Bobbe Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 First, sorry for the bad English. This isn't my native language. So, my GF dumped me 2 weeks ago. We were almost together for 5 years. She said she didn't love me anymore and we're only really good friends... The thing is, I don't believe her. At our 4 year anniversary she was crazy in love with me and I with her. She wrote a romantic letter, declaring me her "everything" and much much more! Be aware that she has trouble with expressing her emotions thus I was touched by so much love. In the summer of 2008 I worked the night shift. A big mistake, i developed a serious case of insomnia and have trouble with it to date. When you have a sleep disorder like I do, your whole live changes! I changed as a person, I wasn't myself anymore. I was grumpy, quickly irritated by the stupidest things, I couldn't drive a car anymore, I behaved my GF badly and let her many times unwillingly down We rarely went out anymore because I was always too tired. But there where moments, rare moments, when I slept well and then were we very happy, she really shinned then Off course I sought help, went to my local doctor but that didn't worked out. My GF was very supportive in the beginning, it was an enormous extra weight which fell on her shoulders but she carried on and helped me! But in the middle of this year, she began to doubt. Was I really the one? Maybe there is someone better out there? How do you know when it's true love, etc.. We talked about it but she kept being insecure. My GF is a insecure person by nature so I didn't pay too much attention to it. I thought she was just doubting because that what she does. She doubts everything, I must make every decision for her. But because of my insomnia I no longer was the beacon of answers which she could turn to. We didn't saw a solution in the foreseeable future. The months went by and we had many fights. Because I had a short fuse and she doubted constantly which had an impact on our relationship. We were growing apart but at the time I couldn't see that. In august we decided to take a break for one week to see what would happen. After 3 days I missed her so much I wanted to talk to her. But she refused, she said we agreed for one week and she has trouble with changing things she has set her mind on! I asked if she missed me and she said no. But then she came anyway and told me she DID missed me but couldn't admit it. August went by, without notable events, things even improved. I slept a little better and I had the feeling we were growing back together. I didn't think much about the doubts anymore. Then came September, by far the best month we had in 5 months or so. We were happy with each other, she was happy to come to see me and we enjoyed our time with each other. We went shopping for clothes, which ended in fights each time in the past, and we laughed and had a great time! But she had still doubts, she turned to a friend for advice. She told about my sleeping problem, the friend have her new hopes, reassured her my problem would go away, it couldn't last forever..Because of this my GF decided to give herself 100 % for our relationship, she hasn't been this happy in a long time. You could tell she was in Love This was last month. I also got multiple texts which say she loves me and want to solve my problem! She was really motivated. Our last weekend together we cleaned my room (long overdue ) and we had a great time, everything was fine and I could tell she was in love with me. She had this sparkle in her eyes when she looked at me and I could tell through her body language that see wanted to be with me. Also, she said she loved me and we had great sex. 4 days later, she said she didn't love me anymore and that we are just friends. I was shocked and thought WTF, this doesn't make any sense (It still doesn't ) She was clearly negatively influenced by another friend of hers. She admitted that without so many words.. I'm thinking she is still doubting and decided she couldn't take it anymore with my sleep problem and she being in search of new work and troubles with the health of her dad. I'm 100 % positive she still has feelings for me. When she brought the news, she couldn't look at me because she wouldn't go through with it otherwise (her own words!). Because I respect her so much I didn't force her to look at me & I was shocked so couldn't think straight. We did hug and then she left. My first reaction was to leave her alone for one month and see if she misses me and improving myself in the mean time. I gained some pounds in those 5 years and my self esteem was really low because of my sleeping problem. I went to one of the University Hospitals and signed up for a sleep course. I'm in the middle of this course now and should be sleeping well within 6 weeks if everything goes well. I started to sport, I ride my bike and swim everyday,I do push-ups etc.. In a way, I'm thankful for dumping me. It was like I was asleep and she shocked me and made me put my life back on the rails. Unfortunately, I texted her accidentally after 3 days, saying she was negatively influenced by her friend. (It was a message I was just typing but wasn't planning on to send) She replied that she was doubting for months. That was the last I heard from her, since then I lost my cool and texted, called her several times. I even waited for her after her work with a letter. She was surprised to see me and didn't want my letter, she was emotional and started to cry. I felt really bad Since then I went in NC mode for 7 days. Then I texted If she would pickup her stuff I still have. She ignored it like all the rest of my messages. Then I called and she picked up! But the instant she heard it was me she disconnected. I don't know what to do. I think she's avoiding me so badly because she knows she wants to come back the moment she sees me. Does this makes sense? Am I just hoping?? Surely you can't fake emotions of love? But then a couple days later she's not in love anymore. strange? or is this normal? I'm going to try know to leave her alone for the time being and focus on improving myself. Ow before I forget: We are both 21, we both work, both live with our parents and we are each other first love since our 16! The fact that she still loves me is hopeful, isn't it? I really love her and miss her. We were like ying and yang. I'm sure this wouldn't happened if I didn't have the stupid insomnia. That ruined so much things Advise?
Author Bobbe Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Ow I forgot to mention something. That last saturday she was making plans with me to take a week vacation in november. So near-future plans and then poof, no love? I don't understand, this makes no sense
JaggedRoad Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Girls can fake their affection for you until they find a way to replace you.
Author Bobbe Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 (edited) Hard to believe because she can't hide her true emotions. I only have to look one second at her and I know in wich emotional state she is. Several months ago there where moments when she clearly didn't want to be with me, she didn't hide that. She can't, I see right through it and she knows it. Those where the worst months but it felt like the last 2 months, things were getting better and she was happier than I've seen her in a long time..She was also commited to solve my insomnia so it doesn't make sense. If she dumped me in the worst months we had, then yes. I would understand but now?? I'm in the dark people.. Also, I know for a fact she doesn't have another boyfriend waiting to replace me.. We're a pretty good couple and I'm sure this wouldn't happen if it wasn't for my insomnia. I don't want to meet her in 10 years, when she's married and I'm married, to discover we where meant for each other. But then it would be to late Edited October 17, 2009 by Bobbe
Author Bobbe Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 Ow, another thing I forgot to mention. In the first week I went by her house to see if she wanted to speak with me irl. Her sister opened the door and said she didn't wanted to talk to me. Afterwards, I heard she cried :( I felt really bad. But crying means feelings right?? No?
Author Bobbe Posted October 18, 2009 Author Posted October 18, 2009 121 views and only one reply?? You guys are dumping me too
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