ratingsguy Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 This quote is from another thread. Instead of hijacking that thread, I figured I'd start my own here. If you aren't interested in friends you should've gone NC from the start. This is ESPECIALLY true in an LDR. The communication in an LDR is basically all talking and sharing. That is what the two of you have continued to do. So she has all that she came to depend on from you in the first place. Think about it. She gets just as much access to you as she always has. How can you miss someone that is still there all the time whenever you need them? You're feeling the pain of the break up. She still thinks it is a good decision and she doesn't feel your absence from her life at all. It is the same as it always has been without the exclusivity AND she gets all of the good boyfriend stuff from you while she can seek other companionship elsewhere. This is such a phenomenal perspective... and right on as well. It sheds a little bit of light on something that has been bugging me lately. Before she met me, my GF was in an LDR with a Marine who ended up being deployed. She was very much in love with him and e-mailed him every day. One day about six months after the deployment, he e-mailed her and said that she deserved better and he didn't want her to get a knock on her front door some day (suggesting that she would be notified in the event of his death). My GF e-mailed him back to ask if he was breaking up with her, but he never wrote back. She was devastated. However, she did not go NC. I really wish she had. Just under a year later, my GF and I meet, and we've been together for 4 months now. She has talked about her ex and has admitted that she still loves him (citing that most girls still have men in their lives that they will always love). They are friends on Facebook and Myspace, but I'm not sure if they communicate. Who knows... maybe they're still in regular contact. I haven't asked, but my GF has suggested that they aren't. I think it's best not to go down this road too far since my paranoia and insecurities may be blowing something out of proportion that in reality could be quite innocent. So I say little... but I can't help but wonder what's really going on. When I was told that she still loves her ex, I asked if she loved him or if she was "in love" with him. She hesitated, and honestly I don't remember much of what she said, but the discussion irritated her so I dropped it. I remember voicing my concern that if she still loves this guy, what if he comes back to town tomorrow? All she would say is that would never happen and that it is over. I wish we could have talked this out more, but like I said she was irritated, so I dropped it. Reading what Island Girl says above is especially sobering. My GF and her ex were in an LDR for their entire relationship. They communicated via e-mail and phone as most LDR couples do. So if they're still doing this (at least the e-mail part), has the dynamic really changed that much? The only thing that is different is that now she has me... and since he's her Facebook friend, he is clearly aware of that. Thinking about this is really getting the best of me. I know my GF loves me deeply, but I can't help but wonder if she is still pining over her ex at the same time. Or maybe she's forcing herself to love me. Doubtful, but these are the things crossing my head lately. From my perspective, I wish she had gone NC with her ex only because it would reassure me as to her feelings for me. But on the other hand, since she still potentially communicates with him there may not be that yearning... the thoughts of "I wonder what he's up to" since she already knows... all she has to do is look at his Facebook page. Either way, I don't think I could tell her that I'm uncomfortable with her still being in contact with her ex. I think the best approach is to hope it works out for the best... because if you tell someone they can't have something, they'll only want it more. We're also in an LDR, but she's made a commitment to move down here next week, so maybe I'm worrying over nothing. Who knows...
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