Valedico Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Hi there I just want to thank anyone in advance for taking the time to read my post and any advice would really be appreciated! Sorry very long post Well here goes: Me and my ex gf were togheter for almost a year, we had a long distance relationship but we were madly in love . It was hard not seeing her but i loved her madly, we would visit each other every chance we got, now here is where my insecurity started setting in, she came to visit me for the first time we went out one night and she did a body shot off a one of the barmen after her friends all pushed her to do it!! (i was jealous not going to lie). I confronted her afterwards because i could see her blantantly flirting with him after th body shot....her reply was "i look at you that way all the time whats wrong with looking at him like that once?" That pissed me off, i broke up with her that night, she begged for me back i forgave her and we got back 2gether the next day. We were so happy and MADLY in love till i got drunk one night after not seeing her for months i cheated but told her immediatly...my guilt was eating me up. She forgave me it took a while for things between us to feel the same again...i hurt her so much i know i WILL never in my life cheat again i feel like **** till this day, i hate myself for it...people do change i am only 22 and i made a mistake!! We were fine again, and got over it untill she came back this year, we went to a party and i was in a bad mood i took it out on her, completely ignored her the whole day i was being an immature jerk f*&k, i said hurfull things to her i have a troubled past, family violence, lotsa issues i know its not an excuse. Anyways so i go to her house later that week after the party, she was very cold and distant i brought her flowers to appologise, so she says she thinks we r not meant to be 2gheter and breakes up with me! Wtf??? over that one day that i was being a jerk..? I was shattered!! Before i leave her house, she says she made a big mistake and wants to be with me, i love her so much and we get back 2gether again. Okay all that info done with, we go to a party the next night me still hurt from her breaking up with her i get wasted beyond wasted!!! I go all crazy on her tell her its over i hate her and she ruined my life, over dramatic i know....i swear ive never bin so drunk...my temper was flaring, the next morning i wake up cant remember a thing!! She says its over...i beg i plead for a week, she sticks to its over. I stop contacting her she stars phoning and texting me, says she misses me we sleep 2gether numerous times...i do everything in my power to improve what i did wrong get help for drinking ect. She goes away on holiday, comes back and says she was gona give me another chance but she changed her mind. Im broken again, but i keep in contact with her till a month ago, she still smsed me told me she misses and loves me so much but we are not meant to be, she brings back the past cheating...says she's angry with her self that love made her so blind i think she just hates me now...and then cuts all contact, when i text her she gets annoyed and makes it clear that we are OVER? Did her feelings change over night did i hurt her that much? How can i hurt someone i love so much?? Im no contact for 8 days now weve bin broken up for 4 months, should i let go? I love her so much all i want is her back with my whole heart i cant believe ive lost her...does anyone think theres any hope?
BearPower Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 This relationship sounds very immature, on both parts. I think there is no hope, and I will tell you why. As much as I loved my ex ex, she cheated, therefor something happens in our brains, and I would NEVER take her back again. I love her and care for her, i'll help her but never go back. Too much risk. Besides that, I could never trust her again. Even today, she is in a relationship and is emotionally cheating on her current partner with me through facebook.....not good at all. And if truth be told, if I was her I would be convinced you would do it again. Sorry dude, thats just the way the cookie crumbles. You have to be asking yourself, how you can hurt someone you love that much....maybe it wasnt love...maybe you were just comfortable. Maybe you should just have kept your mouth shut and lived with that weight on your shoulders... So brotherman, im sorry to say, but it looks and sounds to me like it definately over. I know how she feels, and i know how you feel too, as my ex left me. Im gutted. But there was no cheating involvced which I think can open the door to reconciliation in the future.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I agree with Bear. Once someone cheats, there's this weird thing that happens that just changes everything. You never fully trust that person again. And honestly, it's torturous. Going through that is walking through hell. You're always thinking about it and wondering numerous things. Is she still doing it? Was that really the only time? What is she doing now? How did she feel while she was doing it? Will she do it again? But you're too weak, in love, and heartbroken to leave. As people often say, the hardest thing is walking away. And people like me stay and get used over and over again. Those were my questions and more, believe me. It was horrible. All day, everyday, worrying. Whether you'd do it again or not, you can't prove that. And she's going to be worrying all the time. You can't make her go through that. If it was one of those situations where you both wanted to commit and work things out, things might have. But if it was four months ago, it really is over. It seems as though you both need some growing up to do, too. No offense. You just need to work on personal problems (you mentioned your past, childhood). Also, if you really feel the cheating was a mistake and it would never happen again, prove it to yourself. Don't go back to her and try to show her that you won't ever do it again. Get better, figure yourself out and enter a healthy relationship. Then you can prove to yourself whether you are or aren't the cheating type.
Author Valedico Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 Thanks guys Wow so it really is over gor good ! I will never in my life cheat again thats for sure, we were talking about getting married ect. Ive never felt that way about anyone. The guilt is killing me now for all the thing i did to her...and now i have to live with the fact that she's going to marry someone else have kids with someone else...makes me sick to my stomach everyday now for four months! Its seriously affecting my health i cant get over her. I know i needed some serious growing up, and trust me i have done alot in the last few months. Do you guys think she was always planning on leaving me after the cheating happened? It all makes sense now she was just waiting for me to make a mistake again so she could leave me. I broke her i hate myself so much for that right now.
iBelieve In Symmetry Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Do you guys think she was always planning on leaving me after the cheating happened? No. Going back to when my girlfriend cheated on me, my answer is no. All I hoped for when I was in that situation is that she was truly sorry and loved me more than him, or anyone else. But the fears and the questions and the thoughts... they're so intense. They never leave you alone. And of course, my girlfriend isn't the most caring person in the world sometimes and she didn't even try to make me feel better. So that didn't help much. I think she was just confused. She wanted to be with you but the thoughts were just too much to handle.
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