Breaking Up with someone if you feel you are not good enough

[aloneanddepressed]

As I keep commenting on my other threads about my worries and frustrations about my ex just disappearing on me, another thought crossed my mind. For weeks, I have been taking the breakup more so "personal" i guess you would say, like its something I did. I have been feeling guilty. I know that some of my behavior did contribute to things not working out, but he had problems as well.

 

Anyways, I don't think my ex had very good self esteem. I remember quite a few times he would say "I'm no good", or "I suck", or something to that effect. It just dawned on me that maybe he was tired of feeling like he wasn't good enough for me, and he couldn't continue to see me anymore. During some of our arguments he had, he would always seem to take it personal and act like he is no good. I would never go out of my way to make a person feel this way, and I regret if I did make him feel bad. I think I was too hard on him and expected too much at times. He really was being insensitive about a number of things though, so at the time it didn't seem I was being "too" hard. Of course, I still don't know if this is the real reason he never spoke to me again or what. It could be he is just a total jerk, and lied to me and what not, but just a thought.

 

Well either way, I still feel terrible about this, but I admit thinking of it this way makes it a little better. Nothing is worse, than feeling like someone may have lied to you and didn't love you. However, I would hate to think I made him feel like he was not good enough for me, but it really seemed like that the more I think about it.

[Taucher]

This is something that I can relate too, possibly. I say possibly because you dont seem sure if your ex had thoughts that he was 'not good enough' and I am not sure that my ex thought that either.

 

However, she was always questioning my love for her and saying I could find someone better. Basically asking for reassurance is all it is. Despite the fact that she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen as well as the funniest and cleverest etc blah blah.

 

I think sometimes on this forum some posters see things as being quite black and white where as in reality I think that people end relationships for a variety of reasons. And some people have a self-destruct button and, coupled with stubbornness, can make them end things for strange reasons.

 

I am sure that you didnt MAKE him feel that way though, it is something that is within him which he probably needs to work on, or it will most likely affect all his future relationships (whether with you if u get back together or someone else.

 

T

[Thomas X Forever]

My first and last ex broke up with me because they felt they weren't good enough. The first gf didn't admit this to me, but I strung it out of all her different friends. My most recent ex admitted it straight up. Both ex's had a lot of problems, so I agreed with them both. Rofl, you think I'm an ass, you should've seen these two.

 

The moral is, it definitely is possible people break up with you because they feel they aren't good enough. And if they feel this way, then they probably AREN'T.

[BCCA]

Were his parents divorced and does he have a relationship with both?

 

Or did he have an ex that REALLY did a number on him?

 

Sounds more like abandonment issues to me. "Im not good enough" usually means the person thinks youre going to leave them one day, and is actually more looking for reassurances that you ARE than you arent. If you tell them they have nothing to worry about, they just ask again another time.

 

Sadly, one of three things happens with these kinds of people: 1. They do the right thing and get some help, 2. They meet someone with the same or worse issues, and they work it out together, 3. They relationship hop forever, always 'dumping first' so as not to be the one left.

 

You cant do anything, its their cross to bear. If they want to leave instead of really think about what the problem is, you cant stop them. Dont blame yourself, all you did was be who you are.

[Thomas X Forever]

Good psychology, BCCA, good psychology...

[aloneanddepressed]

Well, actually I found out from his friend, he has this thing, where he has to be with someone at all times, and is afraid of being alone. He seems to be very hard on himself, but I know that I was a a bit too hard on him about some things, which I regret. His parents were divorced at a very early age, and he is fairly close to mom now. As far as I know he was never close to his dad at all, and as of now his dad has already passed away. When I first met him, he told me that several of his ex's friends, made comments like "she could do better than him". He has also mentioned a few times to me, that "i could do better", or "don't settle" when we were having disagreements. I did get the feeling several times, he possibly feared me breaking it off with him. Of course, here I am in pain, because he just disappeared on me.

 

 

 

 

Were his parents divorced and does he have a relationship with both?

 

Or did he have an ex that REALLY did a number on him?

 

Sounds more like abandonment issues to me. "Im not good enough" usually means the person thinks youre going to leave them one day, and is actually more looking for reassurances that you ARE than you arent. If you tell them they have nothing to worry about, they just ask again another time.

 

Sadly, one of three things happens with these kinds of people: 1. They do the right thing and get some help, 2. They meet someone with the same or worse issues, and they work it out together, 3. They relationship hop forever, always 'dumping first' so as not to be the one left.

 

You cant do anything, its their cross to bear. If they want to leave instead of really think about what the problem is, you cant stop them. Dont blame yourself, all you did was be who you are.

[BCCA]

His parents were divorced at a very early age, and he is fairly close to mom now. As far as I know he was never close to his dad at all, and as of now his dad has already passed away.

 

Textbook.

 

Children need both parents in their lives. When one is out of the picture, especially when children are young, they blame themselves. They start to think that if they were a better child, maybe their parents wouldnt have split. Usually, the result is some form of depression as well as abandonment issues. He probably needs to see someone, but like most people, probably wont.

 

He has also mentioned a few times to me, that "i could do better", or "don't settle" when we were having disagreements. I did get the feeling several times, he possibly feared me breaking it off with him. Of course, here I am in pain, because he just disappeared on me.

 

Yeah, he has a problem. Its like he wants you to agree that he's not worthy, but then he leave you. He needs to see someone.