Theseus_Black Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Okay, so I've been going out with this girl for almost a year. I'm 18, she's 19. She goes to UC San Diego, I'm going to USC. She's smart, kind, caring, cute, and I really do think she cares about me. I also really do care about her. But I can't help get the feeling we're just "buddies" or "pals." Whenever we talk, it's always casual talk about our day, what's been going on, etc. At the end of our conversations, we tack on an "I love you," and it just feels so forced. And that's it. That's the extent of our communication. Now, when I think of boyfriend/girlfriend, I think of two people who say sweet, romantic things to each other, who are passionate toward each other, sexually-charged, flirtatious, etc. Maybe talk dirty on the phone from time to time. Maybe dress sexy on webcam. That sort of thing. But with her, I just feel like a good friend. Or even worse, I feel like we're already an old married couple... and we're still in the peak years of our relationship and lives. And again, I'm not expecting that kind of thing all the time - but occasionally would be nice. We've both agreed that she is not a very sexual person, or at least that her sexual needs are certainly not as great as mine. She says no sex before marriage, and the furthest we've gotten is to a bit of dry humping with all our clothes on. And I don't think it's going any farther than that, which is endlessly frustrating for me. And while I understand that a boyfriend should also be a best friend, I can't help but feel like I'm ONLY a best friend... who she might happen to think is cute. Does anyone have any advice for me? I'm not really sure what to do. Like I said, I really do care about her, so don't think I'm just some lusty horndog. But we just seem to have really different ideas about what a couple is, and how a couple should act, and while she may be perfectly content with merely swapping stories about each other's day, I'm not. I want more out a relationship. What can I do?
patcha Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 I'm in the same boat. Thanks for being open about your situation. I'd like to see what types of advice you get on this as well.
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 Well, IMO the sexual issues are important. By saying she's "not that sexual a person," what is really means is this: "I don't want to f*ck YOU." See, in a year after you two break up, she'll be boning some other guy like nobody's business. The marriage excuse is exactly that - an EXCUSE. Unfortunately, it sounds like she's not very sexually attracted to you. Sex is a BIG DEAL. If you're in a relationship, and you're not having it, that relationship is effectively OVER. This is important to you, as it should be - STOP making excuses to yourself and STOP feeling bad for wanting basic, human, physical intimacy. Look bro. You're 18. This thing is going to end. Do you want to end it now, or later?
Devil Inside Posted August 11, 2009 Posted August 11, 2009 It does not seem like this is the kind of relationship you want. From how you describe her...she may not be feeling it either. I think it's ok to ask for more sexually...or ok for you to say you're just not getting what you need from this relationship. Wanting sex does not make you a bad guy or a pervert...it makes you human.
Citizen Erased Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Break up with her and now. This is not a relationship that you should continue with, the distance alone is bad. Everything else just screams run to me.
utterer of lies Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Well, IMO the sexual issues are important. By saying she's "not that sexual a person," what is really means is this: "I don't want to f*ck YOU." See, in a year after you two break up, she'll be boning some other guy like nobody's business. The marriage excuse is exactly that - an EXCUSE. Unfortunately, it sounds like she's not very sexually attracted to you. Sex is a BIG DEAL. If you're in a relationship, and you're not having it, that relationship is effectively OVER. This is important to you, as it should be - STOP making excuses to yourself and STOP feeling bad for wanting basic, human, physical intimacy. Quoted for truth.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Trust me, life is too short to lock yourself down in a relationship that isn't right for you. There is no point to struggling to stay with someone at this point in your life, when there are plenty of opportunities to be with someone who would be a better fit for you. Same goes for her.
msundrstood Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 But I can't help get the feeling we're just "buddies" or "pals." Whenever we talk, it's always casual talk about our day, what's been going on, etc. At the end of our conversations, we tack on an "I love you," and it just feels so forced. And that's it. That's the extent of our communication. But with her, I just feel like a good friend. Or even worse, I feel like we're already an old married couple... and we're still in the peak years of our relationship and lives. And again, I'm not expecting that kind of thing all the time - but occasionally would be nice. But we just seem to have really different ideas about what a couple is, and how a couple should act, and while she may be perfectly content with merely swapping stories about each other's day, I'm not. I want more out a relationship. What can I do? I am in a somewhat similar situation, I posted about it not long ago. Good luck
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