How do I get across my ex who dumped me has hurt me when I accpeted her gift

[gavinus]

Short story she treated my poorly, used me, dumped me, admitted staying with me becuase she lacked the confidence to leave and said she would not miss me. She gave me a Bday present which I accepted and I told her I would send her one and acted confident, happy, friendly. (I am not, I am still upset). She then called me to say I am glad you are happier now and she said asked me to tell her if I meet anybody new and she said she would do the same. I realise now by being nice to her it says to her her treatment of me was ok. It was not ok. She treated me badly, but it is her birthday in a month, if I don't send her anything does that make me look like a jerk? Or do i return her gift (it has been 2 weeks now), give her the money or go and stay NC?? Was is the right thing to do so that I can get across she has hurt me but still be able to live with myself? thankyou

[NiceGuy4Ever]

Well it seems you messed up in accepting the gift. There are ways of saying "I can't take this" nicely and politely. She treated you bad and you still are in pain but even with that you are submitting to your feelings. Don't you can rise above them and contact with her is not going to help so just maybe tell her you won't do whatever you were thinking of doing, that you need time whether she likes or not and go NC. Hopefully that'll work for you, hope this helps.

[NopeNah]

Bro...you're putting way too much thought into this. Alot of people told you to send it back when you first got it..you didn't. Keep the damn thing and go NC on her ass! Don't tell her you're going NC, don't get her a gift, don't return this gift, don't give her any money for the gift she gave you. It was a gift. Keep it and move on!

[gavinus]

thanks I will try to

[Narf]

I feel for you... You are too nice! Seriously try to look at the situtaion from an outsider...

 

Your friend gets treated badly... And dumped and basically told he was used towards the end of the relationship... Would you suggest giving a gift? or even talking to her?

 

She left you... You owe her nothing now, i know you want to be nice but it is hurting you!! She is no longer doing it .. It is you!!! Dont give a present if you want send a happy birthday txt or card but no more! She doesnt deserve more! You are not going out... Plus she was a cow towards the end...

 

Please try get some self esteem back dont let her tell you what to do anymore... Dont give a present! Keep the one she gave you.. Treat it as compensation for the way she treated you... Honestly presents are only special if they mean something... Giving her something cause she demands it when you feel hurt by her isnt helping you at all!

 

Dont feel guilty or bad about it! She DUMPED you! She treated you cruelly and my guess is you would never do that to someone else... IT is time to set yourself free, get distance from her.

 

.... Txt if you must... Card if you must but no Present!

[gavinus]

thanks for your support, the more she was horrible to me when we went out, the nicer I became (I thought I would not go to her level) and I have been judging myself because by not sending her anything or even acknowledging her birthday I felt I was like her or was not a good person, and becuase her opinion has mattered to me for the last 3 years (before my own) I did not want to been seen as not nice. I will send nothing, and try not to give myself a hard time for not acknowledging her birthday, thanks heaps

[Thomas X Forever]

That Goku icon makes me feel bad. I'm guessing you think you're like him? And I know his character.. he was an all around good person, always nice to good people.

 

He was mean to mean people though. Your ex qualifies as this.

[NopeNah]

thanks for your support, the more she was horrible to me when we went out, the nicer I became (I thought I would not go to her level) and I have been judging myself because by not sending her anything or even acknowledging her birthday I felt I was like her or was not a good person, and becuase her opinion has mattered to me for the last 3 years (before my own) I did not want to been seen as not nice. I will send nothing, and try not to give myself a hard time for not acknowledging her birthday, thanks heaps

By sending/doing nothing..You are being nice to the only person that matters from your past relationship.. YOU!

[Narf]

I agree with the above!! But i totally understsand where you are coming from... I was with a guy 8 years and the meaner he got the nicer i got... I ended up hating myself cause i put him first... Why would i do that?! After what he put me through?

 

Dont go to her level...Going out with her and not getting her anything would be harsh... But not getting her anything when she dumped you?! Ripped your heart out and become mean and cruel to you isnt mean in the slightest...

I know your hurting and you want her back but really try break it down... You want a relationship, someone who loves you and appreciates your niceness... Not a leech taking your pride and making you feel bad for doing what is right by you!

[gavinus]

thankyou, I also realize now that being nice was my only defense left and the only part of me that I was proud of that she had not changed, or hurt or crushed. But in being too nice I let myself get walked over and used and she always told me if I was mean to her it would of made it easier for her to move on.......but she moved on anyway. I need to believe I am still a nice person and her opinion does not matter, which I will try to do, it nice to know people care

[Chrome Barracuda]

I told everyone on here and your dumbass not to accept the F-ing gift because all it would do is bring you pain and now you gotta buy her a gift on her birthday??? WTF? why didnt you return the gift and tell her to kick rocks, do you like the emotional abuse, do you like being a doormat?

 

WTf are you getting outta this because all I see is a pathetic whimpering man reduced to a shell of his former self and asking others for ADVICE ON COMMON SENSE!!!

 

Good lord gavinus are you gonna return the gift or not and continue being her emotional whipping boy???

[NopeNah]

I told everyone on here and your dumbass not to accept the F-ing gift because all it would do is bring you pain and now you gotta buy her a gift on her birthday??? WTF? why didnt you return the gift and tell her to kick rocks, do you like the emotional abuse, do you like being a doormat?

 

WTf are you getting outta this because all I see is a pathetic whimpering man reduced to a shell of his former self and asking others for ADVICE ON COMMON SENSE!!!

 

Good lord gavinus are you gonna return the gift or not and continue being her emotional whipping boy???

hahahah..Was waiting on you to get in here..You were the main one I was talking about that said to give it back!

[gavinus]

I have not decided what to do yet, I am still trying to get over the whole battered mans syndrome thing.

[NopeNah]

trying to get over the whole battered mans syndrome thing.

That's the easy part I've figured out... They say we're dicks so, lets be dicks!!

[Narf]

Dont be dicks :/ I have already faced my fair share and if the nice ones turn im screwed.

 

OP, i think it is pretty clear and even you can see why you were being so nice to her... Nows the time to balance the nice... Do what limits the pain for you... Dont think about what it does to her! She is not worth the effort or pain.

[NopeNah]

Dont be dicks :/ I have already faced my fair share and if the nice ones turn im screwed..

That sounds kinda XXX rated

[gavinus]

well I returned her gifts that she gave me! I dropped them in her letterbox and send a text that said thanks for the gifts, I cant accept them as I will loose my own self respect. so that was that, she did not bother to reply. i was trying to be nice and was putting her needs before my own in keeping them, as my friends have said I was playing mr nice guy but not listening to my own truth (which was send them back). In keeping her gifts I was saying I accept your horrible treatment of me over the last 3 years, which at the time I did, but will never do again, thanks for all your help

[NopeNah]

Well played!

[Thomas X Forever]

Good... I'm glad you did this.... hopefully we will all get this type of closure

[gavinus]

I am angry! My ex sent back a text 24 hours later that said, I respect your decision and I wish you well. I am angry because she did not respect me at all and her abusive actions are the opposite of what she said to me, I feel like I want to text her back explaining that! Is that the right thing to do?

[hrtbrk hotel tenant]

dont send her a gift on her bday it says that u are still hangn on and she can come to u when needed u need to make her miss u and be like "damn son done moved on i wonder what he is doin.." my ex's bday is on wed i aint callin her emailn her sending her a gift it is another day granted i will remember but that is all the way she treated me is unforgivable(for now i guess) so *** dat ur ex(and mine) are regular ppl now not the goddesses(gods) we exalted them to be....

[wow123]

I have been following your story and I am glad you returned the gifts. Take her words with a grain of salt. Just because she acts like she doesn't care...doesn't mean she doesn't. Girls can hide their emotions very easily...but you're done so it doesn't matter how she feels anyways. Congrats I know that was tough for u!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Awww gavinus shut the F up!!!

 

Your taking back the power and building self esteem when you returned those gifts!!!

 

Secondly you make your own destiny, not this selfish woman who has hurt you.

 

Now that she has replied finally with that message. I implore you to stay NC. Those feelings of anger will subside and fade. but you need time to detox. Do not respond and do not contact her.

 

Let her go...

 

Dont worry about getting your point across, and her caring about your feelings. she's too immature to do that!

[gavinus]

thanks guys, the angry part of me wants to tell her how much she has used/abused and hurt me over the last 3 years, but at the end of the day I think I will let NC say it all, and move on

[Chrome Barracuda]

thanks guys, the angry part of me wants to tell her how much she has used/abused and hurt me over the last 3 years, but at the end of the day I think I will let NC say it all, and move on

 

That's right...move on.

 

Your only holding yourself back when you hold onto her.