Danneth Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Hey all, I'm currently in a bit of a bad situation, here's the story: Around 9 months ago I met this girl, for example's purposes we'll call her Emma. Emma was already friends with some people I am too friends with and she's dated one of them in the past. Me and Emma hit it off and first, joking, chatting and just generally enjoying each other's company. Over the next few months I began to realize I liked Emma, a lot. I ended up telling her that I liked her and she basically said "but we're just friends..." Fast forward a few months, and I'd been doing fine, I got over Emma and forgot I'd ever said anything. I generally tend to ignore her more and make hardly any effort to start a conversation with her. But recently it's been coming back, I have no idea why but it is. I am seriously falling for her once again and she's always on my mind, Emma isn't helping me at all, when we're around each other she always seems to be pinching my butt or touching me in some way (especially once she's had a drink). Out of all of our social group, she always seems to single me out to dance with, I'm the one she usually sits next to and in general social gatherings she often stares at me until I look back at her, before she looks away quickly. She's even been giving me random compliments, asking me if I've been working out and such. (she's only started doing all this stuff in the past couple of months, since I told her my feelings first time round) She confuses me a lot, I fell in love with her a few months ago and now I'm doing the same thing again, I don't want to say anything because we already went down that route a few months back and I just don't feel like I should be saying something again. (seems desperate?) Does it sound like things may have changed? I'm not looking for a definitive answer, but I would really appreciate an outside opinion. It's killing me. Thanks.
motive2002 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Is "Emma" single? I dunno, sounds like she likes to flirt with you and enjoy your company. After getting friend-zoned the first time around I wouldn't read too much into it. You might want to make a pass at her, just to see what happens. Worst thing that could happen is she'll lay the "just friends" line on you again and you really haven't lost anything by trying, know what I mean? Usually if I've been friend-zoned, I forget all about it. I'm not into the whole 'guy for now' thing for women that are just seeking validation. There's plenty of other men around for that.
Author Danneth Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 Thanks for the reply motive. Yes, she is single. The thing that confuses me about her, is that there are other guys interested in her yet she doesn't seem to flirt with them like she flirts with me. With me she'll literally drag me out of my seat to dance with her at times, but I don't see her doing that with other guys, nor do I see her touching them like she's done with me before.
motive2002 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Thanks for the reply motive. Yes, she is single. The thing that confuses me about her, is that there are other guys interested in her yet she doesn't seem to flirt with them like she flirts with me. With me she'll literally drag me out of my seat to dance with her at times, but I don't see her doing that with other guys, nor do I see her touching them like she's done with me before. Those sound like good signs to me. Make your move. Don't hesitate for too long. Gotta strike when the iron's hot, so to speak.
greystone08 Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Sounds like Emma wants you to step up to the plate again. Like Motive said, make a pass at her. Don't tell her again that you like her, just make a move. Just don't get too rough or aggressive. It's all about finesse. She can't really get mad because she's giving signals like flirting with you and grabbing your butt. Women/girls for some reason think they gotta play hard to get with us so they won't seem unrespectable or easy. You sound pretty young. All i can say is, i wish I could be in your shoes with the knowledge I have now. I'm not THAT old (28) but i'm engaged now and can't do that stuff anymore. I hope i didn't insult you by saying you sound young but you say you're single and hang out in groups, that sounds like what teens and early to mid twenty somethings do. Anyway, keep us posted
Author Danneth Posted August 8, 2009 Author Posted August 8, 2009 Sounds like Emma wants you to step up to the plate again. Like Motive said, make a pass at her. Don't tell her again that you like her, just make a move. Just don't get too rough or aggressive. It's all about finesse. She can't really get mad because she's giving signals like flirting with you and grabbing your butt. Women/girls for some reason think they gotta play hard to get with us so they won't seem unrespectable or easy. You sound pretty young. All i can say is, i wish I could be in your shoes with the knowledge I have now. I'm not THAT old (28) but i'm engaged now and can't do that stuff anymore. I hope i didn't insult you by saying you sound young but you say you're single and hang out in groups, that sounds like what teens and early to mid twenty somethings do. Anyway, keep us posted Thanks for the advice greystone, you're right in your thinking, I'm 18. I'm seeing her tonight so if things go well, tonight may be the moment of truth.
Author Danneth Posted August 9, 2009 Author Posted August 9, 2009 well basically, that's that. I've just got home now after spending the night with her and to sum up my feelings? I want to kill myself. Basically, "Emma" spent the whole night ignoring me because she was more interested in some jocks who turned up. Now she's following them around whilst I'm at home. She hardly said a word to me all night and I now feel rejected, sad and still lonely. It may sound over-dramatic to some but I've never felt that way about anybody in my whole life and she's treated me like crap (for the second time). Now, I just don't see any way forward, I'm nothing to the girl I love. If I had any sort of courage I probably would have done away with my pathetic life already. Back to my 9-5 job, working behind a desk dreaming that one day I may actually find somebody who likes me. I doubt I will, but it's worth dreaming about...
Green Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 well basically, that's that. I've just got home now after spending the night with her and to sum up my feelings? I want to kill myself. Basically, "Emma" spent the whole night ignoring me because she was more interested in some jocks who turned up. Now she's following them around whilst I'm at home. She hardly said a word to me all night and I now feel rejected, sad and still lonely. It may sound over-dramatic to some but I've never felt that way about anybody in my whole life and she's treated me like crap (for the second time). Now, I just don't see any way forward, I'm nothing to the girl I love. If I had any sort of courage I probably would have done away with my pathetic life already. Back to my 9-5 job, working behind a desk dreaming that one day I may actually find somebody who likes me. I doubt I will, but it's worth dreaming about... First off I doubt you actualy love this girl... I mean when I fell in love I didn't mope around like this I went for the girl full force... You say you feel rejected but from what I can tell you didn't take the great advice people gave you of striking while the iron is hot and making a move... In the future when you like a girl don't just tell her... show her. Instead of telling this girl you like her... just kiss her when she gets all flirty with you... in fact just pull her aside and kiss her. You need to put yourself in a situation where you will be either rejected or accepted. In less your willing to completly lose this girl by doing something drastic like making a bold romantic move then you'll just be a friend. You should have grabbed her and kissed her instead of telling her you liked her that first time, and if you just walked away from the girl you suposedly love because she looked in the direction of jocks then you don't deserve her. Look man you have your entire life ahead of you so don't kill yourself over this, please. I can relate to you but my life really changed as I got older so you just have to see where things go and become more confident as you live and learn
Author Danneth Posted August 9, 2009 Author Posted August 9, 2009 I see her once a week. I hadn't seen her since I began posting here. It's also pretty hard to do anything when she was BLATANTLY (she hardly even looked at me all night) more interested in these jocks than she was in me. You can question whether I actually love this girl all you want, because I know that I do. I know exactly how I feel about her and the hope of being with her was single ray of hope that I have in my life. I work every day in some crappy desk job which means nothing, and that's the way it'll be for the foreseeable future. Every girl I've ever had any feelings for has shot me down and now it's really beginning to grind me down. Don't want to sound so depressing, but I honestly don't see anything in my life that gives me hope.
Green Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 Your seriously misguided if you just followed the advice of making some bold confident moves you'd probably have her. Dude you havn't lost her yet... the night is young... go back out to the party or what ever and go get her! tell her you want to tell her a secret then just kiss her! If you love her then don't let a little thing like being ignored get you down... By the way when I was your age I got shot down mercilessly and didn't even have a desk job... worked retail at the mall.... but I had blind hope and it worked out so dude either go try again and actualy try something because from what I can tell you didn't try something with the girl... or just watch a comedy and have a laugh
Author Danneth Posted August 9, 2009 Author Posted August 9, 2009 I'm in the UK, it's 3:22am here, the night isn't young anymore. She was all over those jocks tonight (one of which she's dated before, the other she's openly admittedly she has a crush on), believe me, she had no interest in me. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but it just feels like it's never going to happen for me. Everybody I know is happy with their life, they have all found somebody. I've not and never have.
Ariadne Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 I am seriously falling for her she always seems to be pinching my butt touching me in some way single me out to dance with the one she usually sits next to Americans... Now really, this would "not" happen in my country. Not in Italy, not in France, not in South Am... Just make a pass. Kiss her or something. Start touching her.
Ariadne Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 (Ok, the guy is in the UK... must be very young and inexperienced then).
Author Danneth Posted August 10, 2009 Author Posted August 10, 2009 Sorry about the depressing posts the other night, I'd had quite a bit to drink when I made them and went over the top with some of the things I said. Anyway, Emma did spend the night pretty much ignoring me, and I didn't make a move. I know someone said that I don't deserve her if I'm not willing to make the move in a situation like this but I'll stand by my decision not to on a night like that. She was following a guy round who she liked for a while (not sure if she does now, but guessing she still does. for the record, he doesn't like her at all) and she didn't have any interest in me. I could have made a move, but it would have most likely been ill fated. I'd rather live to fight another day when a better chance is there if I'm being honest. I'm pretty miserable about all this though. One of two things is happening, she either still just likes me as a friend (in which case, I'd obviously be down about) OR she does/did like me, and I missed my golden opportunity last week when there were no jocks around and we were dancing together for a while. Either way sucks really. I think I was right to be tentative about her flirting though. Considering she's turned me down once before it seemed right not to do anything at the time. Now I'm stuck wondering what might have been.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I'm not sure you missed an opportunity. Unfortunately, when the well is dry for some girls they will make their friend guy the 'unboyfriend' meaning that she will treat you like a boyfriend but has no real interest in you. It just keeps them busy until they find a man they really want. The thing to do is to rapidly bring it to the make or break point. Tell her you want to go out with her alone (not a party, not with other people, not 'hanging out', but an honest to goodness 'one on one' night). Make it an obvious date - dinner, a walk afterward, whatever. At the end of the night lay it on the line. Tell her how you feel (not tentatively, but absolutely directly with no grey area) and if you can, make it in the middle of a hug - as in, telling her in her ear and see if it leads to a kiss. You'll get your definitive answer. If you get the F word, or anything less than 'kiss me' or 'I will be your girlfriend' means she is jerking your chain and you will be well rid of her. I'm serious - do not accept anything less than 100% reciprocation and dump her off 100% if she doesn't. Life is too short to waste it on people who waste yours.
Davey McG Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 Danneth, some advice gave me when I was about 18-19 years old: "He who hesitates, masturbates" You should stop hanging around her and being at her beck and call and learn lessons from this experience. You'll get over her in time and if she's rejected you once, you'll look like a begging little puppy if you keep trying to ask her out. Been there and done that!
Green Posted August 10, 2009 Posted August 10, 2009 I strongly disagree with some of the previous posters advice. First off do not tell her you like her again, like I said show her. In my mind you weren't rejected the first time because all you did was tell her you like her instead of just being romantic and flirting and then kissing. Thats what you need to do, get flirty, touchy, and then kiss. If you do that you'll know if she likes you because then you will get flat out rejected. It is very unlikely that you would just tell a girl "I like you" and then expect her to make the moves or tell you "I like you to" heck most girls don't make a decision on the guy untill after that first kiss. Obviously don't be her puppy dog, but don't go out of your way to avoid her, if you get a chance to see her, then go see her and kiss her. Make a move man, even if you fail, you'll be baller for having put a real try. I don't count just telling a girl you like her as an actual try.
greystone08 Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Hey Danneth. I'm sorry to hear about what happened but you haven't struck out. You can't strike out if you never go up to bat. The best advice i can give you at this point is to start playing her off. Ignore her a little bit. When you see her, just keep it short and act like you got something else to do. Even if she calls.. Trust me, i know its hard and the thought of her just moving on to another guy will creep in. Based on my experience, women HATE being ignored. If you make yourself scarce for a little while, she will come around. The important thing to do right now is to do something for yourself that makes you feel good. Lift some weights. Get a hobby, Do an activity. Go on another date with another girl. DO something different. The game never changes. Quit telling yourself you love this girl (EVEN IF YOU DO), because that will put your mind in the phase that you can't live without her and it will come off as unconfident and she will continue to take you for granted. The women that i liked and who didn't show interest in me at first didn't really respond to me until i acted like i didn't need them. Some may disagree and women on this board will probably try to deny it but its true. Trust me young brotha! Women your age and a little older are attracted to guys who act like they don't need them!!! Please continue to keep us posted! Just try what i'm saying, no matter how hard it is. It's the best thing you can do for yourself. When she starts showing concern why you're not responding to her, then slowly make your move.
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