andy2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 we were together for more than 3.5 years without having any problem. she left me a month ago and sent the following mail. Since then she called only once and saying she missed me a lot, and now she switched off her cellphone. Guys what do you think after reading the following email: -- Dear xx, I am apologize that what I did today, I just want to stay at home for some moment( alone) to check my heart and feeling about you . The whole time that I stay with you I was always happy, you never let I bore with anything , and actually I did not bore with you and don’t have any man to change my feeling but I m not sure I still love you or not. I was thinking like this since many months but I was not sure I am so sorry. So, pls. give me time to think about this I don’t want you feel bad for me, and don’t want you lose your time with me if I really not love you now. Pls, forgive me I hope you will not angry and accept my decision , I will remember every our memories for whole of my life And pls, do not try to call me at this time when I am ready to talk then I will call you later. I really wanna relax my heart Thank you very much for everything
Excellent Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Pls, forgive me I hope you will not angry and accept my decision , I will remember every our memories for whole of my life Seems to me she has already made her descision. In any case, respect her wish, don't contact her at all. Go NC and jumpstart the healing process.
Author andy2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Author Posted April 25, 2009 Seems to me she has already made her descision. In any case, respect her wish, don't contact her at all. Go NC and jumpstart the healing process. do you think there is a chance she will back ?
Sonic_chaos Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 really cant tell. If she loves you enough and misses the good times she had with you. Then im guessing that she will try and get in contact with you again. The maybe take it slow and see where it ends up again. Time scale.. Never can tell. Sounds like she is very confused about her feelings for you. But i would defiantly respect her wishes by not contacting her, no matter the urge. This could actually kill it completely if you try on and on etc. My situation is similar as in the email, but not the no contact. She is very willing to keep contact and talk. But i have been keeping minimal only. I did go NC and she contacted me first within the week of the official break. I wasnt being ignorate so contacted her back. Im pinning my hopes on reconcilation at some point rightly or wrongly. But in the mean time, i am trying to heal best possible so i can give it the best possible shot if it comes or it doesnt. Only you can make the decision weather you want to wait and see, or just go and heal as much.. If i was in your situation with strict NC, id go ahead and heal its a safer bet. if she contacts you, then its a good start
hopesndreams Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 and don’t have any man to change my feeling but I m not sure I still love you or not. Do you think there could be a chance of another man in the picture? If the relationship was going fine and then all of a sudden she has a change of heart, this could be the possible reason, and instead of cutting it off clean with you she is going to leave you hanging until she finds out if it will work with this other man or not. Just a thought. Go NC, do not contact her in any way, shape or form. If you do contact her it will push her away further.
Art_Critic Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 And pls, do not try to call me at this time when I am ready to talk then I will call you later. You give her exactly what she wants.. pure unadulterated silence.. and long lasting silence on top of that... Check out this thread...Blue Chocolate sums it up fairly well http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2147447#post2147447 By the way.. If she doesn't have another guy in the wings ready to go I would be shocked...That doesn't mean she has cheated.. it just means she is sliding you out and him in...
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 And pls, do not try to call me at this time when I am ready to talk then I will call you later. I really wanna relax my heart Thank you very much for everything Shes trying to see some one else and not hurt or lose you in the process please let me translate for you from a women who use to be like this... And pls, do not try to call me at this time when I am ready to talk then I will call you later =Oh **** I cant have my ex around calling me and so on it might not go down well with Mr right now! I'll feed him some lame line so he wont totally give up hope so just encase that grass isn't as green as I thought he'll be ready to jump back in the saddle! I really wanna relax my heart = Gee I wonder how good Mr right now is in the sack great I'll have all the time in the word to find out safely now.. Relax her heart my big fuzzy *SS don't fall for a line like that.. lol..
EmperorR Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 I wouldn't be shocked if there is someone else in the picture, time after time I've seen it from my friends and even myself, people don't usually break up to "find themselves etc" more times than not there is someone else they are attracted to etc.
Author andy2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 1. So, pls. give me time to think about this 2. Pls, forgive me I hope you will not angry and accept my decision , I will remember every our memories for whole of my life 3. Thank you very much for everything above 3 sentences are contradictory to each other thats why I am so confused.
Art_Critic Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 above 3 sentences are contradictory to each other thats why I am so confused. To me they are not contradictory.. 1. So, pls. give me time to think about this 2. Pls, forgive me I hope you will not angry and accept my decision , I will remember every our memories for whole of my life 3. Thank you very much for everything 1. The nice way of saying leave me alone while I move on from you. 2. Let me go, I have already let you go 3. Goodbye. Sorry dude.. I know it hurts but you have to dust yourself off and move on from her.. One of the toughest things we do to ourselves after a breakup is ripping each sentence or thing they say or said in the last moments hoping they show some glimmer of hope but honestly when a breakup happens it happens for a reason. The best thing for you right now is to try not to contact her try to look at your future without her and someone new will pop in your life... Good Luck
PinkRibbon Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Sounds like she is gone. She made up her mind and did it the softest way she knew how. Not dumping you the hard way but letting you down easy. Sorry but I would seriously move forward without her.
Author andy2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 I could not understand why: 1. she is staying near to my location which is very far from downtown (her work) [know through her credit card statement] 2. she did not return my room keys. 3. she is still using same email ID (I know password) I am trying hard to move forward and maintain NC, but these above things create some hope.....should I
Ingenue Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Andy, I'm sorry you're feeling so horribly. You need to let your ex go, completely. Don't foster any hope. Even though her email may seem to contain contradictory statements, there aren't any. Speaking as a recipient of an email dump, I'll tell you that my ex of 5 years said pretty much the same things your ex did. There was the standard, "thanks for everything, I'll treasure the memories", "don't contact me until I'm emotionally ready to contact you", "accept my decision, it's final", "This subject is too difficult and emotional for me, and I'm not ready to really discuss this in person". Sugar coated or not, it all translates to the same conclusion. Whether she's using the same email address and you know the password, whether she's staying near you and whether she still has your keys doesn't mean anything. When we're fresh off the relationship, we always over analyze every action and inaction on the part of our exes. None of it matters. Your ex said what she needed to say in the email. Hope isn't worth your dignity. What the others have said is correct. She most likely has another fella lined up on the side who she's interested in. She doesn't want to jeopardize the new relationship by talking to you. What she did was cowardly. You're better off moving forward without her. You don't want a person who disrespects you and lacks any sense of common decency, in your life. You may love her, but the person you fell in love with is no longer there. She's a ghost and a memory. You deserve better than that
Juristhea Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 She's as good as gone, she just doesnt know how to convey what she really wants to say to you for fear of hurting you... I do suggest that you move on and start the healing already. I know she is.
Author andy2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Author Posted April 29, 2009 I sent an email to her about I have one good news to share with you. I did because I want to know if she still has feelings or curiosity. I got her short reply as :- I also miss you a lot. i don't know how long it will take for me. what is ur good news ? i hope u are fine. dont worry about me when I am ready I will explain. I don't understand now what is upto her or she is thinking about me. Before she used to switch off her mobile but now not. And she is checking her mailbox frequently 1-2 times a day. What I should assume of her reply. Should I reply to her ?
in_limbo Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 hey andy2009, i guess i'm more excited for you coz we're kinda on the same boat. just be cool... like she said, she's still not ready... just let her know what's up with you and wish her well... if she replies, then just keep the communication going but do not ask her out yet... i hope things work out for you!!!
Author andy2009 Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 Today 12th day: strict NC on 8th day of NC: she tried to call me about 20 times: sent two SMS, asking me to pick phone. And I did not. She said in SMS "she love me...don't want to lose me etc etc." I am stronger now...but same time I think in future I will miss her badly...
in_limbo Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 hey andy! that's great but how do YOU feel? i suppose when you're ready, you can contact her... have a good talk on how you two should work on your relationship... let her know how much she hurt you but you forgive her anyway... or maybe just start all over again...
Author andy2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 Thank you Limbo! I feel she started realizing that grass is not greener and she is confused. Actually I don't know exactly what is going on with her, but I am sure that she is totally confused. Otherwise she couldn't call me 20 times last week. It was her decision to leave me alone, then personally I think it is she, she should have to make decision finally to do anything. I do not believe in calling or texting in this situation because you can not see exact feeling same as when you are in front. Therefore I want, she just come to meet and talk. I think, listening her one time is not bad. Now for me, NC means only for healing, I do not assume that she will back one day. Today is my 15th Day of strict NC and I am feeling much better.
Owl Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 It sounded to me like she didn't want time to "relax her heart"...I'd honestly suspect she was exploring her options with someone else. Now she's trying to contact you...which means she eithe wants to keep you on hold as her backup plan...or it's already fallen through with the other guy, so she's coming to you as her backup plan. Either way, I'd suggest you focus on taking care of yourself, just as you've done.
boogieboy Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 Andy there are tons of threads on this message board that are the EXACT same situation, You should check them out. The result is always the same, with the same words. The girl wants to try someone new because somewhere along the line she lost her attraction to you. Since she didnt want to fix her problem with you by telling you where you went wrong, even if you get back with her, she WILL do it again, especially since you dont know what you might have done to turn her off. So know that even if you get back with her, she will still be looking for new men while she is with you. Do you want to live like that?
CaliGuy Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 do you think there is a chance she will back ? Right now? No. In the future? Maybe. The key thing is you need to move on with your life and whether she comes back or not should be on no consequence to you. If she really wants you, she knows how to find you. In the meantime, get busy with friends, hobbies, working out, etc. Remember, the more you desire a second chance, the less likely you are to get it because you will simply screw it up.
Author andy2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 All guys are too excellent here. They said correctly: She is into another man. I found it already. I suspect first but due to longevity of our love it was difficult for me to believe. Young girls are really idiot, now she knows that it was her mistake to select that man because things that this girl hate, this man likes. This man is addicted to alcohol, smoking and like to go pub etc. I am really happy to know, I am saved, I am not her backup anymore. These all things happened because I broke NC and I called her cellphone after long silence (18 Days of my strict NC) then this new man received phone. Then I could know that he was totally hang and mishandling her. She told me to forget her. I told her that it will take 40 years for you to forget me after having almost 4 years of such great love. I think now, my ex will hate me for what I did last night. But I am really happy, I am saved. Now I will move on without any problem :-)
CaliGuy Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Sorry, Andy. It's always better to find out the truth right away than later.
Author andy2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 Thank you CaliGuy. Actually 1.5 Month is still OK. I am happy that it did not take longer to know the Truth. I am just angry with myself, why did I begging her. I never beg for anything in my life. Now I have very bad feeling. Actually I can not control those feelings because it is straight coming to me. I can not just ignore it. I just want one day she come to me and beg and I will kick her out. I know it is negative thinking..but I just can not avoid to coming to me. Is it common ? How to avoid it ? one good thing now that one girl has affection towards me since 2 days ago. I really like her attitude....planning to date her. She is also miss city of this year.
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