motive2002 Posted May 30, 2009 Posted May 30, 2009 So here it is. I'm back with a story I thought I'd never be telling. I just kicked my best friend of 20+ years out of my apartment. It started with J. She found me on MySpace. We went to prom almost 20 years ago.. she saw that I was single and looked me up. Since we started talking again, it was like instant fireworks! She was so into me, I was really amazed. It was like magic.. like how all new relationships start out. Well the sweet kindness, and sentimental feelings came to a screeching halt 2 weeks ago. See she was getting on with my best friend and roomate really well. For a while I didn't think a thing of it. I thought it was great that they could get along so well. BUt 2 Sundays ago I caught them chatting online... and they both lied to me about it. THey both say it was a chat about some relationship concerns she had with me.. and my friend said he was reassuring her.. but I had trouble with the fact that they had to sneak around and lie about it.. and that she couldn't just come to me. This ate on me the next morning... I went home sick from work. I couldn't get this gut feeling to go away. I get back to my place.. and they show up together in his car! I was supposed to still be at work. So I got upset. I asked them if there was something going on. They swore up and down that they were just running errands together. Just keeping each other company. The day after she went on vacation. Ever since the rift, she was becoming increasingly distant. SHe said she wasn't talking to my friend anymore... and I find that he's had at least a couple of texts from her. Another lie. Also in a weak moment, I checked my friends cell phone, and he had deleted all of his recent texts. Something to hide. The lies and deceit continued after she returned from vacation. Rather than take any time to talk to me, and try to work things out.. the first day she gets back she spends with him.. and they both lied about it.. again! Finally I said enough was enough. I told her I didn't want to speak to her anymore... and I asked my friend to move out. They just got all his stuff out. She had to help him move because he couldn't find anyone else. I wasn't there when they moved because I couldn't stand to look at either of them. I'm left with a tiny shred of doubt... that I was truly over reacting and I made a mistake.. but their continual deceitfulness tells my gut a completely different story. Here I am minus one girlfriend and one best friend
whichwayisup Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Sorry this happened to you. They shouldn't have lied..Not that it would have been easy to come clean and admit things from the start, either way it would have more than likely the same result. Minus a bestfriend and a girlfriend. None of this is your fault!
Flying Burrito Posted May 31, 2009 Posted May 31, 2009 Motive, reading this made my balls crawl. If your best mate of over 20 years can screw you over then who can you trust? One of my close friends hated my ex. They were polite (usually) for my sake but she knew he hated her and she knew that I knew he hated her. Years ago he said some harsh things about Ames to me and to some other friends of mine that eventually got back to her. When she found out, she chose to talk to him directly and told me what she did after. I never fully trusted her again for that. For the first time in years I thought about this today and wondered if that was a fatal error of sorts. Then I read your post just now and I have to wonder some more.
Author motive2002 Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 She kept texting me. It's as though cutting her off drove her crazy. Finally we agreed to meet tomorrow to exchange what's left of our things. She makes it sound like she wants to talk. I'm still pretty angry though. She said some not-so-nice things to me when I backed her into a corner about her behavior with my ex-friend. Ugh... I hate all of this.
CaliGuy Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 She kept texting me. It's as though cutting her off drove her crazy. Finally we agreed to meet tomorrow to exchange what's left of our things. She makes it sound like she wants to talk. I'm still pretty angry though. She said some not-so-nice things to me when I backed her into a corner about her behavior with my ex-friend. Ugh... I hate all of this. You don't need to meet her. Have her stuff boxed up and give it to a friend to take to her. You don't need this...
Author motive2002 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 I just got off the phone with her. She finally admitted that she was with my ex-friend and that they are in love. She picked him over me. He picked her over me. Words cannot come close to describe the way I feel now.
CaliGuy Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Motive, the best I can tell you is that it was not meant to be. I'm sorry about your friend as well. You'll make new ones and be happy. It just takes time. Focus on you, doing the things you love!
Citizen Erased Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I just got off the phone with her. She finally admitted that she was with my ex-friend and that they are in love. She picked him over me. He picked her over me. Words cannot come close to describe the way I feel now. I am so sorry motive...they are not good enough people to have you in their life sweetie. Not if they would do this to you. (((hugs)))
Ronni_W Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 She picked him over me. He picked her over me. Motive, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. It may sound trite and be unhelpful but...their choices do not make you "less than": You are the same lovable, important, significant and valuable person you have always been! It's their own karmic krap and life lessons that influenced their decisions and actions...but that has now 'activated' yours, of course. Sending hugs, and best wishes for your "good and permanent" healing.
quankanne Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 now that the truth is out, cut her completely off. You really don't need to hear anything more; her crap can be boxed up and left on the porch or in the yard for her to retreive. If it comes to it, call the cops and request an officer be present when she gets her stuff, tell him you're worried about retaliation. I feel for you, Mo, but as painful as it is, you know what? That's two less backstabbing jackasses to deal with. Karma has a way of biting people in the azz when they pull dirty moves on people ... mourn the loss of the relationship, but remind yourself that the sun always comes out after horrific weather, and that you will heal from this double whammy.
Author motive2002 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 Thanks for the responses. I'm running on zero hours of sleep. Finding out the truth was like a stab in the gut, even though I had suspected for long enough. It makes me sick
Author motive2002 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 This has been much harder for me to cope with than I expected. It's been one week of NC now. By NC I mean she isn't contacting me either (thank God). She was so beautiful and kind until she turned into a monster.. and he was a total jerk. It's gonna be a while before I find someone that does it for me like that again. I'm sad
LisaUk Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I'm so sorry this has happened to you. If it helps think of this, they deserve each other they are both selfish and think nothing of screwing over another person, may be one day, he will do it to her or vice versa! These types always come unstuck. You are better off without either of them and neither of them deserve any more of your thoughts.
mark982 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 it really hurts when your best friend stabs you like that.had it happen to me also. best it can offer is to keep busy,try not to dwell on it. good luck
CaliGuy Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 This has been much harder for me to cope with than I expected. It's been one week of NC now. By NC I mean she isn't contacting me either (thank God). She was so beautiful and kind until she turned into a monster.. and he was a total jerk. It's gonna be a while before I find someone that does it for me like that again. I'm sad Motive, this may or may not be comforting to you now but it's best that this has happened now and not in the future after having completely invested yourself in her. And it's become apparent to me at least that she wasn't who you thought she was or who she presented herself to be. It gets better bro, it really does. It's easy to say cheer up but I also know it takes some time.
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