iand Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 After a year and 1/2 of fun, living together and i believe loving each other our relationship abruptly began crumbling down and ended up torn apart after she was arrested and charged with assault. The victim - me? I believe the issue for me was a lack of respect for me and control on her part? For me it was likely accepting way to much and not lose her. A gentle and soft person at home things changed very quickly socially on the weekends when she drank heavily and when she reached a certain level become arrogant, rude, trashy and somebody that nobody wanted to be around...she drank whiskey. After her best friend asked me at a party if i knew about her "dark secret" (was told she was schzophrenic), it raised my curiosity and i asked her about it. Wrong idea!!!! She flipped and our first real arguement ensued. Four days later, while heavily intoxicated again, she began insulting me..talking trashy and included our guest who was present...i suggested it was time to close the night down, stood up, flicked water at her from my fingers and told her "you're drunk - it's time to go home"...wrong again...she lashed out, fists clenched, striking me in the face...with her hands around my neck i grabbed our knapsack, her house keys and left... At 5am police called and asked me to make a statement at the division..following a 1 hour interrogation i was told she had been arested and was being charged with assault....bail restricted her from living, seeng or communicating with me..it's been 8 months. I worked hard...paid $3000+ for expenses we incurred together back to her..$3000 on a lawyer to advise me....countless meetings with crown attorney and police and her lawyer cutting a deal satisfactory to all parties..she has to do anger and alchol counselling and a peace bond..on June 16 all charges will be dropped and no criminal record...finally i am paying her legal bills of $8000. She's made no attempt to communicate with me...asks close friends about me often...won't respond to their questions about reconcilliation and all..i mean all of her belongings remain in the house despite a written request in december to remove them if she's not interested in reconcilliation? Everyhting remains? The boat is back in the water..she paid for the costs to do so and is enjoying it..alone..friends drop by but our friends say she isn't seeing anyone. She's living with her parents..not paying rent..food etc...she parks her car when going to the boat in our visitor parking to avoid $30 weekend parking fees... Have discovered outbursts with family have occured in her past..she had a fight with a sister and had her arrested for assault..argument with her father resulted in her being pushed through a plate glass window..spent a week at CAMH facility? Whew...i should be RUNNING!!!! But..i love her and have seen her wonderful side...it's some serious childhood wounds, recent and sudden loss of a sister and huge wounds with her dad and damm alcohol that she won't stop until its too late... Interested in opinions and thoughts as to what her strategy is? Why is everything she owns still here if she doesn't want reconclliation? Why the questions to friends about "is he dating?"..whats he doing?? etc. Is this a woman who simply not ready to let go and taking her time to decide? Is she playing me like a fool and using me..laughing while i spend the money and rescue her from her actions... Thoughts are appreciated and sorry for such a long preamble..sometimes it helps just writing it out? Confused
NopeNah Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Reminds me some what of my ex. We would host partys all the time where towards the end of the night her heavy drinking would bring a good time being had by all to me cutting things short. She would go off on a drunken rampage. Never physical but, very mean drunken words would be said to me and this infront of friends and family! Talk about embarassing! It got to the point that eventually we went from having 10-15 people over on any given weekend to it just being the 2 of us. No one wanted to be around her! To be honest, I didn't either. Its funny the events you forget when you're "heartbroken".. haha. For your own sanity and saftey RUN AS FAST AND FAR AS YOU CAN!!
Author iand Posted May 31, 2009 Author Posted May 31, 2009 Sounds exactly what happened with us...good times until that level was reached then BOOM..everybody started leaving as fast as they could..they like her being around but only until she gets to that moment when the demons take over and any class goes to trash...do you know if counselling helps?
NopeNah Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Sorry but, I'm not sure about the counseling as I did not make it that far. I moved out as soon as our lease was up. We still "dated" for the next 6 months until she found a replacment and broke it off. Now she's calling,texting,stopping by unanounced at my flat and places I frequent. Says she still loves me,wants to spend the night ,atempts to kiss,ect... Its truley comical at this point. She does seemed to have changed to a point. My fear is how long until it all comes back? I do know I will not put myself through that mess again! Ever! I think you should try and move on. It will be in YOUR best intrest! Also, I would not be paying her legal fees! She has brought this on herself and will not learn anything from it if everyone else is footing the bill..take care of yourself and good luck!
samspade Posted June 2, 2009 Posted June 2, 2009 A schizophrenic, an alcoholic, she assaulted you, and you're paying for her legal bills? Whew...i should be RUNNING!!!! This is the only thing you said that makes sense to me. Screw counseling. Get her out of your life. You are not going to solve her problems, and some counselor is not going to patch things up so you two can live happily ever after. Find someone who is mentally sound and not an alcoholic.
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