Are we just broken?

[XKatieX]

I'll start off by giving my story of my boyfriend and I. We were in a LDR for 2 and 1/2 years, he lives in Pennsylvania and I live in Maryland. We met online, and we saw each other as much as possible, but mostly on the weekends. We were very good friends for a while and became more. The first three months of the relationship was great, got a long well and were very much in love. But once we really got to know each other we started to fight more often and than more often became a lot. Ever since our very first argument it has been constant arguing ever since, and its mostly about stupid things..getting jealous..wanting more attention, etc, but its also become verbally abusive, ex:cussing at each other and name calling. Its definitely built up over the past 2 1/2 years and this month has been the worse its ever been. We got into an argument and almost all day we argued and ever since it has not felt the same. I got upset over it and decided to make it worse..not meaning to, but only because I wasn't feeling the same and I know he didn't either. Three weeks ago he ended it saying that he didn't have feelings for me anymore, that he didn't care about me anymore, and he was done trying because of the fighting. Of course I have always cared about him no matter so this was very hard for me to hear. I always have the reaction of getting back up and trying again because I care about him so much. In the past we've said we would try and treat each other better, but we never actually stuck with it. The only conclusion I could come to lately is couples therapy, but i KNOW for a fact he won't want to do this especially if he doesn't want to try anymore. We had so much chemistry, connection, and friendship..yet we could never just treat each other right and compromise, I just don't understand why it has to be so difficult. I just want to know if you think there is any hope for us and what we could possibly do, or you think my relationship is just doomed. Honesty and advice is what I really need right now.

[Pentel]

something like that happened to me with my ex, we where together for 9 months, and most of thatmonths where full of fights, she broke up with me, told me she didn't love me anymore, she didn't care for me, i tried to talk to her but she didn't listend to me, i got some friends talk to her, she said she still loved me, but she was afraid that it would be the same, i told her it wouldn't be like that, we got back together yesterday, but today idk maybe we broke up again, i dont know she didn't said nothing to me about that, she just got mad and didn't want to talk to me for almost all day,

 

my advice:

give him/her time, i know its soo hard, but its for the best, really, i didn't give it time, and now im in a "yes" "no" "yes" "no" relationship, give some time, try to be there for them, i dont mean like calling them all day, but telling them you will change, try looking for some stuff on the internet that might help you, tell them you will change, and then suggest the couple therapy,

i bet he/she only said that he didn't love you because he/she was mad, and now he's choking on his pride and can't tell you he made a mistake, cause right now he feels like he's allright without you, soo give it some time, let them miss you, try to be there for them , but always remember these: DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP, DON'T DO IT, NEVER, because if you get em high, you will be hurt if they say no, so dont get them up, give them some time,

[XKatieX]

Thanks for the reply Pentel.

 

I really want to mention the couples therapy to him but at the same time I don't know how when I've tried to talk to him (just like you did) but got shut out..this was 4 weeks ago that I tried btw. I honestly am kinda scared to talk to him again, because I'm afraid he may something that would hurt me. I did send him an email a few days after he said he didn't care about me just saying that I realized i messed up and that I will always care about him, but I never mentioned anything about changing or couples therapy. So right now I'm thinking if he DOES decide to talk to me again that I will mention the couples therapy. Unfortunately I have said in the past that I would change myself but I still haven't really changed much. After hearing that he didn't care about me though I'm wishing I could take everything back, and make things right again.

Edited November 25, 2009 by XKatieX

[Pentel]

yea, thats exactly what happened to me...

but on my case, when we are alone, we are full of love, and we kiss and everything, and when we are around ppl, she gets mad, and shuts me out, she tells me she doesn't want to get back with me, but then she changes and acts all loving,

what i did is keep telling her that i would change, for her, and that i would be here for her, that she couldn't keep running from her problems, that if we get tru this we could get tru with everything, 2 days ago, she came to my house, because she had to take her of her sister at a school nearby, but she got bored and she came to my house, we talked, we kissed, we made love, she got al loving, the rest of the day, the next day we where together, at class i got bored at a speech some classmates was saying, she thought i was jealous (because she was talkin to a guy), and she got mad and said she didn't want nothing with me,

 

but well back to you,

give him some time, just try to be there for him, be nice, but again, don't get your hopes up, tell him you'll change, but don't just say it, do it, ask him if he could give you some time, and when you're ready, when you've changed tell him if you could be friends again and start from there

[GrayClouds]

I'll start off by giving my story of my boyfriend and I. We were in a LDR for 2 and 1/2 years, he lives in Pennsylvania and I live in Maryland. We met online, and we saw each other as much as possible, but mostly on the weekends. We were very good friends for a while and became more. The first three months of the relationship was great, got a long well and were very much in love. But once we really got to know each other we started to fight more often and than more often became a lot. Ever since our very first argument it has been constant arguing ever since, and its mostly about stupid things..getting jealous..wanting more attention, etc, but its also become verbally abusive, ex:cussing at each other and name calling. Its definitely built up over the past 2 1/2 years and this month has been the worse its ever been. We got into an argument and almost all day we argued and ever since it has not felt the same. I got upset over it and decided to make it worse..not meaning to, but only because I wasn't feeling the same and I know he didn't either. Three weeks ago he ended it saying that he didn't have feelings for me anymore, that he didn't care about me anymore, and he was done trying because of the fighting. Of course I have always cared about him no matter so this was very hard for me to hear. I always have the reaction of getting back up and trying again because I care about him so much. In the past we've said we would try and treat each other better, but we never actually stuck with it. The only conclusion I could come to lately is couples therapy, but i KNOW for a fact he won't want to do this especially if he doesn't want to try anymore. We had so much chemistry, connection, and friendship..yet we could never just treat each other right and compromise, I just don't understand why it has to be so difficult. I just want to know if you think there is any hope for us and what we could possibly do, or you think my relationship is just doomed. Honesty and advice is what I really need right now.

 

Read the following it really is the best way to help yourself:

The No Contact Guide

So you want a second chance?

 

Good luck

[Pentel]

or this:

The alternative option to no contact

[GrayClouds]

or this:

The alternative option to no contact

 

if you want to extend the your pain