going out with other women.. if its playing hard to get.. she will come running back. If its not.. then who cares.. let her play her games while you ignore them and her.

 

I'm not going to lie, I have been thinking of contacting her. See, in my mind, I'm thinking "If I show her I care by calling her, and fighting for her, she'll see what a hero I am and how much I care. And then she'll fall into my arms and love me".

 

Wrong way of thinking? Probably, right?

 

See in my mind I'm thinking "Mabye she wants to see if I care" but that's stupid I think. Am I wrong? Because me asking to go out with her should be enough. Wouldnt you say?

 

I'm not going to lie, I've been very hurt by her and I feel like telling her she was very inconsiderate to lead me on like she did. Would that be a mistake too?

 

Whats the best thing to do here? Ignore her completely? What would "hurt her back" the most the way she has hurt me?

[Yukikazi]

I'm not going to lie, I have been thinking of contacting her. See, in my mind, I'm thinking "If I show her I care by calling her, and fighting for her, she'll see what a hero I am and how much I care. And then she'll fall into my arms and love me".

 

Wrong way of thinking? Probably, right?

 

See in my mind I'm thinking "Mabye she wants to see if I care" but that's stupid I think. Am I wrong? Because me asking to go out with her should be enough. Wouldnt you say?

 

I'm not going to lie, I've been very hurt by her and I feel like telling her she was very inconsiderate to lead me on like she did. Would that be a mistake too?

 

Whats the best thing to do here? Ignore her completely? What would "hurt her back" the most the way she has hurt me?

Ignore her and get on with your life.. look at other women.

Don't wait for her to fall into your arms.. go look around.. if she is interested she will come after you.. So long as you have no other prospects she is unthreatened and can play with you.. but once there is another woman or possible woman in the picture she will either have to make a real effort or just stew over the fact you didn't fall for her game.

 

If she does have feelings for you.. she wont fall into your arms.. she'll jump into them

[Waitress]

It sounds to me like maybe she thought you guys were just friends but you felt more? And maybe she likes you so just didn't stop it even though she knew you were developing feelings?

 

I'd advise against retribution. The best revenge is being happy and successful. Even though you're hurting now try and make yourself understand that that feeling won't last forever. You'll be okay.

[bbasher75]

Why waste any more time on her? Invest your energy in someone who doesn't treat you like a yo-yo.

 

Listen I hear what you say, and on paper it sounds like great advise.

 

but when you're out in the real world, it's tough man. Give me some slack here, I admit I fell hard for her. I know I know, pathetic. But I can't lie about it.

 

I'm gonna move on now, but do you get what I'm saying when I say it's tough? You feel like you have something, and then end up getting hurt. It just makes me not want to try anymore. Know what I'm saying?

 

I am just starting to think there arent any good women out there for me. The ones who seem interested end up ALWAYS "playing me" for a sucker. And I dont know why they do it, or what they get out of it.

 

Its amazing to me how many women out there LOVE to hurt guys like me, who are somewhat vulnerable. Its like they sniff me out and say "Ahhh...I can hurt this one really good. Let me lead him on and then crush him".

 

Why are people like that?

[Yukikazi]

It sounds to me like maybe she thought you guys were just friends but you felt more? And maybe she likes you so just didn't stop it even though she knew you were developing feelings?

 

I'd advise against retribution. The best revenge is being happy and successful. Even though you're hurting now try and make yourself understand that that feeling won't last forever. You'll be okay.

 

If they are friends then it should be all good.. she has her guy and he will find another girl..

[Waitress]

bbasher, you're hurt right now. Don't take what anyone here says personally. It's just a group of strangers. Some are trying to help, others are being hard on you to feel better about themselves. Try to just take what helps and leave the rest. Kinda like life.

[bbasher75]

It sounds to me like maybe she thought you guys were just friends but you felt more? And maybe she likes you so just didn't stop it even though she knew you were developing feelings?

 

I'd advise against retribution. The best revenge is being happy and successful. Even though you're hurting now try and make yourself understand that that feeling won't last forever. You'll be okay.

 

Without boring you with details, no. Thats not what happened. She approached me and said how cute I was, and asked me "Would you like to go on a date". She let me believe she was interested in me romantically. Blew me off, and when I ignored her she begged for another chance. We went out, had a great time, she said she was dying to see me again then said "lets just be friends". Then she saw me at a bar and started flirting with me 2 weeks later. I just started ignoring her. Pretty effed up.

[Yukikazi]

I'm gonna move on now, but do you get what I'm saying when I say it's tough? You feel like you have something, and then end up getting hurt. It just makes me not want to try anymore. Know what I'm saying?

Oh believe me.. 95% of the people here know what you are saying.

I am just starting to think there arent any good women out there for me. The ones who seem interested end up ALWAYS "playing me" for a sucker. And I dont know why they do it, or what they get out of it.

So don't let them play you like a sucker.. take control.. get that "Welcome" tattoo lasered off your forehead. Its a power play.. an ego boost, call it what you will.. its a control thing.. she has you hoppin like a frog on a hotplate and you are just realizing she keeps turning up the heat to see how high you will jump for her.

Its amazing to me how many women out there LOVE to hurt guys like me, who are somewhat vulnerable. Its like they sniff me out and say "Ahhh...I can hurt this one really good. Let me lead him on and then crush him".

 

Why are people like that?

Cause its fun for them.

[bbasher75]

If they are friends then it should be all good.. she has her guy and he will find another girl..

 

We are not friends, I didnt know her when we met. She wanted a "date" when we met.

 

I just dont get how she gushed over me, payed for all my drinks etc. begged me to give her a chance then backed off when I asked her to go out again.

 

I just cant excuse that kind of behavior from a "grown woman". Its hurtful and inconsiderate.

[espec10001]

I'm assuming she's a fairly attractive lady, otherwise you wouldn't be fawning over her. So try putting yourself in her shoes:

 

You are an attractive girl, you get lots of attention from men. You have many offers and prospects for dates. You have many guys chasing after you and many that desire you. If you have lets say 10 different guys all vying for your love, which do you choose? Sometimes we aren't so good at deciding when there is such a selection, so we say "I'll take all of them!" So you pick one, and let the others know. The other men will now become jealous, and think "what an ugly, stupid guy" she's dating, I can do better than him!

 

And so competition commences for her love. You see how many fights can break out between guys, how easily they are manipulated like puppy dogs to beat each other up for your love, it's actually kind of fun! Girls just wanna have fun, don't they?

[bbasher75]

Yuki, thanks for replying. But why is hurting other people fun? That is sadistic behavior in my opinion. These people are low-lifes if this is the case.

 

Yet this behavior seems rather typical among a lot of women. How is it that so many women love to hurt guys they arent really interested in? WHY? I hope God gets his revenge on these people. Honestly, I think this world is just f'cked up.

[Waitress]

Without boring you with details, no. Thats not what happened. She approached me and said how cute I was, and asked me "Would you like to go on a date". She let me believe she was interested in me romantically. Blew me off, and when I ignored her she begged for another chance. We went out, had a great time, she said she was dying to see me again then said "lets just be friends". Then she saw me at a bar and started flirting with me 2 weeks later. I just started ignoring her. Pretty effed up.

 

That's horrible. Nobody is going to deny that you have every right to feel like crap. What you do now is up to you. It might hurt for a bit but it will be okay.

[Yukikazi]

Yuki, thanks for replying. But why is hurting other people fun? That is sadistic behavior in my opinion. These people are low-lifes if this is the case.

 

Yet this behavior seems rather typical among a lot of women. How is it that so many women love to hurt guys they arent really interested in? WHY? I hope God gets his revenge on these people. Honestly, I think this world is just f'cked up.

You would have to ask the sadistic people for that answer.

 

Your god dosen't care about you.. if he did then the world wouldn't be such a ****hole. He wont avenge your pain..

[bbasher75]

I'm assuming she's a fairly attractive lady, otherwise you wouldn't be fawning over her. So try putting yourself in her shoes:

 

You are an attractive girl, you get lots of attention from men. You have many offers and prospects for dates. You have many guys chasing after you and many that desire you. If you have lets say 10 different guys all vying for your love, which do you choose? Sometimes we aren't so good at deciding when there is such a selection, so we say "I'll take all of them!" So you pick one, and let the others know. The other men will now become jealous, and think "what an ugly, stupid guy" she's dating, I can do better than him!

 

And so competition commences for her love. You see how many fights can break out between guys, how easily they are manipulated like puppy dogs to beat each other up for your love, it's actually kind of fun! Girls just wanna have fun, don't they?

 

Listen to me, I'm an attractive man myself. But I would NEVER think "gee this and that girl are into me, let me have them fight over me for my own personal amusement". I dont understand your post, or how on Earth this is "fun". It sounds rather PATHETIC and SADISTIC to me.

 

OK assuming what you say is true and she wants me to fight like a "puppy dog" for her love...are you saying to just NOT fight to stand out? Or are you suggesting I fight for her? Can you be more clear here?

[bbasher75]

You would have to ask the sadistic people for that answer.

 

Your god dosen't care about you.. if he did then the world wouldn't be such a ****hole. He wont avenge your pain..

 

I didnt mean to impose my beliefs on you. I dont want to argue about religion lol. I wont mention God again.

 

I just dont get why women do this "just because they can". Is that how they were raised? I can beat up old ladies and steal their money...does that mean I should do it?

[lovestodance]

It's hard to say why she is acting this way. Maybe she changed her mind, maybe she couldn't tell you were interested in her, maybe she's just mean - who knows? what matters is she is being wishy washy and you don't need that.

 

Cut your losses and move on. If seeing her is too difficult for you, stop taking her calls and just pretend she doesn't exist. Immerse yourself in something you enjoy.

 

As for blaming this on women as a whole, believe me, there are plenty of men who act like this too, it's certainly not a gendered thing.

[bbasher75]

It's hard to say why she is acting this way. Maybe she changed her mind, maybe she couldn't tell you were interested in her, maybe she's just mean - who knows? what matters is she is being wishy washy and you don't need that.

 

Cut your losses and move on. If seeing her is too difficult for you, stop taking her calls and just pretend she doesn't exist. Immerse yourself in something you enjoy.

 

As for blaming this on women as a whole, believe me, there are plenty of men who act like this too, it's certainly not a gendered thing.

 

Look I dont mean to disagree, but in general if a man is not interested in a woman, he wont lead her on to believe he is. As for "changing her mind" its amazing how if a man likes a woman, he rarely if EVER "changes his mind" about liking her. Yet women pull this excuse out like they are talking about a candy bar. "Oh I just changed my mind, I dont like him now. I'll just tell him to go F himself after leading him on"...sorry, thats very insensitive. You should be SURE about someone before leading them on.

[Yukikazi]

I didnt mean to impose my beliefs on you. I dont want to argue about religion lol. I wont mention God again.

 

I just dont get why women do this "just because they can". Is that how they were raised? I can beat up old ladies and steal their money...does that mean I should do it?

Women are conditioned to go for the alphamale..

How do animals in the wild determine this.. by fighting and butting heads..

Is it any surprise that the baser instincts take over (even unconsciously) and gets this going. What better way to weed out the weak then by confrontation.

Its a test to see if you can hold your own. No woman wants a wuss that rolls over.. if you can't show you can hold your ground and be the man.. you will be the boy

[bbasher75]

Why waste any more time on her? Invest your energy in someone who doesn't treat you like a yo-yo.

 

Where are these people? All the women I meet are just like this one: Wishy Washy, Flaky, etc.

 

I'm wondering if I'll ever meet a normal person before I die. Starting to doubt it.

[espec10001]

Listen to me, I'm an attractive man myself. But I would NEVER think "gee this and that girl are into me, let me have them fight over me for my own personal amusement". I dont understand your post, or how on Earth this is "fun". It sounds rather PATHETIC and SADISTIC to me.

 

OK assuming what you say is true and she wants me to fight like a "puppy dog" for her love...are you saying to just NOT fight to stand out? Or are you suggesting I fight for her? Can you be more clear here?

 

Here's the thing. The great world we see is a cycle of life, with different colors and forces all around us, most of which we are not aware. Women are the fruit of this tree, a very powerful force. They can bring us to a high, an elation where we are totally in love with them and all the world seems bright and peaceful. However, a woman can also bring a man to a low, despair and poverty, and even cause us to lose our senses.

 

These highs and lows can come at any time, by surprise, without warning as you are experiencing. If you really want her, you'll do whatever it takes to "get" her.

 

But, this all depends on how deeply you feel that fire burning for her.

[bbasher75]

Women are conditioned to go for the alphamale..

How do animals in the wild determine this.. by fighting and butting heads..

Is it any surprise that the baser instincts take over (even unconsciously) and gets this going. What better way to weed out the weak then by confrontation.

Its a test to see if you can hold your own. No woman wants a wuss that rolls over.. if you can't show you can hold your ground and be the man.. you will be the boy

 

Yuki, what are you saying by "holding ground"? Do you mean I should "do nothing" and let her come to me? or do you mean I should "fight for her" by telling her something like "you should be with me and not him"?

Edited December 10, 2009 by bbasher75

[Yukikazi]

Yuki, what are you saying by "holding ground"? Do you mean I should "do nothing" and let her come to me? or do you mean I should "fight for her" by telling her something like "you should be with me and not him"?

Meaning don't fall for her games.. don't come running when she shows you some attention.

 

Hold your ground by showing her you don't need her in your life if she is gonna act like a spoiled brat. You got better things and women to do with your time then deal with her.

Don't "fight for her" in the sense you are thinking.. What does she have or what has she done that merits your efforts to "fight for her"?

What value is she to you? At the moment you don't appear to have any value to her...