Emmortal Posted May 23, 2009 Posted May 23, 2009 It's been a while since I posted anything. Last time I did my ex found this place and read through my posts so I've been a little hesitant to come back, but recent events find me really needing some support. I'll try to sum up as best I can recent events but bear with me, a LOT has happened. From the moment I met her to this day I have been madly in love with this woman, the relationship burned hot between us from day one and never let up. If I ever find someone I feel like that for again I'll be a very lucky man. Unfortunately apart from the deal breaker that ended it, we just could not make it work. The emotional turmoil we both experienced during our time together was equally as intense as our passions for each other. Long story short, we separated about 6 months ago after living together for a year, there were numerous problems with the relationship but it ended with her lying to me about going out with her ex and me finding out about it. This wasn't the first time that she had looked elsewhere for 'something she wasn't getting from the relationship' Since that time we've been on again - off again including some NC time and then for about 2 months in March and April things were going well. We had spent some time apart and were actually really enjoying our time together, but taking it slowly and only seeing each other 2-3 times a week. We were having fun and honestly enjoying each without the pain that always seemed to creep into things. I wasn't kidding myself that this probably wouldn't go the distance, we want different things from life. During this time we were both planning our vacations and decided to just do it and take one together. I planned us a wonderful vacation in Costa Rica where we were going to spend 8 days. Booked the hotels but hadn't yet booked the flight as I was waiting on her putting some more cash onto my CC (she doesn't have a credit card and had only put part down for the hotels). 12 days before we're set to depart, she shows up at my door saying she can't do this and wants to cancel and says she can't be around me, that it hurts too much. After talking she leaves saying that if I still want to go she'll go because she said she would, but really, do I want to go away with someone who is only there because they said they would go? No I want to be there with someone who wants to be there with me, anything less is an insult. Anyways I slept on it, told he via email the next day that I will cancel the hotels, to which I received one of nastiest emails I've ever had to read, called he on her BS and she called me crying. We ended up saying goodbye to each other that night with all intents to go NC for a LONG while. I decided, after a few days of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, that screw it, I'm going on a vacation. I had just gotten a rather large cheque for some work I did and I had the time off, plus I hadn't ever really been on a full-out vacation beyond Canada/US. I started looking around at flights and hotels and booked a trip to Germany during the same time period I had already booked off. I didn't tell her as we were NC at the time, but the day before I was to leave she called me and the topic of the vacation time came up. I told her and she, at the time, seemed happy for me, or at least seemed okay with things. The next day I received an email demanding the money she had put down on my credit card for the hotels, which I was still waiting to be refunded to me, within a week of me getting back. And that was it, no response to my reply, no response to my happy mothers day email or the 2 emails I sent updating her (while I was on vacation) of when the refunds finally came through. When I got back I got an email saying it would be the last one I would get from her. She stated that I turned my back on her and that I was never a friend to her and could never be a friend to her until I get professional help (wtf!). And that was the last I heard from her, going on a week now. Now here I am, completely mystified as to wtf happened. We were parting ways yes, but it was for the best, it was amicable and we both knew that we loved each other and wished each other well. There was a sense of peace and closure to things and even though I missed her greatly, it was bearable. Now she's just turned to hate and anger and I am just having a really hard time dealing with this. I'm obsessing over things and I just can't stop it, I can't get her out of my head and I don't know what to do. I've been in a complete fog all day and it's been getting worse all week. I could really use some support here, I'm a complete wreck and need to shake myself out of it.
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