firehawk_1 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 well for me, its difficult. my now unfortunate ex has done to me (put me in alot of trouble and ending it on that day, very traumatic and drastically) thing is, I miss her so much and no idea how to get her out. of course I cannot due to the history we have and the closeness, affection and everything. it was every girls dream to have what we had. of course, the fact that she put me in alot of trouble doesnt help. I havent been to work in over a week because of all this. I am also on anti depressants now and never have i felt like this. i never date or get a chance, but she gave me a chance and from the word go, its been wonderful. we got talking to each other by email and phone then met up at her place in the evening, and enjoyed each others company and then well, slept together holding hands which was ever so nice. we even wanted to marry each other eventually. but i helped her through very tough times (she does have kids of her own too) a very beautiful attractive women, and usually women like that never even look at an ugly mug like me! i cant even go outside, im so low down. even if I do go outside, i just feel so torn apart and incomplete because usually, it would be us together always, holding hands, being very passionate and affectionate, the sexual drive and everything - oh so wonderful and perfect. im generally a positive person and achieved alot already in my young life but all this is getting sucked away. ive even paid for a few dating sites but they do not work. again, the usual "thanks but your not my type" messages. With her, it was just "you are the one, i knew that from the moment i saw you and looked into your eyes". I just want her so much, wonder what she is doing each day and each weekend now as all I can think about is her, and whom she maybe with and the dreams I have.... just horror and shock. i mean, the connection and chemistry we had was so wonderful in the right doses, now all that is gone completely and im facing a court trial later and no idea how to prove my innocence. i miss her, miss holding her, talking, and everything. she was really different, she doesnt sleep around, has moral/ethical values (to some degree) and was upfront, honest, loyal, committed and dedicated and to find people like that, impossible these days as they cheat, date multiple people.... you know the drill. im so low down. so low down. i want her but i cannot. and no idea how to move on and find a similar woman. sometimes I wish I can see what she is doing or thinking some how by some spirit or something, or even her to contact me again but thats not going to happen. you know, she fell for me alot because of my lifestyle, way of thinking, values etc... etc... and the fact that i dont believe in complications and explained why and she totally understood and believed in it and me even more and agreed there would be no complications and we support each other. now..... empty. cold. alone. hurt. some what desperate. rejected. unloved. the list goes on. please, help
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 no reason. she couldnt handle the minor rough patch again (only happened twice before) and also her friends overtaking her, and letting other people interfere and for everyone to kind of feed poisen to her about me. we were going through a bit of a rough patch nothing major at all. she overreacted this time round, wanted a break, fair enough. then eventually started to contact me slowly and saying she wants me, cannot imagine my life without me, loves me, and we need to work at it (of course, no problem)..... but of course she wasnt communicating properly, kind of messing me around, then crying over the phone.... of course, then sending negitivity emails/text messages to one another due to the upsetness and nature of one another at such a difficult time - a time of uncertainty.... then bam, all this. big scene and what not. she just couldnt handle that again, she was in the wrong. i am very open minded, admit to my mistakes... but she was in the wrong and kind of betrayed me behind my back a little. all it was, I didnt agree with her keeping in touch with this person she had a one night stand with, and this guy cheated on his partner at the time, as I dont want any complications and making me feel uneasy and awkward. she agreed and changed her number..... then found out later she was still keeping in touch. i always mentioned to her politely that i feel threatened and I wanted to go home, cool down, relax, think things through via reflection as I always do, but she would physically stop me from going. This time round... she just couldnt handle it again and took it overboard rather than talking about it.
ace2666 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 You're making your life revolve around her, and that's kinda of scary. You need to make your life revolve around you, focus on yourself and keep a space open for sharing your life with another.
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 sure i understand. its just after everything ive been through in life.... then she came along and some what saved me. and we had the best time. but now, its nothing and so difficult.
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 couldnt even wake up this morning. kept reading the emails we had sent to each other in the beginning, then remembering everything we did together, the tough times i helped her with etc... etc... and just wondering what she is doing and if she remembers me. man this sucks. we should and need to be together, as it was fate that brought us together. but also because it was a solid relationship, without the fuss/games we agreed and thought. the closeness, connection, intimacy, passion, affection. every little thing. we would still be happy with each other without talking but looking at each other, and id see her smile and her leaning into me closer and closer. such a perfect woman in my heart/dreams..... now gone. sorry. just had to say this.
GrayClouds Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 such a perfect woman in my heart/dreams If she was perfect she would still be there. You have to start doing things that will make you feel better. Exercises, Journaling, Talking to friend and family.
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 I know. its difficult. I also think that she is already seeing someone else. so quick....stupid.
GrayClouds Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Read theses: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? It hurt and is hard, insanity, loneliness, anger, self-hatred are all part of the process. You will get past it. Erase all the emails, don't go to her facebook, or anything else that even passively put you in contact with her. Don't even think about someone else until you fully healed. It will only hurt you more and not be fair to them. You will get through this.
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 i think she is with someone else already. and something else happened yesterday as well. on my email account, she only knows my real name and no one else and then she was either using her other account or someone did it for her or her new partner (which is pathetic) and started to send me private messages and constantly adding my name in them, then threatened to phone the police and they have a no molestation order?! I contacted the police and informed them about this. I have no idea who that person is but.... just wierd, scary and stupid. if she is with someone else already, thats pathetic after everything ive done for her and how we connected. and it shows how "quick" she recovered from a serious allegation against me *rolleyes* putting that aside, i just want her. was so easy to be with her (with respect), got on so well. just why do women destroy good things then moan about not having them?
DustySaltus Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Wait, she was acting like she was you and wrote threatening things to herself so she can try and get you in trouble? If that's the case, RUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 no, she wasnt acting like me.... thats not what i said
DustySaltus Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 no, she wasnt acting like me.... thats not what i said I don't understand, what do you mean by "they had a no molestation order"? Against you? I'm confused:confused:
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 yeh sorry, i didnt explain much. basically she put me in ALOT of trouble on that day she overracted and broke up with me. a very serious allegation which was not true at all. she got me charged, arrested and now have a court trial coming up. first time in my life and she knows im not the type of person she is making me out to be but all her friends feeding poisen to me etc... etc... im on anti depressants and everything. so worried, scared. i have my whole life ahead of me as well. she was really nice, and sweet. then for her to turn around like this, makes no sense at all. she just couldnt handle she was wrong for something so minor I disagreed with politely.
DustySaltus Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 yeh sorry, i didnt explain much. basically she put me in ALOT of trouble on that day she overracted and broke up with me. a very serious allegation which was not true at all. she got me charged, arrested and now have a court trial coming up. first time in my life and she knows im not the type of person she is making me out to be but all her friends feeding poisen to me etc... etc... im on anti depressants and everything. so worried, scared. i have my whole life ahead of me as well. she was really nice, and sweet. then for her to turn around like this, makes no sense at all. she just couldnt handle she was wrong for something so minor I disagreed with politely. What did she say you did to you arrested? This is much, much worse......YOU NEED TO NEVER CONTACT THIS GIRL AGAIN. BAD NEWS
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 believe me, im not contacting her especially when I have bail conditions. it just hurts so much she accused me of sexual assault. she damn well knows im not this type of person, as do my friends. ive always supported women and her, especially through bad times. just makes no sense. i want her, but cant. just miss it all.... wish she would have some common sense at times (she is dipsy at times).
NopeNah Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 hmm.. Without knowing what exactly what happened with the arrest, I'd still say, be glad she's gone. She sounds like a BUNCH of drama! Anyways, stop reading old e-mails. They will not help you, only hurt you. You should delete them all. Block any form of comunication, e-mail,text,chat,phone,ect..
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 thanks. yes, true. numbers, emails etc... i dont have. i only have the emails for the defence. but still, why must women make such a drama. we even talked about these type of things when we have our heart to heart talks about the world and she always agreed with me and saw things from a different angle than what she maybe used to. *sigh*.
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