Roxanna Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 My bf should know, as I've mentioned this several times, that my biggest dating pet peeve is texting during a dinner date. I think it is horribly rude. The only reason this had ever come up is because he has a bit of a problem sometimes with this. In fact, once I made a comment along the lines of he better not even think about looking at his phone if we get dinner with my parents....and he actually responded by commenting that he knows better, and he would never do that, to show respect to my parents. So apparently he KNOWS what good manners are. Anyways, this hasn't been an issue lately, until last night. He took me out for dinner. One of his friends started texting him (drunk), and my bf kept texting him back, despite comments about him being drunk and annoying. I let it go a couple times, but after the 6th or 7th text I said something playfully like "You just failed this date" (makes sense because dating/dates had been the topic of conversation previously). I just wanted to call him out and bring his attention to the behavior and my negative reaction to it without having a discussion about it. I thought that he would stop out of respect for me. But he didn't. A few minutes after that I was right in the middle of telling him something when he gets a text and whips out his phone to read it and text back!! I immediately stopped talking and said "Really? Are you seriously doing that right now?" And he was basically like "Yeah." Even after I nicely said something, and then the second time was clearly mad, he just kept texting away. And then AFTER dinner, when we were LEAVING he got one more text, looked at it, and said "I'm not even going to respond. He's just wasted and being annoying." This is the short story: So what the hell? Does he just not respect me anymore? Or am I totally blowing this out of proportion of what? I was annoyed that he was texting to begin with, since he knows I hate people texting during dinner dates, but then since I said something TWICE, once nicely and once obviously mad (when he interrupted me to text) I expected him to STOP. What should I have done?
honeypear Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 You are not blowing this out of proportion. What do you think his reaction would be to you suddenly texting friends while he is trying to have a conversation with you? Probably not a good reaction..I had a friend who just started seeing someone and he would constantly be texting. When I mentioned this to my ex his comment was why does she put up with that I wouldnt. He said it just shows you are not a priority with them. And she deserved to be treated with respect. You have told him to stop. Have you told him what happens if he continues to do this type of behaviour? Because as far as I can tell he will keep going until there are consequences for his actions. You deserve better and he should be able to spend a couple of hours with you without involving his phone. Take care
homersheineken Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I don't think it's over-reaction. It's very rude to have another conversation with someone else when some one is talking to you. One of my biggest pet peeves is being interrupted when I talk. To actually do it to talk to someone else? Very rude. I've walked out on dates before when they are talking on their cell the whole time. And the fact that you have asked him to stop and he continued to do it is pretty disrespectful on top of that.
Author Roxanna Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 Well I'm glad to know that I'm not being completely ridiculous for thinking this is rude and inappropriate behavior. Now I'm wishing I had behaved differently after this happened, or had said something to him in the car about it. I know he could tell I was annoyed, but the more I think about it the angrier I'm getting that he didn't stop or apologize, since he did know how I felt about it, or after I said something.
homersheineken Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 you can still tell him that you're fuming over this
TaraMaiden Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Go on a dinner date. Choose something really expensive off the menu. Wait until they bring it, then say "oops! I have to go powder my cheeks!" Leave. Don't go back. Never speak to him again, save to send him a text saying "I hope you enjoyed the bill as much as I am enjoying sending you this text. Which I know you will read, because you do precious little else when we go out. have a nice life. I'm off to find someone who has one." Gosh, I am such a beeatch sometimes.....
homersheineken Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Go on a dinner date. Choose something really expensive off the menu. Wait until they bring it, then say "oops! I have to go powder my cheeks!" Leave. Don't go back. Never speak to him again, save to send him a text saying "I hope you enjoyed the bill as much as I am enjoying sending you this text. Which I know you will read, because you do precious little else when we go out. have a nice life. I'm off to find someone who has one." Gosh, I am such a beeatch sometimes..... Wow! *makes mental note not to txt TaraMaiden*
TaraMaiden Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Noooooo! Txt me all you like....! (Just don't expect me to reply when I'm having dinner with my SO......)
homersheineken Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Noooooo! Txt me all you like....! (Just don't expect me to reply when I'm having dinner with my SO......) That's what I meant - in typing so fast Iforgot a word or 2 or 10:D
Trimmer Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Wow! *makes mental note not to txt TaraMaiden* Not a problem texting her - she'll get it later. Just don't text her BF while he's out with her! I agree, I may be repeating others' thoughts here, but for me it fundamentally comes down to interrupting a conversation with me. I don't like that.
Author Roxanna Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 you can still tell him that you're fuming over this Well what I did do was this: After he interrupted me to text his friend back I said, "You are officially a terrible date. I would never go out with you again." And he said back, totally facetiously, something about him getting a blow job when he took me home because it was a date and he paid for dinner. So I decided to treat it like it was a first (or second or third...) date with a random person instead of my bf, where in order to get my respect and affection the guy has to actually be on good behavior. I made the waitress split the bill, and I paid half. I didn't let him hold my hand or put his hand on my thigh in the car when we left. I very politely thanked him for the date and refused to let him come in when he took me home. The problem with this, is that it was kind of playful - I wasn't being an ******* about it, or acting mad really. I was, however, trying to make a point, and I don't think he got it. I guess I'll just have to say hey, this better not happen again. I think he's gotten too comfortable with me or something, and is taking me for granted maybe. Go on a dinner date. Choose something really expensive off the menu. Wait until they bring it, then say "oops! I have to go powder my cheeks!" Leave. Don't go back. Never speak to him again, save to send him a text saying "I hope you enjoyed the bill as much as I am enjoying sending you this text. Which I know you will read, because you do precious little else when we go out. have a nice life. I'm off to find someone who has one." Gosh, I am such a beeatch sometimes..... That would've felt pretty satisfying.
TaraMaiden Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 My point is, if something is off-kilter, we have to make damn sure that we say what we mean, and we mean what we say at the time. Retrospective grudges, anger or revenge don't have the same impact as you getting up and leaving at the time, would have had. It's a matter of principles. And if we let someone ride roughshod over our principles, it sends them a signal that we're pretty much a walkover in any area. I spoke in jest, but there's many a true word...... we must let people know what we stand for. we equally owe it to them, to let them know - unambiguously - what we won't stand for. In no uncertain terms......
Ruby Slippers Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 Extremely rude and MAJOR turn-off for me as well. Verging on deal-breaker for me, to show such blatant disrespect and lack of manners.
Author Roxanna Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 He just sent me a text - I replied - and he texted back that he was getting lunch with his dad! I texted back: THEN STOP TEXTING!!! He responded that they weren't sitting yet, but I just ignored it. I'm wondering what is up with him lately...when we first started dating he would ignore his phone in favor of me. I barely ever saw or heard his phone. Then, kind of in the middle of our relationship he started slipping, and I had to say something a few times. Hasn't been a problem since (and he wouldn't even text me if he was out eating with other people). And then last night! And now with his dad!!
bayouboi Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I think what he did was rude. It's possible that he's doing it now that you've told him not to do it simply to show you that you're not the boss of him. If that's the case, that would be pretty immature and passive-aggressive, but that's the only thing I can figure short of him trying to turn you off on purpose which doesn't make sense to me.
Author Roxanna Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 He can be passive aggressive at times, with me and with others. If I call him out on bad behavior he's pretty good about apologizing and cutting it out though. He may have been being passive aggressive by continuing to do it when I said something about it.
torranceshipman Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 I don't think he sounds like a particularly respectful guy - texting through all of your dates, being passive aggressive in general and making a crappy BJ comment.
threebyfate Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 You're both being passive-aggressive. If he's taking actions that annoy you, let him know directly, not with sarcastic comments that don't really address the issues. As well, he's being passive-aggressive, in that he knows it's annoying you but continues to do so. Sit down and discuss this, when the two of you aren't angry over things and you're both calm, cool and collected. If he continues to text during a meal, he's telling you he isn't willing to change, hence respect your feelings. If so, you have the obvious two choices of accepting his behaviour or moving on.
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