Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 Well here we go. I started dating this woman about a year ago here and there. Then we decided to make it official Girlfriend boyfriend deal. So Everything was going pretty good and some stuff happened. We went to the drive in theatre and things got pretty hot and heavy. She was topless I had my shirt off I went to unbuckle her belt and she grabbed my hands and said stop. She then got off of me got in the front seat and didnt say anything. Leaving me there with blue balls nice! We left and she kept asking if I was mad. I told her no, but I was a little confused. She started crieng and told me she had been raped twice and had to have an abortion. I comforted her as best I could and told her I wasn't going to break up with her if she didn't feel comfortable having sex yet. She said she just needed to know me better. Which was ok with me at the time. I'm 22, shes five years older then me and still living with her parents... So that kinda blew me away but I didn't think any less of her. Soon after this she told me she Loved me. So I told her I loved her.. I know probably shouldn't have said it. So a couple weeks after all this went down she drank an entire bottle of wine to herself and sent me a message saying she was piercing her own ears to take the pain away. She had been fighting with her parents. I told her to stop and that I was coming over. She told me not to and not to worry. So I didnt. A week or so later we went out to dinner. She was acting crabby the whole night. She said she didnt want this stuff with her parents to get into the middle of our relationship. I tell her to meet me at the truck I had to go to the bathroom. I come out and we get into the truck. I look over and her knuckles are all bloody. I asked if she just did it and she said "yes some people have different pain thresh holds" I told her she shouldn't be hurting herself and held her as she was shaking. 2 weeks later She told me she had been engaged six years ago and left the guy at the alter and it felt just as bad today as it did then. and that she couldn't be with anyone right now. We decided to take a two week break. 5 days into the two week break (I had not been contacting her) she invited me down to the bar with her and a couple of her girlfriends. I was leary but went anyway. She was ok but started to get fairly drunk and started acting really distant. We hugged and I decided to leave as I dont drink. That weekend I invite her out to go see a movie and she tells me " I still meant needing my time and space" So at this point I'm like What the f. I thought we were on a break then she invites me down to a bar with her. But we are still on a break. So we dont talk until that sunday where she tells me that I am everything she has ever wanted in a man and needs time to make herself better for me. Says we should go out to dinner that week. That friday she breaks up with me through a text message. Saying she cant be with anyone and doesnt want to be with anyone. That she needs room to breathe and that she is moving out from her parents house. I tell her that she wont find another guy like me. That pissed her off so she said I need to practicing kissing more. Which I know is a lie because she always talked about how good I am. And she said we need to talk in person. So I tell her a time I am available. She sends me a message back saying "I dont feel the same for you as you do me. I dont want flowers, hugs, kisses, cuddles, dinner for two. I dont want anyone 2 want me my life is full. Please move and find someone else." I'm just pissed she couldn't tell me this in person. I wrote her a good bye letter having nothing but positive things to say. I told her if she writes back that is cool, if not thats ok too. That was a week ago and haven't heard anything. I should say I also heard through a mutual friend that she has slit her wrists in the past. I dont think I did anything wrong. Its too bad because she was really cool until just recently. I dont want to be with her anymore just wanted more closure than she gave me. What do you think about this? Is she just crazy or is there another guy? What the hell? Thanks.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 also I told her I will not try to contact her but if she wants to talk she knows the number.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 Also she left me as a friend on facebook but blocked it so Her friends and wall posts cant be viewed. That part seems shady to me.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 not seeing a Therapist that I know of.
moo Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 she sounds like she really needs one. My ex needs one too...but he's too busy talking about what's wrong with everyone else. He doesn't take a look at the havor he wreaks. He just blames it on the other person. or "circumstances." As for me, I'm done with mentally unbalanced people and men who are so out of touch with themselves, they need a map to find their feelings.
Exit Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 She sounds like she definitely needs help. And I don't mean to attack her, she can't help the things that happened in her past (some girls are just psychos because they want to be, this one isn't). You are only in for a world of hurt and confusion by trying to love someone who won't be able to handle normal emotions. She should really get help before ever being selfish and dating someone again when she knows she can't handle it. She left someone at the altar, now she left you, why does she even bother until she gets her stuff straightened out. I think you need to let this one go. Encourage her to get help if you think she'd be open to it. Althought what happened to her in her past is of course awful, she is hanging onto the "victim" mindset and is hurting other people in the process. She needs to let go of the pain of what happened to her.
moo Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 very, very, well put. Yes, what happened to her was horrible and I'm sorry it happened. But I do agree with Exit.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 That makes alot of sense. She says she doesnt want to be with anybody or anybody to want her. She told me I was everything she wanted in a man then dumped me five days later. Do you think she is lieng just to not hurt me as bad and there is actually someone else? Or she just cant handle anyone?
boogieboy Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 She is EXTREMELY confused and troubled, and since her behavior is sooo unpredictable, its possible that she was playing the game that everyone else plays when they break up with someone, except she doesnt do it very well. The game is, they wanna break it off with you, but they started seeing someone else and they want to keep you to make sure that the new person will work out. In themeantime they say things to make you feel better but they are lies. Then once they see it works out with the new person, they say you should move on. You dont want this one anyway, let her mental problems be the burden on someone elses shoulders.
Excellent Posted July 3, 2009 Posted July 3, 2009 You should check into the subject of her being bipolar. She sounds very much so like my ex, and i suspected early on after the break between us that she was bipolar. She has since told me that she even thinks that too. My ex has a troubled past with a violent relationship, some drugabuse, failed therapy and cutting her wrists behind her. I know that she doesn't do any of these things anymore, but i am sure that it has left a mental mark. If not, it's quite clear that your ex needs help anyway. But first she needs to realize this, and sadly, there is nothing you can do about that.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2009 Author Posted July 3, 2009 Thanks for the responses. Perhaps I was too nice with this one. Seeing her physically hurting herself I never wanted to play any games with her as I wouldn't know how she would react. Because she has an abusive past she will be attracted to abusive guys right? Time will tell I suppose what the real truth is if she stays single or is dating someone. How ****ty of her to do it through a text. That part is what hurts the most. I have a mutual friend at her work so I will find out over time.
Author Pfiend101 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 little update. Have gone little over a month of NC. She hasn't contacted me either. At times I have wanted to but didn't act on it. She moved out from her parents house. Her parents are getting a divorce and I heard she is drinking alot. I have dated one other woman but sparks didn't go off. I still think about her often but not nearly as much as the first week or so. I was thinking about inviting her to the fair in a month but not sure if I should. Thanks, anymore input is appreciated!
moo Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I feel very, very sorry for her. It sounds like she's really, really suffering. If you speak to her again, please try to GENTLY encourage her to get help. You can also give these numbers: US 24 hour crisis hotline: 800-784-2433. US depression hotline: 630-482-9696. Central times: M-F 8am-8pm, sometimes to 12am Sat-Sun 8am-12pm & 12pm-4pm sometimes on Sats to 12am.
moo Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I don't think you should be with her because she sounds unstable and very unhealthy. I think you can help her by encouraging her to seek counseling, but I think a relationship with her would be diasterous. Poor thing, she's been through so much, and I know you want to be a strong shoulder for her. But right now she needs professional help.
Author Pfiend101 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 thanks moo. I told her in my last letter that I wouldn't contact her but I do worry about her and only have love for her. Should I just say something simple through a text? She was never hip to the phone thing... made her nervous.
boogieboy Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 thanks moo. I told her in my last letter that I wouldn't contact her but I do worry about her and only have love for her. Should I just say something simple through a text? She was never hip to the phone thing... made her nervous. Shes hip to the phone thing ,just not with you. DOnt contact her, you should have been over this unstable girl last month. Leave her be, nothing you say will change anything. You dont need closure from her, you need closeure from you. It only comes from within. She got her closure from you last month. She didnt need you for that.
Author Pfiend101 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 your right. Its not my problem anymore.
moo Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Maybe just texting the number to the 24 hour crisis hotline and also a very brief note urging her to seek counseling. And telling her that you care about her, but you can't have any more contact with her because the relationship upsets you. thanks moo. I told her in my last letter that I wouldn't contact her but I do worry about her and only have love for her. Should I just say something simple through a text? She was never hip to the phone thing... made her nervous.
Author Pfiend101 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 2 months NC and haven't heard anything yet. When I start thinking about her I just tell myself its her loss. It really is. Thanks for the advice!
Author Pfiend101 Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 A little update. I have moved on and dated other people as she was. Well she got in a relationship with an absolute loser. Long story short he ended up beating her my friend saw her and she had bruises all over her arms and face from cinco de mayo. He also smashed up her car. She's also lost her job due to stealing at work and coming in hungover often. I feel sorry for her. I am amazed she left me for a guy like this. I hope she seeks a counselor. She needs it badly. Very sad
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