HellionDeadwoman Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 First of hi, I'm new here. I came because I need some advice. My current bf and I have a very odd history (will go into detail if wanted/needed). Anyway, it is his ex girlfriend that is causing issues. We don't fight over money or anything else really besides her. He spends the enitrity of his work shift talking to her on the phone and completely ignoring me, when he is home he doesn't speak to her. They were in a relationship for 3 years, but it was long distance over the internet and phone and they never actually even MET each other. According to her she can't function in daily life unless she gets to talk to him at least once a day, which I don't believe but whatever. He says that it is his fault she is this way so he has to "fix her". Everyone we have spoken to about this tells him he needs to wake up and get rid of her before he ruins our relationship, his response to them as well as me has been "You may not like it but this is the way it's going to be." What should I do?
dreamergrl Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 So they never met, and he puts her before you, in the sense that he refuses to cut the 'relationship' off. Personally, I'd not put up with that, and leave him.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 So they never met, and he puts her before you, in the sense that he refuses to cut the 'relationship' off. Personally, I'd not put up with that, and leave him. What is she? A manphomaniac? What kind of a boyfriend puts an ex first? I'm with dreamergrl. Cut it off.
freestyle Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I`d say, "See ya- and good luck finding anyone else who`ll put up with that..................." Wow, he really needs a long ride on the clue train....................
Dexter Morgan Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Everyone we have spoken to about this tells him he needs to wake up and get rid of her before he ruins our relationship, his response to them as well as me has been "You may not like it but this is the way it's going to be." What should I do? you should do as the women of the husbands you were the OW to should have done....dump him.
Author HellionDeadwoman Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Not only have they never met but he never even saw her on webcam. So I doubt if she even is who she says she is. Last week we got into a huge fight because of an email he sent her with a love song saying that song represented how he feels about the relationship. He told me he would only talk to her on the phone on Wednesdays from now on and the rest of the communication would be through text/IM.
Author HellionDeadwoman Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 you should do as the women of the husbands you were the OW to should have done....dump him. That is the annoying part I was the OW with him.
Soul Bear Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 And you're just going to put up with that? She obviously has alterior motives, and either he is lying to you about how he feels, or is completely aloof to other peoples feelings,actions and emotions....including yours quite obviously... I say ditch him and tell him to get in touch when he has finished 'fixing' his ex, but your not hanging about....
Author HellionDeadwoman Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 you should do as the women of the husbands you were the OW to should have done....dump him. Sorry for the double post it wouldn't let me edit. Anyway I was never the OW with a MM, they were just in relationships.
loveslife Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 That is the annoying part I was the OW with him. Well then he knows you'll tolerate sharing him.
dreamergrl Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Not only have they never met but he never even saw her on webcam. So I doubt if she even is who she says she is. Last week we got into a huge fight because of an email he sent her with a love song saying that song represented how he feels about the relationship. He told me he would only talk to her on the phone on Wednesdays from now on and the rest of the communication would be through text/IM. So you're sticking around because?
Author HellionDeadwoman Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 So you're sticking around because? I honestly don't know. We were best friends before all of this started I think part of me may be worried about ruining the friendship. I think another part of me doesn't want to leave him either.
dreamergrl Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I honestly don't know. We were best friends before all of this started I think part of me may be worried about ruining the friendship. I think another part of me doesn't want to leave him either. I think the friendship is already ruined, unless you can look past this and sincerely go back to being friends, which often is not the case. If you don't leave him, then you're okaying this disrespectful behavior to you. You're the one who has to put up with it. But there's really no reason to do so. I think you're sticking around because you know that's the only way you'll have any type of relationship with him. Next time, don't get with a guy who's got some weird R going on with a girl he's never met. That should have said it all in the first place.
boogieboy Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 And you'll stick with this guy for how much longer before you develop some self respect?
Dexter Morgan Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 That is the annoying part I was the OW with him. then you shouldn't be surprised at what is going on now.
Soul Bear Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I second that, Boogie. However, I guess if she is willing to put up with that/feels strong enough/trusts his motives, then there is no harm in her sticking it out until he ends contact with the OW...if it ever ends at all......
Dexter Morgan Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Sorry for the double post it wouldn't let me edit. Anyway I was never the OW with a MM, they were just in relationships. whether married or not, its still not very nice towards someone else, and should be a big red flag about the guy you are with. looks like you are now in the position these guy's girlfriends were in when you were with them(and this guy). maybe its karma?
Island Girl Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 First of hi, I'm new here. welcome to LS. I came because I need some advice. Well you will get advice. But LSers tend to be frank and honest. So I hope that you are looking for that. He spends the enitrity of his work shift talking to her on the phone and completely ignoring me, Everyone we have spoken to about this tells him he needs to wake up and get rid of her before he ruins our relationship, his response to them as well as me has been "You may not like it but this is the way it's going to be." What should I do? I honestly don't know. We were best friends before all of this started I think part of me may be worried about ruining the friendship. I think another part of me doesn't want to leave him either. You should read the bolded parts. My friends don't treat me that way. Do yours?
Soul Bear Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Love is Blind. I learned this the hard way. Maybe you need to learn it that way too, so as to be the best amazing version of you, you can possibly be in the future. I'm sure sooner or later, one of you will drop the bomb. If it's him, you will be better for it after you have healed.
huck Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Can it even be called a relationship if they never met after 3 years !!!!... Thats a bit weird..
SierraRose Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Let me get this straight.....your b/f was in a 3 year relationship with a woman he has never met. He refuses to cut contact with said woman. He is choosing to put a cyber woman's needs over his reality, which is you. Ya...ummm, how do I say this... RUN!
KingsOfLeon Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Sounds like my older brother.... He has lost numerous relationships because he has to fill these voids in his life... Nor can he decipher Reality to fantasy.. You need to get out soon as you can, because he will never change, nor will he.... It is such a shame that you allow this, and except his excuses for what justifies his actions.. Can you not see that you are the one that will/is going to be hurt in the end. Do you think for one moment that this other woman even has one ounce of respect for you, or does he even? It is completely unacceptable no matter how you slice it or dice it. Nothing can he say here, in regards to his actions in what he is doing here will justify him/her. If he can show this type of behavior now in plain view, what will he do that you are unaware of? Think...
boogieboy Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 He says that it is his fault she is this way so he has to "fix her". Everyone we have spoken to about this tells him he needs to wake up and get rid of her before he ruins our relationship, his response to them as well as me has been "You may not like it but this is the way it's going to be." ? However, I guess if she is willing to put up with that/feels strong enough/trusts his motives, then there is no harm in her sticking it out until he ends contact with the OW...if it ever ends at all...... As you can see from her posts, he seems to adamant about fixing this woman.
Author HellionDeadwoman Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 I want to thank you all for your replies. I can't figure out multiquote so hang with me for a minute. Dexter: I realize that it was stupid and wrong of me to do. I feel horrible for the relationships I have ruined which is why I have decided I am completely done being the OW, it isn't worth the heartache to any person involved. It very well could be Karma and frankly if it is I would have it coming. Boogie: Self respect has never been one of my strong suits. One of the main reasons I have stayed with him this long is simply because beyond this whole EX drama, he has treated me better then anyone I had been with before and frankly I'm afraid to lose that. Island Girl: I see the point you are making, sadly I've seen it all along. Huck: I agree, however they exchanged their first I love you like 3 days after they started chatting. That girl has a grip on him I will never understand. KingsofLeon: That's the weird thing, I have known him since before this girl came along and he never had that problem.
dreamergrl Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I want to thank you all for your replies. I can't figure out multiquote so hang with me for a minute. Dexter: I realize that it was stupid and wrong of me to do. I feel horrible for the relationships I have ruined which is why I have decided I am completely done being the OW, it isn't worth the heartache to any person involved. It very well could be Karma and frankly if it is I would have it coming. I think this attitude shows that you have felt you deserve worse for other reasons. You've ruined good relationships, and you run to a bad on. Something must cause you to ruin a good thing. Perhaps you didn't feel as though you deserve something good. Boogie: Self respect has never been one of my strong suits. One of the main reasons I have stayed with him this long is simply because beyond this whole EX drama, he has treated me better then anyone I had been with before and frankly I'm afraid to lose that. You're making excuses for his behavior. Just because someone treats you well in one aspect, gives them the right to disrespect you in anothr aspect. Island Girl: I see the point you are making, sadly I've seen it all along. Huck: I agree, however they exchanged their first I love you like 3 days after they started chatting. That girl has a grip on him I will never understand. This should speak volumes about him. Who exchanges 'I love you' after three days of chatting and not knowing each other IRL? KingsofLeon: That's the weird thing, I have known him since before this girl came along and he never had that problem. But you weren't his gf prior to this. Even as whacked out as the relationship he developed with her is, she came first in his 'love life'.
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