feeling guilt and anger: I can't stop analzying what I did and did not do! :-(

[aloneanddepressed]

Its been a little over 2 weeks since I found out its over with my jerk of a BF. I keep analyzing things, and picking the pieces apart to see where things went wrong, and wondering if I really had no right to get upset. I do know we were BOTH at fault for things, and its probably better its over, but I still can't shake the thoughts running through my head. The more I think about this, he seems like he was a irresponsible, insensitive little prick.

 

As I mentioned in another one of my threads, he had an issue with losing his phone; had a problem with missing calls, or leaving his phone at home when going out somewhere. I think this caused a communication problem. When he started working again, I felt like he wasn't giving me near as much attention. The phone thing gets old, missing calls, losing phone etc. As in another one of my post, HOW many times does a person lose a phone. BS, more than likely. I don't know if I expected too much or what.

 

Some other examples of things that bugged me were, he didn't introduce me to people. For instance, once we ran into a co-worker at his job, and I was standing right there and he didn't introduce me or say a thing. I actually never questioned him about this, but thinking back ...WTF??!!

 

The last time I saw him, his brother in law dropped my the house, and yet again he didn't introduce me and it was COMPLETELY awkward. I questioned my BF about this and his response was "oh....he knows you, its not like i have tons of girls over". I felt like I wasn't important or worth introducing. I don't know if he lacks social graces, or that had something to do with this feelings for me.

 

I didn't mention this on here, but he acted like he didn't respect that I wanted to use condoms during sex. He would say things like "he can't feel anything", and I think once that he indicated he'd rather not even do it. I told him it was important we used them, and he was very careless about this. A few times we had sex, I simply told him I wish we had used them, because now I'm going to worry about things. I didn't get upset or anything, just told him I was a bit worried. He then got upset, and once said "OK.....I'm never having sex with you again". I was like how do you say something like that?? That is going to the extreme a bit. Just stuff like that, he did it more than once.

 

The last couple times we were intimate, as I've mentioned in a few previous threads, he displayed his insensitivity in the bedroom. I know I overreacted but I was totally frustrated how he was behaving. I still feel bad, like I'm sure I looked like a fool getting upset and overreacting. I was having some discomfort during sex, and he got fed up and abruptly said lets stop and acted weird. He later told me he was upset for a fact. I'm not sure why. I felt like he was blaming me for being in discomfort, something I couldn't help..I'm not really sure what he was thinking. The next time we were intimate, I felt used, to sum it up. He did his business-should I say quickly, and didn't act like he cared if I was pleasured or not, when I specifically told him earlier I was frustrated-in a cute way that is. I feel bad that I did handle things a little too over the top, but I took these situations as an implication of his feelings for me. Maybe I was wrong, I'm not sure.

 

I could go on and on, but its bugging the crap out of me. I think what I could have done differently; would it have really helped the situation. I mean if he's a prick, he's a prick. I'm tired of feeling guilty, and I hate that he probably thinks I'm just some person that gets mad over everything. I am a bit over sensitive, and overreact at times, BUT, I don't think he was being nice at all in a number of situations. It makes me mad that I bet he doesn't even know what he did wrong. OK, well I felt like venting. Do you think it sounds like he was a jerk or what?

[moo]

He sounds like a selfish, disrepectful, immature bombaclot.

 

You should be glad to be rid of him.

[aloneanddepressed]

He sounds like a selfish, disrepectful, immature bombaclot.

 

You should be glad to be rid of him.

 

Yes, I'm thinking its probably for the best, but of course I still continue to think about everything that happened. I know it wasn't just my fault nor his, but the fact that he pretty much dumped me, I feel like the guilty one.

[moo]

You should try writing in a journal. In my journal, I yell, I repeat things as many times as I need to repeat them, write soft letters to him that I will never show him, I write mean letters to him that I will never show him. I get out a lot of my emotions in my journal.

[georgia girl]

Don't beat yourself up. It's natural and we all do it. We go through this process of, "what did I do that would make him/her fall out of love with me?" The truth is that people mess up everyday in every thing we do. We are human and we're not intended to be perfect.

 

Another truth is that people fall out of love everyday as well. For the most part, as much as we are all hurt here, we genuinely know that the other person isn't pond scum or any other horrible thing. It's just that when someone else burdens you with their emotions (which is what our exes think we're doing), people tend to react negatively and treat you badly.

 

The final truth, however, is that when it does work - when both people are committed - that it doesn't matter if you mess up and he won't treat you badly and you won't have to face this hurt again. It's what we're all looking for.

 

As hard as it is, don't waste time on this guy. Get over him and on to the next guy. If it's meant to be with the one who broke your heart now, he'll find his way back to you and you'll be happy to see him again one day. But if it isn't, you'll be happy in the meantime.

[moo]

I agree except for one thing: I think some people really are scum: liars, users, physical abusers, selfish, self-centered cretins. I will say that none of our exes were 100% bad though. You do have to get to the point that you look at those types not as monsters, but maybe as dysfunctioning people. Anger keeps you attached. I'm starting to let go of my anger, but I am not fully there yet.

[aloneanddepressed]

Its hard to let go when the person you thought loved you, never says goodbye or a word. He just slithers his way out of the relationship and acts like you never existed. You have to love people. They are so sweet.

[moo]

I know, it really sucks. You put up with so much of their sh*t, but in the end, they don't appreciate it. They just leave. My ex told me to "take care" when I was having one of my crying fits. Earlier today I started to feel sad again, but when I think about the type of person he was...I'm so much better off.