aerogurl87 Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Ok so me and this guy have been dating for almost 3 weeks now and things are going great. We talk all the time, go out 1-3 times a week, or whatever our schedules permit. We both have a great time together and after all our dates he always texts me to tell me how much fun he had. Now maybe I'm just impatient, but I'm about ready to make things official, meaning I want him to ask me to be his girlfriend. I know he's not dating anyone else other than me, and I'm not dating anyone else either. So I'm wondering what the problem is, I mean I knew after date 3 that I wanted us to be a couple, am I just being too impatient? Another thing is I told him that I wasn't having sex until I was in an exclusive relationship, so he knows about that. We haven't had sex yet and I really want to, like I know he wants to too. So I'm wondering why he won't just bring it up and be like "hey, we get along great, so I want us to date exclusively" or something along those lines. I want to get the ball rolling on this because I know I want him to be my boyfriend. Any suggestions on how maybe I can nudge him in the right direction, or should I just stay silent and wait for him to bring it up?
sweetjasmine Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Why don't you want to suggest it yourself?
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Why don't you want to suggest it yourself? I do want to suggest it, but I don't know if it may be too soon to do so.
Rylle Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think girls should push like that...especially as it's only been 3 weeks. Someone else wrote a great post about something like this in another thread, but I can't find it right now. Don't rush it, let him ask you when he's ready.
Rylle Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 I hope I'm not offending anyone by doing this. I think that D-Lish's post on the first page of this thread:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2392762#post2392762 applies to your situation.
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 I hope I'm not offending anyone by doing this. I think that D-Lish's post on the first page of this thread:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2392762#post2392762 applies to your situation. Thanks Rylle, but the thing is I know he's interested but I don't want him to think I'm rushing things. I don't know, maybe he wants to take things slower than me, maybe that's it. But I do know that he told me today that he had missed me all week and that yesterday when he was hugging me he said that he had been waiting all week to have me in his arms again. I thought that was a pretty clear sign that he wants to be with me. But he still hasn't brought up whether or not he wants me to be his girlfriend or us to be exclusive. So do you think I should mention it or just sit back and wait to see if he brings it up?
Rylle Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Thanks Rylle, but the thing is I know he's interested but I don't want him to think I'm rushing things. I don't know, maybe he wants to take things slower than me, maybe that's it. But I do know that he told me today that he had missed me all week and that yesterday when he was hugging me he said that he had been waiting all week to have me in his arms again. I thought that was a pretty clear sign that he wants to be with me. But he still hasn't brought up whether or not he wants me to be his girlfriend or us to be exclusive. So do you think I should mention it or just sit back and wait to see if he brings it up? I still think the general principle applies Yes, that post was written in response to a specific question and circumstances, but I think it's a pretty universal idea (the first half at least), and I think it's the exact same thing for your situation. Different specifics, perhaps, but the principle still applies. If neither of you is seeing anyone else, then in essence, you are exclusive. You just haven't committed to each other yet, which is what you're looking for. What I'm getting from your posts is that you know where he's at (that he's interested, not dating anyone else, missed you, etc.), so I have to assume he's probably getting the same signals from you, right? You're seeing each other pretty consistently, and calling, etc. This leads me to believe that if he was ready, he'd tell/ask you. I personally think you're rushing it, JMO, but that's what you asked for. Yes, I think you should wait for him to bring it up. If you think you'll be wasting your time by giving it another couple weeks, then either tell him what you want, or start seeing other people. That's just not my style. Doesn't mean it's wrong for other people. In the end, you'll do what you want, and it seems exceedingly obvious that what you want is to just say something to him. Either way, it doesn't seem like you have much to worry about!
You'reasian Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Thanks Rylle, but the thing is I know he's interested but I don't want him to think I'm rushing things. I don't know, maybe he wants to take things slower than me, maybe that's it. But I do know that he told me today that he had missed me all week and that yesterday when he was hugging me he said that he had been waiting all week to have me in his arms again. I thought that was a pretty clear sign that he wants to be with me. But he still hasn't brought up whether or not he wants me to be his girlfriend or us to be exclusive. So do you think I should mention it or just sit back and wait to see if he brings it up? Awesome! You are asking the right questions, have decided to wait for sex and are ok with that and things seem to be going the right direction. He probably enjoys your company, but wait to have the talk. Wait it out. Bring it up to him after a few more dates - in the mean time enjoy your communication and quality time with him - see what he's about, who he is, what he believes etc. Ask yourself if these things are things you appreciate whether similar or different. Best of luck!
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 I still think the general principle applies Yes, that post was written in response to a specific question and circumstances, but I think it's a pretty universal idea (the first half at least), and I think it's the exact same thing for your situation. Different specifics, perhaps, but the principle still applies. If neither of you is seeing anyone else, then in essence, you are exclusive. You just haven't committed to each other yet, which is what you're looking for. What I'm getting from your posts is that you know where he's at (that he's interested, not dating anyone else, missed you, etc.), so I have to assume he's probably getting the same signals from you, right? You're seeing each other pretty consistently, and calling, etc. This leads me to believe that if he was ready, he'd tell/ask you. I personally think you're rushing it, JMO, but that's what you asked for. Yes, I think you should wait for him to bring it up. If you think you'll be wasting your time by giving it another couple weeks, then either tell him what you want, or start seeing other people. That's just not my style. Doesn't mean it's wrong for other people. In the end, you'll do what you want, and it seems exceedingly obvious that what you want is to just say something to him. Either way, it doesn't seem like you have much to worry about! I think I can wait a couple more weeks. And maybe I am rushing things a bit, so I guess I'll try to sit back and enjoy the ride, sort to say. When he gets to where I'm at, he'll tell me. Thanks
Kamille Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 I absolutely agree with You'reasian: this is awesome. There is nothing like the sweet torture and butteflies that come with the beginning of a relationship. That being said, I know, in your shoes, I would say something like "I want you so bad". Because 1) it sounds like you definitely do and 2) it might bring him to talk about where he sees your R going.
You'reasian Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 I absolutely agree with You'reasian: this is awesome. There is nothing like the sweet torture and butteflies that come with the beginning of a relationship. That being said, I know, in your shoes, I would say something like "I want you so bad". Because 1) it sounds like you definitely do and 2) it might bring him to talk about where he sees your R going. This post and the OP made me think... Aeorgurl, do you have any hobbies/talents that are artistic in nature? Use this time as inspiration to create something - maybe a message to yourself (or him) about how you feel. If I were a talented guitar player and decent vocalist, for instance, it would motivate me to write a song - and maybe perform it for her on a follow up date...
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 This post and the OP made me think... Aeorgurl, do you have any hobbies/talents that are artistic in nature? Use this time as inspiration to create something - maybe a message to yourself (or him) about how you feel. If I were a talented guitar player and decent vocalist, for instance, it would motivate me to write a song - and maybe perform it for her on a follow up date... Hmm well yeah I can draw pretty good and I write alot. I guess I could draw him something nice that might communicate how I feel. But to be honest, in the back of my mind, I really just wish he'd ask me since I was brought up kind of old fashioned I guess you could say, and I think he should be the one asking me for exclusitivity, not the other way around.
4givrnt4gtr Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 hmmmm honestly??? and this is just not you OP, this is all of us girls.. I think we all rush WAAAYY too fast to jump into a relationship with a guy. I mean, we got a heck of a lot to lose if/when things go south, yet we dont really think about that when we start seeing someone. By the third date we are already hearing wedding bells! If men are slow in committing we all should be even slower! Get to REALLY know who he is, what he is truly about, and not what he wants to show you. I bet you anything that if you were to think of your exes, and how it all started you probably would have cut them lose way before it all came crushing down months down the road. The reason so many of us put up with so much crap is because by the third date we've already given our unconditional committment to a man we barely even know. Regardless of how many times you've gone out with him, try to step back for a little longer and watch his behavior and who he is. Keep doing this for a while until you're as close to 100% certain that this is someone you want to be with. Be objective about it, try to see if he really fits what you want in a man. Trust me it does take more than three week to figure that out. Now, when I talk about whether he fits your requirements the whole commitment issue also fits into the equation. If after whatever lenght of time you took figuring out he is bassically what you want, with the exception that he hasnt really committed to you...well, Id watch out for that. I dont think you should be pushing for a commitment. If Ive learned anything about men is that they will commit to you when they want you. Regardless of anything else, they will. Dont be fooled by "but ive been hurt" or "im just slow in committing" After a certain time, if they are not sure, cut them lose. Dont waste your time. Trust your gut and act accordingly.
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 hmmmm honestly??? and this is just not you OP, this is all of us girls.. I think we all rush WAAAYY too fast to jump into a relationship with a guy. I mean, we got a heck of a lot to lose if/when things go south, yet we dont really think about that when we start seeing someone. By the third date we are already hearing wedding bells! If men are slow in committing we all should be even slower! Get to REALLY know who he is, what he is truly about, and not what he wants to show you. I bet you anything that if you were to think of your exes, and how it all started you probably would have cut them lose way before it all came crushing down months down the road. The reason so many of us put up with so much crap is because by the third date we've already given our unconditional committment to a man we barely even know. Regardless of how many times you've gone out with him, try to step back for a little longer and watch his behavior and who he is. Keep doing this for a while until you're as close to 100% certain that this is someone you want to be with. Be objective about it, try to see if he really fits what you want in a man. Trust me it does take more than three week to figure that out. Now, when I talk about whether he fits your requirements the whole commitment issue also fits into the equation. If after whatever lenght of time you took figuring out he is bassically what you want, with the exception that he hasnt really committed to you...well, Id watch out for that. I dont think you should be pushing for a commitment. If Ive learned anything about men is that they will commit to you when they want you. Regardless of anything else, they will. Dont be fooled by "but ive been hurt" or "im just slow in committing" After a certain time, if they are not sure, cut them lose. Dont waste your time. Trust your gut and act accordingly. Yeah I guess I do need to slow things down a bit, but it's kind of hard since we've been dating for like 3 weeks, but have known each other for about 4 months already (before we were just friends). Anyway, he hasn't made any excuses as to not wanting to commit, but I think I may have brought this upon myself since before we even started dating I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship right away because I had just went through a bad break up, blah, blah, blah. So I think he's just acting according to that information and moving slow because of that. Or maybe I'm wrong and just making excuses for him. What do ya'll think?
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Yeah I guess I do need to slow things down a bit, but it's kind of hard since we've been dating for like 3 weeks, but have known each other for about 4 months already (before we were just friends). Anyway, he hasn't made any excuses as to not wanting to commit, but I think I may have brought this upon myself since before we even started dating I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship right away because I had just went through a bad break up, blah, blah, blah. So I think he's just acting according to that information and moving slow because of that. Or maybe I'm wrong and just making excuses for him. What do ya'll think? Regardless. Wait. Just wait it out. You're seeing the whole picture and he's focused on less than that. Women think about relationships FAR more than men do. So while you may be obsessing with "Where is this going, what are we doing" 65% of your day... he's probably spending less than like 5% thinking about that. So he's simply not going to go the same speed that you wish him to. Just relax. You know he's not seeing anybody else. You've made clear and have stuck to your gun that without commitment, there is no sex. So it sounds to me like you're protected. What is it you are looking for in pushing for the BF/GF title? What will that provide you that you don't have right now?
D-Lish Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Thanks Rylle, but the thing is I know he's interested but I don't want him to think I'm rushing things. I don't know, maybe he wants to take things slower than me, maybe that's it. And that's what I mean when I said in another post that when things are going well- you just know, and therefore don't need to ask. The other poster had doubts and examples that proved he wasn't ready to settle down. I sounds like things are going well- all the more reason to keep being the cool interesting girl he is enjoying getting to know! There is no need to have "the talk"... It's been too short of a time. I suspect since things are going so well that your guy is coming to the conclusion that he wants to take things to the next level. Let him say it though...Let him believe that it's his idea. I can't tell you how much MORE rewarding it is when they call you out and want to discuss exlusivity. The actions tell you that you are heading there- so let it go there naturally. No need to rush! Guys like cool, easy going girls- busting out "the talk" can ruin things.
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