ub_009 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I try to make this story as short as possible: I am 23 years old male finishing college. I have always had a VERY DIFFICULT TIME socializing with girls. I never had a girlfriend or even a close female friend before. I don't think this is a problem of shyness, specially when I drink, but more of knowing how to talk to them. I do not have the guy friends who could introduce me to girls either. I am EXTREMELY horny an desperately need to have sex WITH A HOT girl (she doesn't have to be a model, but someone that the average guy would find attractive). I say HOT because three months ago I was able to bring an ugly chick home from a bar and did it BUT DID'NT ENJOY it. I didn't even reach orgasm. Strangely that was how I lost my virginity. Just to give you more background about myself: I am 5'5, skinny and by no means physically attractive. This is not an insecurity BUT A FACT that honest people have told me. I hate walking around campus to see all those hot girls either alone or with guys that are physically superior to me. In particular, the thought of most people having sexual experience at my age and me being one of the exceptions disturbs me ( I don't count what I did 3 months ago as true experience). I have to admit I am obsessed with sex. This problem is affecting other areas of my life.I am about to graduate (with GOOD GPA), and instead of focusing on my future, I keep thinking about sex and just sex. I had not been able to develop other interests, or hobbies and when I am in class, instead of focusing on the lecture i center my attention on the hot girls in the room. I masturbate with more frequency than when I was in high school. I need some good Samaritan female to tell me HOW TO MEET and attract a girl so that she would DESIRE to have sex with me. I am willing to take either route: (1) Short route: Meet a woman at a bar or a party, bring her home and have sex. (2) Long route: Meet a woman anywhere, develop a friendship, then a relationship and one day it happens. Please don't tell me that I should stop thinking about it or let it go because I REALLY can't. THE ONLY RELIEF IS TO TAKE CARE OF IT and soon. Also please don't' tell me to lower my standards on whom to approach. I tried with the ugly chick and I didn't enjoy it. Besides, me being unattractive or short won't stop me from going for whom I want.I don't care if she is 5 in taller than me. One last thing: I do look at other qualities in women besides their appearance. I WILL always prefer a girl who is nice, unselfish and fun to be with. But I don't want to have intimacy with someone that doesn't please my eyes. I am a nice a guy and I WOULD NEVER HURT ANYONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I am just struggling to find a mate. I am suffering and want to get out of this nightmare A.S.A.P. Your advice is truly appreciated.
Thornton Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I I need some good Samaritan female to tell me HOW TO MEET and attract a girl so that she would DESIRE to have sex with me. How to get a girl to desire sex with you: stop looking at women as just sex objects. Get to knows girls as friends, form relationships with them, and then think about having sex as part of a loving relationship instead of making it the main goal.
quankanne Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 sounds like you've got a two-fold problem, both based in physicality: 1. you feel that only good looking women are worthy of sex, and 2. you're not such a hot looking stud that you can attract them (in your opinion) add the misguided perception that it's *only* about sex, and you're screwed, figuratively speaking. take it from an old wise lady (HAH): Change your attitude and you'll find a partner you can enjoy being with. You don't have to be a stud, she doesn't need to be Carmen Electra and stop worrying about sex. Women can smell desperation, and it's not a pretty scent. don't limit yourself to just pursuing hotties, but learn how to approach women, period. Small talk sounds cheesy, but iin some cases, it really does serve as an ice-breaker. Ask about classes, about the common teacher you have, about current events or what's in the theatre or on the radio. The most INTERESTING guys I've met – whether I wanted to date them or not – are the ones who learn to sustain dialogue. Everything else falls into place from there.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Wow the women are gonna let you have it. What you dont realize is, women SMELL the desperation on you, and it drives them away. Are you approaching any women? If you are you are probably giving off a bad vibe. Bars should be the easiest place to get easy women, maybe some older women who want younger guys, to take care of your obsession. Then when youre not obsessed anymore, they will see that you dont NEED sex, and your aura will attract the younger hotter ones better. Are you cool calm and collected when you approach these girls? Are you needy or clingy? Do you give them the impression that you need them? What happens when you meet these girls?
Cherished Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 You're going to need to save your money and go to Vegas and pay for some time with a hot prostitute. I'm not saying this to be sarcastic. I'm totally serious.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 You're going to need to save your money and go to Vegas and pay for some time with a hot prostitute. I'm not saying this to be sarcastic. I'm totally serious. I was gonna say that, but hes 23 and in college, you know hes broke!
Cherished Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I was gonna say that, but hes 23 and in college, you know hes broke! Hey you can save your money. Like I said. Or do it illegally with someone at home. Flights to Vegas are SUPER cheap nowadays.
missdependant Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 What you dont realize is, women SMELL the desperation on you, and it drives them away. This is true. As a woman, I can say I've never been attracted to insecure men; I'd consider myself average, and I DATE average men. I've even dated men who others found unattractive. I've seen men who were morbidly unattractive find their way into the beds of attractive women. It has a little to do with looks. A LOT to do with charisma and self-esteem.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 This is true. It has a little to do with looks. A LOT to do with charisma and self-esteem. eh, actually it has alot to do with looks. (depending on geographic location) It also has to do with persistence. Ugly guys that find their way to the beds of beautiful women play the numbers. They talk to 40 to get that 1. The charisma only gets you so far with most beautiful women. The average women, I dunno.
sb129 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 You're going to need to save your money and go to Vegas and pay for some time with a hot prostitute. I'm not saying this to be sarcastic. I'm totally serious. So am I. That itch needs to be scratched, stat! Or he may explode! Obviously, working on ones approach and personality will pay better dividends in the long run, but I have a feeling that he isn't quite ready to put in that kind of groundwork.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 So am I. That itch needs to be scratched, stat! Or he may explode! Obviously, working on ones approach and personality will pay better dividends in the long run, but I have a feeling that he isn't quite ready to put in that kind of groundwork. He'll realize that when his self pleasuring starts to get tired and old.
Joey Popps Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 This is true. It has a little to do with looks. A LOT to do with charisma and self-esteem. This is the most abused statement I hear and see, mostly on internet forums these days. Most people in the real world can admit looks have a lot to do with many things. People who refuse to accept this cant' accept the truth. Whether it's hot females or attractive guys, it's the way the world works. Yes it's true that you might fall for some avg or not so avg looking person but that usually means you are in the same social circle or met through some class/group whatever where were sort of forced to get to know this person. Maybe you weren't forced but it's a hell of a lot easier for some college kids to get to know one another when they see each other all the time. If the OP goes to a bar to get laid the reality is, depending on where he lives, he might never bump into the same person more than once or twice. So if the girl doesn't find him attractive, he'll never get the chance to impress them or get anywhere. At a bar if a girl thinks your ugly before you even approach her, you have no shot no matter what you tell yourself. Yeah if the guy bumps into the same girl every week for a few months, maybe she'd get to know him and the looks wouldn't be the most important factor. But many people out of college aren't bumping into the same people all the time. And from what the OP said it doesn't seem he has tons of friends or female friends. Which means he needs to hit bars. This theory on 'join some group or social' club is great except for the fact the OP probably enjoys things most girls don't. Kind of like what many guys hobbies consist of where there aren't a ton of females who do the same things or admit they like doing that enough to join some public group. Yes he can force himself to join some club or group where there are tons of females...but that gets back to the original problem. He's going to come off as desperate if he starts a hobby he has no interest in. If his only interest in some hobby is to pick up females, he might as well go to a bar. He'd have a better chance there.
Joey Popps Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 So am I. That itch needs to be scratched, stat! Or he may explode! Obviously, working on ones approach and personality will pay better dividends in the long run, but I have a feeling that he isn't quite ready to put in that kind of groundwork. What does that even mean? Of course he needs to work on improving himself but maybe that is his personality. Maybe he is who he is. Maybe he's the quiet type who hates approaching people. Maybe he's more introverted and hates making new friends or meeting people in social settings. Maybe he spends a lot of time indoors. Maybe the guy is smart as crap but social awkward. It's funny how people seem to push these bull theories on 'just improve your personality this and that.' That really sounds like you're telling the guy that he sucks as a person because he's this or that. Change or die basically. The OP needs to find a way to get rid of his desperation and just treating females as sex objects. But then again plenty of players treat women as nothing more than sex objects and they have dates lined up every night. What the OP really needs to work on is ignoring half the bull posted on the internet by a bunch of people who seem to spend more time on an internet forum proclaiming they know it all about the dating world. He needs to accept himself for who he really is. Maybe he needs to exercise more or work out more. Maybe he needs to find something he's really good at and build his confidence up from there. Maybe he needs to just approach 1000 different females, strike up conversations, get some smiles, get some numbers, and go from there. Maybe he needs to find his true calling in life or maybe he just needs to find friends who are into the same stuff he is and maybe he needs to accept what he likes and move on. Not everybody is into the same cool things. Some people like doing the dorky or nerdy things. Who the hell cares. Do what you like and don't pretend to do other stuff because some fools told you to do it or because you think girls will like you because you do that. Maybe it's not about him changing his personality because the truth is he is who he is and he's not going to suddenly become somebody else. And if he does go out of his way to become somebody he's really not, then how does that not reek of desperation or of somebody just pretending to be something they are not just to get laid. I'm sorry but while he does need to work on himself, maybe he doesn't need to change his personality. Maybe he just needs to accept himself and have more confidence in himself. You don't have to join or start hobbies you hate just because some idiots on an internet forum make claims 'it's the only way.'
sb129 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 What it means is- if he gets RID of the urge by paying a hooker, he might rethink his approach (read: approach, this is not the same as "personality")and work on that as well. He just sounds SO desperate to shag a HOT girl, that working on his approach might take a bit longer than he seems to have patience for right now. And by posting advice on an internet dating forum you are just as bad as the rest of us.... so don't throw stones unless you are well and truly out of the glass house, mate.
boogieboy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Yeah hes got to get rid of the urge to think clearly. Hes got to get used to getting laid to be able to focus. Kinda like you have to have experience to get a job.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Man...this thread is reminding me of the "40-Year Old Virgin." "Run through hood rats" and "tackle drunk bitches," and "p***y on a pedestal."
Asami Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Man...this thread is reminding me of the "40-Year Old Virgin." "Run through hood rats" and "tackle drunk bitches," and "p***y on a pedestal." you made me spit out my Orange Juice!
lab_brat Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Aaaaaaahhh Kelly Clarkson!!!!!! Anyway, as i see it you're in a bit of a catch-22. You desperately want sex, just sex, with a hot chick, and by your own admission are less than attractive, desperate & crappy at talking to women. I'm not sure anything anyone can tell you is enough to make a hot woman turn around at a bar and say 'hey you,... unattractive socially-inept guy over there, the one that just wants me for sex and nothing else, grab your coat, you've scored!!!' Because oddly enough, we generally want something more than that? I'm not trying to be mean, just honest - by your own admission you have little/nothing to offer by way or appearance/personality/experience/future/anything, you're not interested in working on it..... so really why would any cute, self-respecting girl venture into your realm?????? What you're looking for is unrealistic. If you want a nice girl you think is beautiful and you can enjoy a relationship with, then you need to work on yourself, your personality, the way you approach women, & the way you view relationships in general, then get out there and try, just like the rest of us. If you want fast sex with a hot girl at a bar, chances are its not gonna happen buddy. Save up and hire a hooker. Or watch a lot of porn and buy a blow up doll.
bac Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Go to match.com or AFF or Yahoo personals. Check out pics all females around age 40. Email all them, make a connection by email, then meet them. You will find many beautiful women who would want to have hot sex with you. Do not look at females before 35 because they will not care for guy at your age. At age less than 35-40 y.o. females can find hot sex with guys at their age group. But if female's age around 40 and she wants to have hot sex she can not find a man at her age group because the old guys are not really into hot sex. That is why many older females want an young guy like you. But do not assume that every old chic wants you because people are different. Also, younger females have different priorities in life than to have hot sex. The younger females are OK with having hot sex but hot sex is not a priority for them. The older women do not see things as getting married and having kids as priorities, they just want to have fun.
CarrieT Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 This thread cracks me up. There is so much truth in here; women can smell desperation and that is something that stinks to high-heaven. The guy does not want a relationship, he just wants sex. And, yes, a prostitute is probably the easiest thing in the world for him to utilize to cure this problem. 'Cuz there ain't no way he's going to get a hot girl to want to have sex with him otherwise.
WineCountry Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 This thread cracks me up. There is so much truth in here; women can smell desperation and that is something that stinks to high-heaven. The guy does not want a relationship, he just wants sex. And, yes, a prostitute is probably the easiest thing in the world for him to utilize to cure this problem. 'Cuz there ain't no way he's going to get a hot girl to want to have sex with him otherwise. Aint that the bible thumping truth. Dude is ugly as sin and has the NERVE to say he only wants to tuck his wanger in a hot chick. HA! Best bet IS to buy a hooker. They will not care what you look like, as long as you have the $$.
dreamergrl Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I didn't read the replies. I'm sure what I have to say has already been said... but just in case.. You say you can't orgasm with a female who is not physically attractive, yet you want a hot girl to have sex with you, who is not physically attractive? This outlook makes me want to :sick: Maybe it's not your looks that are turning off the ladies. Maybe it's your outlook. I know I wouldn't give you a second thought. Based on what you've wrote alone.
DarkestDreams Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Maybe it's not your looks that are turning off the ladies. Maybe it's your outlook. Hell I'm sure it's a combination of both.. The OP has issues that are going to take some time to fix, but he wants to have sex with a hottie and he wants it now, damnit! I agree with the others, get yourself a hooker. Or maybe invest in a doll, since one passionate session isn't going to do much.
dreamergrl Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 Hell I'm sure it's a combination of both.. The OP has issues that are going to take some time to fix, but he wants to have sex with a hottie and he wants it now, damnit! I agree with the others, get yourself a hooker. Or maybe invest in a doll, since one passionate session isn't going to do much. My vote is the doll. It's cheaper. No one can accidentally get pregnant. And you wont have to worry about the foot that you insert in your mouth!
Author ub_009 Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 I try to make this story as short as possible: I am 23 years old male finishing college. I have always had a VERY DIFFICULT TIME socializing with girls. I never had a girlfriend or even a close female friend before. I don't think this is a problem of shyness, specially when I drink, but more of knowing how to talk to them. I do not have the guy friends who could introduce me to girls either. I am EXTREMELY horny an desperately need to have sex WITH A HOT girl (she doesn't have to be a model, but someone that the average guy would find attractive). I say HOT because three months ago I was able to bring an ugly chick home from a bar and did it BUT DID'NT ENJOY it. I didn't even reach orgasm. Strangely that was how I lost my virginity. Just to give you more background about myself: I am 5'5, skinny and by no means physically attractive. This is not an insecurity BUT A FACT that honest people have told me. I hate walking around campus to see all those hot girls either alone or with guys that are physically superior to me. In particular, the thought of most people having sexual experience at my age and me being one of the exceptions disturbs me ( I don't count what I did 3 months ago as true experience). I have to admit I am obsessed with sex. This problem is affecting other areas of my life.I am about to graduate (with GOOD GPA), and instead of focusing on my future, I keep thinking about sex and just sex. I had not been able to develop other interests, or hobbies and when I am in class, instead of focusing on the lecture i center my attention on the hot girls in the room. I masturbate with more frequency than when I was in high school. I need some good Samaritan female to tell me HOW TO MEET and attract a girl so that she would DESIRE to have sex with me. I am willing to take either route: (1) Short route: Meet a woman at a bar or a party, bring her home and have sex. (2) Long route: Meet a woman anywhere, develop a friendship, then a relationship and one day it happens. Please don't tell me that I should stop thinking about it or let it go because I REALLY can't. THE ONLY RELIEF IS TO TAKE CARE OF IT and soon. Also please don't' tell me to lower my standards on whom to approach. I tried with the ugly chick and I didn't enjoy it. Besides, me being unattractive or short won't stop me from going for whom I want.I don't care if she is 5 in taller than me. One last thing: I do look at other qualities in women besides their appearance. I WILL always prefer a girl who is nice, unselfish and fun to be with. But I don't want to have intimacy with someone that doesn't please my eyes. I am a nice a guy and I WOULD NEVER HURT ANYONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I am just struggling to find a mate. I am suffering and want to get out of this nightmare A.S.A.P. Your advice is truly appreciated. Thanks everyone who replied, Let me clarify a few things: (1) When I say 'hot' I don't mean that she has to be a playmate, Maxim magazine's cover girl, or a SOAP actress (although I wouldn't hesitate approaching one if the opportunity presented itself). I could go to a grocery store or the mall on any given day and find a handful of girls that I think they are attractive. In fact, I can walk around a college campus and find plenty of them. I just don't want the girl who is overweight, or has that scary face. (2) I don't think of WOMEN JUST AS SEX OBJECTS. What makes me upset, is that because of something that I have, whether is looks, personality, or whatever, I can never find a girl that is interested on me. I have tried to be an initiator: striking conversation with women in class, church, dormitories, clubs, bars or any situation that presents. Whenever there are other guys near, they seem to pay more attention to them. I have even asked women who are eating by themselves to join them but nothing significant (like a follow up date) has ever come out of that. (3) Now, why am I desperate for sex? It is more about getting the satisfaction, that someone THAT I LIKED did DESIRE me, that's why taking the short route at a bar would also be OK. Of course, I can find a prostitute if all I wanted was the physical pleasure, but this is more about a 23 year old, getting the intimacy THAT MOST PEOPLE AT HIS AGE ALREADY HAD. (4) I don't know if you think this matters but I have a foreign accent, which initially, makes most people curious, and I always get the "where you from?"' question, but it may also make people (and girls in particular) see me as 'strange' and cause them to stay distant to me. There aren't, by the way, many people from my original country around here AND I've lived in the states for such a long time, that I am well used to the American culture. thanks for your attention
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