WTRanger Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Probably the most accurate and realistic article I've ever read on The Onion. It's funny and all too sad for some of us LS'ers. It's written by a female writer from a female perspective, but it certainly works the other way around. But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think? I knew you would understand. You always do. We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here. It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me. No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego. Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us. Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that. Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi. Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other a**hole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us. Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be. Best friends. Friends forever. Direct Link: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it?utm_source=b-section Link to post Share on other sites
intrinsic Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Love it. Rings with blatant, messy truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 That is exactly how it is. For any guy who has ever found themselves in that situation - cut her off cold turkey. Disappear off the face of the earth and never talk to her again. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 That is exactly how it is. For any guy who has ever found themselves in that situation - cut her off cold turkey. Disappear off the face of the earth and never talk to her again. Well guys think the same way about platonic girl friends...I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Well guys think the same way about platonic girl friends...I'm sure. Heh heh heh. Obviously you're not a guy... (And I don't mean that as an insult. Your naivete has a kind of a natural charm to it... Hmmm, I like that; wanna hang out and be freinds?) Link to post Share on other sites
Left in a Lurch Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Well guys think the same way about platonic girl friends...I'm sure. Not really. I'll spare the "When Harry Met Sally" quote. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Heh heh heh. Obviously you're not a guy... (And I don't mean that as an insult. Your naivete has a kind of a natural charm to it... Hmmm, I like that; wanna hang out and be freinds?) Well, I'm extremely close with a guy right now, and we've known each other 10 years. This is the closest we've ever been. We discussed our friendship and a possibility of more and I believe he sees me the way this gal sees him in the article. He's attracted...and beyond that is "awkward". Yet we share everything about our lives together and put aside time for each other on a regular basis. Sooo...if I'm wrong and he's just playin with me, let me know. lol. Of course we can be friends Trimmer! Clearly I need more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WTRanger Posted July 7, 2009 Author Share Posted July 7, 2009 Lovelace, I think the key is the time with your guy friend. I'm close friends with a female, but we've known each other for well over 10 years. We've passed the awkward feelings, using for alternative means, etc stage as described in the article. I think the article is for those gray area friendships that have only existed for 2-3 years, despite the article hinting at it going on for 5 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Lovelace, I think the key is the time with your guy friend. I'm close friends with a female, but we've known each other for well over 10 years. We've passed the awkward feelings, using for alternative means, etc stage as described in the article. I think the article is for those gray area friendships that have only existed for 2-3 years, despite the article hinting at it going on for 5 years. I call BS. Lovelace, I think your guy friend just doesn't have the balls to make a move on you. If you want it, take matters into your own hands and kiss him. Do it just to prove me wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 I call BS. Lovelace, I think your guy friend just doesn't have the balls to make a move on you. If you want it, take matters into your own hands and kiss him. Do it just to prove me wrong. Hehe ok Phate, I'll get back to you on that.... Yea right...I'm chicken...I haven't been too chicken to talk about our friendship and the attraction etc,...but to plant one on him, yea don't think I have the guts. Anyway, yea WT you are probably right about the article. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 The key dynamic in the OP is that the woman was never the man's friend. Her actions define that. The only positive energy in the dynamic was his attraction for her. It was all an illusion in his mind. A bad dream Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 Hehe ok Phate, I'll get back to you on that.... Yea right...I'm chicken...I haven't been too chicken to talk about our friendship and the attraction etc,...but to plant one on him, yea don't think I have the guts. Anyway, yea WT you are probably right about the article. lol. Just do it. You know you want to. Or would you rather waste 5 more years being friends with him when you could have spent the last 5 years WITH him?! The key dynamic in the OP is that the woman was never the man's friend. Her actions define that. The only positive energy in the dynamic was his attraction for her. It was all an illusion in his mind. A bad dream High 5! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Oh man - I was thinking about this when I read a story about the actors who play Hermione and Ron in the Harry Potter movies having to do an on-screen kiss. They interviewed her and she went on and on about how it was like incest, and it was horrible, and she had to keep her eyes closed, because, of course, they were such good friends, it was so, like, you know, ICK! I'm never sure whether posting a link is safe, but under Google News, search "Emma Watson" "Rupert Grint" kissing I totally bet he's cringing inside, just pretending to go along with it through gritted teeth... "Kissing... heh heh... yeh, like incest... heh heh.... yeh, good friends..." Man, if she were really his friend, couldn't she have at least thrown him a bone in public, and said something like "Well, I know most girls would consider me lucky, but you have to understand that we're actually very good friends off-set, and we were just acting a scene..." But boy, to slice him up like that in public... Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 lol. Just do it. You know you want to. Or would you rather waste 5 more years being friends with him when you could have spent the last 5 years WITH him?! I DO have a friendship factor to think about...I think that value in itself means as much to him as it does me...wouldn't it disappoint him to see me choose feelings over that?...I am always telling him how great he is and how lucky any woman would be, isn't that a clue? Or then, does it just look like I'm not following through on my words with actions? Hey, friendzone isn't my favorite place to be either but he's guilty of making it that way as much as I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WTRanger Posted July 8, 2009 Author Share Posted July 8, 2009 Trimmer, I looked up that article and yea, she make it sound like she was kissing a troll. However, Rupert Grint has also been stating that it was like kissing his sister. So who knows. Though his interview about it was well done. Her's was awful and she really put Rupert down, even if she didn't mean it. I bet those two secretly banged on set. Just wait, it'll make headlines. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 I DO have a friendship factor to think about...I think that value in itself means as much to him as it does me...wouldn't it disappoint him to see me choose feelings over that?...I am always telling him how great he is and how lucky any woman would be, isn't that a clue? Or then, does it just look like I'm not following through on my words with actions? Hey, friendzone isn't my favorite place to be either but he's guilty of making it that way as much as I am. Of course the friendship is valuable. You as people are valuable to each other. You think becoming romantically involved changes or devalues that? If this guy has been friends with you forever, it's possible he hears "Any (other) woman would be lucky to have you (but not me)" Make sense? I'm just saying that if you want something to happen, quit waiting for it to "happen to you" instead of making it happen for yourself. 5 years of this? Give me a break! You guys could have been celebrating 5 years as a couple instead of 5 years as friends. If you wanted to stay friends and not date him, you wouldn't be quite so close, and you would probably be dating someone else. Be honest with yourself. Grow a pair of ovaries and kiss him! Link to post Share on other sites
funwithpaint Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Grow a pair of ovaries and kiss him! What he said. Link to post Share on other sites
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