Thaddeus Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 OK fellow LoveShackers, here's a question for y'all. When pursuing a potential romantic partner, is it better to be persistent if your initial approaches are rebuffed, or is it more respectful to take a "no" as a "no" and cease the pursuit? I've already got my own take on it, but I'm curious to hear what others say.
AlektraClementine Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Well as a woman, I can tell you that it depends on the situation. Situation A- Not sure about dating the guy. Attracted to him but something about him is a little scary. Persistence is kind of sexy in this case. Situation B- Not attracted to him at all. No interest in dating him. Persistence is annoying in this case. I guess you have to gauge the attraction level.
2sure Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Gee. I was going to say if rebuffed, respect that and leave her alone. But my H wouldnt take No for an answer. Literally. And I have to admit I'm happy he didnt.
HsMomma Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Gee. I was going to say if rebuffed, respect that and leave her alone. But my H wouldnt take No for an answer. Literally. And I have to admit I'm happy he didnt. Mine either, 2sure...we'd been friends for several years when our respective marriages broke up at about the same time (both of our spouses were cheating on us). His divorce was final in November of that year & I kindly escorted (yeah, RIGHT) my exH out in January. My now H asked me out for the first time in April...I did everything I could to keep saying no, as I figured at that time, the LAST thing I needed was another relationship. But, he wouldn't give up...and 11 years later, I'm really glad he didn't, too! Thaddeus, I think it really does just depend on the people & the situation - had my H & I NOT been strictly platonic friends for years first, the first "no" woulda been the final word.
brokenglass Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 I don't know about anyone else but I've always found persistence to be a gigantic turn off to women. Maybe its just me, but every time I actively try to pursue a woman they always mysteriously end up with a boyfriend, fiance, husband or kids, perhaps even moving out of the country aka always some kind of excuse to not get around me. I'm not even creepy or anything and my persistence level is VERY low (one phone call a week, two times max), I always attribute it to "something better coming along" which always seems to be the case anyway.
Els Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Well that depends on 'how' it's rebuffed I'd say. If it was 'No, certainly not, I am NOT interested in you, leave me alone before I call the cops', then no. If it was a coy 'Hmm, maybe, I'll have to think about it ', persistence would work. If you like women playing that sort of games, that is.
LDR Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 As a woman, I dont like a guy to be persistent. If Im interested in you, I will go out with you, if I am not, then I wont. A persistent guy may come across as desperate which is a huge turnoff.
HsMomma Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 As a woman, I dont like a guy to be persistent. If Im interested in you, I will go out with you, if I am not, then I wont. A persistent guy may come across as desperate which is a huge turnoff.[/QUOTE] True - as I said earlier, I think it depends on the people & their particular situations at the time of pursuit. Brokenglass, I'm sorry you've run into these types of women/situations - most especially the "moving out of the country" type. Seems a tad extreme when a simple, "I'm flattered, but I don't see you in that light" usually will suffice if a woman doesn't want to go out with a man.
thegoodlife Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I agree with Elswyth in that it depends on how it's rebuffed. I've been friends with this guy for 18 years (which is almost my whole life), he's a good guy and a great friend but I have absolutely zero interest in him romantically. I've told him this many many times, yet he still pursues. THAT is annoying. Sometimes no means no.
shadowplay Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 It can sometimes work for men on women, but only sometimes. Rarely works for women on men.
WineCountry Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 It depends. One of my exes, who is the only man i have been TOTALLY in love with, did not take no for an answer. When he first asked me out, I was appalled. I thought he was okay looking, but I thought he was a loud mouth, a-hole. Which he is, but in a good way. LOL Anyway, I wouldnt go out with him at first. I even told a friend of mine that this guy must be out of his mind if he thought i was going to go out with him. But, he kept at it, and finally i just broke down and agreed to go on a date with him. It went well, we had more dates, and that was that. We dated for two years, even talked about marriage, but my inmaturity at THAT time ruined things, so we split up. This was years ago. And i have never loved anyone else the way i loved him. So, THAT is why some people persist even when they get a no, i guess. LOL But, the thing is, you never know how the person is going to take you constantly persuing them. Instead of giving in, they could call 9-1-1.
mental_traveller Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 OK fellow LoveShackers, here's a question for y'all. When pursuing a potential romantic partner, is it better to be persistent if your initial approaches are rebuffed, or is it more respectful to take a "no" as a "no" and cease the pursuit? I've already got my own take on it, but I'm curious to hear what others say. Depends what you want. If you want someone regardless of whether they want you, then be persistent - faint heart ne'er won fair lady. However, if you want a successful relationship, generally it's better to go only for people who want you at least as much as you want them - so if they rebuff you then they rule themselves out as a potential partner. Personally I never try persistence, if someone is not interested after one approach then I don't go for them. In fact, I prefer to go for women who I think are already interested in me even before I make an approach. I'd say that's the best way to do it. It's nothing to do with persistence or respect, it's just based on not wanting to be with someone who doesn't really want you from the start.
mental_traveller Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Well as a woman, I can tell you that it depends on the situation. Situation A- Not sure about dating the guy. Attracted to him but something about him is a little scary. Persistence is kind of sexy in this case. Situation B- Not attracted to him at all. No interest in dating him. Persistence is annoying in this case. I guess you have to gauge the attraction level. What about situation C - very attracted to him and would love to date him? Would he even need to be persistent?
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