rubo Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Hi all:bunny: This is my first post here. Randomly searching the net, and I found this site, and thought I'd give it a go. So the story is. Met this fantastic girl 3 ½ months ago. I've always been a very shy boy, and never had much self-asteem. I talked to this girl over messenger, and she seemed like a girl that I could like. We talked for about a month and decided to meet. At that point I was a virgin, and she knew that, and she knew that I was shy and everything, so she initiated the first moves. I had never frenchkissed a girl before her (I'm 21 years). In the beginning she was very much in love with me, almost "to much", all the time she was saying "you're so wonderfull!" and "this is something that is gonna last for long time..I can feel it" (she was pretty experienced when it came to relationships) In the beginning I think she was more in love with me than I was in here, partly because I found it quite hard to believe that a person actually liked and turned on to me. Anyway, I realised that I was a handsome boy, and had a good personality, when I got the accept from her, and I became very much in love with her and really really loved her, almost about to say the L word. In the last ½ month of our relationship I could feel that she wasn't all great, but everytime i asked her about it, she always said she was tired from work or something (seemed like a plausible excuse at that time). She didn't seem like the girl I feel in love with in the beginning. She werent all happy when she used facebook-updates like she used to. Allthough there were days when we were together where she was her old self,and happy and seemed in love, and said the same things as she did in the beginning. So here comes the thing. 3 ½ weeks ago, she broke up with me because she said her feelings had changed:( and i'm really really hurted! She said that she had thought about it for a couple of weeks, and that even though she had "good days" it just wasn't enough. She said she wanted to be friends, and she didn't want to lose me, and she meant it, even though it sounded like a cliché. I told her that I couldn't promise her anything. I am of course devastated, and have been very close to contacting her, but with help from some friends I didn't. I blocked her from messenger imideatly. One thing I found out was that about 3 hours after she got home from the break up with me, she registered on a DATING-site!! I have some problems figuring out what this means..did I mean nothing to her? is she already over me? any ideas? Some of my friends said she only did this because she wanted to forget, and that is an easy way to do so. Last saturday (about 2½ after she broke up, and NC) I came home from a week in a beachhouse with some of my friends, and logged on to facebook (where I, at that time, havn't deleted her as a friend), and she wrote to me, asking how I was! I replied "i'm ok, average" her answer "okay..." I asked "how are you?" her answer "fine" me: "ok...I can feel that i'm not ready to talk to you yet" her "ok, that is okay" I was simply to hard to talk with her again, and I tried to be honest about it, instead of just pretending to be great or whatever. I then decided to delete her and her friends from my facebook-friend-list. It may seem drastical, but she is the type of girl that uses facebook a lot and uses the updates a lot with "haha great night out" and so on. It was just way too hard to face everything I logged in, and I could see that she seemed like the girl i fell in love with again (she had commented "haha" on her friends-updates and pictures and everything, like she used to in the first 2 month of our relationship). My question is now...why did she contact me on facebook that saturday? really just because she cared about me? or was she confused about the NC-business that I had carried out? maybe she expected me to text-terrorise her?? I had held a NC because I didn't want to loose dignity or anything, but somehow I think I did because I had to say that I couldn't talk with her yet?? I can't sleep, I have lost weight, and I have tried to follow the different advice and guides on this homepage, but nothing seems to help. Anyone that has got any thought about our relationship, based on what I've told? or wheter or not she has moved on?? In my mind, I can't help thinking about that we get together, I even dream about it, when I finally sleep. I know its a bad thing to think about second chances and everything, but my thoughts just wanders away, and all I can think about is how much I miss her and want her back, and how lucky the next guy she dates is! As I wrote before..any thoughts on how much she has moved on?..any chance of getting back together you think?? should I hope that she will contact me again or? (I have read the second chance guide and the no contact Q&A guide as well and I'm trying to follow these steps) Hope you guys can help me, she was my first love, and I couldn't have asked for a better one, and I just want her back:(
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