victim_of_love Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago and I thought about reconciling and trying to get back with her. Because I thought I made a mistake and broke up with her for a stupid reason. Here is what happened: My gf and I got together in April 2009 and our relationship had been going strong for sometime now. We decided to keep it a secret from her parents though, because she is on bad terms with them at the time. Regardless, everything was going good. We were very open with each other, we laughed alot, we made out and came real close to having sex on numerous occassions. Of course, she wanted to wait til we at least reached 2 months in our relationship before we could do anything. By June 2009, things started to come up. Her car broke down and she could not come see me as much. Then shortly afterwards, she came down with a horrible sickness and had to go to the ER. They slapped a huge bill on her and she has been acting different ever since. After not seeing her for an entire month, sometime at the end of June I called her to see if she had gotten the car fix to come see me. Then she told me something that led to me breaking up with her. She said, and I quote, "I am not focusing on thing or anyone else right now but my problems and my issues. My life is in a pickle at the moment and I want to clear things up with me b4 I worry about anyone else." After hearing that, I had to ask her what about us? I can't come see you because you're parents don't know about me, so if they saw me I'll probably go to jail. On top of that, she was not going to tell them about me anytime soon. So now I'm like how I am suppose to see you? Then she was like, "You can't. I can't come see you right now. I'm comfortable in this relationship right now where I can go a long time without seeing you." Now she is 21 years old, so I'm sure thats easy for her. But Im only 18 and I've pretty much been trapped inside my house all my life studying and doing chores. I don't plan on waiting for someone for what may seem like months to get her life together and find a way to come see me, when I could be chasing after many other girls as well. I feel as though If I'm not a priority right now as a bf, then I don't need to be one. Just sitting and waiting for months for you to come see me will just make me madder, even if I am working. We don't live that far away from each other. We are only 5-7 minutes away driving, and yet you still can't come see me? So yeah, I broke up with her. Lately, I've started to think that maybe it was a childish reason to break up with her. I showed that I was not loyal in her times of hardship. I ran when things looked back for me, and not think about her. So I kind of thought about getting back with her. But Im still not sure. Do you guys think I should try to reconcile?
Thomas X Forever Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Sure, try to reconcile. Tell us if it goes well. At least then you'll know you tried.
Exit Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Strange situation indeed. On one hand it almost seems like she just doesn't have the guts to break up with you. "I'm comfortable in this relationship not seeing you for a long time", WTF? A week or two is understandable, sometimes circumstances get in the way, but an entire month? What kind of person says that to their partner? On the other hand, she gave you the most honest answer she could, she had hit a rough patch in her life, and she felt like she needed to focus on herself. It may seem selfish, but maybe she was doing the best thing for you by admitting that she didn't have any love or attention to spare at the moment. You can try talking to her. You don't have to approach it as if you "regret" what you did. Don't go back and say "sorry I messed up" or anything like that. Tell her that she put you in a strange position, you couldn't tell if she was really just tied up with other issues, or if she lost interest in you and really just expected you not to see her for over a month. Stay strong, don't go crawling back. Just approach it with a mild curiosity, say you aren't happy with the way things ended, but have a bit of a "take it or leave it attitude", let her know you are ok either way.
Author victim_of_love Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 It may be a bit too late for reconcilation now. I got into a mini fight with her last night while talking about why we broke up. Apparently based on what she said, when she told she needed to focus on other things, she was only "moody" and just said things. She "expected" me to know that cause she is sarcastic all the time. So now she thinks I'm not really all that much of a man that I broke up with her and thinks I did it to chase after other girls. When in reality, I did it cuz I thought she wanted to focus on her. It pissed me off and we ended up having a fight over why the hell she told me that. All she could pretty much say "It doesn't matter now, its over." Well it does matter!! Cause now I feel like **** cause I broke up with her, thinking she needed her time alone. Now its got to the point where it looks like we won't be getting back together. It sucks....
Thomas X Forever Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 I think you broke up with her, expecting to get back with her. I think you expected her to change something because of the break up. I don't think you really wanted to remain separated at all. Try to get back with her again. Don't argue this time.
Exit Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Well this is why I don't support no-contact in 100% of cases like most people, because sometimes when a girl wants to be left alone, they're doing the typical feminine reverse psychology, and they're actually asking you for attention. Seems to be the case here. Despite what she said about having other issues going on, she really wanted you to keep trying. Why can't they just communicate that in the first place? I don't know. I think you still have a chance if you calmly try to state your case again. Tell her you left her alone because that is what she seemed to want. You may want to write a letter or email which will allow her to feel free to read it whenever she wants and there will be no chance of an argument breaking out. Decide if you really want her back though, is it worth fighting for someone who was so willing to let the entire thing go over a silly miscommunication? She's the type of girl who wants you push you away, play games, and only get more attention in return. Do you really want to have to deal with someone like that?
Author victim_of_love Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 I don't know man. Thats why I haven't talked to her yet. Since the argument I ain't said a word to her cause I'm still trying to think if she is the one for me. I still do have feelings for her so we'll have to see how things work out. I appreciate the advice you both gave me.
Author victim_of_love Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 Just stopping by to give you an update. I tried to reconcile with her and she told me no. Despite the miscommunication and why we broke up, she just told me it just wouldn't work out. Now when I heard this, it confused the hell out of me. When we was going out, we were like the perfect couple. We were very open with each other, did everything together, went everywhere together, made out, played around sexually and everything. So why wouldn't it work now? I asked. Then she told me, "I don't know why but I'm subconsciously pushing you away. When my friends asked me, 'Do you see yourself marrying him?" and I said, no. For some reason I just got attracted to you. When you asked me out and I said yes, that was me going out on a limb and not listening to my subconcious. But since day one of meeting you, my subconcious kept telling me it was not gonna work out, but I did not listen to it. I can't stop listening to it anymore. So, I'm sorry, but its not going to work." So then I asked her, "So you telling me you were never happy" "I never said I was not happy. Still, its just not gonna work. And honestly, I think we should forget we EVER went out" That shocked me. So I said, "What the ****!??? Are you crazy? I just can't forget we ever went out. Thats stupid!" "No listen! We were never meant to be together in the first place and just thinking about why we broke up just pisses me off. So I just want to forget we were together." Afterwards, we talked more and she gave me a clean slate as friends. As I thought. Nowadays, she won't even talk to me when I speak to her. Its really complicated and its making no sense. I ain't done nothing to this girl to be treated like this. I really dislike being treated like I did you wrong, when in reality and did not do a damn thing to you.
Thaddeus Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 My god, you bagged yourself a psycho.Quoted for truth, as evidenced by this:"No listen! We were never meant to be together in the first place and just thinking about why we broke up just pisses me off. So I just want to forget we were together."(emphasis added for the "never meant to be together" delusion)
Author victim_of_love Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 I wouldn't call her a psycho but her logic is a bit off. In all honestly, I still want to work things out with her. But, as you can tell, its complicated. Its like she is pissed I broke up with her and is trying to make me pay for it by not talking to me.
Author victim_of_love Posted July 23, 2009 Author Posted July 23, 2009 I just had another episode with this girl. Here is the story I tried to get back with her again today. So first I texted her earlier in the day to see if she was good for talking. We had a good conversation and everything, so it seemed I was safe. So I called her and asked her lets give our relationship another shot. One more time couldn't hurt. She responds by telling me, "I told you, its not gonna work becuz I'm not who I used to be when I went out with you. I've changed." Then I'm like, what do you mean you've changed? She is all like: "That girl I went out with was not who I was. I changed for you, but after realizing it wasn't gonna work, I reverted back to who I am." But I didn't stop. I kept trying to convince her to give us another chance, it ended up pissing her off and making her say stuff like: "You know what? Don't ****ing talk to me anymore." It ****ed me up badly. I felt like I lost a close-close friend over a stupid ****ing argument. It shouldn't have gone like that. I just feel like crap now.
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