Confusedalways Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 My question is why do guys... and perhaps girls too... talk about other men/ women to people they supposedly are trying to date? Is this a trying to make someone jealous thing, insecurity thing, or are they 'just not into you?' That sounds kind of unclear but I'll try to clean it up... I have a male friend who, in the opinions of others likes me. He initiates 95% of our text/email/phone conversations etc, but that is neither here nor there. Sometimes during these conversations he will say things like "I'm so annoyed." I'll ask why and he'll respond with 'all the hot girls just left the party." How he just resisted this 'really hot girl who was coming on to him' or variants of that like how he wishes more hot girls were at the bars, etc. Now, I don't really play these games and usually respond with 'go get her number then' or, 'strike up a conversation with them' etc, etc. Does anyone have some insight on why he says these things? I'm really starting to get curious and hoped/thought you guys might have some varying reasons which I'd love to hear!
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Who knows, really. My best guess would be that he's trying to make himself more desirable to you because there are hot girls all around him he could choose from, but he's choosing YOU so far? Like you have competition, look out. LOL It's so silly.
redhighheels Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Yeah, talking about how none of the hot girls want him is bound to make any woman go crazy over him. You should tell him not to be pouty, at the end of the day he still has his health and his right hand. I can see how he'd do that here and there to try to get a rouse out of you and watch your reaction, but if he does it ALL the time then he's just a rude idiot and not just any kind of idiot, but a special one. The one that makes you start posting on forums, when what you really should be doing is contemplate ways of telling him to take a hike.
Author Confusedalways Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Haha thanks guys, I thought it was something silly like this. He doesn't do it often, but enough that I notice, which I guess is his plan. He drops it as soon as I suggest that he go get their numbers
wontgohomewou Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Hahah oh man! I always do that with girls I like, kind of just to annoy them to be honest. It's a VERY strange way of flirting but he definitely digs you if he's talking about other girls!
Author Confusedalways Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Hahah oh man! I always do that with girls I like, kind of just to annoy them to be honest. It's a VERY strange way of flirting but he definitely digs you if he's talking about other girls! Oh thanks for the male perspective!! I'm guessing my responses probably just annoy him then... oops. Maybe i'll try to give him a dose of his own meds and see how he likes it.
wontgohomewou Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Hahah he is going to get SOOO jealous and you're going to LOVE doing it
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Oh thanks for the male perspective!! I'm guessing my responses probably just annoy him then... oops. Maybe i'll try to give him a dose of his own meds and see how he likes it. He sounds immature... Do you like him?
Author Confusedalways Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 He sounds immature... Do you like him? I don't think he is very relationship savvy. No, I don't like him.
carhill Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I was going to respond earlier with the reverse corollary of the ETS (emotional tampon syndrome) theory, but then realized they are young. Such games are normal. In time, for most people, they grow out of that phase. So, enjoy!
Author Confusedalways Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 ETS? I am kind of intrigued. Either way- I'll ride it out. Just wondered what the deal was but seems I got my answer!
carhill Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 ETS - typically a female-male dynamic where the female has low interest and uses the doormat but attracted male as a tampon for her problems and boyfriend issues. Generally, when a woman starts telling me her relationship issues, I know I'm not a romantic prospect and decide if that's healthy for me under the particular circumstances. If she's otherwise a good friend and I have no romantic interest, I'm happy to be supportive. Otherwise, now, I encourage her to work out her issues with her partner and leave me out of it. IMO, it's disrespectful to me and I set a firm boundary in that regard. Hope that helps
Author Confusedalways Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 I see. You always bring an interesting and unique perspective, Carhill. food for thought, I guess!
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I know of one in particular who talks about 'smoking megahotties' that he sees as a way to create and keep a clear boundary: one that says "I like you and feel comfortable telling you this, and I am not going to commit to you and am keeping my options open."
Jersey Shortie Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Otherwise, now, I encourage her to work out her issues with her partner and leave me out of it. IMO, it's disrespectful to me and I set a firm boundary in that regard. Hope that helps Why is it disrespectful to you????? Women talk about their relationships.
boogieboy Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Why is it disrespectful to you????? Women talk about their relationships. No one wants to hear about anyones relationships. Its sort of disrespectful when a woman knows a guy likes her, but she isnt into him and is using him for the emotiuonal tampon. Same if a guy did it to a women. But really, the person who was friend zoned, stayed around to get this treatment, so its theyre fault really.
carhill Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Why is it disrespectful to you????? Women talk about their relationships. Simply and clearly, it's disrespectful to me when she knows I'm attracted to her. My experience has been, far longer than you've been alive, that women use the attraction of males to validate themselves and some will, if they can get away with it, unload their problems on such males in order to cleanse themselves for their primary man. There was a great Star Trek episode on this dynamic, with the genders reversed, where a telepathic male 'consumed' genetically engineered females as receptacles for his negative emotions when negotiating interplanetary treaties. His negotiating opponents never knew the source of his seeming serenity. Similarly, the woman's primary male never knows who she is using up to be his perfect woman, nor does he care. Such is the psychology of self-involved users. BTW, men talk about their relationships too. Next time you're attracted to a guy, listen to him talk about his girlfriend for awhile and see how you feel. It's an eye-opener
boogieboy Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 My experience has been, far longer than you've been alive, that women use the attraction of males to validate themselves and some will, if they can get away with it, unload their problems on such males in order to cleanse themselves for their primary man. Just had to bold this post.....any women want to fess up to doing this at the expense of some hapless guy knowing it was wrong?
carhill Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 TBH, I don't think a man would 'fess up'; the psychology of using, whether it is situational or global, runs parallel with that of rationalization. I've seen glimpses of that demon in my own psychology and it was only with the assistance of a professional, along with a willingness to look critically at myself, that I could face it. That process helped me establish better boundaries. Back to the OP, since it was about a guy... The OP apparently has no romantic interest in the guy (he's a friend to her but she thinks he 'likes' her), and is merely interested in possible motivations for his behavior. She doesn't give the impression that she's using him in any way, so it's kinda off-topic to go there. I will continue with my games of youth theory, something I saw and practiced as a young man. It's just an immature way of getting or attracting attention.
Ariadne Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Does anyone have some insight on why he says these things? When guys talk to you like that, that means they see you like a pal and have no romantic interest in you.
Author Confusedalways Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 Such different opinions!! And for the record, I don't think I'm 'using' him, either.
hoping2heal Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 I don't think he is very relationship savvy. No, I don't like him. Okay so, you don't like him. Yet you are planning to "give him a taste of his own medicine" ? Just exactly what kind of head games are you using this guy for?
Trialbyfire Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Confusedalways, if you're not interested in him, why are you so curious about his motivation(s)? Perhaps it's worthwhile to self-examine personal motivation(s).
Author Confusedalways Posted July 22, 2009 Author Posted July 22, 2009 I am TRYING to like him. So far so bad, but we shall see.
hoping2heal Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 LOL - TRYING to like him? Why? Is it because he likes you and is a "sure thing" or what?
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