gamer Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 hi there,i just registered in this forum after reading numerous posts to help me with my breakup..just hope you all could give me some advice.. well,im 19 and shes 18,same college,we have been together for approx 6months+,im her first bf..so everything was going well(from my perspective anyways) then yesterday she called me said "can we just be friends?"..i was shocked,i didint see this coming(had the feeling on the morning itself though)..so i stumbled and stuttered,asked her a few questions "is it another guy or just you?" "just me" - i want to belive this "is this a breakup or time off?" "break up" "is it possible for us to be together?" "not at the moment" her reason for breaking up was because she had lost "feelings" for me and did not enjoy spending time with me as much as last time..she said it has been going on for a few weeks now,she tried to make it work but it just couldnt She has everything i want in a girl and im heartbroken now,i wanted this to be a LTR and even had thoughts that "yeah,shes the one i wanna marry" few things i dont understand is 1.did she even love me at all or was it just puppy love? i mean if u really love someone u wouldnt just give up on the relationship so easily just because u lost ur 'feelings' 2.we never argued or fought,all our friends thought we were the perfect couple now im at a crossoroads..im gonna have a period of NC then what?should i try to woo her back or just get over her? i still love her and i think i would be cheating myself if i told her "yes,we can be just friends"..ive finished shedding my tears,waking up and cant go back to sleep and just feeling down..it hurts to not have her around to share my thoughts with..it angers me that she put up an act during the last few weeks of our relationship i want to make a decision but im still stuck even with all the advice from my friends.so people here i would really appreciate it if u could help me.
TheLoneSock Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 She's lost her attraction for you. Stop calling her, texting her, everything. Disapear from her life and use the energy to work out, study harder in school, and work on your confidence. Also, start talking to other girls, flirt with them, get numbers, whatever- it helps. Force yourself to do all of these things if you have to. Otherwise you can kiss her goodbye forever.
WiseOne1 Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Well the answer is, No, you should always try to get over someone, it's the best policy, therefore you have 2 positives, 1. You better your chances at getting her back. 2. If she never comes back, atlest you've moved on and not spent months or years worrying about her. Also, females are notorious for not telling the truth when they breakup using the phrase "I don't feel the sameway" or "lost the feeling", I have seen over 400-500 sistuations like this, and not once, NOT ONCE!!! Has there not been another guy involved, so yea, most likely theres another guy, however she's not going to tell you incase things don't work out. Regardless of how she feels about telling you, your going to find out, sometimes in 2 weeks or a month, somehow, or someone will tell you, or she might get so confident in the new relationship that she will tell you.
Author gamer Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 She's lost her attraction for you. Stop calling her, texting her, everything. Disapear from her life and use the energy to work out, study harder in school, and work on your confidence. Also, start talking to other girls, flirt with them, get numbers, whatever- it helps. Force yourself to do all of these things if you have to. Otherwise you can kiss her goodbye forever. yeah..im an avid gym goer.. noted your advice about the school stuff too,ive already vowed to put 100% effort into my studies and assignments to not think about her. about the dating other girls part,its not a problem(im a fairly attractive guy i would say) its just that theres something holding me back at the moment from flirting with other girls.. btw we were supposed to go to an AAR concert on 31oct..she has my tix..=/
Author gamer Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 Well the answer is, No, you should always try to get over someone, it's the best policy, therefore you have 2 positives, 1. You better your chances at getting her back. 2. If she never comes back, atlest you've moved on and not spent months or years worrying about her. Also, females are notorious for not telling the truth when they breakup using the phrase "I don't feel the sameway" or "lost the feeling", I have seen over 400-500 sistuations like this, and not once, NOT ONCE!!! Has there not been another guy involved, so yea, most likely theres another guy, however she's not going to tell you incase things don't work out. Regardless of how she feels about telling you, your going to find out, sometimes in 2 weeks or a month, somehow, or someone will tell you, or she might get so confident in the new relationship that she will tell you. ive always felt she was the type of girl who isnt the flirty type with guys..shes more reserved,shy and family orientated..thats why i felt it might not be another guy but maybe another issue is bothering her..=/
TheLoneSock Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 yeah..im an avid gym goer.. noted your advice about the school stuff too,ive already vowed to put 100% effort into my studies and assignments to not think about her. about the dating other girls part,its not a problem(im a fairly attractive guy i would say) its just that theres something holding me back at the moment from flirting with other girls.. btw we were supposed to go to an AAR concert on 31oct..she has my tix..=/ That's good, kick ass in the gym, keep hitting the books, and work that attractiveness to your advantage- even if you only intend to be friends with the girls- still flirt, get phone numbers, ect, it helps. You may even find someone you like. The thing that is holding you back is the pain of rejection and loss, like I said you have to force yourself. DO NOT let her have that kind of effect on you. No man should be denied the fruits of meeting girls, you're young and newly single, nothing should stop you. As for the tickets, tell her you want them back when the next opportunity arises. Don't be mean, don't be too nice, be indifferent- as if you were talking to a co-worker you barely know. Then pick the hottest of the girls you've been flirting with and take her out to the concert.
Yashy Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 My man, I feel for you. I'm sorry you're hurting. The advice they are giving you on here is absolutely correct. It may/may not be someone else. But the point of the matter is that you seemed to have something great, but evidently at this point in her life she doesn't see it. Girls unlike guys, don't tell you what they're thinking and they hit you with the sudden blow. My girl did the same 6 weeks ago, we were together for 3years and so happy. She went somewhere for 4 days, came back and 3 weeks after that broke it off. It was another guy. I lost my job and her within 3 days of each other. I am in almost the exact same position as you and I'll tell you what I do, even though I wake up every single day and miss her terribly: 1) I'm heading to the gym in an hours time, to do some heavy lifting. 2) When I get back, I'm focusing on some exams to further my salary chances and work finding abilities. It's a kind of 'I'll show you' mentality at the moment. Working hard at getting an accomplishment will in the end make you feel good about yourself, as the drive will give you momentum. That momentum will push you into motion. 3) Trying to setup my website to advertise myself for private work. 4) Spending time, focusing on my passions, something I really like doing. 5) Coming onto websites like this, so that I can offer help and advice to others who need it, purely because it not only makes them feel better but it makes me feel good knowing I am trying to help somebody. 6) Going out with others regularly and socialising, even with other girls. Not necessarily doing anything with them, but even flirting/chatting. Leaving the door open. These are just a few things, but I coud go on. I'm trying to give you a perspective from someone who's literally going through the same trauma at the moment. You will get through this dude. A woman who can't appreciate you as a person, doesn't deserve to be with you.
Author gamer Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 thanks for the advice yashy,really appreciate it..I just need some time to accept this as the wound is still fresh..still cant lie down on my bed withouht thoughts of her in my mind.. i cant bring myself to dislike this girl to the point of not wanting to ever have anything to do with her again,i still care for her and want her to be happy.. i tried being the best bf i could be for her(im not a drinker,smoker,gambler),i treat her with dignity,i never force her to do anything,i make time to meet her everyday if its possible,we call each other every night..yet it did not work out. sometimes i wonder why girls keep whining "where have all the good guys went?" after this episode i really am doubtful whether i would have the courage to give my all to a girl again..shes the 1st girl that i really gave everything i had for the relationship.. =/
TheLoneSock Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 thanks for the advice yashy,really appreciate it..I just need some time to accept this as the wound is still fresh..still cant lie down on my bed withouht thoughts of her in my mind.. i cant bring myself to dislike this girl to the point of not wanting to ever have anything to do with her again,i still care for her and want her to be happy.. i tried being the best bf i could be for her(im not a drinker,smoker,gambler),i treat her with dignity,i never force her to do anything,i make time to meet her everyday if its possible,we call each other every night..yet it did not work out. sometimes i wonder why girls keep whining "where have all the good guys went?" after this episode i really am doubtful whether i would have the courage to give my all to a girl again..shes the 1st girl that i really gave everything i had for the relationship.. =/ No offense bro but it was only 6 months. There are people that end 1, 2, 3 year or more relationships all over the world everyday. They have it even worse than you. Sure they hurt but they eventually move on and find better. It's part of life. I know she was your first, and a lot can happen in 6 months- but you have to keep things in perspective. It could have been a lot worse. Take everything you can from the experience and push forward. You might not ever forget her, but you'll certainly find better.
Yashy Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 You sound like a decent person. If this was your first relationship, then believe me you will find better out there. Sometimes, timing is everything. You can have two amazing people, in two different places in their lives and not workout. The important thing here is that you will go to sleep at night knowing 'i gave it my all'. You don't have to feel guilty about anything you did. You were good and decent. Even if you made mistakes here or there, in the end you know inside of you that you did only good and things to make her happy. Not now, but one day you will understand how much better of a person you are in comparison to someone like her. You even want her to be happy, even though she hurt you. You're hurting now, but I promise you if you bury yourself into the things that were mentioned before, the pain will subside more quickly and your level of confidence and happiness will only go up. The pain will come and go, you may even find yourself staring at the wall for hours at times and not know where the day went. That's fine and it's normal. But take steps to give yourself momentum to get out of that state of mind and do things. Be the nice guy, but put your head down and devote yourself to YOU and things you are passionate about and your buddies and one day you may bump into her again and she'll see someone she won't recognise.
Author gamer Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 thanks lonejack and yashy for the advice yashy u hit the nail on the head with 'i gave it my all'..thats what some of my friends told me too..i gave my all to her and i have no regrets whatsoever,she just couldnt see it(maybe she will realise her mistake in due time) i already feel better from when i posted the first post..its a tough process but ill try my best..
Soul Bear Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 She's not perfect because if she was, she would actually CARE about you and want to be with you... Her loss and your gain! Now you get to find someone truly perfect for you....wooo!
Author gamer Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 damn it..she contacted me on msn 2 days ago..i thought of not replying her but in the end i did..=/ the gist of it is that she needs time off..and she still has feelings for me just lesser..she also asked me if i was angry at her and she doesnt want any bad feelings between us..so i told her to give me some time,asked her to concentrate on her studies and that i want her to be happy.. saw her at the library today,both of us were doing assignment with our classmates but in different rooms..when she finished i noticed she intentionally passed by my room alone but i did not acknowledge her..i just pretended to continue doing my work.. does this make me an ass? i felt so bad for not talking to her but the other part of me says i have to make a stand.. confused
Recommended Posts