KAP84 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I've been with this woman for 7 years and I found out that she had this emotional affair w/ her ex through her confession one night. I was so angry that the sight of her disgust me completely and I told her that I need to be separated. She begged for me to forgive her and the reason she was confessing it to me was because she thought I deserved to know and that she wanted to work things out with me. After a week, I came to her and asked her why she felt the need to have this emotional affair with this guy and she told me that lately she wasn't happy with me. She told me that she has been telling me for a long time that she felt we didn't connect and that I didn't care for her feelings or needs. She said that I mistreated her verbally, emotionally, and physically for the past few years and she was starting to lose herself in the marriage. For the physical abuse, I only hit her a few times but she knew I had an anger problem and she just didn't know when to stop arguing with me. But I never hit her for more than a year now. She says emotionally, I am incapable of fulfilling her needs (whatever that means). She says I'm insensitive and all I do is bring her down. Hell, every time I come home from a hard day of work, all she does is nag on me. What man wouldn't be angry and want to listen to a woman's mouth when coming home? She says I don't take her out and don't make her special. I call her sexy and beautiful all the time, we have sex, and I take her out. What more can she want from me? I feel lately, I can't stand being around her. It makes me sick to my stomach that she would go out of her way and tell her ex she loved him. But she says that she wants to work it out and that we should seek counselling. But I don't want that, bc no matter how much counselling there is, I will always think of her as a slut (sorry it's harsh but it's true). She said they never gotten physical btwn them, but I don't care.
RA1 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 First of all, I'm sure you know it's never justified to hit someone no matter how much they run your mouth off at you. Second, I don't think it's right to call anyone a slut. It's a meaningless label. From the description of the problems, I'm sure you do need couples counseling. Unless you've already decided its over and there's no chance (which is implied in your last paragraph).
Author KAP84 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 First of all, I'm sure you know it's never justified to hit someone no matter how much they run your mouth off at you. Second, I don't think it's right to call anyone a slut. It's a meaningless label. From the description of the problems, I'm sure you do need couples counseling. Unless you've already decided its over and there's no chance (which is implied in your last paragraph). If you're a dude, then I'm pretty sure you would call your girl one if she betrayed you.
WARREN86 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 what's the deal? Just reading all of what you just wrote, it's no wonder your wife left you. I can't even begin to understand why in the world would she beg you back. You hit her, you obviously is clueless when it comes to treating a woman. I might be labelled as the OM but if that OM was like me, he was probably treating your wife so much better than you did in the 7 years you were married to her. I hope you leave her bc she doesn't deserve you.
BCCA Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 With as much empathy as I can muster for you, you need some serious help. First, the very notion that hitting anyone, let alone a woman, is ok under any context is flat out wrong. If you have an anger problem, thats YOUR issue, not hers. Its not her fault because she married you anyway, that doesnt give you a right to hit her. I see its been over a year, and thats a good start, but you sound a little too 'ok with it' for my liking. If I even thought about hitting a woman I would be embarrased, and if anyone dared touch my mother, they would never be seen again. Next, lets be honest - you dont have a 'modern' view on women and relationships. Your idea of what a woman should be is someone who stays home, cooks and cleans, and takes her pants off when you say to. Having sex with someone isnt making them feel special, nor is calling her sexy. Those are things that are for YOU that she may get some satisfaction out of as well. Women want to be told theyre hair/dress/etc are beatiful, or get some flowers, a night out unexpectdely, or come home to YOU making her dinner. Thats special, something youre doing completely and 100% for her. While complimenting their appearance is nice here and there, you dont want to make it out like theyre only good for their looks. Compliment her on other things, you know...kind of think of her as more than someone you sleep with maybe? Your problem is not your wife. Yes, she did have an emotional fling with an ex, but she also told you about it, told you the reasons why, and asked you to work with her. (Also, news flash - women always love every ex they had. Its us guys that draw the super hard lines in the sand) Instead of hearing her out, or even CONSIDERING your role in this, you continued to be a pig headed creep, who wants his women to keep their mouth shut and do as he says. Just admit it, you dont want an equal, you want to own a woman.
vangel2 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 With as much empathy as I can muster for you, you need some serious help. First, the very notion that hitting anyone, let alone a woman, is ok under any context is flat out wrong. If you have an anger problem, thats YOUR issue, not hers. Its not her fault because she married you anyway, that doesnt give you a right to hit her. I see its been over a year, and thats a good start, but you sound a little too 'ok with it' for my liking. If I even thought about hitting a woman I would be embarrased, and if anyone dared touch my mother, they would never be seen again. Next, lets be honest - you dont have a 'modern' view on women and relationships. Your idea of what a woman should be is someone who stays home, cooks and cleans, and takes her pants off when you say to. Having sex with someone isnt making them feel special, nor is calling her sexy. Those are things that are for YOU that she may get some satisfaction out of as well. Women want to be told theyre hair/dress/etc are beatiful, or get some flowers, a night out unexpectdely, or come home to YOU making her dinner. Thats special, something youre doing completely and 100% for her. While complimenting their appearance is nice here and there, you dont want to make it out like theyre only good for their looks. Compliment her on other things, you know...kind of think of her as more than someone you sleep with maybe? Your problem is not your wife. Yes, she did have an emotional fling with an ex, but she also told you about it, told you the reasons why, and asked you to work with her. (Also, news flash - women always love every ex they had. Its us guys that draw the super hard lines in the sand) Instead of hearing her out, or even CONSIDERING your role in this, you continued to be a pig headed creep, who wants his women to keep their mouth shut and do as he says. Just admit it, you dont want an equal, you want to own a woman. BRAVO! I couldn't say it any better than you did. Are you married? lol. Screw that movie What Women Want, you already know the deal. As far as you KAP84, you obviously is a one-minded person. I agree that you are not even recognizing your role in this. I bet if you listened to her and treated her the way she wanted to be then she would never have went to her ex. I'm not saying what she did was right but she at least had the courtesy to tell you and you should have the courtesy to not call her a slut.
Author KAP84 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 BRAVO! I couldn't say it any better than you did. Are you married? lol. Screw that movie What Women Want, you already know the deal. As far as you KAP84, you obviously is a one-minded person. I agree that you are not even recognizing your role in this. I bet if you listened to her and treated her the way she wanted to be then she would never have went to her ex. I'm not saying what she did was right but she at least had the courtesy to tell you and you should have the courtesy to not call her a slut. She should've have the courtesy to end the marriage and then see the guy.
NopeNah Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 She should've have the courtesy to end the marriage and then see the guy. and... you should've had the courtesy to leave your wife before you ever laid hands on her! I think she'd be better off with her ex.
Author KAP84 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 and... you should've had the courtesy to leave your wife before you ever laid hands on her! I think she'd be better off with her ex. that's cold. but yea, i think they deserve each other, too. i deserve a girl whose going to treat me better than she ever did. she's going to respect me and stop nagging on me and just let me be me.
Author KAP84 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 With as much empathy as I can muster for you, you need some serious help. First, the very notion that hitting anyone, let alone a woman, is ok under any context is flat out wrong. If you have an anger problem, thats YOUR issue, not hers. Its not her fault because she married you anyway, that doesnt give you a right to hit her. I see its been over a year, and thats a good start, but you sound a little too 'ok with it' for my liking. If I even thought about hitting a woman I would be embarrased, and if anyone dared touch my mother, they would never be seen again. Next, lets be honest - you dont have a 'modern' view on women and relationships. Your idea of what a woman should be is someone who stays home, cooks and cleans, and takes her pants off when you say to. Having sex with someone isnt making them feel special, nor is calling her sexy. Those are things that are for YOU that she may get some satisfaction out of as well. Women want to be told theyre hair/dress/etc are beatiful, or get some flowers, a night out unexpectdely, or come home to YOU making her dinner. Thats special, something youre doing completely and 100% for her. While complimenting their appearance is nice here and there, you dont want to make it out like theyre only good for their looks. Compliment her on other things, you know...kind of think of her as more than someone you sleep with maybe? Your problem is not your wife. Yes, she did have an emotional fling with an ex, but she also told you about it, told you the reasons why, and asked you to work with her. (Also, news flash - women always love every ex they had. Its us guys that draw the super hard lines in the sand) Instead of hearing her out, or even CONSIDERING your role in this, you continued to be a pig headed creep, who wants his women to keep their mouth shut and do as he says. Just admit it, you dont want an equal, you want to own a woman. I never said that I was right in hitting her, but common sense would tell you that if you're going to be with somebody with an anger problem to never escalate it. I tried to walking away but she was always a step behind me trying to resolve our pity little arguments. I hear the same s**t every day and it gets old. My wife works as a business manager so you're wrong about the type of wife I am into. I'm not expecting a submissive wife, but I deserve respect. She talked to me like I was a little kid and she's always talking back.
NopeNah Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 . She talked to me like I was a little kid and she's always talking back. This will be my last response to this NONSENSE. Look at what you just typed.. As a father.. when my ACTUAL KID,not a spouse who deserves as much respect as I do, would talk back. I would set her down and TALK about it with her. That was when she was 4 or so and I've never had to have that talk again. You guy's need to get as far away from each other as possible. You're both in a very volitile situation with this shi*t! Just be smart about this next action and leave her. I honestly can't beleive she or you wants to stay or have done it this long..Jesus! But, whatever. Stranger things have happened I suppose.
dxb Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I call her sexy and beautiful all the time, we have sex, and I take her out. What more can she want from me? Umm, 'love' usually works in this situation. Mate, you don't love her. Call it quits. Let her get on with her life and you get on with yours. You'll never get her to respect you by bullying her. But she will respect you if you actually have the balls to walk away when it's in everyone's interests. You think having an 'anger problem' means everyone has to respect your little 'disability' and keep their gob shut around you. Newsflash: it's not other people who have to fix your problem, it's you. No-one respects a man who hits a woman and no-one respects a man who blames his problems on everything but his own actions.
Author KAP84 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 what's the deal? Just reading all of what you just wrote, it's no wonder your wife left you. I can't even begin to understand why in the world would she beg you back. You hit her, you obviously is clueless when it comes to treating a woman. I might be labelled as the OM but if that OM was like me, he was probably treating your wife so much better than you did in the 7 years you were married to her. I hope you leave her bc she doesn't deserve you. As a OM, you are vulnerable to whatever a MW would tell you. I bet my wife made me seem like such a bad husband to suckers like you and bc OMs have to prey for MW, they would take in whatever BS she has to feed him to keep him staying. I actually feel bad for you and the OM my wife had an emotional affair with. I guess I got my answer.. my wife is weak minded and I deserve to be with somebody better. Payce.
Author KAP84 Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 This will be my last response to this NONSENSE. Look at what you just typed.. As a father.. when my ACTUAL KID,not a spouse who deserves as much respect as I do, would talk back. I would set her down and TALK about it with her. That was when she was 4 or so and I've never had to have that talk again. You guy's need to get as far away from each other as possible. You're both in a very volitile situation with this shi*t! Just be smart about this next action and leave her. I honestly can't beleive she or you wants to stay or have done it this long..Jesus! But, whatever. Stranger things have happened I suppose. she stayed with me bc she knows deep down that I love her and that I was truely sorry for everything I've done to her. I do have an anger issue and I don't expect others who don't have anger problems to understand. Why do you think I separated from her? I knew that my anger would overcome me everytime I think about her and this OM.
WARREN86 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 As a OM, you are vulnerable to whatever a MW would tell you. I bet my wife made me seem like such a bad husband to suckers like you and bc OMs have to prey for MW, they would take in whatever BS she has to feed him to keep him staying. I actually feel bad for you and the OM my wife had an emotional affair with. I guess I got my answer.. my wife is weak minded and I deserve to be with somebody better. Payce. what, are you like 4? Grow up, man. Don't try to bring me down when you are just as bad as the rest of us OMs. You bully a woman, and not just any woman, a woman you claim to love. You're big on respect, yet you ask yourself why she didn't respect you. You don't demand respect, you earn it.
Author KAP84 Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 what, are you like 4? Grow up, man. Don't try to bring me down when you are just as bad as the rest of us OMs. You bully a woman, and not just any woman, a woman you claim to love. You're big on respect, yet you ask yourself why she didn't respect you. You don't demand respect, you earn it. Ok. I'll grow up when you stop getting involved with MW. Later down the road when you get married and your wife is involved with OM, don't be surprised. When that day happen, I would love to see how you would respond.
Recommended Posts