nes9 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Okay so I met this girl 1.5 years ago and liked her from the start. I told her how I felt and she said she just wanted to "be friends." I should have walked away right then and there but I couldn't resist when she kept asking me to hang out. We slowly became very close friends, hanging out with each other exclusively, just not hooking up. About 2 months ago she calls me at 1 am to "talk." I go over and we started making out. The next day we started having sex and for 3 weeks we were dating/hooking up. Obviously I was head over heels for her as soon as we kissed, seeing as I had liked her for almost 1.5 years anyway. At the 3 week mark I came back to her apartment blacked out drunk and started saying mean **** to her i.e. "you're a ****ing bitch, you're ****ing annoying etc. etc." I obviously didn't mean a word I said, seeing as I was happy as ever that we started dating, and she did nothing to provoke an argument. I have absolutely no idea why those things came out of my mouth because she's not a bitch at all and she definitely isnt annoying. I was simply blacked out drunk and saying things that I didn't mean. The next day I was extremely apologetic and even ended up getting her a card with a sincere apology but she was insistent that "she needed the summer to think about things to see what she wanted." Basically, she broke it off with me. I got a tease of an awesome relationship to come and then had it yanked away from me after I royally messed up coming back drunk. I know we only were dating for 3 weeks, but I am absolutely devastated by this and have been for about a month now.... I feel like since it was only a 3 week thing I shouldn't feel so terrible... maybe its because I knew her so long beforehand? Its also not my first relationship, I had another girlfriend before for about 8 months and we broke up. The pain was nothing near this. Any advice/comments are much appreciated.
wow123 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 The time you dated doesn't matter. It sounds like you fell in love with her before you began dating. I think its normal. You'll get through it man hang in there.
Thomas X Forever Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Short answer: Alcohol isn't an excuse, yes you should feel that bad. Long answer: Alcohol isn't an excuse, yes you should feel that bad. Alcohol lets you express your sober thoughts. My psychological opinion would be you built up resentment towards her that it took that long to be with her.. perhaps passive aggressive, and the alcohol released it. No worries though, we all make these mistakes. You should feel bad for now, but not forever.
Author nes9 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Short answer: Alcohol isn't an excuse, yes you should feel that bad. Long answer: Alcohol isn't an excuse, yes you should feel that bad. Alcohol lets you express your sober thoughts. My psychological opinion would be you built up resentment towards her that it took that long to be with her.. perhaps passive aggressive, and the alcohol released it. No worries though, we all make these mistakes. You should feel bad for now, but not forever. I didn't mean should I feel that bad for saying those things when I was drunk, I meant should I be feeling depressed this long from the break up. And I must disagree with your alcohol comment. Alcohol isn't an excuse to an extent.... if you aren't completely blacked out. When people consume enough alcohol they can do/say anything and certainly not mean it. My brother once got blacked out drunk and said he was adopted... lets just say that couldn't be farther from true. And if I meant what I said to her, the next day I wouldn't have felt bad about what I said and I would have thought "well ya, I guess I do kind of think she is a bitch/annoying," which I didn't. Alcohol certainly can bring out sober thoughts in many cases, but it can also fabricate feelings that you don't have when you are sober.
lora22 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Alcohol is not an excuse. EVER. Also, this is probably beside the point, but you said you were "black out drunk." What this means is...you blacked out and don't remember anything. So...were you black out drunk and your exgf told you what you said/did, or were you really drunk but not blacked out? Because that would change things a little bit. Regardless, you need to find some way to work on your drunk anger issue (possibly the answer is simply not getting that drunk). This will only help you and your future relationships. That said...rejection, no matter the reason sucks, and in this case probably even more so because you know that you really screwed up. Also, since you fell for this girl way before you hooked up...blah blah blah...like the first response says; plus sounds like you may have lost a friend too, which is just as hard if not harder than losing a gf/bf.
Author nes9 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Alcohol is not an excuse. EVER. Also, this is probably beside the point, but you said you were "black out drunk." What this means is...you blacked out and don't remember anything. So...were you black out drunk and your exgf told you what you said/did, or were you really drunk but not blacked out? Because that would change things a little bit. Regardless, you need to find some way to work on your drunk anger issue (possibly the answer is simply not getting that drunk). This will only help you and your future relationships. That said...rejection, no matter the reason sucks, and in this case probably even more so because you know that you really screwed up. Also, since you fell for this girl way before you hooked up...blah blah blah...like the first response says; plus sounds like you may have lost a friend too, which is just as hard if not harder than losing a gf/bf. Yes, I was black out drunk and she told me what I said. I understand that alcohol is not an EXCUSE per se.... that being said, I don't believe that drunken words are always sober thoughts. I wouldn't go to a forum and lie about whether or not I thought she was a bitch and/or annoying. I said those things when I was drunk and I am saying right now that she is absolutely neither of those things. I also recognize the drinking problem; I used to black out quite frequently a couple years ago and toned it down until this event. Learned my lesson as this is the worst thing alcohol has brought me and will be going real light on the boozing once I feel happy enough to have a drink again.
Author nes9 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 I wish I could change the title of the post, it doesn't really matter if I should be feeling this ****ty or not. Point of the matter is, I do. I guess I'm just seeking more advice on how to cope with it. Ive been going in and out of serious depression some days that affects my ability to eat/go out/sleep/have fun/look for a job.
lora22 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 Yes, I was black out drunk and she told me what I said. I understand that alcohol is not an EXCUSE per se.... that being said, I don't believe that drunken words are always sober thoughts. I wouldn't go to a forum and lie about whether or not I thought she was a bitch and/or annoying. I said those things when I was drunk and I am saying right now that she is absolutely neither of those things. I also recognize the drinking problem; I used to black out quite frequently a couple years ago and toned it down until this event. Learned my lesson as this is the worst thing alcohol has brought me and will be going real light on the boozing once I feel happy enough to have a drink again. Well I wasn't trying to get into a discussion of whether drunk words are sober thoughts. I also don't think there's anything wrong with drinking/getting black out drunk or whatever...live and let live ya know...but when it affects your relationships...something needs to change. Just commented on that because I dated a guy for years that did exactly what you said to me...and I really wish he had gotten help sooner, or that I had been like your girl and walked way before I finally did. Anyways...the way you're feeling is completely understandable. Hang out with your friends. Get a hobby if you don't already have one. Just get out and do things to occupy yourself and your mind.
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