bellamay Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I have been dating a man, 10 years younger than me for 3 years. We get along great, never fight or even bicker. He is there for me emotionally 100%. I have children, he does not. My kids tolorate him, and he tolorates my kids. (I will admit I dont have the best behaved kids). He gets very frustrated with them, alot, because they dont listen, are messy and are well, kids. His family is perfect. All the kids made honor roll, are involved in volunteer work and I think are not the normal family. Not everyone has perfect kids. My issue is he seperates his "family and friends life" seperate than my life with him. His parents know who I am and how long we have been dating. I am sure they want better for their son than an older divorced woman with kids, I cant say that I blame them. I see their point. However, I am never invited to his family functions or to his friends houses (I met his good friends once). I have invited his friends over for dinner and drinks, he says they are always "busy". I give up. I have told him that it does hurt my feelings that his family doesnt even acknowledge me. He says that he just doesnt think about it. I mentioned going out to dinner, just me him and his parents but he has yet to set it up. Its been over 21 year since I mentioned it (more than once) He just bought a house, and it seems that when his parents leave, he then calls and invites me over. I had a family tragedy recently and he dropped everything to fly out to where I had to go. He didnt even ask, he just came. His parents knew he came. I know he loves me and cares about me. His mother is a holly roller, very active with her church. What upsets me, is when my family member passed, his family (especially his mother) never acknowledged it. It would have ment so much just to get a sympathy card, but she didnt even do that. I feel like crap because I feel like I am his dirty little secret (allthough people know about us). When he runs into people, he never introduces me. Once in a store he turned right around to avoid seeing someone he knew. I questioned if it was because he was ashamed to be seen with me but he said no, he just didnt want to talk to that person. I am thinking about breaking it off, but he has done so much for me, I feel guilty. He really does care about me, and I for him. He has even mentioned marriage and possibly a child.....but not right now (im ok with that). I despratly wanted his mothers approval, I really respected her. Now, I really dont give a crap because I feel she could have acknowledged my pain, my sorrow. Am I being stupid? I guess I am just looking for someone to justify my feelings. Please dont be too harsh on me, I just lost my Dad and I am very emotional.
neowulf Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 First off, I'm sorry for your loss. It can make everything else in your life seem all the more real with that kind of pain running through you. I believe communication is possibly the single greatest tool in dealing with the kinds of concern you have. If you feel your boyfriend isn't treating you in a way that you find respectful, then sitting down with him and talking it through might be a good place to start. If you can make him aware of how deeply his behaviour is affecting you, you'll be in a good place to start planning ways of working through it. As for his family, that's a tough one. In my own relationships, I can say I've never really been accepted by my GF's family. I've been kept at arms length many times and gradually I learnt not to take it personally. Often these families are projecting things onto you. They may feel you're not good enough for their son. They may not respect you. Yet in the end, you're the one in the relationship not them. The only thing that should really matter is how well your BF stands by your side in all this. If he sides with you and supports you, then you can work through the issues with his family eventually. Even if it means accepting that you'll never really get along that well. However, if he refuses to stand by you or at least try to smooth things over, then you may want to consider the nature of his commitment to you. I believe couples should stand up for each other and be each others strongest supporters. I wish you luck in this. Its an all too common and difficult situation. I wish you all the best.
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