SecretlySad Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 My boyfriend absolutely worships me, even after 5.5 years (3 of them living together). As amazing as he is, I am feeling unfulfilled and unhappy in our relationship. I haven't been attracted to him in some time and I put off having sex as much as I can. The good times are so wonderful but he never wants to deal with anything when we fight, and I am very intimidated by him (he is nearly 20 years my senior) so I find myself lying/apologising a lot of the time just to keep the peace between us (yes, I have told him all this before). Also I have never really been single my whole adult life, and I constantly feel like I am missing out on a lot - nothing to do with sleeping with others! I am talking about independence etc. I wouldn't have a clue how to take care of myself because I have always had someone else doing it for me. As much as the thought of losing him out of my life abolsutely breaks my heart - because he is my best friend - I just don't want to be with him in "that way" anymore. There is no way we could be "just friends", it would be way too hard for him. As selfish as it may sound, I am petrified of never finding anyone to love me as much again, plus I don't want him to hate me, but I know I shouldn't stay for these reasons!! Has anyone ever had to break up with someone who loved you so so much?? Please tell me your experiences.
hannie_1988 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 Well I find your post very interesting. I think you should need some time alone for yourself and sort it out how are you going to talk to him properly and let everything goes out of you. When you are ready, speak to him and make it clarify so he will understand. Don't make him feel confused and assumed things about you. It's hard to see where you are going through, nobody is perfect in this world. You can't help how you feel, and he gotta accept it. If he doesn't want to be friends because he still loves you more than friends then it's the best to let him go. I know the friendship will be ruined but at least you learned from an experience. Sometimes we do need to be selfish for some reasons, we can't be perfect and never have bad sides. It's impossible! You have to ask yourself these questions and if this is what you really want. Don't assume because you don't feel the same, what happen if you break up with him and then later on, you realised you still feel the same and can't take him back?! Making decisions isn't easy so be careful. To be honest, I've never had a serious relationship with anyone but I know what it feels like because I've had bfs who I really liked so much and the end it hurts. Anyway, good luck!
LostInLA Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 I understand how you feel. I was engaged when I was 21 and broke it off because I lost those feelings and I wanted to experience life before getting married. Unfortunately I felt way too guilty and did not remain friends with said ex. Now, over a decade later, the tables have turned on me and my recent ex broke it off with me for similar reasons. It's been a very painful experience to lose this relationship but it is probably best for him, as I was basically his first serious relationship. (We were together for 10 years). Definitely think things over, maybe even talk to a counselor or therapist to help you understand why you feel the way you do now. Best of luck!
Phateless Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 My boyfriend absolutely worships me, even after 5.5 years (3 of them living together). As amazing as he is, I am feeling unfulfilled and unhappy in our relationship. I haven't been attracted to him in some time and I put off having sex as much as I can. The good times are so wonderful but he never wants to deal with anything when we fight, and I am very intimidated by him (he is nearly 20 years my senior) so I find myself lying/apologising a lot of the time just to keep the peace between us (yes, I have told him all this before). Also I have never really been single my whole adult life, and I constantly feel like I am missing out on a lot - nothing to do with sleeping with others! I am talking about independence etc. I wouldn't have a clue how to take care of myself because I have always had someone else doing it for me. As much as the thought of losing him out of my life abolsutely breaks my heart - because he is my best friend - I just don't want to be with him in "that way" anymore. There is no way we could be "just friends", it would be way too hard for him. As selfish as it may sound, I am petrified of never finding anyone to love me as much again, plus I don't want him to hate me, but I know I shouldn't stay for these reasons!! Has anyone ever had to break up with someone who loved you so so much?? Please tell me your experiences. This changes what I said in my other post. You need to leave. You deserve to be in a relationship, not a close friendship. He deserve better than what you're offering him. This isn't fair to either of you. Someday you might be friends.
aerogurl87 Posted October 26, 2009 Posted October 26, 2009 My boyfriend absolutely worships me, even after 5.5 years (3 of them living together). As amazing as he is, I am feeling unfulfilled and unhappy in our relationship. I haven't been attracted to him in some time and I put off having sex as much as I can. The good times are so wonderful but he never wants to deal with anything when we fight, and I am very intimidated by him (he is nearly 20 years my senior) so I find myself lying/apologising a lot of the time just to keep the peace between us (yes, I have told him all this before). Also I have never really been single my whole adult life, and I constantly feel like I am missing out on a lot - nothing to do with sleeping with others! I am talking about independence etc. I wouldn't have a clue how to take care of myself because I have always had someone else doing it for me. As much as the thought of losing him out of my life abolsutely breaks my heart - because he is my best friend - I just don't want to be with him in "that way" anymore. There is no way we could be "just friends", it would be way too hard for him. As selfish as it may sound, I am petrified of never finding anyone to love me as much again, plus I don't want him to hate me, but I know I shouldn't stay for these reasons!! Has anyone ever had to break up with someone who loved you so so much?? Please tell me your experiences. I broke up with my ex a few times before our final break up. He worshipped the ground I walked on and was a seemingly great boyfriend but I knew he wasn't in love with me, but the idea of love. He just needed someone to fill a void in his life (and after awhile it became obvious) and he was self destructive, so I had to let him go. It was hard and every time I gave in to him until the end when I couldn't take it anymore. That's when we broke up for the last time and he found someone else in 1 day to fill my void. Now he claims he's in love with her, blah blah blah, but I digress. As that old scripture in the Bible says "love is not selfish" (and I'm not even a religious person) but I think that rings alot of truth. If you truly love him but are unhappy you need to let him go. Staying with him and pretending to be happy is selfish on your part because 1) your not being honest with him and will end up hurting him even more later on and 2) he deserves to be with someone who needs and wants him as much as he needs and wants you right now. So if you need to be single, just tell him as gently as possible and let him go on to find true happiness.
jean valjean Posted October 27, 2009 Posted October 27, 2009 My boyfriend absolutely worships me, even after 5.5 years (3 of them living together). Has anyone ever had to break up with someone who loved you so so much?? Please tell me your experiences. well I was married 23 years and did not feel in love anymore .. we separated but prob largely because we have a son - have opted to cooperate and be friends it is very hard to do after such a long time and it feels like I committed a major crime but you have one life and should strive to be happy in it ..being single now is very ruff and lonely, so if you go that route it will be hard keep in touch with me if you want with messages
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